Why am I so scared by pretty girls? Even in absolutely non strictly-social interactions like going to buy lunch in a cafe.
>barista is male
no problem interacting with him, even hold conversation if happens
>barista is a girl I don't find pretty
no problem interacting with her, even hold conversation if happens
>barista is a girl I find pretty
immediately turn into a spastic 9yo retard with autism
WHY?! What's the friggin' mechanism behind this?!
for you, pretty actually means fish instead of the usual slightly diminutive term for beauty
you think they are a fish and so you are taken aback and frightened
>>27528285
She seems like a better person than you are so you get nervous I guess. Like when someone talks to their boss for the first time.
It's slightly intimidating.
I'm the same way. I'm not a smooth talker, but I won't just mumble everything except around a pretty girl. I really hate that it happens, but it happens.
>>27528285
>WHY?! What's the friggin' mechanism behind this?!
basically just hormones, and when they hit you since you aren't completely secure with your looks and/or personality you start dropping spaghetti. try working out or taking up a sport, improve your diet, anything that will make you feel more secure or in control of the situation and it won't happen.
>>27528296
What the heck is this even supposed to mean
>>27528309
>boss
>better person
Lol you must be a NEET
>>27528285
because you're trying to keep what really wants to come out of your mouth hidden. speak your mind more often and you will see this problem slowly dissipate
>>27528315
>try working out or taking up a sport, improve your diet, anything that will make you feel more secure or in control of the situation and it won't happen.
I did already, even had a thread about this sa couple of days ago. I used to be a fat half-ugly social retard. I worked pretty hard to change my look. Now I'm just a decent-looking social retard, and nothing changed if not for the fact that now everything is even worse.
>>27528337
Because this >>27528335. More specifically: you want to have sex with them and that makes you overly conscious.
>>27528399
>you want to have sex with them
Actually I'd just want to kiss and cuddle them. Sex disgusts me. Is that the same?
> qt redhead stands next to me at the bus stop
> get the same feeling I get while playing Outlast
Why was I born this way ?
>>27528467
>playing Outlast
well some people come to life retarded. it just happens.
OP, I can explain this situation perfectly. As you know, the feeling of anxiety is caused by the limbic system attempting to protect your safety. It is instinct.
Go to a tall building and look off the balcony. Notice the intense anxiety you feel as you look down? That's your brain protecting you. If you didn't feel that intense anxiety, you might not realize that jumping off could kill you. Well, obviously everyone knows that heights kill, but even very dumb small children have that same fear of heights even if they've never seen or heard of someone dying from falling.
This brings me to the anxiety you feel upon seeing an attractive girl. In early humans, if a male tried to approach very attractive girl, that girl's alpha boyfriend could come around and beat him to death with a rock. As you know, early humans did not have morality, so when they felt intense jealousy when another male was near his gf, the chad caveman would chimp out. However, this is just a theory.
>>27528467
For a minute i saw a ginger bearded man with war jungle face markings and the wrinkle being the mouth.
>>27528513
>even very dumb small children have that same fear of heights even if they've never seen or heard of someone dying from falling.
how? I'm no evolutionary expert
BTW thanks for your post man, I chuckled
>>27528428
It's the same principle.
>>27528571
Oh, ok. How do I stop doing that? It's very annoying. But I can't stop being attracted by girls I consider very pretty.
>>27528533
No problem, it's actually legit, look up evolutionary biology and the purpose of the limbic system. Granted no one can actually confirm how life was like in early humans nor can we truly dissect the brain to fully understand it. Every single human has fear of heights, fear of talking to attractive women works on the same instinct, self-preservation. As you know, rejection (in many people's opinions) can cause a huge decrease in percieved social status. Same reason we try to dress well, comb our hair, etc. Humans have always instinctively cared greatly about social status because it often determined our survival.
>qt girl at my class
>Was too shy to talk to her
>However, she barely talks to anyone at the class
>She's also foreign exchange so she might not have much friends
>Think to myself maybe she's a good one to ask out
>next day, see her hitting the gym with other girls and some Tyrones
>Keep walking away dying a little inside
>>27528671
but what about the ones who are not afraid at all of talking to girls? Evolution was different for them?
>>27528285
>you'll never be attractive enough to make men nervous around you
>>27528602
This is why I say you guys are on the wrong path and the longer you're on it the harder it is to come back. And you will want to come back, ha.
You will have to immerse yourself around sexy girls for a long time before you feel normal. It will take a decade probably
>>27528671
>Every single human has fear of heights
I don't think so, my mum is afraid of heights and we all joke about it
not that I want to fall from a great height but I also don't want to get stabbed but it doesn't mean I'm afraid of knives
>>27528692
>It will take a decade probably
I'm 35. I don't have that much time.
>>27528671
How can it be legit? There must be guys out there who don't feel nervous around pretty girls, because of evolution then? Oh wait, yeah that's me
>>27528704
My method is to imagine how she would reject me if I asked her out. Use that imaginary cruelty to fuel your hatred. It will eventually overcome the attraction, and you'll be able to interact with her normally.
>>27528726
this is actually the most retarded thing I've read all day...
>>27528704
>>27528692
Also, stop masturbating, exercise, eat well, stop taking drugs and alcohol, stop going online, all the usual stuff, learn pua
>>27528702
>>Every single human has fear of heights
>I don't think so, my mum is afraid of heights
and this is why /r9k/ is just a sad house full of retards
>>27528285
Im not afraid of pretty girls because I know I dont have a shot. So I can talk to them well. It's the average/attractive girls that I'm bad with. If it seems like the girl likes me, I'l lavoid her because I jhave no clue on how to have a relationship or date or anything. I mean, Im pretty sure most of us are 20+ yr old virgins, so yo uget it.
>>27528737
I read it in Elliot's memoir, tried it out, and it worked for me. YMMV.
>>27528743
read >>27528337
>learn PUA
aaand opinion discarded. have a good day in middle school.
>>27528744
I'm saying the rest of my family isnt afraid of heights and its weird to us that its a big deal to her, sorry your autism couldnt pick that up
>>27528744
I think youre the retard here.
She's being made fun of because no one making fun of her fears heights. They think its a silly thing to be a afirad of, hence the ridecule
>>27528777
>>27528784
>fear something
>getting laughed at for that
that sounds like a pretty shitty family
I'm not afriad to talk to pretty women.
In fact a lot of them annoy me.
It just gets harder and harder to interact with the ones I have feelings of attraction for and I start distancing myself from them.
Probably just too afriad to go that route. People actually knowing me.
>>27528688
They had it intensely as well
Until they realized- "Hey wait a second, there's nothing to be afraid of"
Same principle with being in a car, or going up some stairs, or sleeping in a quiet dark room alone, or skipping school/ failing class/ dropping out.
It's all caveman genetics that helped us survive.
>Fast moving objects/ platforms/ being slightly out of control directly
>Ascending too quickly on a surface and risking losing your balance/ falling
>Animals in the dark sneaking up on you
>Not being approved of by the pack and banishment
That's why Chad tells you to "be yourself", because yourself is a fucking idiot who will stumble, but once you realize it's not really a problem and we're an advanced society that doesn't ape the fuck out over shit like that, your brain clicks and goes "Wait, this isn't a real threat"
Obviously sex is more intrinsicly linked to the human psyche, and your subconscious puts a lot of thought into it. It's like being afraid of looking in mirrors after you've seen a horror move playing that gimmick. Except your brain runs that horror movie "behind the scenes" all the time until you pull the rug from out under it, and shine a light in there.
Yeah. A lot of your life has been dictated by shit like this. All of your life, actually, and everyone else's.
>>27528755
What's wrong with pua, Can you walk into town and feel confident you can have a good conversation with a stranger, make a new friend even? I can, its fucking great, I don't even need friends I'm so awesome. Thank god I'm not lonely anymore and the extent of my social life isn't a screen. You can laugh but its really self improvement times 10000
The hardest part is eyes. No matter where you look, it feels like you're doing something wrong. Eye contact and I feel like she thinks I'm flirting, and anywhere else feels weird to me.
>>27528798
Alright retard, its obviously in good fun.
>>27528602
Not him.
For me what worked to stop being socially awkward around women in general, is by assuming no woman would want to ever be my gf (or have sex with me). Accepting this notion as fact, and with it only approaching or talking with women for the sake of befriending them or other standard things (like talking to a pretty female barista as per your example) without any ulterior motives, hopes, wishes, or anything, allowed me to get rid of all the free spaghetti I gave to women.
What also helped was reminding myself that personality is much more important than looks (to me at least), so the gender of the person I'm interacting with is not important with the intent of getting to know and possibly to befriend people.
As others mentioned, find something about you that you think is pretty decent/good and worth having at least a neutral - preferably positive - self-image for. Work out, take up a sport/craft/skill you can be passionate about, look at what personality traits you like in other people and work on having them yourself, etc.
>>27528814
This is insightful, definitely worth being mentioned more on this board as a mechanism on how to approach changing your state of mind to actually allow oneself to get out of the comfort zone to improve and such.
>>27528688
>>27528702
>>27528722
Alright let me elaborate a bit. Almost every person (sans a few cases, like psychopaths or those with brain damage) feels at least a bit of anxiety when standing on a 10-foot building and looking down at the ground from it. That anxiety serves the same purpose when talking to women, although it's to protect your social value which indirectly protects your survival chances (ie if you sperg out at every job interview, you won't get hired, thus you can end up starving and dying.) Chads certainly have a much easier time talking to women but I really do believe they feel anxiety, even if slight, when walking to approach and begin a conversation with an attractive woman. Granted most of this is conjecture that obviously can't be proven (like most concepts in psychology) but it's by far the best explanation I've heard for approach anxiety.
>>27528862
It's about a change of state. Being "used to" certain dangerous situations. Think of driving for instance.
People are more comfortable continuing their current agenda. The internally most uttered phrase is:
"It's not worth the trouble"
This avoidant personality is linked to irrational fears that haven't been disproven enough. If we actually sat down to rationalize why we won't do something, "it's not worth the trouble" is 9/10 times the answer. Because at the root of it, the fear is something unsubstantial.
Pretty girls don't need to pretend to be nice. They will be brutally honest and it's gonna hurt baby robot
>>27528814
>>27528952
You're exactly correct, I'm glad you posted in this thread otherwise I would have just sounded like a tinfoil hatter with my evopsych theories. Becoming accostomed to it is key, just like with driving. We operate five-thousand-pound machines that can kill us in an instant, all of us remember the intense anxiety upon beginning to drive. Sadly talking to attractive women is a much harder fear to overcome, but exposure certainly helps along with self-improvement which (hopefully) brings positive feedback cycles. And you're exactly right about avoidant personality, myself and likely most other robots suffer from that.
>>27528993
>And you're exactly right about avoidant personality, myself and likely most other robots suffer from that.
No- EVERYONE suffers from it. It's instinctual. It's for our own survival- at least it's supposed to be.
Niggers scared of math and pools
Whites scared of niggers and alleys
Women afraid of not being validated
Chinese people afraid of upsetting their boss
People just don't realize we have the power to say "fuck it, it's not a big deal" and push through shit. We develop frameworks in our minds without our own consent, justify them/ ground them deeper, and never second guess them/ think of uprooting them, or WORSE... GOING STRAIGHT AGAINST THEM!!!
So yeah. Proving yourself wrong should be a sport for modern man. At least as long as you want to evolve beyond the norm.
>>27528329
He said for the first time, pretty soon you realize they aren't better.
>>27528285
control your mind and cease finding the "pretty" girls pretty. Then you can have a convo with them and look alpha as fuck.
basically, dont give a fuck
>>27528315
I did this, it doesn't make you feel any better.
You just start thinking everyone is inadequate.
