I'll start.
You are an esteemed general in the republic of REE and just captured a fief from the infamous Normian warlord Chadismus the Second. You establish your feudal banners across the station to let your prisoners beware about messing with your republic again.
You go to speak with your archvillain Chadismus and he tells you that you will never win over Princess Stacy and rule the landsbecause your a robot
What do you do
I talk to my tactician to send some thieves to sneak in and capture some stacies. We'll rape them and upload it to pornhub as a means to provoke them.
Do an hero
Post about it on 4chan without taking any actual action
Search in pagan parts of the republic for a wolf diety to travel with me as a business acquinatnce
Decide to think of extremely calculated and complex plan to murder Chadismus and rule over all the Normians with an iron fist, only to be distracted by Rocket League a few minutes later.
>>27219882
The true robot way
>>27219853
You upload the files to an ancient SevenSeaWideWeb directory for immoral products. Chadismus reacts in anger at your lack of social awareness. He declares war with a messenger
What do you do
>>27219912
almost missed it
Agree with him and ask politely if he has any spare wenches he could throw my way. In return I will give him some slices of roasted bread coated chicken breast
>>27220006
You decide he would have enough roasted bread and all types of breasts at his disposal so you do not act upon the idea.
>>27220001
Pagan gods are impressed with your set of numbers. They give you +5 luck
>>27219837
How did I capture the fiefdom? Why not try that again and capture something else?
>>27220029
Fine, I ask him if there's anything his kingdom needs that we could provide in exchange for some fair ladies
>>27220094
You captured it by an amalgamation of brute force and bugging your mom about it. Not to imply you do not remember your own military tactics, my lord.
>>27220109
You share your opinion with your second in command and he raises an eyebrow and asks:
>Sir? Are you absolutely sure we should engage in a trade relationship with our sworn enemy?
What do you say to him
>>27219969
I prepare my army and take a defensive strategy.
Load the piss barrels into the catapults. And position the main army hidden, waiting to ambush a few metres from the shit pit.
>>27220206
His words bring back strong memories and I relive the horror the kingdom of Chad has brought upon the lands
I say, "you're right of course, we can't give Chadismus the satisfaction of giving us his leftovers. We will surely take what is rightfully ours, including princess Stacey herself."
I then set up a meeting with the council to discuss the best course of action and when to strike
>>27220289
The council arrives from a sea port to the arranged meeting.
Your old and salty friend Blackbot has brought a message from the northeastern lands of the republic. He opens the letter and reads to the council.
>Sirs, I think it is time we stopped our efforts of war with the Kingdom of Chad. It is causing us many losses
Words of both approval and disdain come loudly from the stressed council. It is your time to react and change all direction of war and peace
You lift up your hand and confidently say:
>>27220402
"My good men...what has been started must be seen through to the end. Though every loss personally pains me, there is nothing else to be done. The kingdom of Chad will never sign a fair treaty, only one that gives the illusion of civility. They pluck whatever they fancy from wherever and whoever they wish. Some causes are worth dying for my friends. It is better to go down fighting and be remembered as heros than to let the tides of time sweep us away into insignificance, and let the forces of the kingdom of evil rule unopposed"
>>27220582
[You gain 15xp from the persuasion check]
The council applauds you and decides to wage war to the Kingdom of Chad right back
On an unanimous agreement, the council declares you as the Marshall of all the armies of the Great Commonwealth
Right after the ceremony, your immediate action is to:...
>>27220723
I realize that we are physically undermatched against Chad and that we will need to use everything at our disposal to gain an advantage, including psychological warfare. An unusual and some would say twisted idea comes to mind. As our republic has more prisoners shackled away than most, I decide to use them as best I can and go down to talk to the dungeons to tell them they will finally be able to pay back their debt to the republic and might finally find redemption through death for a higher cause
>>27221002
I wait to see if they're open to the idea before continuing with details
>>27221024
>>27221002
You assemble a rough cut patch of prisoners. They all gather in sheer curiosity at what could a general of the enemy army say
You begin to explain that there are finer goals to pursue in life and that their lives maybe necessary to sacrifice in other to achieve peace.
They look at you with the look of wonder and try to make out your intentions.
You decide your next move and:...
>>27221111
I give them a brief history of the tyranny of Chad and the pain they've caused to countless innocents, most beyond what I can even imagine, hoping to inspire some emotion. I then tell them my plan is that a horde of prisoners and regular soldiers will be unleashed towards the kingdom of Chad while catapults are fired at it's walls. The prisoners will only be armed with torches and there job will be to burn everything they can to the ground if they make it in. I also tell them that the clothing on their lower body will be soaked in fuel and the second an enemy soldier starts to aproach their job is to light themselves on fire
I obviously expect negative reactions, but with the threat of never ending imprisonment and possible torture vaguely hanging over their heads I think it might be possible
>>27221580
Right as the gamemaster almost falls asleep and abandons the failed thread, You decide to lecture the hapless prisoners about the evils of the so called alpha male
You then change the emotions at play with the words of encouragement and motivation right before fucking up the speech by telling them it's a suicide mission
One nigger specimen in the audience reflects the opinion of all by going
>AW HELL NAW, I AINT BURNING MYSELF FOR NO WHITEBOI
You, however, realize that some of the members of the audience start to nod and agree, that their aggressors were the Chads all along!
[you level up]
You start the plans for the siege and:...
>>27221726
I order guards to take this vocal nig nog down to the dungeon, tell the plan to my more militarily intelligent and detail oriented generals to work out the details. After this I head over to my favorite cosy tavern to relax with a few drinks and reflect on the day
>>27221966
After dealing with the noisy nig and the annoying but cooperative generals, you decide to take it easy for a while and get comfy to enjoy some of the NEETer things in life,
All would go well if a flying barbed arrow wouldn't smash through the castle window and get stuck five inches deep on the other side of the room, in the purpose to kill you no doubt.
You immediately imagine an assailant attempting at your life.
What do you do
>>27222945
Slightly confused about where I actually am and what's happening right now (must be the stress and excitement of the day no doubt) I walk outside the building I'm in, hand on sword, to figure out the situation captain
>>27223237
After exiting the might castleish looking tavern, you look around and patrol the area with your trusty gold plated sword in your hands.
You see the suspect running in the shadows, clearly trying to get away. You think he may be leading you into an ambush or perhaps he is really fleeing in hopes to escape.
You quickly decide your next action and:
>>27223446
Before I decide to follow him or not I look around to see if anybody else is around to see if anybody else is around who could have seen who fired the arrow, and if anyone is around I ask them if they saw anything
>>27219837
assassinate him
Hey guys I'm willing to act as traitor and help the Kingdom if I get a gf.
Deal?
>>27223610
You look around in a haste and see not a single soul in the vicinity
While you were taking your sweet time the supposed man(?) seems to be getting away!
Quick, Sir Robot! Act now or never!
>>27223654
I like how this guy thinks
>>27223677
Don't ever turn your back on your fellow brobots, sir. We aren't a republic of savages
>>27223741
thanks, fellow brobot
>>27223716
Give the man chase, however proceed cautiously and be wary of being ambushed if he has any comrades. Perhaps get assistance
>>27223869
You give the man a chase and find him lying on the cobble floors of the barren town.
It wasn't a man afterall! It was Doge!
You come near the doggo and see him almost dead. He utters the words
>come closer......
You listen:
>Sir Wojak paid me. You will be dead by tomorrow...
He seems to be at his last leg. Your question may be the last one he ever answers. So you obviously choose to ask:
>>27224182
Wow. Why does he feel the need to kill me?
>>27224343
Right at the second you start uttering the words:
>Wow.
Doge jumps back up in to the air and hugs you.
>Thank you, great sir! That is the magic word! You saved me! I am in forever debt to you, I am! Can you forgive me?
You push Doge aside and ask again why Wojak, a fellow robot, wanted to betray you.
Doge replies:
>Sir, his intentions I did not know. He mentioned something about Pepe the Wizard. I knew not to question him after that
>Can I be your companion sir?
>>27224559
The name Pepe rings a slight bell for some reason and fills me with dread, though I'm not sure why
>why would you want to be a companion of mine after trying to kill me. Very suspicious. But I need to know where to find Wojak. If you want to help me find him you can come with me. Can you lead me to him? What do you know about this Pepe the Wizard?
>>27224729
Doge's face lights up in joy
>YES SIR WOW. Thank you sir. About Pepe the Wizard? Not much to tell, sire. Well except for the morbid tales the villagers speak of. I heard the evil wizard will do anything to kill Sir Wojak, including sacrificing villagers on Altars.
For some reason a shiver runs down your spine as you realize you forgot about something.
Sir Wojak was not at the council meeting!
Very suspicious indeed.
To be continued.
Thank you for joining me tonight, m8. Its like 1 in the morning here and I will pass out if I keep this up.
Have a good one!
