almost 100$ have some sort of manic depression

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I don't know what I have, maybe it's nothing but >I've been having a hard time remembering stuff and I often daze off.
>The days drift without stopping it's weird it's not like it used to be
>nothing provokes emotion for me too much anymore, feel lethargic
> I don't think I'm losing my mind but I can feel a difference

Been going on for about 2 weeks.

>>27595813
how come? have you had a manic episode? have you had multiple manic episodes? what do you feel the primary motivation behind them was?

>>27595896
2 weeks is nothing. You're probably eating poorly desu. Get a few jogs and some vegetables into your routine and re-evaluate.

>>27595896

Is there some disorder for not being able to let go of mistakes I've made? I can't forgive myself for even the smallest of shit.

Schizoid
>don't "like" anyone
>prefer to always be alone
>human interaction seems pointless and frustrating
>easily make friends but slowly distance them

Been this way since I was born. Would probably be defined as a sociopath for some things I do.

>>27596144
Thanks for the advice my man

>>27595695
Go back to Tumblr. The only mental disorder you have is that your retarded

>>27596279
Everyone does that. They just did a study on rats and saw a receptor in the brain send negative signals to a central part more often in some rats.

Pay attention to when you are remembering those mistakes most often. If you are remembering them after similar interactions more often, you might just be trying to improve.

>>27596329
Yeah idk I've always hated everyone too. The two close friends I've had in life have moved to other states. Human interaction has to have some merits though I think, like you can learn stuff and see what others have accomplished thus far.

>>27596498
blow me faggot.

This isn't what you asked for, but it counts as being vaguely related to a mental disorder. I was diagnosed with PTSD because of minor bullying that I barely remember.

I have seriously self-diagnosed myself with every single mental disorder I have come across. I know I can't possibly have all of them, but the fact that I've thought I had them has to indicate I have something, but I'm not sure what.

Definitely some sort of depression, maybe more, idk

symptoms:
>have had suicide thoughts since I was 8 (currently 19)
>constant mood swings
>feel like life is completely pointless
>video games no longer work as my escape from reality, turned to drinking and getting completely smashed a couple times a week
>sleep way too long
>barely eat
>constantly fantasize about dying, fall asleep every night dreaming about getting cancer or some weird shit

I've never seeked help or told anyone else, but recently I've been waking up in the middle of the night and I'm hallucinating weird shit and it's starting to creep me the fuck out.

Alright you guys diagnose me, cause I never really cared.

>have emotions to silly things
>never had a crush or felt something for a woman
>I had a car accident a person died
>I was sent to a therapist and she told me I did not suffer any PTSD and was signed off after two meetings
>I find it hard to believe anyone has any feelings to something, especially if they say it
>had sex once a long time ago just out of curiosity
>prefer jerking off to milfs than actually fucking them

Bonus probably irrelevant:
>I have the same recurring dreams ever since i was 15
>still dreaming them 10 years later

>>27596655
Sounds like depression. The eating and sleeping things are perpetuating themselves

Almost positive I'm schizotypal, maybe mendelsohnn's. Experts don't even agree on whether mendelsohnn's exists so I'm a little skeptical. I can't go around diagnosing myself without doubt. I can't into anyone but myself, though I can feign it well. Think people have a really hard time figuring me out too even though I'm one dimensional as all hell.

God do I ever love to talk about myself, it's all I know. I am so fucking self absorbed. I don't even know where to begin, feel like it permeates me to the core. Let's see

>ruminate about homicide
>wish for death with every fiber of my being, even though I'm well aware of how grave it is. It's almost like it isn't real.
>think in absolute circles or not at all, one track mind
>Overly suspicious, convinced people are gaslighting me even when it's clearly ludicrous
>can't live with guilt, deny the hell out of it

It's only the beginning, every day I learn new intricacies.

>>27596279
Can't think of a disorder but I can tell you it's not healthy, after a certain point you have to let go or you're beating yourself up without valid reason

>>27596619
Hypochondria.

>>27596871
Well I obviously know I have hypochondria, but I think there has to be something else wrong with me as well.

>>27596655
won't are you hallucinating? are the hallucinations always coming when your sleep is interrupted?

>>27596739
what are the dreams like? how many are there?

>>27596849
are far do these ruminations go? why is your self absorption related?

>>27596907
The rumination never stops, it's not that deep but it's perpetual. It gets tiring. It's not necessarily related, just one of the few things I can point out about myself.

All and all I'm just not quite right, and I can't feign it for long. I was probably never fooling anyone in the first place.

http://www.celebritytypes.com/global-style/test.php
This is a long test and the results are probably stupid, but I think it's pretty interesting

>>27597034
sorry, for got to explain it

It's a test that determines your likelihood to have certain disorders

>>27597020
but like what does a homicidal rumination entail? I don't really experience them outside of wanting to punch the random faggot in the face.

What are you fooling people about? that you're not narcissistic when you actually are?

Even just today I've felt like I've "snapped" in a way
>A month into working morning shifts
>Involves dragging myself out of bed in the freezing cold at 4:30am 6 days a week.
Let it be known I absolutely despise mornings, can't change shifts to afternoons otherwise I lose my job
>Meet girl who trains me
>Fall for her over the 2 weeks
>Changes shifts to afternoons no sweat, no issues from management
>All so she can work with a 16 year old manlet chad who is going to plow her in 2 days time. She's 3 years older than him as well.
I found out today and idk why, but after some deep sulking and a teary eye I feel great. This doesn't happen I should feel absolutely devastated but I've felt really upbeat the entire day and I can't explain it

I've actually felt like I've lost my mind. Hell even my coworkers thought I just broke into a manic episode after I found out. But I don't feel crazy, I don't feel the crippling depression (which is great don't get me wrong). This isn't the reaction to expect desu.

Then again insane people have no awareness of their insanity...

>>27595695
think i have meme depression
>can't get thru a day without wet eyes
>listen to sad music a lot
>wonder if I have any right to say i'm depressed
>hope i'm not faking it
>hope i'm not conjuring it
>if i am conjuring it i don't care
>try to think about sad stuff so i can kill myself
>think about suicide
>put head in belt a few times and tried to do partial suspension, but never follow through
>tell myself i must not be as sad as i say i am
>think about ordering deep web market gun

except
>fully aware of "depression"
>don't feel particularly more useless than I always have
>but would be inclined to say i'm ugly af
>not sure if i want to be happy anyways
>other stuff

don't know why i'm still debating it sometimes desu senpai, but it's really easy to say "Well fuck you, you self-loathing asshole. You're fine right now, so you must be alright"

>>27596907
the hallucinations are really hard to describe. Maybe "hallucination" isn't the best way to describe it because I don't actually see things, rather my entire state of mind seems to be off. For example one night I woke up and became extremely paranoid that bugs where trying to crawl up into my bed and I sat there freaking out thinking about how to kill them all. Then eventually my mind just sorta clicks back into reality and I usually just sit there wondering what the fuck I was just thinking.

>>27597109
Vanity =////= Narcissism

To put it simply it means when people wrong me I want to kill them. I'll never go through with it. The whole notion is ridiculous, I bleed salt.

>>27597132
>falling in love with a girl in two weeks
even if you spent every day with her I say no. Why are you so convinced this prick is going to fuck her if he's so much younger? you ever ask for her number or would that be inappropriate?

>>27597148
I want you on my team in the upcoming bug apocalypse.

classic symptom of anxiety though. people who do meth sometimes become convinced theres ants crawling in their skin. your heart is beating too fast for you brain to even figure out what the fuck is going on. try out weed and xanax in moderation.

>>27597214
In truth I have worked with her much longer, usually in the first 2 hours of my shift before she leaves. So I've known her for almost a year. And yeah 4/5 days I was working she was in charge of training.

Regarding the fact I know. Her best friend told me shes after casual sex with him. 16 year old cunt bragged about it nonstop the past couple of days. On top of all that I'm going on a 5 week vacation in 3 days so I don't expect my efforts to work (planning to see if she wants to do something when I get back, idk if its worth it though)

>>27595695
i don't know much about mental disorders but something's wrong with me and i daren't leave the house or get help except for working night shifts in isolation

i frequently take prescribed pills not intended for myself, predominantly double/triple doses of 45mg mirtazipine and double doses of quetiapine

don't think it's worth going into all the detail when it'll likely get read by no-one

>>27597034
Here's mine
14%NARCISSISTIC
0%ANTISOCIAL
0%HISTRIONIC
57%DEPENDENT
14%SADISTIC
57%COMPULSIVE
42%NEGATIVISTIC
85%AVOIDANT
100%DEPRESSIVE
57%MASOCHISTIC
57%BORDERLINE
0%PARANOID
71%SCHIZOID
100%SCHIZOTYPAL
42%HYPOMANIAC

>>27597034
14%NARCISSISTIC
28%ANTISOCIAL
0%HISTRIONIC
100%DEPENDENT
0%SADISTIC
42%COMPULSIVE
85%NEGATIVISTIC
100%AVOIDANT
100%DEPRESSIVE
100%MASOCHISTIC
100%BORDERLINE
42%PARANOID
71%SCHIZOID
85%SCHIZOTYPAL
28%HYPOMANIAC

i don't understand these results
this is me >>27597318

>>27597310
sounds worth it. out nigger that little punk and yolo your way right in. you have nothing to lose from getting the number and trying a little text flirting right?

>>27597491
what you actually feel would've been read. 105 questions to pump out 15 buzzwords is too much for me.

where do you get the pills? why do you not dare to leave your house, like what exactly do you fear beyond simple faces and other personalities.

>>27597558
Honestly. That's the best motivation I've had regarding this situation all day.

You know what. I'll promise you I'll try. I'm in a meeting with her in a couple days, just go straight up and ask if she wants to do go karting or some shit like that. She loves stuff like that

>>27597763
don't promise me faggot. as far as I know you're just a figment of my imagination.

>>27597861
Imagination? Don't be ridiculous.

I'm actually a 45 year old NSA agent violently stroking my dick right now.

>>27597993
>there probably are NSA agents assigned to monitor 4chan at 3am
>they very well could have their dicks out
what happened to muh country?

>>27598049
Allahu Snackbar paranoia and the fact that most electronics have a wireless connection that can be exploited by anyone with the correct resources and manpower. Usually held by the government and gladly paid for by chumps like ourselves