feels
- Home
- Board: /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
- Reading: feels
Lets get a /feels/ thread going. Bonus points for no >tfwnogf
>tfw don't want a gf or wife but badly want biological kids
bumping dis because i need muh feels
>>27230210
why? most people try to avoid them.
19 and in the "best years of my life." Bullshit I'm a virgin that comes off as an autist around girls. All I want is a gf, a real relationship that lasts years. I wanna know everything about her and her family. Do lame and sappy shit together. Also im stuck doing the same routine every single day. Get up go to class come home and shitpost on 4chan. I have plenty of hobbies but always feel like shit by the end of the day.
>>27230246
My dad raised me by himself and ever since I was 4 or 5 years old, I just knew that I needed to fill his shoes some day. I was meant to raise some successful, most importantly happy, kiddos.
But I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
>lease expires
>I'll move in with my parent for a week or two till I find a place
>it's unbearable MUST MOVE
>find place to move with best friend
>get laid off
>stuck here with no job
>tfw don't want a relationship because you know your'e too fucked up to have a healthy one
>tfw you don't think you'd feel okay in anything but an abusive relationship
>tfw you have severe depression despite having a perfect life
>tfw y ou just want to die but you feel bad about all the excellent people who have faith in you
>tfw you aren't happy unless you're drunk
>tfw your'e finally semi-pretty and not invisible to guys but now you're too jaded to fall in lov e
>tfw your only(ex) boyfriendwon't talk to you when youre drunk
>tfw you would gladly trade your entire life with someone who was born into more unfortunate circumstances, because they at least would be happy with what I have
>>27230173
Well no posts yet so I guess I'll start.
>dad was insane, something wrong him
>used to beat my siblings (different dad, but that's beside the point)
>all around bad guy
>parents divorce when I'm around 6
>live with mom, visit dad for a week every month with my 2 brothers (we're biologically his)
>he's weird, but he never beat us
>worked all day for shit money, lived in his friend's little guest house on his private property
>used to stay up at night talking about life
>he would drink sparks (energy drink with alcohol) literally all the time
>pass out drunk every night, rarely smiled
>sometimes he'd take us camping and take us out on his motorcycle one at a time
I'll continue if anyone's interested. I need to take a shit.
>>27230173
>tfw kv
>ywn have a taller, submissive, devote, younger, virgin, teenager GF
nobody asks if loser so, as always i assume the worst
>tfw you obviously a school shooter
>>27230173
>tfw my female friend stopped talking to me because I was so stoned I decided to ruffle her hair and messed it up pretty badly
I wink at her when I see her around campus still anyway because I don't care as much about what she thinks of me anymore, and teasing her is extremely fun.
I dont think there is any hope for me. I am a regular guy in pretty much all aspects of life, infact i would say im dominant. I dont attach too much value too women and always want to be independent. However sexually, i am submissive/switch. I mean, its like a conflicting personality with two polar opposites. I dont think any girl out there will be attracted to both aspects at the same time. Its a fucking curse to be sexually submissive as a man. You are seen as worse than fags and on par with trannies. I hate this sexual orientation, but no matter what i do cant change it. Fuck this life man.
Gonna bump with comfy pics and sad music
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Aag4M1Uc7oE
>>27230353
I'll listen
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hQrkuO0k6qs
>wanna have a wife and 2 boys
>teach them to play ball
>wanted to move to the west coast, oregon maybe
>wanted to teach my children the rights and wrongs of life
>wanted to be one of the only republicans in oregon, thats funny to think about haha
>wanted to drive them to school and just tell them how much I love them
i want to be like my father, he always kissed me goodnight and said "sleep tight, dont let the bed bugs bight buddy!" forever, no matter what age i was. I wanted to be just like him, no difference.
It doesnt seem like thats gonna happen. Im probably not gonna marry and live in solitude for the rest of my life
>tfw I'm in love with a waitress
>tfw I don't know her name
>tfw she doesn't know my name
>tfw all she gives me is a passing glance
>>27230173
>you will never be a gladiator down to your last pint of blood to win your freedom while the crowd chants your opponents name and then take him down with a suicidal assault earning the favour of the emperor himself>you will never then continue to fight as a gladiator because fighting until death has become the only thing that makes sense to you and in the progress become the reigning gladiator master until becoming a part of the caesar's honour guard due to your prowess as a combatant in the mortal sports
>>27230342
Drinking isn't even that great yo
Does any activity fulfill you or give you some feeling of accomplishment? Do any reading?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=htDpnrP_-WI
>>27231115
Is it because you suck with the girls? Are you just going to go without a fight? Are you satisfied knowing you haven't done everything you could to accomplish this goal. You look at the physical things of kids and a house, but what if the more metaphysical things? Willingness to contribute to a community? Helpfulness? Trustworthiness? Empathy? Defiance?
>>27231038
>>27230353
Cool, thanks anon.
>sometimes we would go sit in this old barn/loft thing and wait for him to get home
>he was so sad but I never noticed until later
>would just sit there and talk with us until it got dark
>remember watching this movie called "powder", he would get kind of emotional
>it was about some albino kid who was weird as shit and ended up killing himself or something
>sometimes he would take us on his morning paper route, before any cars were out
We lived like this until I was around 9
>mom moved states, couldn't take us with because he had joint custody
>dad had to leave his friend's house for some reason (I think he sold the property)
>moved to some other house, rented the upstairs
>life kept on, we lived with him full time and our mom would read us books at night over the phone
>every night he came home exhausted, blacked out drunk
>never hit us, but sometimes got mad and yelled
Next part is tough. I'll finish it up.
>>27231123
>in love
You don't know her. Can you love someone after a day? Week? Month? Year? 5?
I'm not good with girls and I won't pretend to be. You are in a situation right now where inaction will cause more regret than action. Even if you get rejected, at least you tried. You won't know unless you try and get to know her. A no isn't scary to me, uncertainty is.
If you are anything like me you'll rest easier not having to think of "what ifs"
I've been working at this new job now for 2 months as of today.
My life feels so drained because of this job.
I don't make a livable wage where I live. This is a technical position that requires a college degree too. I make 32k in the NYC area, which is pretty much barely above poverty here.
I have a 2 hour long commute into the city due to traffic. The bus costs me literally 327 dollars a month, I'm not kidding about this either.
The train costs much, much more and is 25 minutes away in the car.
I'm not good at my job. I do marketing for a major publishing company. I won't say the name, but they're a household name.
I made a sale last week, it was cancelled early because there were literally 3 sales in 48 hours. Ended up losing money because of it. I'm in the evaluation period and next month I'll probably get fired because every 3 months they evaluate employees at my company.
I don't really have any friends so I'm venting here.
I feel like crying all the time but I can't. I took a personal day tomorrow because I have no desire to get out of bed in the morning anymore.
I didn't want this career path, but I was forced to because my parents wouldn't pay for me to go to Engineering school because it cost a lot more money at my school.
I have like 5k in student loan debt, in which I'll most likely wipe it out soon if I'm not fired but I probably will be.
I wanted to be a computer engineer, but I wasn't allowed to due to monetary reasons.
I'm just rambling. I just want this to end and find some happiness in my life.
>>27230213
What this anonymous poster said
>>27231566
I hope you can find a better job. Live hate bones and save up for better schooling maybe?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5OVvJOeUdUs
After 7 months of progress I found blood in my urine
Why do I bother.
Just let me die in my sleep god.
>>27231289
I'm gonna say, my memory is really shit. I don't know exactly why I did what I did, maybe I was spiteful of him. I don't know, but it still plagues me to this day.
>one day come home
>found his shotgun, don't remember seeing it before
>I kind of freaked out. Called my sister (she was ~18) and she freaked out even more
>he was on parole and not supposed to have guns
>she called the police
>they come, confiscate his gun and arrest him
>sister takes us to her friend's house where she lives
>mom flies over, goes to court to get custody
>gets permission to take us out of the state
>fly to where I live now
>few months later, fly out to see dad
>he's even more distant
>life gone from his eyes
>don't understand at the time how he must feel
I never really was good at that. When my mom moved away she was incredibly sad and called us constantly. It didn't bother me. When she took us with her I wasn't really bothered, either.
>never see dad again
>memory like a scab, forget everything
>base my view of him on what my sisters and mom tell me
>a cold-blooded psychopath
I don't blame them either. Back then he was truly an evil person. Threw one of my sisters clear across a trailer when she was a toddler. Whether or not he truly changed, I'm not sure. But he sure was nothing like that after he got divorced. I get the feeling he was trying to be a better person.
>once in a while receive texts from him
>rarely respond
>10 years pass
>receive text from him, asking to be friends
>said his dad was worse, but they made up
>get mad, thinking he's trying to rationalize what he did
>respond angrily
>he responds, saying I made the choice to go live with "mommy dearest"
>say at least I won't die alone with HEP C (got it from shooting heroine in high school)
>he never responds
>few weeks later
>call from cousin
>he died from liver failure
That's the last thing I ever said to him. His last days were full of pain, too old/sick to work. Lived off of his long retired parents.
I signed a contract this week to begin working at my first job, straight out of uni. I'll be making $65k in a cubicle. It's good money for starting salary and I realize that, it's just... this is it. In 2 months I'll be a full wageslave, and that will be my life until 60. The majority of my life will be spent working, the best years will be wasted, and I'll probably lose spirit.
There has to be a better way. I'm just not okay right now with the thought of giving up 40 hours a week, forever, to do corporate bullshit.
>>27231782
>I somehow forgot the good times, how he tried to change
>He worked hard, tried to redeem himself and stay strong for his boys
>I can tell now he struggled with his own internal issues, much like we do
>I stabbed him in the back
>he tries to make up years later, knows he's dying (at this point he was in hospice care)
>I turn him away and mock him
>he dies with his sons hating him
this tears at me every chance it gets
>>27231668
I want to anon, I really do.
I have to start paying rent soon though. My parents are moving to Arizona while I'm stuck here. I have to find a place to live within the year sadly.
>>27231910
i feel you man, that's pretty fucked up
>tfw you drive insecure non-whites completely apeshit by just existing
>>27231782
Shut dude. I haven't lost anyone yet. At least you are a decent enough person to feel remorse. I don't blame you for how you acted
>>27231932
Shit man. Hope you find a way though
>>27231908
I'd try and get a real good hobby to look forward to. Could you listen to podcasts while you work? Anything to lessen the suck?
I went into DC today so that I could feel like I wasn't being a waste of life sitting at home all day. But I think I acted nervous and flighty enough that they probably think I'm a terrorist scoping out landmarks. I wanted to get a card for the Library of Congress to read an obscure book but I think I'm not allowed to because it's researchers only, and I walked in and right out off the office for it so that's definitely suspicious. I won't be surprised if a van pulls up in front of my house. Also I learned I'm so fucking out of shape that by the end of my trip my everything hurt and I was dog tired.
>Always remember a moment in my life where I was appreciated so I can fall asleep
>Up late tonight because I have officially forgotten what it feels like to be loved in any way
>All I can remember are the last 6 years I've spent wage-slaving 50 hours a week at the only job I could get
>Everyone vocally hates me there and it haunts me at all hours of the day
>>27231908
Welp on the bright side you have a future unlike some of the NEETs on this board
>tfw have gf of 5 months as of tomorrow
>known her for 6 years, though have had complications come up multiple times where we didn't talk for a year or two
>developed feelings for another girl the year before I started dating my current gf
>feelings mostly went away after dating again
>feelings have be gradually coming back for other girl, recently had a dream about being with her
>feel so horrible, i genuinely love two different women, but the other girl more than my current gf
>tfw don't know what to do, I want to be with her, but I don't want to hurt my current gf, I don't want to lose what I already have...
I feel like the biggest sack of shit ever, like I'm treating my current gf as a fool. I haven't had such conflicting emotions in a long time. Has anyone else ever felt that they were in love with more than one person?
>>27232251
thank you, anon. between writing this and >>27227496 I'm pretty much destroyed
>>27232422
I don't hate you
Sleep tight anon
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dhjaJFdcoec
>>27232551
Thanks. That means a lot even if I don't know you.
I've just spent the last couple hours refreshing 10 threads waiting for a (you)
>>27232518
There was this girl in my environmental Science class who I really clicked with. She also had blunt bangs and glasses which just make me melt. I had been with a girl for 3 or 4 months at the time. One time we were just chatting in the library and she mentioned her boyfriend. It got strangely awkward because at this point I liked being around her but wasn't considering going for her. Everything went fine after. Haven't been in quite the pickle you have. Maybe spend more time with your gf?
Anyone got good fireplace or campfire pics/gifs?
>have a burning fetish for shemales/trannies/traps
>repulsed by the manly ones
>all I want to do is fuck a tranny, but passable ones practically don't exist
>no place to meet them except gay bars or something, and I'm completely straight apart from my lust for cute girls with big, fat, uncut dicks
All I want in life is a qt trap gf, or even just to fuck a cute trap, and I have no idea how to make that dream a reality
>>27232600
I know that feel.
I would try and avoid using this place as a friendship simulator. I feel like you'll just dig a hole deeper. However if you choose the solitary life I can respect that. I'm heading there a bit myself. I plan on just reading and coming back here every few days so I don't get too wrapped up in my own head.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zWoykfFyRHM
Trying to find good sleep music
>>27232542
Yeah that thread got me a bit. Especially that dark haired qt in the beginning. It also makes me curse myself for not having the courage to do it already. Pic related
>>27232720
Thanks bud. Goodnight
>>27232640
I'm not sure anon, I know everything about my gf and I was her very first friend when she moved here. In fact, we had dated previously in the past. She had a horrible childhood, and hasn't had anyone care for her in her life as much as I have. I'd never want to lose her, but sometimes I just think about some of the stress I get from being with her and it feels like it's too much.
God, I love making her happy, and it's great to know I'm the only person she has ever truly loved in her life. But the idea of being with this other person I know fairly well just seems far more... comfortable, I suppose.
I've never felt so stuck in my life. I'd never want to hurt her, and I'm afraid she will hurt herself if I left her.
>>27232763
Night nigga
Text for the text god
>>27231782
I've done equally crappy things. Life sucks, we don't always make the right choices
>>27232823
>horrible childhood.
Do tell, my ex certainly didn't have a good upbringing either. Comfortable how? If both make you happy stay with the one you already have? If it were me I would give it some good time, at least 3-4 months. If the feelings persist sit down and talk with your girlfriend, or take a day off to run scenarios in your head
>>27231782
He 100% deserved it, don't stockholm cuck yourself by feeling bad about some asshole dyin alone.
>>27230262
I feel like I've talked to you before, cause I'm in the same boat
>go to class
>don't talk to qt girls
>go home
>shitpost
>>27231910
If you can forgive him for what he did-- which it seems like you have, if belatedly-- then I think you can be forgiven for what you did. All things considered I'd say your misdeeds were the lesser, though I'm sure that's not much consolation from your perspective.
>>27232867
Yeah, I'm definitely not going to change anything right now, I've tried my best to get over this other girl but the feelings just come falling back, I'll just have to let time work on this.
In regard to her childhood, this is what I can remember.
>born to two fairly young parents, living in an apartment, Southern California
>her parents began to have some complications with each other over the earliest years of her life
>mom made her dad move out after too much tension, became harder and harder for her to afford living in their apartment
>eventually, something happened where her mom called her dad and told him that he could never see his daughter ever again
>dad is overwhelmed and distraught from what he's told, can't cope with the situation
>next day, he died in his sleep from a brain aneurysm
>mom is devastated to hear about this, feels she's responsible for what happened
>mom started abusing alcohol and other illegal drugs
>>27233138
>yelled at her daughter constantly, threw things in their home
>there was a period of time where they were homeless, slept on the beach or wherever they could
>they moved back in somewhere else, maybe the same apartment
>mom was still heavily drinking, one night her mom started acting extremely violent so my gf called the cops on her and hasn't seen her since, she was six years old
>she lived in several foster homes before finally settling at one in my town
>has horrible anxiety issues and continues to see a therapist to this day
>>27232747
the thought of my mother writing my profile for that just kills me
>tfw oneitis got engaged to someone
>tfw she used to flirt with me and hit on me all the time, but was too much of a bitch to do anything
>tfw crushing realization that I will never find anyone who I click with on an emotional and mental level
>>27233195
nobody cares about your normie problems, leave this place forever.
>2: 30 in the morning
>hear a bunch of yelling outside of my house (not the aggressive kind, just people talking loudly)
>look outside my window, can hear the voices but can't see them
>shortly after, hear a car door slam and the starting of an engine
>see two dumb hicks driving in a pick up truck
>they're shouting and hollering, obviously drunk
>one of them throws a beer bottle out the window, with the glass splattering everywhere, was pretty loud
>mfw deciding whether or not I should call the police
>realize if I don't there's a chance they could crash and die, which would be better than them simply getting pulled over by a cop and charged
Crossing my fingers for tonight.
>>27233231
oh, i'm sorry. Was I supposed to bitch and moan about a troubled childhood or other shit you can leave behind when you actually become a fucking adult?
Depression, dissatisfaction with yourself and an overwhelming sense of loneliness and the urge to kill yourself is literally /r9k/core, fuck off faggot
>>27230173
>tfw a lot going on in my life and nobody to talk to
>>27233151
I'm glad she's in a better situation now. I would advise building her self confidence. You don't want her dependent on you.
My ex was raped at knifepoint when she was 12. Ran from her parents fighting mid-divorce when it happened. She would have nightmares where she would cry in her sleep but there wouldn't be any tears. It was a strange thing to witness.
Does she ever want to meet her biological mother?
>>27233156
This damn song dude
>>27233266
If it were me I would just tell them I would call the cops. Scare them so they stop don't just fuck em in the ass
>tfw my oneitis is waiting for me to talk to her right now
>tfw i ghost'd her because im a stupid manchild
>She is very depressed
>tfw im losing her because im scared and i dont know what to say
Any advice? Last message i got from her before i deleted her was "go see a psychiatrist, you are nuts" i dont know how to start
>>27233339
It gets me every time too.
>tried to kill myself in high school
>parents found me before it was too late
>vividly remember my mother crying next to my hospital bed
>every time I think about trying again, that song kicks in in my mind and I remember my mom crying next to my bed
>>27233388
>interacting with human beings, especially drunk ones in pick up trucks who could be armed
no
>>27231289
A video I just watched referenced that movie. Fuckin weird. Synchronicity yo
>>27233317
>I would advise building her self confidence. You don't want her dependent on you.
You're right, I shouldn't have her become that way, I'm only trying to do my best with being there for her when I can, but I completely understand what you're saying. I appreciate it anon, a lot.
>Does she ever want to meet her biological mother?
She does want to see her mom again when she turns 18, and she wants me to be with her when that happens. I was happy to hear her say that.
>My ex was raped at knifepoint when she was 12.
And I'm so sorry she had that happen to her, destroying the innocence of a child is one of the worst things anyone can do. I can't stand the thought of that happening to anyone I care about.
>>27233498
Well I hope I could be of some use. Any other anons got advice? Of course you could always just go to /adv/ but this is /feels/
I hope meeting her mom goes well. Reminds me of when my ex wanted to go back to the place where it happened before she left to college.
Make her strong anon. Give her reasons to overcome her anxiety
>>27233392
Only way I could do it is by cutting contact first. I want to be forgotten
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-H6TQJwrlkk
>>27233577
I will anon, thank you. I'm going to head to bed now, been a long day.
>>27233611
Sleep tight nigga
Best of luck
>>27233606
I'll probably wait until my parents are gone to try again. It's not really a desire to die, though, it's just that living is too painful.
>>27232968
Not him, but i basically do the same thing since i'm in a welding class and it is all middle aged men.
>>27231910
You know that cringe feeling you can get when you think about something embarrasing? I've learned to deal with it and accept that I'm a weird fucker.
What is 100x worse is when you remember being genuinely bad to someone when you had the chance to not be, it's like you're weird and there's not even any goodness to redeem you and you just contribute to the overall pain of living.
Don't be a bad guy, that's my only robot wisdom.
>faggot
>in Russia
End this, lads
>Was waiting at a bus stop.
>Across the street were two women (early to mid twenties) have a chat.
>Both had that "look", the roastie look.
>A homeless woman (looked middle aged) approached them asking for money.
>The two women laughed at the homeless woman and mocked her.
That cruelty made me feel.
