>went to relatively prestigious UK Grammar School
>many years previously, someone smeared shit all over one of the toilets
>became known throught the school as the poo bandit
>school never found out who it was, he slowly transitioned to a school legend
>tale was passed down by students and staff for years
>becomes a well known in joke within the school
>be me
>in year 11 (16 years old)
>bought a 12 pack of special brew on the weekend, consumed nothing but them Sunday and had some left over on the Monday
>decide fuck it and chug a couple between lessons
>drunk, but not enough that it's obvious
>rumbliesinmytumblies.webm
>excuse myself from lesson, head to toilets
>for some ungodly reason thought it would be a good idea to shit on top of the closed toilet seat
>a HUGE pile of fucking rancid black soft shit comes out
>I lift the lid, squishing it against the wall and hiding it
>go back to class
>nothing comes of it besides me hearing some teachers talking about it the next day
>realize I got a massive rush out of doing it
>buy more special brew and binge the day beforehand to get the nastiest possible shit
>start to re offend
>shit in sinks
>in urinals
>even shat in the toilet brush holder and mushed it up with the brush so that when someone went to clean my shit off the toilet the brush would also be covered in shit
>this went on for a few weeks, people are talking
>accusing people of being the new poo bandit becomes a common insult
>rumours start about members of staff
>headmaster holds an assembly and tells us that if anyone knows anything about it they should come forward
>goes on about how he can't even imagine what kind of mental illness would make someone do something like this
>only drives me further into depravity
>plan my biggest hit yet
(cont.)
(This is all 100% true, I'm sure most people won't care but I really wanted to tell this to somebody, even if it's anonymous)
>a well-endowed incubus will never come to fuck you
>>27539383
Hurry the fuck up and post I have other threads to lurk in and shit post
(cont.)
>drink a 12 pack of beer and a gallon of milk the day prior
>wait until just after school, people still milling about but relatively empty
>go to toilets in brand new state of the art building
>anyone could have walked in at any time, but that's what gave me the rush
>my shit is pretty much completely liquid, so I can squirt out and pinch off neat little salvos as I please
>Leave a pile in every urinal, every sink, and smear all over toilet seat and lid
>now for my piece de resistance
>Use tissue to gather a handful from the toilet lid
>use it to write, in massive 2-3 foot tall letters of thick black shit, "THE POO BANDIT STRIKES AGAIN NIGGERS" along with a giant jizzing dick on the wall of the toilet
>admire my work
>wipe ass
>stick shitty paper to wall and leave
>next morning
>called into headmasters office
fuck
>op is a retard and doesn't know to pretype his stories
>>27539451
Did they slap that little penis you got with a ruler for being a massive faggot
>>27539451
CCTV, right?
Or maybe they just recognised your shit handwriting.
>>27539451
PLS CONT. BLOXBLOXBLOXBLOX
>absolutely terrified, no idea what to do
>think that if I just tell him that it was already there when I went to the bathroom it would be fine
>get there
>"now I know this is a rather large accusation, but we have reason to believe that you might have been behind the recent string of incidents"
>my anus clenching could have formed diamonds
>asks me for my story
>say it was already there when I went in, I just didn't tell anyone because school was over
>tells me that he was up last night watching the CCTV and only me and the smartest, most responsible teachers-pet-ish kid went into that toilet that afternoon
>he went in before me
>they already asked him about it
>he said it wasn't there
fuck
>I'm terrified, assuming I'm gonna have my parents called in and the book thrown at me
>he never gets visibly angry, just looks disgusted, can't look me in the eye
>tells me that if anything happens again the school will contact my parents and press charges
>but the school would rather not be forced to do that
>tells me only he knows and that he won't tell anyone else if I swear it will stop and I get mental help of some kind
>I thank him, nearly in tears
>gives me the number for the NHS mental health helpline
>never used it lol
That was basically it. It was made a lot worse by the fact that I had classes with him, he still could never really look me in the eye and it was hard to keep a straight face when friends asked me if I thought he seemed to dislike me
Sorry if the ending could have been more interesting, just wanted to get it off my chest
Still have no idea why I did it, I'm currently in Uni and seriously considering doing it again. There are a couple of toilets on campus with no nearby cameras that I'm pretty sure would be a safe bet.
>>27539588
Whereever there are toilets, the poo bandit will be there.
You can't give up that noble calling, anon. Continue to smear. For truth, justice and the american way.
>>27539588
>tells me only he knows and that he won't tell anyone else if I swear it will stop and I get mental help of some kind
Based. He understood that people like you are supposed to remain legends, it's just not the same when everyone knows who it is.
If you start doing it again make damn fucking sure you don't get caught this time. Know when to quit.
>>27539588
Come to think of it, he never even mentioned the "NIGGERS" part, which is surprising because here I've known people who've been suspended for singing "black and yellow" at a negress with a yellow coat. I can only assume he just wanted me out of his sight as soon as possible.
>>27539633
>american way.
Fuck off yank
Your headmaster was probably used to it, given the UK is virtually overrun with Pakis that shit all over the ground like their Indian boyfriends. He's probably watching his wife get pounded by a group of muslims right now and calling the police to turn himself in for not prepping them properly for her.
>>27539383
>the demon's penis is complete
Cutfags btfo lol
>>27539383
Damn I want to suck that devil's cock to be honest with you guys
>>27539695
Actually, the vast majority of the school was white, with a few oriental asians.
There were a load of foreigners in the area, but where we were it was mostly slavs,
>>27539451
>so I can squirt out and pinch off neat little salvos as I please
fucking lol
Thank you for the tale OP, I knew there was a reason I still came to this place.
>>27539731
Shut the fuck up you bongfaggot, I don't want to hear your excuses. You should be on your knees getting a paki ready to pack your twinky boyfriend too.
>oi guvna you fancy a cheeky snog?
Why do bongs sound like such faggots the moment they open their disgusting mouths? You should be thanking an American for fixing English and making it sound like something other than a weird bird squawking for cock.
Better hurry off for teatime or whatever the fuck bongos do around this time; if the Queen finds out you're posting on a racist American board that represents freedom of speech, you might get a cheeky time out for the rest of your life inside of Big Ben, where they keep all the naughty wankers.
>>27539849m8 ill smear shit all over ye i swear on my mum
>be OP
>made myriad discussion and feels threads in the past
>all get 0-3 posts and get deleted in minutes
>first post to make it to front page was my poo bandit tale
I don't know whether to be disappointed or proud
