Who #selfsabotage here?
>oneitis actually gives me number and say to make a date
>literally as easy as it gets; my dream come true
>plan out a perfect, once-in-a-lifetime date
>just avoid her and never call
>do this all-the-while knowing I will regret it for the rest of my life
>now she has a bf
I don't even understand myself, robots.
Am I trying to prove something to the world?
Do I have some sort of anxiety disorder?
Is it actually over-confidence?
Why am I such a retard?
>>27460381
C'mon.
Virtually all of you fuckers would have done the same.
>>27460556
But why, though? Insecurity? Self-hatred?
self-pity is narcissism
>>27460381
I've done the same thing years ago and still regret it.
We are made to suffer and we crave suffering. For some reason we like to feel like shit, I think. Being happy feels unnatural to me.
yes, I'm aware this sounds real faggy and edgy, but I couldn't come up with a better explanation
Not relationship related
>been nocturnal
>its been fucking me up at uni, skipping classes because asleep
>try to reset sleep pattern
>get about 9am get really sleepy
>lol I don't care fuck everything I'm just going to kill myself soon anyway
>go to sleep
>wake up at 8pm
rinse and repeat
>>27460578
Because a oneitis IS NOT LOVE.
It is either infatuation/a practice run for actual love or it is obsession with something you cannot have.
Either way doing something about it *for real* isn't part of the plan UNLESS you transform that feeling into an actual mature emotion.
I wouldve done the same. But not for the same reason. She gives you her number like if its some sort of gift, she expects you to call her and set a date, she wont call you unless you call.
This just shows how busy she is getting dates from others/ how disposeable you are and her giving out her number is just weeding out a couple of beta males.
I refuse to play the game. If im interested in someone i want them to be as interested in me, im not a slave entertainer for pussy.
>>27460624
Yeah, I get what you're saying. I think the suffering becomes a part of our self-image, so we cling onto it because it's all we know. In our mind, our entire life narrative is based around it. Kind of like an existential victim complex. Maybe.
>>27460705
>I'm too terrified of women to call one first
FTFY
>>27460701
But isn't it just a stage before love? If you're not infatuated with someone, why decide to commit to them?
Believe me, I wanted to take it to the next level. I wanted to learn all about her, be a part of her life, be there every day to support her. But something in me stopped myself.
>something you can't have
But I could've. She was as excited as me. I betrayed her too.
>>27460381
>talking to girl at meetup
>she's obviously inetrested in me in hindsight, don't notice signs
>we exchange twitter
>she says tweets at me "let me know if you're going to another meetup :)"
>finally realise she actually wants my dick, but I'm a virgin so this situation is strange and intimidating since no girl has ever wanted me
>I tweet back "will do!"
Never reply back to her again, it been months now. I regret it, she was qt.
>>27460764
>But isn't it just a stage before love?
*maybe*.
Usually infatuation is about 'practising love', not actually becoming love.
> If you're not infatuated with someone, why decide to commit to them?
...wow.
Mutual love and shared respect, kohai.
> I wanted to take it to the next level
Know how I know that isn't true?
You didn't.
And that is fine IF you recognize that there was nothing 'holding you back'; you *decided* not to do more.
>>27460638
I know this hell.
I think I escaped because I kept getting woken up by my neighbours in the morning.
>>27460719
Yes, that is more accurate.
I just don't know how to change though. I've always been this way. This depressed state is a huge part of my personality. I've become so cynical and apathetic I can't really enjoy anything.
>>27460846
>You didn't.
It's not that simple. I wanted to so much. I had the phone in my hand, finger one inch from her name. I tortured myself for hours, thinking of all the reasons why I would fail, or why I don't deserve this, or why I should wait til I'm truly ready. And now it's gone and I've been having almost panic attacks everytime I remember. For weeks. I can't sleep more than 3 hours a night. Every waking moment is pure regret and self-hate. If I didn't want this, why am I feeling like I made the worst mistake of my life?
It's possible to have conflicting feelings. Maybe this is what a disorder is; something that stops you from being able to live a real life.
right here senpai
>have online friend
>be in love with them
>been having relationship issues for a long time due to them just wanting me as a friend
>be fickle as fuck
>friend wants me to play dota 2
>I hate dota
>reserved a loophole for myself so I didn't have to play
>intended to actually play, but ended up not doing so
>thought they would understand, they didn't
>they get mad at me, make up a reason to not do shit with me for the rest of the night
>tell me when they're about to sleep that they made up the reason and just resent me for not playing fucking D O T A
>get mad
>take the entire chat logs between us (few years) and post them publicly for download
>they're very secretive, it contains plenty of things they wouldn't want people to see
>they wake up
>they're shaken as fuck by this
>won't even talk to me
>eventually get them to talk to me, only with a third guy in the chat as a mediator
>shit happens, relationship destructs even further
>end up trying to kill myself
>first take about 200 pills of various types
>doesn't do shit other than making me throw up and stay in hospital overnight
>next give away about $3k to friend, spend $2k on stupid shit like hotels
>keep giving away until I have no money
>delete all my files, format all my drives
>computer basically most important thing to me
>10 years or so of data lost
>take plane to known suicide spot
>throw the belongings I have on me off the cliff, including phone, wallet, identification
>take off clothes except underwear, throw them off
>try to jump
>can't jump
>stand there for hours unable to jump
>get picked up by passing police and taken to mental health ward for 2 weeks
actually does this even count as self-sabotage? I didn't have a chance to do anything in the first place and was just fucking my shit right up
this was about two years ago. right now I'm falling into the same self-destructive behavior again. just kill me senpai
>>27460929
Exactly how I feel senpai.
How old are you? If you're younger, there still might be time to change. Try therapy, try meds, try self help books, try everything. I just went with the flow and now I'm a 30yo kv with nothing to live for.
Who am I kidding, I don't know what I'm talking about.
>>27460965
>It's not that simple
Yes. It is that simple.
No, you don't have a "disorder", you simply chose to do something *even though you believe it to be a mistake*.
The closest thing you have to a "disorder" is a lack of fortitude.
>>27461045
t. trained psychiatrist
I've done this
It's because it's really uncomfortable and intimidating to put yourself out there and try
You gotta do it though, otherwise you will hate yourself. You'll probably fuck it up and strike out, but you can't get miserable about it, just let it go best you can
Eventually it'll become marginally less terrifying and you might even get a gf
>>27461045
I could concentrate at all that day. I was pacing for hours, breathing heavy because my chest burned with adrenaline. You really think that's a normal behaviour?
If I had been clear headed, I would have made the obvious choice to call. But I just couldn't make the obvious choice. I just wanted out of the anxiety, and avoidance is the only way I know how.
Or maybe I'm just a bitch looking for excuses
>>27461111
*couldn't
>>27461111
>I just wanted out of the anxiety, and avoidance is the only way I know how.
dem feels
>>27461090
>otherwise you will hate yourself
Too late.
Seriously though, I know you're right. That's why it hurts so much. I went against all my values, for no fucking reason.
And now I will wonder for the rest of my life what would've happened if I actually tried. Regret is ten times worse than just failing. You don't even get to learn a lesson, because it's such a one-off occurrence
>>27461111
>You really think that's a normal behaviour?
Absolutely, for a large number of people. They tend to share certain traits, but they aren't crazy or 'disordered'..
I mean, you just *told us all* exactly why you chose to do what you did.
> I just wanted out of the anxiety, and avoidance is the only way I know how.
>Or maybe I'm just a bitch looking for excuses
.
Listen, this appears to be your preferred modes of life
1) Being happy with how things are
2) Avoiding risk
3) Changing yourself
You decided that avoiding the risk of speaking to this girl (and the anxiety over the fact that you might somehow "fail") was preferable to the act of changing your life
and this is important
EVEN THOUGH you knew that you would be unhappy with the status quo.
There are a shit tion of people who prefer to wallow in their status quo and talk about things that 'happened to' them rather than actually take the effort (and face the fear) of change.
In the end you decided,
decided,
not changing was less scary than changing.
The end.
>>27461180
Sorry man, please don't hate yourself though, keep trying, don't take things to seriously, try to be friendly (Don't get taken advantage of though)
Hopefully another opportunity will roll around and then you can have another go, but this time you'll know how bad you'll feel if you don't act, which will hopefully motivate you to push through the anxiety
>>27461287
>In the end you decided,
>decided,
>not changing was less scary than changing.
Not exactly. The way I reasoned it was "There will be another chance and I will be more ready". So I still wanted to change, but I thought I would have a better shot if I risked ditching this opportunity.
So in a way, I did take the risky option. The safer option, knowing my propensity for regret, would have been to just call her. Not even commit to the date, or even make up an excuse later, but I could've at least called. I've talked to her before, so that's not even the barrier.
I think the barrier is maybe that I'm a perfectionist and I thought I could do it better.
Now I'm realizing the reality that I probably can't do better. That was my one shot. I was actually too positive, bot too negative.
>>27460973
(you)
[very original comment]
>>27461030
I'm 21. I still do what I have to do, study, lift, socialize etc. hoping that one day I get to enjoy the fruits of my work, but I found no joy in life so far.
Just trudging through this existence, trying so hard to really give a fuck about things, but falling short every time.
I'm just trudging through
>>27461329
Thanks for the encouragement. But this really was a once in a lifetime shot. In my 30 years, I've never met someone like this. The way I met her was too convoluted, it'll never happen again. We are both on the edges of society, it was a miracle we ever met.
>but this time you'll know how bad you'll feel if you don't act, which will hopefully motivate you to push through the anxiety
That's the thing. I've made the same mistake before. All my biggest regrets are through inaction. I'm such an idiot, o keep making the same mistakes. Now I feel jaded and I'm afraid I'll never be able to get excited about relationships and shit because of so much pain connected to it.
Sorry to bombard you with negativity. Maybe this is just a khase and everything will be alright. I hope.
>>27461553
I feel ya.
All I can say is take random chances every now and then. You never know when something might branch out into something else that was entirely unpredictable. That's how I met this girl in the first place.
>>27461573
*phase not khase
>meet girl freshman yet of college
>she's at least 7/10, I'm like 5/10
>girl is friend of a friend so we all hang out soon after I meet her
>slowly trying to "flirt" with her as best as I can
>other random friend tries to flirt with her
>back off completely and figure she would obviously go with him in comparison to me
>learn she thought he was so horrible I was amazing in comparison
>get her snapchat
>get her number
>she sends her titties
>I can't believe it
>do the most autistic thing possible: ignore the titties and her for a while
>she sends me more titties
>do the most beta thing possible: ask her on a date
>she actually said yes, the absolute madwoman
>got super hyped about it
>blew her off the day it came
>she ignore my text the next week
>I stop texting her
>summer comes, summer goes
>post something on my snapchat story, which is something I never do
>look at it later and realize she looked at it pretty much as soon as I posted it
>very end of summer now
>don't wanna be bothered by parents at home so I sleep during the day and wake at night all summer
>one night, wake up
>see she sent me some text at like 8 in the morning telling me she hopes I had a good summer and is happy to get to see me again
>don't wanna seem like a beta: respond with a simple "yeah you too"
>she never texts me again
>looks the other way when we cross paths on campus
>snapchat her one day
>she doesn't respond
>get embarrassed and anxious and delete her snapchat and number from my phone that minute
At least I can tell myself, I'm the mistake she never made.
>>27462146
Oh man. My oneitis is about a 7 or 8 and I'm about a 5 too. Feels so crazy that a girl would be interested in me, let alone her.
At least you seem like you can maintain a decent social circle. There'll be a next time. Just do the opposite of what you did.
>>27460381
When i was in highschool i somehow managed to be friends with my oneitis, she liked me aswell but we never said it.
Because of lack of initiative, the friendship slowly faded away because i started to be scared of being alone with her and just dont tell her that i loved her.
One year after the last time i saw her in highschool i recieved a call from her in the middle of the night but i was jsut too scared to answer.
She deleted me from facebook.
My oneitis was as obsesed with me as i was with her, but we just let our feelings drown.
My social anxiety destroyed the most beautiful moment of my life, carrying consecuences for the rest of it..
This was 8 years ago, i am starting to get out of this depresion hole after many years of Neetdom, depresive black metal and LoL addiction i begin to be in good physical shape and i am also working and dressing better.
The only downside is that i am balding and i am still really a social aspie.
We are all gonna make it...right babe?
Sorry for the grammar, i am just a spaniard
>>27460381
It is Fear
Fear of failure
Fear of overcoming
The fear that she is not everything you imagine
Fear that you would have to face the true test: do you lover her? or do you just love the idea of having her?
Fear that if you couldn't keep her how could you find love at all?
You fear that the risk of being happy isn't worth the reward of finding it.
>>27460868
Congratulations, you have inadvertently discovered how to reset your sleep cycle: get up at the same time every day. Shattered by midday take a 20min nap but nothing longer so you don't fall into deep sleep.
Does suck for a few days but it works for most people.
