This is the first time in along time you've been this nervous. "It's going to be okay..." You whisper to yourself over and over again. "I'm sure she'll say yes." You've given thousands of speeches before. Speeches in front of incredibly powerful people. As the heir of a large company, you are probably one of the most eligible bachelors in the whole city. However, your heart belonged to someone already. "Flowers... Check..." You look down on the flowers you were holding. They were roses, her favourite flower. "Ring... check." Tonight was the night you were finally going to ask her to marry you. "Tickets?" You feel the breast pocket of your suit jacket. "Check." Tonight, you were going to propose to her on the first night of your romantic cruise. Everything was perfect. Everything was going to go great.
You were nervous. You didn't know how Rika would react. You've known her since she the two of you were in middle school and you've been her boyfriend ever since high school and throughout university as well. "There is no way she'll reject my proposal." You whisper to yourself.
Unfortunately, that day hasn't started off on a good note. Thanks to a mixup by the travel company, you are boarding the cruise ship wth regular people. You bought first class tickets yet here you are, in a sea of people. "Rika is probably on the boat already... I hope I can find her."
As you struggle to weave in and out of the huge crowds, you notice a woman in line behind you. She looked completely plain. The only thing that stood out about her was how plain she was. "Ah... Where did I put it?! W-Where did I put that ticket?" She looked like she was desperately looking for something...
>>27228492
As she looks around for something, she doesn't notice the stream of people that came bulldozing over her. Almost immediately, her glasses falls to the floor. Immediately, you notice the change of look in her eyes. "M-my glasses!" Right away you could tell she probably can't see very well without them. Your observation was confirmed when you saw her go on her knees and start to feel for her glasses.
[ ] Help her out.
[ ] You don't want to miss your boarding time.
You're back!
[X] Help her out.
>>27228492
>You've known her since she the two of you were in middle school and you've been her boyfriend ever since high school and throughout university as well.
>USING THE SAME TROPE AGAIN
REEEEEE
LET MY SUFFERING DIE
>>27228844
Nice double-dubs anon.
I don't think it's too bad, though. It's a departure from just being a childhood friend stereotype, and we're already considered to be in a serious relationship with her. It's not a high-school setting this time either!
Also I'd rather see where it goes instead of killing it at the OP. I'm surprised OP isn't using their trip, though.
PLS RESBOND OP
>>27228914
>It's a departure from just being a childhood friend stereotype
it's still the same thing, and it's making me suffer.
why can't it just start off as someone without a current romantic interest for once.
>>27229236
it doesn't look like it's going to get much interest.
>>27229293
I feel like it's a pretty broad range of possibilities that could be explored under "current romantic interest" and not really a trope, but I guess I see the appeal so far as that it gives the player more freedom to choose.
>>27229430
That might change if you flesh it out and continue to write a bit more?
I'm not really sure, though.
Maybe the best thing is just to make the protagonist easy to self-insert as to appeal to more robots. I feel like it loses something that way, though, and it's not like Rinaquest was that way anyway.
Regardless, please keep writing, whether it's today or in the future. I'll always be around to read it.
>>27229644
I should add that it could just be that it's Thursday and not the weekend so your usual reader base isn't around right now.
>>27228492
Dont want to miss boarding time, either she has her tickets and just cant find them or she misplaced them, either way you cant let anything happen to this night
>>27230056
I think that it's interesting. I think everything you write is interesting, though, and my interest stems partially from seeing you writing something new. I really like that you've tried to branch out a bit every time you've written lately. I like that we have a protagonist that isn't a blank slate, who has some history and accomplishments in the world, but it's also where I draw my intrigue as to whether it puts off some others for not being self-insertable. I think it's a path worth sticking with, though. I'm fond of the idea of such a bland character, and I think it plays well off the criticism you've received in the past for making one-dimensional characters, as one must assume there's more to her beyond her forgetfulness/clumsiness. I think it might have helped to flesh out Rika a bit off the bat, for instance by mentioning a personality quirk, job, or hobby, since we know nothing of her except that she has very stereotypical taste in flowers and she's good wife materiallike you. We were given a solid conflict which prompts a response, which is a good start, but I feel like it might as well have been reinforced had she directly confronted us with it, for instance by glancing up at us pitifully and asking for help. Your overall writing style and sentence structure is already looking a bit refined from the last I've read, which I'm happy to see.
I think I could say more, but I'll leave it to that for now.
I read the bit you wrote in the topic on anonkun and it's an interesting direction for this story. Plenty of conflict there. Would've been nice to see how it progressed to that point. As an aside, I feel like maybe more than two love interests with multiple conflicts arising would be something interesting for you to explore in the future.You'll always have my complete interest. You're the only one for me. <3<3<3
I wonder if you ever read any of these last messages?
