>Be comfy in bed playing 2DS
>Mommy knocks on door
>"Hey anon, I have a treat for you!"
>Bitch knows I'm busy catching Yokai
>Answer her anyways
>Regret nothing
>She smiles with a hot to-go box of crispy chicken tendies in one hand and a big bag of gummy bears in the other
>"Here's your reward for not trying to rape the babbysitter ten times in a row, hope you enjoy!"
>Damn right I will
>Munch on my tendies like they're gifts from God himself
>>27404333
>Take a look at the bag of gummy bears
>Larger than my head, woman knows how to treat her precious little boy
>Upon closer inspection notice they say "sugar-free"
>Begin to cry out in rage and hate as I shove them into my mouth by the handful
>They taste fine
>Must be some kind of misbagging, mommy gets to live for now
>Devour the whole bag like a wild animal
>Satisfied, crawl into bed for some more vidya and a nap
>Wake up, forgot to turn of 2DS and the battery is almost dead
>Figures
>Try to move, feel an intense pain and rumbling in my tummy but I'm not hungry
>>27404440
>My butt feels funny
>Slowly crawl and connect my game to the charger
>Feel a pressure like I've never felt before
>Slowly shuffle to door, the pressure is unbearable
>Try to let out a fart for quick relief
>Nothing comes
>Slowly open door
>My belly feels like a warzone
>>27404563
>Get too hasty going to the bathroom
>The war in my tummy has gone nuclear
>My anus experiences an exodus of poop like nothing humanity was ever prepared for
>Fall face forward, pressure on gut makes it worse
>I am propelled forward by the sheer force of the butthole
>horrible carpet burn, hole clean through pants
>Our periwinkle carpet is now coffee brown
>The entire house now smells like death and cheetos
>Mommy comes out to the hallway to see if everything's okay
>Slam right into her and now she's riding me like a human surfboard
>>27404748
>Going faster and faster, I fear I may soon hit the sound barrier
>Mommy is crying in terror
>that'swhatyouget.xcf
>Pees herself, only propels us further
>Flying into a wall
>I hope I choose the right god
>Smash clean through, now flying over the suburb like an albatross
>I show no signs of running out of fuel
>Next time mommy gets me anything sugar-free I'm socking her in the mouth
>We keep gaining altitude, mommy is clinging for dear life
>News helicopter tries to get footage of us
>The crew made a fatal error
>Blast right though it, causing it to crash and killing everybody inside
>That'll teach 'em
>>27404333
>2DS
What the fuck your mom couldn't even get you a 3DS
>>27404869
>Keeping going higher
>Mommy gives up and jumps ship
>How dare she abandon me! I didn't need her, anyways
>Lack of weight makes me go faster
>I am now leaving Earth
>Into space I go, creating a galaxy out of my butt fudge
>Everything is cold except my red-hot sphincter
>isthistheend.tar.gz
>See something shiny coming my way
>It's an honest-to-goodness UFO
>Crash into it, see something looking out of a window
>They bring me in
>I looked the Greys at the face in the trance induction
>They plug my butthole and begin speaking to each other
>I get hungry and demand more chicken tenders
>3am
>get hungry
>go to kitchen
>open freezer
>no tendies left
>go to mom's room
>turn on light
>"mom there's no tendies left. go out and get some."
>she tells me no, to go to bed and leave her alone as she needs to get up in a few hours for work
>i go over and flip the mattress onto the floor
>start yelling "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES!"
>she's trying to get out from underneath the mattress
>tells me to go to bed
>go over and start jumping on mattress with her underneath it continuing to yell "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES!"
>she says she'll go ahead and go get them
>she comes home 50 minutes later
>gives me the tendies
>then goes to the hospital
>she was hospitalized for 3 days
>>27405017
>They just stare at me, then knock me unconscious
>Wake up, my skin is a shiny orange, my pee-pee is missing and my chest is heavy
>"ALL HAIL OUR NEW QUEEN MOR'LAOB-ZHAX! ALL HAIL OUR NEW QUEEN MOR'LAOB-ZHAX! ALL HAIL OUR NEW QUEEN MOR'LAOB-ZHAX!"
>whatarethesefagootsupto.exe
>They bring me an entire plate of chicken tendies with more sauces than I can recognize, jugs upon jugs of Mtn Dew, and cheese sticks by the bucket
>Kneel before me, and pledge their allegiance to me
>This is better than I could've ever hoped for
>Two of the fatter ones get up and carry me away
>>27405156
>They lay me on a bed and tie me up
>Reminds me of a game Uncle Leslieused to play with me
>They open their mouths and the longest tongues I've ever seen flop out
>Shove them in a hole where my pee-pee should be
>This really is like playing with Uncle Leslie
>Begin pumping out goo and squishy things
>Whatareyoutryingtodo.ogg
>Keep going for like an hour
>They're now really skinny and can barely walk
>I can barely move and now I"m larger than the bed
>Realize I didn't bring my Nintendo
>Begin screaming bloody murder
>>27405362
Posting in epic bread.
Plz put me on reddit
>>27405362
>My new attendants come in snacks in hand and untie me
>"WHERE IS MY DS WHAT WILL WHISPER DO WITHOUT ME?"
>One of them serves me curly fries while the other one runs off
>These aren't as good as the ones mommy made but they'll do now that she's dead
>Go to sleep
>Wake up to a rumble in my gut
>ohnonotagain.java
>Look to my right, a New 3DS XL besides me with a fat stack of games
>Look to my left, a little gray man is holding a bowl of Doritos
>Look in front of me, I can't see pass my slightly moving belly
>None of this was a dream
>Mostlyindifferent.png
boring/10 didn't read beyond the first one
not even funny absurd-autistic, just kinda dull and predictable
