Something's going on, robots. Some of you guys might remember me, I am the guy who thinks the number 117 is stalking me, and it has gotten worse over this weekend, here are some of the happenings:
>playing Victoria II
>a new country becomes a Great Power
>117 score
>reading book
>going to stop at next chapter
>hit next chapter
>page 117
>Total War Attila
>fight battle
>battle ends
>enemy army has 117 men remaining
>download an image
>1.17mb
>get back to dorm
>thinking about all of the coincidences with 117 over the weekend
>look over at clock
>>>>1:17 am
>NOPE
>start typing this message
>look at clock
>11:07 am
Well obviously the numbers stalking you anon, you need to remove all numbers from your life
>>27464647
I remember you anon
I wanna write a song based on your experience, is that ok?
>>27464710
Sure, that is fine.
>>27464647
Have you ever taken an IQ test, OP?
I wonder what score you would get.
I've seen stories before by people ''getting stalked by numbers'', look it up
By the powers of meme magic please let this post end in 117
Theory of relativity + law of attraction.
Your attracting and willing into life unconsciously the number since you programmed your mind and reality for it
>>27464647
Master Chief is not real, OP. You have nothing to fear
>>27464745
That already happened the first time he brought that 117 shit up
>>27464647
>total war Attila
good game my man, who ya playin as?
>>27464750
If you were going to explain it with supernatural things why did you choose boring ones?
>>27464734
>have taken one before as part of an evaluation in grade school
>127
>there is a margin of error of 10 points
>>27464773
Eastern Roman Empire.
>>27464791
Dear god.
Let's say the number really is stalking you. What then?
>meme magic is now warping reality
you better be careful come july, op
>>27464815
I don't know. I was kind of hoping one of you guys could help, or at least get the word out if you hear about a weird death in Middle TN.
>>27464789
The supernatural have scientific practicalities.
To badly quote Nikola Tesla
"If the scientific community spent a decade exploring supernatural phenomenon science will have advanced more in those 10 years then in a thousand"
>>27464833
The numbers may have power but they are only numbers. You are more than a number. You are a man.
You are a man with dubs.
>>27464833
Kill self? Hopefully 117 doesn't follow you in death. Die January 17 or November 7 tho
>think the number 27 is stalking me
>see thread on /r9k/ about another guy who thinks he's being stalked by a number
>117
>1 1 7
>1+1=2 (7)
FUCK YOU OP FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
>post number begins with 27
>>27464647
>playing video games aka the electric joo
>even once
>not expecting to go insane
>>27464883
>posted at 11:27
IM DOOMED, JESUS CHRIST
>>27464647
>vicky 2
>ashilla
you have horrible, horrible taste, you sad little boy.
>>27464897
lmao sheeiiiiit
damn my man
>>27464744
>look it up
>first response on Google
>first number he lists
>7:11
Whoever rolls 117 gets to escape robotdom and gets a beautiful 10/10 pure virgin gf by January 2017.
START ROLLING!
>>27464897
You'll be alright. Reprogram your mind into something else.Why do I bother with spoon-feeding babies
>>27464935
>this was on the other first page response
Sounds pretty real man
>>27464929
>parents were both born on the 27th
>they got married on the 27th
>brother was born on the 27th
>i was born on 1/16
>116
>1+1 = 2
>1+ 6 = 7
>my ex-girlfriend was born on the 27th
>she broke up with me on the 27th
>for a football player with the jersey number 27
>my old high school let out at 3:27
>I almost died after being put into a coma for the majority of 2007
IT'S NOT 117 OP
IT'S 27
IT'S OUT FOR US BOTH
>>27465027
>mfw this anon is right
OH MY GOD, IT'S OVER
IT'S HAPPENING
>ALL OF THE THINGS I MENTIONED HAPPENED ON THE 27TH OF MARCH
117 & 27 ARE WORKING TOGETHER
>>27465027
>>27465027
>Post ends in 27
>>27465027
>27
Audible original kek
>>27465027
>>27465078
>>27465063
>>27465058
FUCKING CHRIST SHUT IT DOWN
SHUT IT DOWN SHUT IT DOWN SHUT IT DOWN
>>27464937
Roll original bloxy original
>>27465027
>post ends in 27
holy shit you might actually be fucked
Check these m8
>>27465139
You think?
Anon, this is how it ends.
>>27465027
>27
Oh shit son. Flee.
I swear to God, I keep having dreams and then they wind up coming true. I'm constantly experiencing deja vu, like once a month or so. It all started in middle school, where I had a dream about this stainglass picture of Mary. We had a school trip to a monastery (it was a Catholic school) and I saw the exact same picture. It gave me like this high from having my mind blown so hard. Every time this happens, my mind gets completely stunned and I feel like I'm kind of drunk or something.
I've been diagnosed with psychosis in a lot of different forms (psychotic depression, mania from bipolar, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, they've got no clue what's up with me) so maybe that's got something to do with it.
I've got a weird relationship with my dreams. Sometimes I have these psychotic somnolent states where I'm like stuck between dreaming and being awake. I'll obsessively think this weird garbage, convinced I'm being trapped in some way. And I get these visions, kinda like dreams but kinda like hallucinations, that all fit the whatever theme it is that day. Even though at times I'm looking at the room and I'm pretty much awake, I'm still unable to get up because I can't use proper reason and I'm sure that something is holding me down.
For instance, one morning I was convinced my bed was pumping me full of this funky drug and the drug was keeping me alive so I couldn't leave the bed. My sister asked me to come down and I told her I'd be there in a minute. But I couldn't shake that fear, that I was gonna die, so I stayed in bed for a couple hours until I snapped out of it.
Doctors don't ever understand what I'm talking about when I tell them this is happening to me. And anti-psychotics don't help me at all with it. I think they actually make it worse, since it's happened a lot more while I was on them. Zyprexa in particular made me really delusional at night because it's ironically a delirant for some people. Made me get all these weird visions.
Chief! I need you!
>>27465241
OP here, and I have had the same thing going on for a long time. Like, I will be in class, and there will be a lecture, and suddenly I will think to myself "wait, this has happened before exactly, I even remember thinking these thoughts, next, this will happen", and then they will take place. I have never ascribed anything to it, but I can't shake the thought.
>>27465277
>277
CLOSE ENOUGH
27 27 27 27 27 27 27 27
I had the same shit with numbers 228 and 322. They're somewhat memetic, so that's probably the reason why my brain picked them to torture me.
>>27464811
117AD is when the Roman empire reached it's largest size iirc
my usernames all end with 117
>mfw im stalking you by replying to this thread
>>27465330
I am aware. It is also the exact halfway point in the Book of Psalms.
>>27465328
>328
So close yet so faroringinaleronika
>>27465288
>88
Dubs confirm.
Also, every post number in the thread starting with 27. Every single one.
I'm scared now. How old are you op? If you reach 27 what will happen? Maybe you're an unknowing apprentice of the numbers? Could this be your chance to ascend?
Anon this is common. Alot of people wonder why whenever they look at a clock they see 9:11. Why was their score in TDM 9-11. Why did the radiostation playing happen to be 91.1?
We are actively seeing numbers throughout each and everyday, we typically don't pay much mind to number combinations they we have subconsciously deemed insignificant. When you see 117, you've probably seen so many other numbers that 117 was actually due.
>>27465374
I am 19.
>my brother turns 27 this year
>>27465367
I JUST NOTICED. OP WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS THREAD WE ARE ALL MARKED NOW. WE ARE ALL DOOMED
>>27465333
To trips mean anything?
>>27465393
Rip brother
Hey OP, check these digits familam desu senpai F-A-M
>>27465393
So you were born in 1997? 2 9's and a 7. 2 7.
Also, 1+9+9+7=27
Dear god.
>>27465458
1+9+9+7 = 26
We're saved.
>>27465458
>Also, 1+9+9+7=27
>Dear god.
>>27465458
No, I was born November __ 1996 (not sure want to give out all of birthday)
>mfw I just realized the date of my birth
It isn't 17, but it is only 1 off. Oh fuck. It hasn't just started, it has always been here. Holy Theotokos, have mercy.
>>27465475
Anon, shush.
>>27465504
Hei I was born of November 9th 1996. :d We are bday buddies.
>>27465504
This is OP here, I am going to class. I will be back in about 1 hour, 20 min (probably a bit less). Keep thread going.
>also really don't want to be in dorm room right now by myself with all the happenings going on desu
>>27465241
I haven't had any luck searching for it online, seems like no one else experiences this. So I've got no clue how to cure it. When I post a little about it on /r9k/, people always tell me I've got a brain tumor and that's got me terrified.
I have hallucinations and think in word salad while I'm awake, but it's not as prevalent, happens twice a week or so. But these symptoms are all that the doctors will listen to, since they're more familiar with them. But I could live fine with them, they don't bother me.
These somnolent states, on the other hand, they're fucking disabling me and making my life very difficult. I was in a relationship and my gf was always arguing with me because I'd spend days and days in bed, just thinking all this crazy shit. She didn't believe I could stay in bed that long, so she was scared I was seeing someone else. I can't work a normal job either, because I always arrive late to work or skip days.
I'm so fucking weirded out, wondering if some kind of supernatural shit is going on. Like just consider all of it. I go into weird states where I'm having visions and thinking in a cryptic language that goes way beyond words, something that just comes intuitively and freely, as though it's the language of the divine or maybe what humanity spoke before the fall of Babel's tower (yeah, it's probably a myth, but myths depict a lot of truth) or the speech of aliens or lizard people or whatever's putting me through this. And when I wake up, it's nearly impossible to remember a thing about it, because my memory struggles to record all the unintelligible babbling (sometimes I can remember comments I've made in English though). And moreover, no one else I've met has gone through this and medication doesn't help one bit. And fucking then, these visions keep fucking coming true in real life, even though that should be impossible.
You guys can see how I'd believe something's going on, right?
>>27465591
>Magically arrives in 117 minutes
>>27464647
same here only the number 64
Ever play Halo 1?
What was the character's name again...
Oh, it was Spartan 117!
>>27464647
You'll be okay OP. Human minds are pattern searchers by nature, and e positively reinforce patterns we notice.
>>27464647
Selection bias. Probably someone already posted that. It's nothing else; don't discharge energy on this trash.
>>27465612
>>27465286
I have very similar clairvoyant abilities and really really really want to participate in this thread, but
>tfw brain injury and using my keyboard to type irritates this brain injury
Haven't talked about my stuff on /x/ yet but it's really cool to see other people with clairvoyant powers.
>>27465627
I'm already spooked enough anon
>>27464647
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
not really stalked by it, but I seem to find that whenever I check the time in the late evening I almost always land on 9:11
bit spooky
>>27464647
Never play halo
>>27465768
Traumatic brain injury? I have one as well. Car accident.
>>27465875
Just a bit of whiplash. Not from a car, though. I think it will heal if I stay still.
>>27464647
>anon decides to play Halo
>spartan 117
>>27464647
117 is just a loli from a different dimension that's deeply in love with your. She's trying to get in contact with you but evidently crossing dimensions is quite hard.
I'm not talking about a 2D loli, I'm talking about a multipleD loli.
The number should be one kind of portal we can't quite grasp being just limited to 3D.
I hope one day you two will be reunited, just hope you don't lose your mind like people do in Lovecraftian stories. Enjoy your lolibomination.
>try pso2 the animation
>takes place in 2027
>>27465241
For me it seems that whenever I learn something new it pops up on TV or the internet or in conversation like 5 minutes later
>>27465027
2+0=2
1+6=7
>CURRENT YEAR
>27 at beginning and end of your post
Holy shit it's happening
>>27465663
HOLY SHIT, SAME HERE.ORIGINAL COMMENT
>>27465381
This is the truth. It's the same as when you flip through a book really fast and you notice some words you think special.
>>27466050
But anon, 2+0=20.
>>27465612
So I don't really know what to do. I don't know what's real anymore.
I go through periods where I believe a lot of spiritual junk and study weird occultic shit, usually happens when my illness is coming out. Sometimes, especially these religious periods, I have a firm trust that I'm some kinda Chosen One or whatever, that these visions are coming from a divine astral plane or something like that. Last summer I had a manic episode and I was running around the city in the rain, believing I was a superhuman, so I had to be forcibly hospitalized without even given a chance to collect some clothes, smokes, and reading material. I was bored stiff in there, withdrawing from the cigs, and I wore the same clothes every day so I stunk like shit. It was awful. So yeah, I realize I can be pretty fucking crazy and that I should be dubious about these experiences.
But I still wrestle with this stuff when I'm thinking clearly. I think there's a lot of evidence that something's going on. When I'm thinking clearly, I take all that mystic bullshit with a grain of salt and I'm skeptical of the supernatural conclusions I keep coming across. But there's always a little part of me that wonders, "What's really going on then?" I can't find a proper "reasonable" answer.
>>27465286
That's really weird, usually I don't have much foresight/knowledge of the events. I have so many dreams that the "omen dream" doesn't ever really stand out. I only remember once it actually happens, but I'll be sure with great conviction that I've seen it before. Like I always have a sense of when the dream happened and I'll even remember very well the morning after the dream, when I was pondering it in my sleepy head. Could you look at a list of psychotic symptoms and tell me if you have any?
>>27465768
>>27465893
Sorry 'bout your brain injury, how'd you get whiplash? Do you get your visions in dreams, like me, or somewhere else? You get any psychotic symptoms from it?
>numbers stalking you
Don't give me that mystical bullshit.It's much more believable if the numbers are used to signify messages from the Illuminati
>>27464937
rolling that roll
>>27466117
>post ending in 117 is trying to convince him he's full of shit
hmmm
>>27465027
>>27465277
>>27465627
>>27466117
HOLY FUCK! WE ARE DOOMED
>>27464647
I've had a similar experience with the number 707.
Sometimes it was even in places that there weren't supposed to be any numbers at all.
There's a lot of paranoid schizophrenics on here...
GUYS
27 HAS BEEN HERE ALL ALONG
LOOK AT THE FAR LEFT OF THE POST NUMBERS
>>27464883
Autism here
>883
3^3 = 27
8*3+3 = 27
>27464883
>27
>464
46+4+4 = 54/2 = 27
>>27466327
GOD IS DEAD AND 27 KILLED HIM
>>27466327
>ends in 27
AHHHHHHH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
>>27466117
He's here...
He has found us.
>>27466343
Autism is the only thing that can defeat the numbers.
>>27466627
>666
>27
>666
>27
>666
>27
>>>>>>666
>>>>>>27
SIX SIX SIX
I
X
S
I
X
S
I
X
TWENTY SEVEN
W
E
N
T
Y
S
E
V
E
N
27
72
666
666
666
siebenundzwanzig
666
27 = 666
>>27466005
For me, the deja vu happens for a wide range of situations I'm in. Today it came when I decided to smoke a cheaper brand of cig to save money. Then I remembered having a dream about it, back in January, thinking out the same logic in the same words, "Hey, I should buy xyz today since it's the cheapest one and I'm broke". One pattern I've noticed is that the deja vu usually comes when I'm doing something new, something out of my normal routine, although it's usually still mundane and something other people do all the time. Today it was changing my choice of cigs, back in middle school it was going to that monastery, and a while back it was my mom driving me somewhere (I go to uni far away from her, so she hadn't taken me anywhere for a while). These aren't crucial events that I can discern any meaning in; it's all pretty normal stuff. The insignificance and inapplicability are my biggest counter-evidence so far.
I dunno, maybe I should write down all my dreams and deja vu moments in some kinda journal. Then I could have more information about what's going on and I could notice any themes. I'm really awful keeping up with daily tasks though. I get really amped up and plan stuff out, like "Yeah, I'm gonna do this every day and it's gonna be easy!" But then I always forget for a few days, or I keep telling myself I'll do it tomorrow, and then I get discouraged from keeping with it. Maybe it's a mental illness symptom, maybe I'm just lazy, I dunno.
But even if I did, I struggle to remember the visions or the deja vu, since they leave my mind a few minutes after they're completed. I don't ever have a paper/pen on hand; I could carry them I guess, but notepads are bulky. It sucks, since I come up with good story ideas and even complete songs while out-and-about, trying to repeat them so they don't leave me, and then a distraction hits and I just forget it.
>>27465027
MEME MAGIC
MEME MAGIC
>>27464834
>badly quote
That;'s called paraphrasing
>>27466663
It's all over, famalam.
>>27466668
>18 lines in the post
>18*(total number of paragraphs)/(number of short paragraphs) = 18*(3/2) = 27
THIS WHOLE THREAD
ARGHHH
I'm pretty sure this thread is on either 117 or 27 levels of irony
>>27465591
OP here. Back, and reading through the post backlog.
>>27466674
>19:15:56
>15
Image size: 29KB
>74
29+74+15=118
Wew, that was a close one :^)
>>27466861
>Metallica is a well known associate act of The Dark Lord, Satan
>Metallica wrote a song called "One"
>118 - one = 117
WE'RE FUCKED LADDIES
>>27466117
NO NO NO
RIGHT WHEN I FUCKING GET BACK
LEAVE, GREAT CONSPIRATOR
>>27464647
>look at post number
>it ends with 117
Ooh spooky
>>27466899
>>66899
Nice dubs with rotational symmetry lad.
>>27467121
>rotational symmerty
Don't forget the 8 that represents infinity.
>>27467178
>the time
Dear god
>>27465834
>34
Colbalt's electronic configuration is 3d7 4p2
>d7 p2
>72
>27
But here's the twist:
Cobalt is the 27th element
>>27467304
>when I used to play Halo (117), I would always make my armor color Cobalt
I feel you mate, but this is probably just the result of your schizophrenia
>>27465027
Thats pretty scary duh
>>27465027
>That post number.
Looks like you're doomed OP
>>27464647
>mfw I'm the 117tg reply
I couldn't resist
>>27466117
>>27466327
>>27466627
Those numbers indicate some powerful meme magic at work here
>>27467829
>mfw you fucked it up you fucking faggot
>>27467897
IS 29 THE REAL MEME MAGICIAN ?
>tfw when 4 has been following me my whole life, buts it's been benevolent
I pray he saves you from this torment OP
>>27466668
Anyways, I'll stop ranting about shit no one cares about. I keep shitposting when I'm on speed (yeah I know, really stupid drug to take when you've got a mental illness, since it causes psychosis) and it's really obnoxious, so I'll try to limit myself.
I hit a spiritual crisis last summer, so I turned to psychology and philosophy to find meaning in my life. In a used book store, I found this cheap collection of works by Carl Jung, this early psychologist/writer. He was interested in supernatural experiences, trying to find a psychological explanation for them. As a result, Jung's followers are kinda Terrance McKenna stoner types, which put me off at first, but from perusing his work I've found he was usually a pretty reasonable man. He always gave evidence from his long experience as a therapist.
One idea of his was synchronicity, which can be defined as "meaningful coincidences". Basically covers two or more events that can't be related in a physical way, but, like my premonitions and the prevalence of OP's number, seem like they must. Jung believed that much like how causality can connect events to one another, meaning can connect events too. It's one way our Unconscious tries to talk to us, whether it's to warn us or inform us. Jung believed we should examine these patterns very closely, because it reveals your "fate", sorta. Sadly, he made up this bullshit explanation, following the inaccurate depiction of quantum mechanics in popular press ("dude, we're all like... waves, man! anything's possible!"), but otherwise I think he was on to something.
So maybe look it up and ponder on it a bit, friends. You can't find an outside answer, so why not look inside yourself instead? Is there something within you that you need to sort out? Jung went nuts trying to find meaning in all this. He was obsessing over writings and seeing crazy visions (pic related is something he drew during this psychotic period). Your mind holds some dark secrets, so be cautious.
>>27464647
Go see a doctor, seriously.
My psychiatrist asked me about this kind of stuff in one of the first sessions.
>>27466005
Same. I think that's just confirmation bias though.
>>27465027
>later that day anon was found bleeding out onto his desk, 27 stab wounds in his body
THE END IS NOW THE END IS NOW
27 FORWARDS THEN BACKWARDS IN A NUMBER FOR PSYCHOLOGY I REACHED BY GOOGLING GOOD AND BAD NUMBERS MENTAL ILLNESS
>>27468752
DIFFERENT NUMBER ON SAME SITE HAS 27http://www.psychiatrychevychasemaryland.com/psychiatrist.html
>>27468844
127TH REPLY
>>27468299
Yeah, this guy's very right. Psychosis can get really fucking bad and you won't even notice yourself falling into it. It's really good to get treatment before it goes into full effect. This is coming from experience, I've struggled with schizophrenia and I've done some really regrettable stuff while I was unmedicated and going through psychosis. I've nearly gone to jail for doing really impulsive shit, mostly shoplifting. I had to drop out of uni because I was too disorganized to do my schoolwork or go to exams.
It's real hard living like that; I don't even know I'm delusional until I suddenly wonder, "Wait a second... isn't it a little fishy that I had a conversation with Margaret Thatcher a few days ago?" and I'll realize my mind made the whole thing up. You might say to me, "Aw c'mon, anon, I'd stop myself before I was that out of it" but you really can't, you slide into it without perceiving the difference. It's like Al Gore's favorite metaphor of slowly turning the heat up on a pot full of frogs. They don't notice the heat until they die in the boiling water. I'm lucky for my brief moments of clarity, where I'm able to understand how out of it I am, since many schizos don't even know or accept that they're crazy even when docs and family tell them again and again.
If you do get help, I really recommend Abilify, since it's both an anti-depressant and a stimulant. The rest of the anti-psychotics will heavily sedate you and most of them made me really depressed, unable to leave the bed because I was too tired. At higher doses, Abilify does get more sedative, though still not like the other drugs. Some Abilify patients get chest pain or start sperging out all the time, so it's not for everyone. Don't ever just quit your meds, any meds, because you need to taper off most of them to prevent withdrawal. Most docs will give you a good plan to do it safely. Not gonna bullshit you, anti-psychotics fucking suck. But your safety is more important in this case.
>>27464647
it is indicayshun thet u ned molten glas into pee pee hole
>>27468281
>>27468907
Is it scary noticing yourself falling into all these delusions all the time?
Do you think it's possible for you to live a fulfilled life?
Have you tried learning more about your psychotic patterns? Perhaps there are things that bring you out of it more quickly, or certain triggers that set them off?
What are some weirder delusions you've had?
That's funny because the very same thing has been happening to me and a group of friends.
I used to be the same with 11.That fucking number was EVERYWHERE.Even when I looked at the clock was 11:11 , and everytime I kept seeing 11.However it passed after a year or so.I don't know why...
>>27468907
Also, therapy can be useful for kinda threshold psychosis, like what you guys are describing. Where you're not completely nuts, but these experiences are still bothering you.
You've got some options: you can choose to have the regular ol' "pay some guy hundreds of dollars to nod his head while you whine on a couch for an hour" therapy (it can be helpful for some, but all the ones I saw didn't really know how to deal with psychosis, so maybe look up doctors specialized in that) or the "sit around in a group of normies who think you're a wackjob for talking about any of this" therapy (probably a bad idea, unless it's specifically for psychosis) or you can do the "braindead normie self-help books that teach you to just bee yerself through ridiculous acronyms" therapy.
That last one has actually been the most helpful for me, though I've gotta trawl through a lot of normie bullshit. I mostly use CBT, which I've learned from a book (Feeling Good) written by the shrink who invented it. This therapy is the most effective for most patients and, although it's mostly used for depression, many docs are now recommending it for psychosis too.
The general gist of how it works is that it makes you respond to your thoughts and identify cognitive biases in them. If your common sense tells you your thoughts are irrational, you can correct them and find a better state of mind. As you keep repeating this habit of correcting your thoughts, the unreasonable ones will eventually go away. You can see how this would help patients with depression, anxiety, and even psychosis, right?
There are many other self-therapies out there if this one doesn't work for you. The only one I know of is DBT, which might be helpful for psychosis but I've never seen it recommended for that. Look up some mental illness buzzwords on YouTube. It's got lots of psychology seminars and blog videos there, made by some practicing psychologists.
>>27469141
Not him, and I doubt my experience has been severe, but I have struggled with delusions. Most of mine have been fairly mundane and might be better described as cycling, but I would become convinced friends and family would actively by trying to sabotage me and setting me up to fail via extensive and large conspiracies. I'd follow cars in traffic, start driving erratically to lose cars in traffic, and would sit outside houses of people I knew/thought I knew/thought was helping the people I knew with a gun. I had a whole elaborate fantasy routine, telling people I'd be at a job or class that never existed, would plant my cellphone at different locations and pick it up later to avoid tracking, and even falsified documents to throw people off my trail.
You, typically with the help of a good doctor, which I can't recommend enough, can train yourself to recognize your thinking habits and patterns with the help of medication. You can also recognize triggers and plan ahead-mine typically get worse with cold weather. Living with it isn't scary-if you get it under control I can imagine it's a lot like an addiction-you're aware it's there, you're aware of the danger signs, and you go out of your way not to backslide. I'm still fairly roboto but my life has improved tremendously, and I'd say I'm as fulfilled as someone can be and still browse 4chan.
>>27464937
Rolling for Evil OP stalking.
If 117 NSA confrimed.
wez da greenest and wez da meanest
>>27469949
darn i tried really hard but it meant nothing
>>27469973
oh it appears there is still hope for da boyz
>>27466668
>I dunno, maybe I should write down all my dreams and deja vu moments in some kinda journal
This was the same reason I started keeping a thought journal. I found that I was having the same thoughts repeatedly, so I decided to write them down.
>so close to quint sixes
feels bad man
>>27466668
>I don't ever have a paper/pen on hand; I could carry them I guess, but notepads are bulky
Write them on your phone, sync it up with Google Drive or OneDrive or whatever so that you can get it on your computer straight when you log in.
Kill op
>>27469141
Sorry if this is long, I'm just finding it difficult to keep my train of thought on track.
To answer your first question: when I'm psychotic, you have to bear in mind that I'm in an altered state of consciousness. It's just like dropping acid or snorting some ketamine, your brain is in a much different place, with different rules, expectations, and focuses. As a result, things that might scare me when I'm sane and reasonable don't bother me as much. Sometimes I do freak out and get really scared though.
For the second one: I'm not too sure. It's made me very poor and I have lots of trouble keeping up with any kind of responsibility. I've turned to using drugs to cope, which are terrible for my already vulnerable mind. Many homeless people you'll meet are mentally ill and lost their homes after falling into an unsustainable drug habit. But I've got a lot of hope that it is possible to live a fulfilled life, that I could get clean eventually and learn to manage my illness enough to complete a lot of my goals, like getting a college degree and a nice cushy job and a wife, home, and all that middle-class shit. A lot of the time I'm not having many symptoms, maybe just a hallucination or delusion here and there. It's only when I go psychotic that they all come in full force (usually I wind up in the hospital), and that comes in episodes. I'm able to have some periods of normality in between, but any fulfilling life I make for myself always gets lost when I go psychotic again.
To address your third question: basically any stressful event can set it off. I've had it during breakups and times where I was struggling financially and stopped eating properly. Sometimes I have it during holidays too, from being around my family (I had an awful childhood, so my relatives kinda bring back lots of difficult memories) or just being really lonely and stuck in my empty house while people outside were laughing and having good times with one another.
>>27469141
>>27470545
Drugs are also a big trigger. Pretty much all of them except opiates can really set me off, especially dissociatives. MXE in particular really made me bonkers, making me have manic episodes with insane delusions of religious grandeur, but luckily for me (although I miss that drug so fucking much) the world's supply of it has dried up. Sleep deprivation also makes me nuts. Stims can make it very difficult to sleep, but anxiety can also keep me up. It's not just street drugs either, even psych meds can trigger an episode. I've had an episode of psychotic mania after my doc pulled me off an anti-depressant cold turkey. I wasn't even on that high of a dose either.
Fourth question now: One weirder delusion I had was when I thought I was controlling a spaceship by moving my body around. I could see the robot arms rotating and shifting position as I moved my hands. I was so scared of making the wrong movement and messing up my mission; it felt as though lots of scientists were counting on me.
I've also been convinced that I've written certain songs, even if they were made before I was born. I'd be looking at the lyrics and see a few verses that just seemed clear as day to me: "Yeah, I wrote those". Sometimes when I believe that, I'll even talk with the musician who actually wrote it and discuss our collaboration together.
>>27470569
>I've also been convinced that I've written certain songs, even if they were made before I was born. I'd be looking at the lyrics and see a few verses that just seemed clear as day to me: "Yeah, I wrote those". Sometimes when I believe that, I'll even talk with the musician who actually wrote it and discuss our collaboration together.
You mean in your head?
That reminds me of a practical joke involving a famous Soviet musician called Vladimir Visotsky. He composed some song lyrics and left the draft on his desk early in the morning. His friend came into his hotel room when he was down at the bar and saw the draft. He decided to remember the lyrics, and then went down to the bar where he saw the composer.
Visotsky was really excited to share his new song with his friend and began singing the first few lines of the song, and then his friend cut him off and said: "You didn't write that, that's an old army song!". Vysotski told him: "But I just composed that song last night!"
And then his friend says: "No you didn't, look, I can even tell you how it goes on", and then he tells him the next few lines of the song lyrics which he had memorised moments ago.
Needless to say, Visotsky was freaked out.
This is the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgRfBAroMJ8&ab_channel=%D0%92%D0%BB%D0%B0%D0%B4%D0%B8%D0%BC%D0%B8%D1%80%D0%92%D1%8B%D1%81%D0%BE%D1%86%D0%BA%D0%B8%D0%B9
>>27471012
DEVILISH FRIEND
