So basically throughout my entire shitty childhood my brain was basting in stress hormones, like cortisol.
Apparently this has long-term effects on your brain development; leads to anger issues and greater than normal alienation from society and reality.
I've become mentally stunted, misanthropic, paranoid, fearful and drug dependant.
I blame my dad, the people who used to beat my ass at school, and myself in roughly that order
How about you guys?
No, a recent trauma made me retarded.
>be me
>21
>Albert Hoffman day
>Me and a group of university friends decide to drop some strong shit
>Dropthestrongshit
>30 minutes later I was tripping crazy balls
>Nausea, visuals, some sort of calm anxiety
>one guy says "hey let's all go to my room"
>Kay, 10 guys and completely fucked up locked in a room what could possibly go wrong
>there
>Everybody just tripping, saying their characteristic shit
>sudden collective catharsis, everybody laughing intensely about the characteristic shit everybody says
>it becomes an orgy of egos, everybody just dissing everybodys' trips
>laughing like maniacs
>sudden realisation of how shitty all these people are
>pull the "better go card", realise some of the girls are also unconfortable
>completely mental midnight subway ride, full of disgusting poor people , probably afraid of me, probably just secretly laughing. Who cares, I'm fucking paranoid by now.
>All my defects are 1000% clear, all my masks were exposed to me the way everybody saw them.
After that trip, everybody continued to gather, except for me. Call me a pussy but it was a way extreme epiphany for me. Now I am 24 and still trying to bury those corpses one by one.
I hit my head hard when I was a kid, it was all downhill from there
>>27452808
same here, fell backwards playing basketball on some concrete. completely changed my personality and energy level.
My childhood was a fucking nightmare but when I hear stories about kids getting raped or physically bullied (I really lucked out on that one) I feel less like killing myself.
>>27452449
>I blame my dad, the people who used to beat my ass at school, and myself in roughly that order
Yep, on the head. I thought I was just a sperglord, but I suppose it could be a culmination of things.
>>27452686
Never do psychs with "Bros", Cokeheads or Egomaniacs, which are all functionally equivalent if you stick two tabs of acid down 'em.
The one time I did a hit of x60 Salvia I got sucked into a molten brass void where I couldn't see or hear and thought I was dead.
My buddy was supposed to come in after me, but even though I couldn't feel the pipe still in my hand to know he hadn't taken it, I knew I was alone in that mental space.
Then his leering inquisitive head invaded my soul-death and laughed inquisitively like some hideous fat goblin-child laughs at a dying insect.
I had a brief fit and enraged told him to get out of my house, but by then I was coming down and realized that I was myself and no longer trapped inside my own personal otherworld.
>>27452808
>>27452847
My buddy got clubbed round the head in a home invasion.
Big black dude came in to steal his flat mate's weed plants and smashed him unconscious with an iron bar.
He's not been right since, he drinks and goes into mad uncontrollable fits where he fights anyone or lies on the ground as if dead, or talks lucidly for a moment before having another fit.
I worry about him daily even though I know there's nothing I can do.
>>27452449
>long-term effects on your brain
My family treated me like a toy and forced me to take on so much stress. I get so pissed off when I see people smiling or laughing now. Why did they get a free ride? Why was I the one who's brain got fried my shit parents
I feel like becoming a NEET for 4 years after my mom died and living with an alcoholic dad did that to me
>Mother was a worthless sack of shit my entire childhood, didn't do anything around the house or bother to attempt to raise her many children while my father worked his ass off to provide.
My teenage years I thought about suicide at least times a week. Sometimes I still do.
Now I just live alone, about 3 years now I guess.
I despise the idea of a long term relationship. Couldn't imagine getting married.
Lately I'm not as angry tho. Ever since living on my own I have more inner peace than ever.
It's not really satisfaction, I'm just more content.
>>27452958
Would you recommend doing Salvia alone?
>>27454050
salvia = a terrible experience
>>27454066
Oh. OK. I'm still gonna try it tho. Sometimes I get this intense feeling that there's a place in my brain that I need to get to that are just out of reach.
It's hard to describe, but it's like I've been there before a long long time ago. A distant dream that I have to get back to, like somebody is waiting for me.
I'm going to try different psychedelics until I can find my way.
>>27454050
>>27454066
This. very agressive..
>>27454066
It only last 15 minutes so not that bad. Acid on the other hand... Just bring Xanax when you do acid, just in case..
