>have been reassuring myself I'm better off alone lately
>telling myself I don't need a woman
>happy with this
>11:30 PM, go to gym because no one will be there
>work out
>stop at gas station on the way home to get some diet coke
>pay with a 5, get a dollar back
>go back to car
>take out wallet, start putting dollar in
>notice it smells like perfume
>immediately break down crying because I haven't even spoken to a female in months
I just wish I had a sister or something. Romantic relationships aren't right.
I can't imagine having sex. The pressure of performing when I have anxiety and have never had sex before, the fact that even if I was good she could still leave me, and... honestly, it goes beyond that too. I'm too detached from my physical body to probably even enjoy it. All I can honestly imagine feeling good is hugs and cuddles. But women want a guy who will fuck them and keep sex interesting. I guess that's why I fantasize about having a sister. The idea of sex is almost disgusting to me. Only in fantasy is it bearable but in real life it's alien and weird. I just want love and connection.
If a really cute girl asked to fuck me right now I wouldn't really want to. Even if I managed to do well and enjoy it, I'd feel like an animal. My mind has diverged too far from that side of me. I've transcended my supposed nature. Only in my writing can I create a love pure and genuine enough to fill even a sliver of my soul. I hope to hell there is an afterlife, a heaven, a paradise, where there more than base desires transpire. My soul yearns for so much more than the cheap opiate of the masses. I'm saving myself for more than marriage of the body. I'm saving myself for marriage of the soul.
>>27503204
>If a really cute girl asked to fuck me right now I wouldn't really want to. Even if I managed to do well and enjoy it, I'd feel like an animal.
This is really odd. You found my thread, and it says very little besides that I just want a sister, but you read my mind. All of that stuff really, exactly how I feel. I'm glad it's not just me.
I really don't think I could function in a romantic relationship. My abandonment issues are too powerful. My mom, told the story many times, but alcoholic, abusive, barely ever saw her. It ruined me.
Romantic relationships seem to give and take. They're not pure love. They're not unconditional love. They're fundamentally based on attraction. They aren't for me.
I have this persistent and unhealthy fantasy where I tell myself this girl is my sister, where if I masturbate I imagine it's her helping, but never sex or anything that graphic, it's too intimate, too much physically. I pretend she's holding me at night, I'm lying my head on her, I talk to myself as if I'm her. That smell, I have the dollar with me and I can't stop smelling it. It smells so beautiful. It's how she would smell.
These issues just can't be reconciled. It's not even about finding the right woman, even the "perfect" woman is not perfect unless she loves me unconditionally, fully, like a family member.
It isn't right. I'm not right.
see the problem is that a 'romantic relationship' as you call it is actually a life-long partnership, where eventually you get much closer with that partner than even your own blood-family. It sounds like you're just afraid of the initial part of a relationship... but they change and morph, depending on what fuel you give them. And they take work. After a certain amount of time, love is a decision, a commitment.. not just an infatuation. And that love CAN become unconditional if you work at it.
And also, don't drink diet coke.. Don't drink any soda. It may not be real sugar, but your body reacts to it the same way. (spiking insulin and making you fatter)
>>27503069
I'll be your sister.
>>27503494
>where eventually you get much closer with that partner than even your own blood-family
Maybe it's my inexperience, but I really don't think this is true. I am very close with my family, a brother and a father. They understand me, my brother grew up with me, even when things go unsaid we both agree with each other and know what the other is feeling. There is a closeness that comes from a familial bond, especially with a sibling, that cannot be replicated. You are of the same blood, of the same genes, of the same upbringing, so you come up with an inherent and intrinsic understanding of them.
I will keep the tip in mind, thank you friend.
>>27503534
It doesn't work like that unfortunately.
>>27503069
I'll be your sister lonely robot. Femanonthrowaway123@gmail is my throwaway contact info.
Talk to someone that gets that robot feel dont worry i wont judge at all. I have three brothers so i wouldnt mind another one at all
>>27503299
I'm sorry about your mom. I wonder if there is some genetic aspect to this too though... because my mom seems like me. I get the feeling she could never be truly happy in a romantic relationship. Like it's not natural for her. Maybe that was because of her issues with her dad that kind of picked his son and second daughter over her.
Your fantasy seems sweet to me. But then again, I'm writing a story where a brother and sister are soul mates. So there is that bias. My story is loosely based on the Egyptian gods Isis and Osiris. They had such a profound love. This is how Isis mourned over Osiris.
"I, thy sister, born of thy mother, go about to every temple of thine,
Yet thou comest not forth to me
Gods, and men before the face of the gods, are weeping for thee at the same time, when they behold me!
Lo, I invoke thee with wailing that reacheth high as heaven,--
Yet thou hearest not my voice. Lo I, thy sister, I love thee more than all the earth--
And thou lovest not another as thou dost thy sister--
Surely thou lovest not another as thou dost thy sister!"
>>27503558
Well I'd talk to you if you ever needed it. I have a younger and an older brother. Wouldn't mind giving you dsomeone to talk to. I need someone to talk to myself.
>>27503577
id like to do this but i just want to know how fat you are first
>>27503620
Why does that matter if you just want to understand women better?
>>27503577
I couldn't imagine that anon. There is a certain honesty to my anonymous posts that I can't replicate. To put even a false, a throwaway name to them forms an intimate connection that I don't think I could handle. Plus I'm, although not diagnosed, pretty goddamn autistic. I'm sorry.
>>27503581
I wouldn't be surprised if it was a combination of nature and nurture to make us like this.
I appreciate the approval, it is nice to hear. That sounds like a nice story too.
That's a sweet quote. Makes me feel a bit more even.
Thanks friend.
Well, I tried. Onto a new thread I guess.
>>27503620
chubby but ive been losing weight the past couple of months as part of my new years resolution. Trust me i dont show my face to randoms on the internet so you wont be seeing me for awhile so by that time the weight should hopefully be fixed. I just gained it because o depression anyway and im trying to be better with that
>>27503494
Fuck, I used to fantasize as a kid about one day meeting a woman I really loved and starting a family with her and being happy and growing old together like my parents are. I still kind of choke up now that I know that'll never happen. Such a stupid kid.
>>27503596
I really, truly appreciate that but I just don't think I can. I've talked to some women online before. In fact I had a friend, I talked to her for over two years almost every day. She just stopped one day. And I didn't even tell her any of the stuff I mentioned in this thread. Just knowing me that much was enough I suppose. I can't get that vulnerable, friend, I'm sorry. I wish I could provide and be that someone you can talk to but I can't, at least for now. I hope you find someone.
>>27503623
Just so you know that's not me. I'm sure you are lovely.
>>27503634
Youre not autistix enough to talk to me right here. Just give yourself a name like robottbrowaway123 and all will be well and we can write letters back and forth yo help you out. Im going through a rough time right now and hearing about yours broke my heart up a bit. I want to help
>>27503596
(Not OP)
TIL, there are kind women on 4chan. There is hope yet for the internet.
>>27503675
Thanks robot. You see? That made me feel better you can talk to women okay
>>27503686
The kind women tend to be the ones that were bullied the hardest, at least that is my experience
>>27503686
I try to be kind. I come on 4chan just to talk to people about their problems, but sadly, most of them either don't because I'm a woman or because they think I'm ugly
>>27503675
Link9us?
>tfw not autistic enough to have women throw themselves at you.
>>27503677
>>27503695
I don't know how to talk though. I don't know what I would say. If I talk about myself I feel guilty, and I feel self-absorbed, and if I listen to you, I have to listen vigilantly, always. Besides, there are only a few topics I am interested in.
Maybe though. As long as it's not constant keeping in touch, just a penpal situation, letters, not all day everyday.
>>27503634
It makes me feel good knowing people once venerated such a pure love as Isis and Osiris. Isis was thought of as the perfect wife and Osiris the perfect husband. Not in some cheap way either.
I forget what I've said before but for a while I was talking to this girl online who understand the sibling love thing. I tried calling her sister but she couldn't call me brother or love me. Not saying I was entitled to that but it hurt because I'd grown to feel close to her. I had to stop talking to her because I couldn't turn off the emotions. We might be better off with our fantasies.
>>27503494
I think you're more or less right but that kind of thing is so rare these days. It would probably hurt my heart even more to get close to it, or actually have it for a while, and then lose it.
>>27503727
What do you mean?
>>27503756
This is not what I imagined whatsoever when I made the thread, interesting to see there are femanons here.
>>27503769
That's too bad anon. To me, it sounds like that might show you have some hope though. You can feel some sort of love for non-family. Or maybe not, I'm no expert. Either way, I wish you the best.
>>27503764
We can make the letters into a simple format where half i talk about myself, half about you, and some of it questions about you, and vice versa. That way you feel no guilt whatsoever about it. I think letters like an online pen pal is better and will work for me, i just want to help you anon. Dont cry.
>>27503805
It scares me though, and it extends a bit to friendships, the give and take nature. The fact that we already have to sort of negotiate about when we focus on who and so on, it's just scary to me. It is artificial, it is inorganic, it is not unconditional. And I am pretty sure that's my issue, my problem that I am unable to make a conversation or a correspondence organic. Everything becomes fake, it becomes artificial, when I touch it.
And even now, to tell you this, to talk so much about myself, it's not something I ever do with anyone except for on an anonymous burmese dustgathering webzone. I don't know man.
>>27503849
Unconditional organic love and friendships take a very long time to develop and the first step is to try to be as forced and artificial as possible. Besides we are both robots so obviously everything we do and see turns to metal.
Theres nothing to be afraid of im just some femanon online that is goingg through a very rough time (i was crying earlier tonight) and i realized i at least have a few friends that care enough about me to help me out. I want to help you out like that anon you remind me of myself and i want to reach out and lend a hand. Theres no ulterior motive here i just want to help you since you have no one to do that for you. Dont worry so much about talking about yourself it doesnt make you a bad person. It makes you normal ( dont hate me brobots)
>>27503204
I have a younger sister. I've been close with her ever since she was born. She's been an odd child, like I was, for a while now. She's currently 12 and sort of a social outcast. She is my best friend and she views me as an older authority figure, although a funny authority figure. We do a lot of things together. We play games, watch films, read books, and we even sleep together. Yes, we sleep together when she does not have school in the mornings. We stay up all night in bed watching movies or playing some game.
It might seem absurd, but there are absolutely no sexual feelings at all. I've never once had a sexual feeling for her, not once. I've fantasized about banging my cousin or aunt, but NEVER my sister. I have seen her naked multiple times and she has seen me naked as well. I've seen a lot of families prohibit and scold interactions like this due to fear of what they may lead to or for whatever reason. This does not exist between us. There is simply no sexual tension. It allows us to focus on what we enjoy doing together with our free time.
She's in the midst of puberty now and she's made a few girl friends here and there, and I truly fear for her. I also fear that she may develop a sexual attraction towards me, but I've tried my utter best to help her steer clear of this by setting a perfect example of what it means to be a companion. She's somewhat naive with her friends and I feel they could lead her down the wrong path. I've assured her that she can always call on me for help if she needs any. Still, I feel that the social influences of the current American society will be too much and I will eventually lose my sister I've grown up with (9-year gap) to the masses. When that day comes, I'll probably kill myself.
>>27503909
Alright man, I will give it a try, but if it's just not working, please do not hate me. It's stressful for me.
>>27503925
I believe you about the sexual attraction thing. I wish you both the best and I really hope she turns out well. Either way, you have done your part, for sure. You underestimate how much influence you have though. 12 years of your influence, sure she can be bombarded by the media and people she knows, but your guidance will always be with her. Maybe she'll have a phase, but you are part of her, your teachings and influence are a part of her. I am sure she'll be better off than just about any other girl her age.
>>27503993
Glad to hear it. :) im off to bed but il check my emails later on.
Stress can be good as its a step in exposure therapy, eventually you wont be stressed at all. I did that to get out of robothood yeara ago but here i am again in the same place.
>>27503993
Thanks, anon. I just hope she makes it past the critical stage without becoming a roastie. Best of luck with your endeavors.
>>27504013
I will send one. You're right about that second part. Sleep well friend.
>>27504042
I hope so too. Have a good night robot.
>>27503925
It sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship. But I will say though that, as she gets older, if you get sexual feelings then you might have to put some distance between you and her. As much as it will tear up your heart to do so.
She's lucky to have a brother that loves her and is looking out for her. But there might be times when she has to make her own mistakes. A lot of us autists, are problem is that we avoided making even the smallest mistake. So we ended up not living and being afraid of life.
Not saying you shouldn't be concerned. Be there for her as often as you can. Even if you grow apart for a while, I'm sure she won't forget you. Someone can tell when they've been loved deeply. It makes an impression on them. I admit to being a little envious. I can tell that some siblings would be there for each other at the drop of a hat. I think you have something like that.
OP here, just want to say I am sorry if anyone responds to my thread and I do not reply, but I am going to go play some video games before bed, so I won't be replying. I hope anyone who sees this has a good night, or day. Night, /r9k/.
>>27504126
sweet dreams daisyfriend.
>>27503069
See, if you lived in Canada this wouldn't have been a problem. We have $1 and $2 coins that will not hold onto a scent. Our bills are also quite plasticky, so you're entirely safe.
>>27503849
Hello, OP.
Ex-robot, ex-suicidal, ex-nihilist here, now on the road to becoming something like a normie. More social, at least. There is much I could say about myself in order to teach you, but I'm going to try to keep it somewhat concise.
All my life, up until about a year ago, I was the most autistic and lonely person around. Ugly, awkward, disliked and ridiculed, anxious to the level of intense panic attacks. Thus, I became a borderline shut-in, doing only the obligatory stuff in school. No extra efforts were put into things not school, because my depression hindered me. I have now managed to overcome my extreme anxiety and depression, and life is now much, much, much, better than it was. It is impossible to overstate the contrast.
It did take work to get where I am now, though.
You say that you think talking to people is difficult and forced. I am not going to lie, to some extent, it is forced. That is not a bad thing, though. What I did was to work hard with myself, to make myself more genuine in how I think and act and perceive things. Thus, whenever I "smalltalk", I ask questions, and I listen to what they say. It teaches me more about them as people, and it gives me a feel of their vibe as a mensch. It's interesting from a sociological point of view.
Now, on to this specific case. OP, you say that you are afraid that the conversation with Femanon here will most probably be forced. The thing is that when you think it will be forced and fake, it is doomed and destined to be. Not everything you say has to be an official statement from First Name, Surname. If you want a connection with another human, go ahead. Not everyone has spooks from their past, but many more than one would think. Many people have edgy thoughts, but just don't know about /r9k/. Being here is not the only criteria for being lonely and seeking connections with people.
>>27503069
>>stop at gas station on the way home to get some diet coke
>>pay with a 5, get a dollar back
Holy shit how much is a soda where you live? Where I'm at it's $2.05 after tax.
>>27504410
My point is that I think you should have just accepted the request straight away, and see where it goes. It has to do with what you put into it. When you accept a request for contact on a whim, the consequences of you feeling bad in case you mess up that relationship, no matter what you intended (sounds cynical, but I didn't find another word to use) with it, are much smaller than if you put much of your brain capacity and "feels" into it. It's about investment and return. The difference between emotional and monetary investments is that no matter how much you invest in a new social relationship, you get the same back. What you recieve from the relationship does not increase when you increase the emotional investment. Therefore, you should not really give it too many thoughts. What you recieve is based on, among other things, what you say and how you act. Therefore, make your words and acts true to how your thoughts are. If you dislike your thoughts, you should work on both aspects of your brain and how you are in social situations at the same time. Ask if there is anything you wonder. I love talking about this kind of stuff.
Gaze into the abyss, and the abyss gazes back into to you. Dance with angels, and become an angel.
>>27503069
God you're such a faggot talk literally just talk no one will give a shot whatever way it goes it will always work in your favor even when you fail and you'll realize how easy it is and how much time you wasted
>>27504126
aww, bruh
>>27503756
>spouting autistic shit on purpose to new girl I'm seeing to see how much she'll put up with
>fucking up and being beta when making out, but overdoing the spaghetti on purpose so maybe she thinks it's cute
>she works with me and lets me figure out how to make out
use autism to your advantage, friends
>>27503069
>have a sister
>haven't held a conversation with her for years
>don't want to
Overrated tb.h
I just ignore it whenever a cute girl appears on my radar. I go as far as to only get in lines with ugly/male cashiers.
