Unrequited
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this. I'm 20, male, have never been in a relationship or slept with a girl. I'm not socially awkward - at least, I have many strong friendships and enjoy company with people.
I have had strong crushes on several girls - all who have either rejected me when I confess feelings for them, or who have made it pretty clear they only see me as a friend. One such crush lasted three years, one lasted 2 (and still lingers).
I think the first time I actually asked a girl out I was 13. I've been rejected every time. The furthest I got was a second date with a girl from tinder, afterwards she told me she had found somebody else, fair enough.
Every girl who has rejected me has said "I don't know why you're single, you're a super nice, kind guy who's a great friend." I'm pretty average looking, not exactly hot, could stand to lose a few pounds (working on that) but I'm not obese.
What the fuck am I doing wrong? I just can never seem to figure out how to go from friends to love interest. Am I doing it completely wrong?
You are merely a victim of modern western society, sorry me laddo.
>I'll never be happy unless I have a Gf!!1!1!!!!!111
Wew lad
>>27228033
>everything is easy for me, so you must either have something wrong with you or just be a bad person
>what is dunning-krueger
>t. professional pathologizer
Have your tried improving on your physical appearance more?
First off op, don't ever confess to a girl that you like them, especially if you're an established friend. It's just boring, predictable and sometimes awkward as fuck. Get over the whole "I like you, I like you too, let's be together" high school shit--people who like each other heavily imply in the things they say and do together. If you guys are texting /talking to each other late at night about stupid bs, it's pretty obvious she likes you. Maybe she's on the fence--but telling her you like her just gives her ultimatum to friend zone your ASS.
Also, if all your girl "friends" are saying you're a "super nice guy who's a great friend", then you're DEFINITELY doing something wrong.
>>27227317
if you confess first you lose, thats always true. if she takes too long to get close to you (like starting to touch you all the time, taking your hands stuff like that) then shes not interested and move on. like id say 3 weeks of seeing each other every second day. youre not unrequited, you just blew it everytime. girls arent shy when they like a guy, its a myth that only exists in movies. key is to get to know lots of girls be nice to them so they introduce you to more girls, and move on if a girl isnt interested. sooner or later its gonna happen, just wait, youre still young, dont hurry, only women need to hurry because they got a biological clock. the older you get, the easier they get, believe me. concentrate on building a likeable character with good traits and stay fit, get a job, you cant fail then, unless you are super-ugly, i mean really really ugly.
>>27228952
>If you guys are texting /talking to each other late at night about stupid bs, it's pretty obvious she likes you.
DONT EVER DO THIS, BELIEVE ME.
youre so gonna get friendzoned. a few short funny/cool answers, the something like "gotta go to sleep, lots of things to do tomorrow, lets meet again soon" or something like that. thats only true if you two actually live close together obviously, otherwise i had more success with slightly long emails, shot texts kinda dont really work. long talks on skype are good too if long distance relationship.
>>27227317
>one such crush lasted three years
5 years and going for me. I don't even know how the fuck I've kept up not saying anything for that long. Anyways, have you ever asked a girl if they want to hang out somewhere like to a movie, carnival, or anywhere else that has foot traffic? You also have to be confident and direct but not too much where you seem like an asshole to her. Don't linger on the fence about things. Don't stutter when you talk.
This all helped me get a gf when I was a freshman in high school but I blew it because I didn't know how relationships worked
>its been over 8 years
>>27227317
>What the fuck am I doing wrong? I just can never seem to figure out how to go from friends to love interest. Am I doing it completely wrong?
No one is ever going to be able to give you anything but very general advice that you've almost certainly heard before. Romance is extremely personal and completely dependent on countless factors involving your personality and the personality of the girl you're involved with.
If I could follow you around for a couple days and watch you interacting with these girls then I could give you some specific advice but you could write hundreds of posts describing your situation and still not give sufficient information for me to give you useful advice. The only thing you can do is observe other people, be as objective as you possibly can regarding yourself and the potential reasons why women reject you and to keep trying different approaches until you find something that works.
>>27227317
>"I don't know why you're single, you're a super nice, kind guy who's a great friend"
There's your problem right there m8ey. You sound boring as fuck. Grow some more as a person. Get some hobbies, find something new to do outside the dorm or the house.
People want things they can't have. Women especially. You are available anytime to these women. You center enough of your life around them that you begin to reek of desperation. So, find something stimulating to distract yourself with. Go climb a mountain. Run a marathon or two. Join a martial-arts club. Work on antique cars. Have something to do that you can enjoy, and that women have to compete for.
>>27229163
He didn't make a move. End of story. You can have everything on your list but unless you're assertive, you're likely fucked.
Your story sounds so exactly like mine it hurts, so here is some advice. Stop being so nice Anon, the fact that they describe you that way isn't a good thing. You shouldn't need to be "friends" first. You get to know them a bit and immediately imply your intentions. DO NOT "confess" your feelings, ever. You flirt and joke around and use that behavior to let her know you are interested. If she responds and doesn't shut you down you ask her out.
As for being nice, don't go full redpill, but girls don't like "nice" guys no matter what they say. Easiest way to tell a girl likes you is after you give her shit and they laugh, call you an asshole and just give you that "fuck me" look. Just treat her like a guy friend, you aren't gonna fawn over your buddy, you aren't gonna text him 100 times a day even if he always responds, if they do something stupid you are going to call them out on it in a funny way. Girls don't want to be some object of affection. Be sarcastic, be confident, be interested, be funny, do not be NICE.
I'll leave you with my realization story. There was this blonde hotty I was infatuated with. She played WoW, she was popular, she made crass jokes, we talked all the time, she was hilarious and I was in love. Perfect girl. So naturally I did what you did, acted nice, bought her gifts, did all that "courting" shit. Then I asked her out and she said no after leading me on big time. I got pissed man, she CLEARLY sent me signals and then she blows me off?
So after that I was actually kind of pissed and I went somewhat redpill. If we were on the phone sometimes I'd just go "I've gotta go" and hang up. I stopped texting her all the time and she started texting me instead. I started giving her shit about stuff and not worrying about hurting her feelings and she thought it was funny. I'd tell her about other shit I had going on if she wanted to hang sometimes. After a month the tables were completely flipped and she was interested in me.
>>27229888
nice trips. i consider confessing a move, dont know what you mean with "move" otherwise bro. of course you need to show some self respect, when you believe you are awesome, others do too. thats why trump is still in the race. but he said hes pretty normal guy so i guess he doesnt really have too much problems because of that. my guess is simply that he has bad timing, is too honest and doesnt pay enough attention. in short: i think op is a bit of a self centered asshole and needs to realize it.
>>27229979
those werent signals buddy, thats what she does with everyone of her friends probably. signals are like, when she takes your hand suddenly out of nowhere or gets really close to your face or grabs your arm all the time or pushes you around, stuff like that.
>>27230068
A woman wants a man who takes her somewhere to do something fun and exciting, and then kisses her at the end. Making a move means a display of sexual interest. There are many ways and confessing is absolute shit tier.
>>27230166
while you are right, i seriously doubt that "kisses her at the end" is good advice, most robots will get a slap in the face for that shit because it simply doesnt fit their character. james dean? sure he can kiss her at the end, but most guys? not a good idea. better get drunk together at a party or club and then accidentially let it happen, works miracles.
>>27230285
Hug is fine if the situation calls for it. I described the ideal. Confessing comes in at rock bottom.
>>27227317
Your story is incredibly common. Average good guy who misses out on romantic and sexual relationships during his youth.
The problem is that you've been brainwashed by all the western feminized media since a young age.
>just be yourself
>build friendships with women and they'll grow into relationships
>be nice and treat girls with respect
>girls want sweet guys not aggressive masculine here's
All total bullshit.
Luckily for you, since you don't sound autistic and aren't circus freak ugly, you can fix your situation pretty easily.
First things first, start lifting weights. Girls want muscular masculine men. Changing your appearance will take a while but it's completely worth it.
Secondly, you need to learn how to talk to women. The biggest problem for most young guys is they act like a friend. Girls will never take initiative and have so many options that you'll miss your chance if you don't make your intentions clear early on.
There's a large amount of literature you can read on this subject. A good place to start is Models by Mark Manson and the TRP sidebar and top posts of all time.
>>27230118
Not sure what you are referring too pal, I didn't specify what signals the girl gave me.
Cuddling during movies/in the midnight release line for Wrath, suggestive jokes/texts, excessive touching, those are things I considered signals.
She ended up saying she changed her mind later but after the initial excitement of actually "getting" her I realized I had moved on and broke it off. So I don't really think I fully misread the situation.
>>27230436
im not sure ive ever had sex with a girl i hugged before. i know no guy who did this either. did you? hug a girl and later have sex with her? sounds totally weird to me. i hug guys a lot, family, my girlfriends, but thats it.
>>27230621
yeah i think its a problem with your character, they way you write just screams self-centered to me. are you sure your not simply a bit of an asshole, maybe arrogant or oblivious to other peoples needs? theres something about your character that puts other people off and you need to find out what.
