How do you stop feeling sorry for yourself?
wallowing in self pity is the only thing I'm good at
>>27308058
unedited image source?
why are you feeling sorry for yourself?
My friend and I get into big arguments because she thinks I need "therapy" and "self-reflection" so I can get myself to a place where go to university or get a job and have a future. She wants me to live with my family for a few months and focus on sorting myself out. But for me, I don't feel like I'll ever think I'm worth anything unless I'm going to university or working a job and have a future to look forward to. I don't think you can just start loving yourself when you don't have anything going for you, when you have no accomplishments to be proud of. I feel like if I spent a few months with my family, I'd feel even more worthless because I'd be surrounded by people who were working hard and getting shit done while I was sitting on my ass all day doing nothing.
Like this trope of white people going out into the wilderness or climbing a mountain or building a shed or fixing up an old car or whatever the fuck and "finding themselves"... what self are you finding? You're constantly around yourself, there's nothing more for you to discover. You're not gonna be any different unless you're actually going out and doing shit, learning skills, doing things you're proud of. And I'm not bashing NEETs either, like maybe that's they you want to do with your life. There's a lot you could get done with all that time, good for you if you can make it work.
But me, it's my dream to be engineering airplanes and spaceships. I fucking cream my pants looking over cross-cut blueprints for space shuttles and jet planes. Some days I get huge bursts of motivation where I'm studying aerodynamics and statistical mechanics for hours and hours, just for fun. That's my fucking passion, that's what I want to do with my life. But I'm straying from my dream, I failed this semester because I'm a drug addict fuck-up (as you can see I'm tweaked out rn). I'm not going to be happy with myself until I get back on that road.
>>27308351
>But for me, I don't feel like I'll ever think I'm worth anything unless I'm going to university or working a job and have a future to look forward to.
drug addict fuck-up here too. I'm in uni and doing okay, but I still feel my life is not worth anything. I dont know what should I do to change my mindset. I study, I lift, I try to socialize and I'm still itching for the sweet, sweet release of death.
>>27308351
So anyways, OP, what's your passion? You gotta find that one thing that makes you just fucking HIGH whenever you think about it. Your mind starts rushing with all the possibilities, you get all these plans, you get this fucking drive to do anything you can to succeed at this thing. I dunno, maybe this is what people mean when they're talking about "finding themselves"? Discovering their passion?
The thing is though, sometimes your passion isn't obvious. There are definitely people who try something out the first time and it just fucking clicks in their brain, like they know intuitively that this what they wanna devote the rest of their life to. But some passions have learning curves and they frustrate you, so you can't get that wonderful feeling of "being in the zone", where you completely lose yourself in an activity.
Take another passion of mine, guitar, for instance. I started playing because my sister just had a mini-scale acoustic in her room she never used. It took me forever to fucking even play a single note. I didn't know you had to push down on the string hard enough for it to press against the wood, so I was just twacking mute notes like a fucking moron for like three whole weeks. I got so fucking frustrated with that thing, but that just egged me on to keep practicing and figuring out how to make this fucking stringed devil make pretty sounds. And soon, I learned a few chords and I was playing some songs. I was fucking horrible; couldn't keep a rhythm going and was off-pitch and kept putting my fingers in the wrong spots and the strings were making these inhuman screeching squeals because I wasn't pressing them hard enough, etc., etc.
But one day, it just hit me. I was playing some simple chords, singing all the right notes, keeping a good rhythm, and I got completely lost in the feeling. I played for fucking hours and the time just flew by. It gave me a really nice high in my brain, like little tickles behind my ears.
>>27308058
You need to stay occupied. Moping creeps up on you when you're idle. Just do anything to take your mind off it, even if it's cleaning the bath or something.
Best thing would be to find a hobby/interest that totally fascinates you. You'll be amazed how much better you feel after some intense concentration on it.
>>27308576
I dont have any, really. however I used to do martial arts and enjoyed it quite a lot. I think I want to go back to that, but I'll have no free time before july because of uni.
I guess I'll just have to survive till then. m-maybe I'll get my shit together this summer
>>27308541
Yeah, I've felt that too. I've often felt unfulfilled, like I needed something more. Read my last post and this post though, this is how I've overcome that boredom and hunger for a greater purpose.
>>27308576
Heidegger, a brilliant existentialist philosopher, talks about this feeling in his magnum opus, Being and Time. He sees it as a state where the subject and the object become one, where you're no longer troubled by existential angst, where the world acts completely according to your will, where everything exists in blissful harmony. He sees this as the ideal state of conscious living. One example he frequently used was a carpenter using a hammer. While working, the carpenter and the hammer become one. The carpenter is not thinking how to swing the hammer each time or worrying about whether he'll hit the nail or over-analyzing what he is doing. He becomes lost in what psychologists call "flow", where everything is seamless and effortless.
It's only once the hammer, for instance, breaks apart that the carpenter becomes acutely aware of the boundary between himself and the hammer. He starts thinking about what he's doing, he starts wondering what his place in the world is, he starts to get anxiety about his meaning in life. When we're completely engaged, when there are no bumps in the road, these troubles do not worry us. It is only when things break down, where things are not right, that we start to develop existential angst and sinking self-worth.
Now, this is a simplified model and there is a huge spectrum between these two states of being (subject-object monism and subject-object dualism). We most likely lie somewhere in between, but maybe a little too close to the subject-object separation state, which is why we're filled with lust for more.
We've got to find our passion, we've got to follow our will. Young adulthood should be spent wandering, discovering, experimenting. You need to intuitively find what sticks and what doesn't.
>>27308058
Feel sorry for the whole world instead
At least that way your pity is somewhat honorable
To break this thread down to a sentence.
Develop your autotelic self.
>>27308830
Without a hint of irony, I can honestly say this is the most helpful post I've read during my time on /r9k/. I should read some Heidegger.
thanks for the advice, Anon. I think I finally got a little closer towards escaping my existential crisis.
and I'll try to cut back on the drugs
>>27308761
Yeah, martial arts is a great activity to get into. Maybe find a way to practice on your own without a teacher. The best hobbies, I've found, are ones that can be done alone. That way you can devote as much or as little time as you want to it. If you're just attending a class or something, you're restricted to the hours that they've set for you. But if you can do it on your own, you can just start practicing whenever you get the free time, following your schedule.
And maybe consider what you're studying a little bit. Does it fill you with excitement? Does it fill you with curiosity or motivation? It's perfectly fine if it doesn't, capitalism kinda forces everyone to be more pragmatic with their job choice because otherwise the world would be filled with millions of shitty improv comedy groups. Workers of the world gotta unite for that, and we're kinda occupied right now with watching hours and hours of free internet porn. But if it is the case that you're only kinda halfassedly interested in your studies, it would be very helpful to find a way to set some time to doing activities that make your heart go pit-pattering. What kind of life are you living if you aren't enjoying any of it? How could you be proud of such a life?
>>27309040
Well an existential crisis usually means you need to figure out what you want from life, what you can contribute. Modernity has made us so timid and shy that we pretend we don't want anything, that we can't do anything, that we are just empty people waiting to be filled, and then it makes us wonder, "Well, what the hell am I going to do with my time?" Be bold and want things, have interests, indulge yourself, be a person. That's the cure for an existential crisis. You've got to get out of that absolutist mindset. There is no universal purpose. We each have our own needs, desires, abilities, and perspective.
But I'm just a tweaked out, ranting frogposter, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
>>27309040
>>27309174
And your hint of irony shows that you've let that detachment take a hold of you. Irony is a shield that we use when we're too afraid to actually take a position. We're taught that everything is wrong, that it's sinful to "be anything". We're afraid that by taking an actual stance on things, we're making ourselves vulnerable to being wrong. If we detach ourselves with humor, irony, and sarcasm though, no bullets can hit us. No one can prove us wrong.
That's just cowardice, and it's fucking awful for your well-being. If you're not a real person with actual defined desires, abilities, and needs, then of fucking course you're gonna start getting anxiety over what you're doing with your life. You need to be authentic. You need to have the strength to allow yourself to be wrong for once, to allow others to humble you. You need to allow in the possibility that you're a fucking moron, that you're flawed. Realize though, that we all are, that not one person on Earth is perfect. And so what if you make a mistake? Just dust yourself off, learn a little from it, and try something new.
I give this advice because I fucking know how tempting it is to just drift off into space and completely leave myself behind. I'm doing dope because I'm scared of my real emotions and my real problems and I just want to numb them away. I think that's why we're having a heroin epidemic right now, we've grown so detached and we want to hide away.
But slowly I'm trying to come back down to Earth. The friend I mentioned before, she's making me face my problems and come up with solutions. She's making me face the reality that I can't keep living like this, a mentally ill drug addict dropout with no job or future. And again, I'm a very flawed person, so I get fucking angry at her and I fight with her and I stop talking to her for long periods of time because I'm scared to go through this process of facing who I am, facing the things I'm struggling with.
>>27309174
>And maybe consider what you're studying a little bit. Does it fill you with excitement? Does it fill you with curiosity or motivation?
for the most part it does. I'm studying medicine. it varies from subject to subject. I did great in classes I was interested in like biochem, physiology, pathophys but I have to study the boring parts too. but I could deal with that. I'll specialize in a field I'm really interested in.
the bigger problem is I dont have time for anything. or even if I have time, I'm completely exhausted and just want to get fucked up then go to sleep. then the thought of my inevitable death and pointlessness of life lingers in the back of my head too often.
I definetely should take up some hobbies and do something else with my freetime instead of reading depressing threads here.
btw I really dont want much out of life. do some research, get a nice little flat with an average car, travel to some places I've always wanted to visit and maybe marry a qt girl.
but yeah, I cant really control my thoughts nowadays and I end up hating myself, wallowing in self pity and being unable to focus and do the things I need to do.
I feel like this thread has helped me a lot tho, so thanks for that, Anon.
>>27308058
Leave this board for one. I'm too far gone but I want one of us to have a normal life
>>27308058
Honestly.. I try to keep myself really busy. Work and exercise for me.
>>27309536
Medicine is a good interesting field. I can see how many parts would be boring though, some of it's kinda just rote memorization and that always gives my brain blue balls ("but why does it work that way please tell me" "no, memorize it and don't question things").
When people say they have no time, usually what they really mean is that they have poor time management. Like if you're reading this fucking shitty board filled with unfunny morons, of course you've got time and you're fine with wasting it.I didn't mean that by the way, I love you /r9k/.
Lethargy is a more realistic problem you should figure out how to deal with. When I was a kid, we had huge dead rose bushes in our backyard filled with thorns and I'd have to tear and squeeze through them just to get to this comfy stream where I could be by myself. Lethargy is like those prickly sons-of-bitches, grabbing on to you and holding you back when you're trying to go forward. You need to find a way to slice through those branches, to make your path clear and traversable. Do the funnest part first, and then do the more tedious parts later. You gotta get yourself moving, and then the momentum will be enough to keep you going. It's only that blank page that's intimidating. Once you start filling the page with words, no matter how shitty, you'll find that the block in your head telling you it's too hard will go away.
Those are solid goals. I'd love to be doing research, have a place and a nice girl, and travel around a lot too. I spent some time tinkering around in a lab in Germany, and that was probably the best couple months of my life. Every week I wish I could go back. Very few people actually want huge unobtainable goals, like a mansion or a supermodel wife or a butler to jerk you off with a solid gold fleshlight. Our dreams are normally within our capabilities, and that's all the more reason why we should chase them.
>>27309536
If you're having trouble controlling your thoughts, I'd advise you to get this book, Feeling Good. It describes this very recently developed therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy. Maybe you've heard of it, being a med student and all, since it's like the premier therapy treatment these days. If you see a therapist, they'll most likely use some form of it.
Basically how it works is that you learn how to talk back to these thoughts. You analyze them and see through the games your brain pulls on you. You question the negativity that's been sown into you over years of depression and anxiety. Am I really worthless? Is it really impossible for me to make dinner today? etc., etc. I don't know, it might help you out.
Another good therapy is dialectical-behavioral therapy. In this one, you're only focused on the here-and-now. You look at the emotions you're feeling, the sensations going through your body, the tension built up inside you, you're trying to build a clear snapshot of where you are in a given moment. Then you participate in your present reality, changing your set and setting to change how you're feeling. This therapy kinda relates back to everything I was saying about Heidegger. It forces you to be present, to be engaged, to acknowledge reality. You can google "DBT workbook" to learn more about it.
Have to give a disclaimer though: therapy is tricky because you can get stuck pretty easily. You get lazy and keep using the same coping mechanism, even if it's not working. Make sure that it's taking you somewhere, make sure you're not running in circles. No therapy is completely effective, so keep questioning what it's doing for you.
I know I'm fucking ranting out of control, so I'll remind you something from my first post. You need to be up and doing shit for you to go somewhere. You'll never feel happy with yourself if you're not moving towards where you want to be. Use therapy to accomplish goals, not as self-indulgent wankery.
>>27310719
Okay, now I'm gonna go work on writing some songs with all this fucking manic energy instead of raving all this shitty self-help garbage to some pigeons while everyone passes by and ignores me. I think I've said everything I needed to say, I think it's all gone through my system.
>>27308094
Looks like the cop from squidbillies.
>>27310719
That pic
Why
Why is pepe doing that
>>27310753
>>27310719
your ramblings really did help me m8. I've read and saved your posts. I didnt reply because you've motivated me to finally do the dishes and clean my room a bit.
I think you've more or less found the source of my problems. it's gonna take a lot of effort but I'll try to change, otherwise I'll drown in my own filth and self-pity. the toughest part will be fighting this lethargy, but I'll work on that. I think I'll lay off browsing 4chan for a little while.
thanks again, am grateful for the advice and for listening. best of luck with your life
