I almost jumped off a bridge tonight
>go out for a night walk like I usually do
>arrive at a spot I like to sit at, it's a big hill that overlooks a highway
>just sitting there thinking, watching the cars go by
>start to get that feeling where you realize every single car, every light in a window, has a person behind it with their own life and their own entire story
>start to think about my future
>start to think about my mother and how old and injured she is and how she could go any day and how much of a burden I am on them
>sitting alone on a hill at night freaking out and wanting to kill myself
>remember there's a nearby bridge over a river
>get the courage to finally fucking do it, to finally stop being a burden and just end it
>walk all the way over to the bridge
>sit beside it
>it's not high enough that I'll guaranteed die
>start crying
>sitting beside a bridge crying my eyes out in the middle of the night
>pussy out
>walk home crying
That's fucked up man. I hope it all works out for u. Maybe apply for local community college?
if you're feeling sad everything will work out in the end. It always does.
The little shopping center I work in has a high percentage of terrible, hypocritical people.
The same people who tailgate me and brake late are the same ones who thank me when I help them.
They come in with entitled, miserable attitudes, ask us questions they know we can't answer, talk down to us, but yet say thank you in a honest sweet voice as I walk away.
The area has a "pedestrians have the right-away" thing, and the people here feel so entitled that every day I watch countless people walk out into the street without looking left or right. I watched a pregnant women walk out in front of a car without looking the other day. The car slammed on it's breaks and the pregnant woman gave them a dirty look.
There a Taco Bell nearby that I sometimes go to on my lunch break. I eat in my car and park where I can watch a busy intersection. It has fast changing lights, narrow lanes, lanes that cut off, multiple left turn lanes, and a 50MPH speed limit. Tracker and trailers fly through it at 55MPH, cars and trucks at 60. There's absolutely no courtesy. Just today I almost watched someone get t-boned because they accelerated and turned left without yielding to the oncoming traffic.
It's hard to cope with. I just don't understand these people. Yet I can't help but to think that it is me who is wrong.
>>27319914
In 20 years you'll drive by the bridge and breath a huge sigh knowing that you did the right thing by not jumping.
>>27319914
Shit, anon. Sounds like you need a drink, or a bar to hang out at.
>>27319914
I'm glad you didn't do it.
We're all happy you're still here OP.
Sorry to hear about your mom. But I promise, she needs you now more than ever, even if you feel like a burden. If you don't want to hold on for me, hold on for her, okay?
In the future try more to focus on that first aspect you were thinking of. Realizing the expansiveness and complexity of reality... It's really beautiful, that's why I love the city. Each little twinkle in the sky, another world away, each little twinkle on the skyline, a world vastly different from yours. Full of different experiences and different life purposes. If there's anything you do in the rest of this life, let it be remembering that this whole thing just wouldn't be the same without you!
>>27319914
Do you really want to be the guy who killed himself? Just another suicide case to prop up someone else's ego, that at least they're not you? No, you don't; you want to be something better than a trite archetype, a stock character, so no matter how awful your life gets never kill yourself.
>>27319914
i almost did the same thing the other day i was just driving along the road and almost made a snap decision to smash into a tree
