>forcing yourself to live because of parents or something else
>meet up with old friends
>everything feels like a chore, but you must not complain or tell them about your situation
>hearing about how they and other people are doing and living life worsens the feeling; causes pain and you just want to die, but you can't
>go home and realize that you're an asshole and that this is how you'll have to spend the rest of your life because you're a coward
Is this feel too specific? Does anyone else experience this?
Yes I do know this feeling
In some ways I want to be those other people, in some ways I never want to be as addicted to life as them, and covering all of that up is massive amounts of shame
Fuck 'em though. They do them and I do me, even if what I do is objectively less valuable than what they do.
>>27173180
How do you find the literal strength to go on? Making small talk or just sitting there requires so much effort. Sometimes I feel like just lying down there, at the spot, disregarding everything.
I know that saying things like this is really ungrateful. Complaining about it as if I have to work 12 hours a day in a sweatshop. But I don't know what else to do.
>>27173058
IKTF desu. I'm only alive because of my parents. I don't want to hurt them, because I'm an only child and besides that, who would want to bury his/her own son? No one.
If they're gone in a 20-30 years I'll follow them if I survive until that (probably won't).
>>27174257
You most likely will survive that long. That's the troubling thing.
>>27174274
I'm not so sure, because I have a pretty serious anxiety disorder (besides my chronic depression) which is starting to take it's toll on my body. IBS, cardiac arrhythmia, and God knows what comes next.
It's the opposite for me. I can't imagine how some people can live like that. All these first world problems and flesh temptations, they are never satisfied. So far away from any truth, I always feel so good about my own life when I talk to others
>friend I haven't seen in forever wants to hang out
>see a couple other old friends I haven't seen in a coons age
>they mention hanging out with people I don't know later on
>suddenly lose interest in hanging out because the whole fifth wheel thing
>leave about 45 minutes before said people are supposed to show up
yeah... I don't feel like sitting around and feeling awkward when people around me are being all chummy.
>>27174464
>I can't imagine how some people can live like that.
Live how? Happy, fulfilled lives, with friends, relationships, hobbies, a stable income from jobs they like and looking forward to the many things life offers?
>>27174534
This is mostly only on the surface, behind all of this are what they consume in form of food/TV and all kinds of longings + never fulfilled eternal bliss. "Happiness" which is mostly hedonism for these people is overrated. Most of them end up as neurotic fucks in a surreal meme life. Of course I generalize here but everyone normal I have met is a nightmare
>>27173058
My old friends have gone down the drug addict route.
>>27174652
That's pretty cringe-worthy and idiotic to say, to be honest. Especially using "meme" while trying to be serious.
I'm not talking about the value of their lives. What I mean is the fact that they see potential joy in it. That they are looking forward to things, that they have goals and ambitions. Their lives are sorted out on the lowest level.
>>27174532
That's how you meet people though senpai. Unless you and your friends have changed too much and aren't very compatible anymore. Which is what I'm gathering from your scenario.
>>27173058
I used to know how this felt but one day I woke up and I thought nothing of it. Now I just do my thing and hope I go out fast when I die.
Although for some people it might get worse but I reached a tipping point and I'm just dragging on with a certain kind of numbness. Some days I get the feel but it goes away as fast as it came because I've learned to condition myself not to give a fuck. And most of all I've learned to not give a fuck about anyone else's fortune or misfortune.
>>27176334
>And most of all I've learned to not give a fuck about anyone else's fortune or misfortune.
I can't seem to do that. Being reminded that I'm a failure and of the things I missed out is one thing. But I think I might be a real cunt for being jealous of others, even though I don't want to admit it. Heck, I even slightly envy you now.
>>27176419
I was envious of people too. Jealous of what they had and what they did.
But then it hit me that even if I had all what they had it wouldn't make it any better because it isn't what I really wanted.
So instead I try being my own man instead of falling into the traps and cages that they inhabit and will continue to do so until the end of their lives.
I'm not saying it was pure will that brought me to my current state. A lot of it was due to circumstance that helped me see things with clarity. But it's different to everybody.
I'm not telling anyone to bee themselves, it's just that you should stop being so hung up on others and their shittiness. Because we're all knee-deep in shit. Some folks have rafts and others got no knees though.
I'm just too cowardly for suicide. Don't have anything to live for, no friends, job or anything else.
wish I had someone one my side growing up, I feel it would have made so much difference.
>>27177203
on my side*
>>27173058
Real talk m80. No one actually gives a shit so why bother saying anything at all.
Def going to shoot myself in the face at some point. If I had any balls I would have done it already.
I want to make something of my life but I'm a lazy sack of shit and I'm so paralyzed by the idea of failure that I won't even fucking try at all.
I'm terrified of other people. I can barely maintain conversations with my friends without having a fucking autistic meltdown. I think we're close enough to where I could actually tell them how I'm feeling, but I'm too scared of what they'll say.
>>27177307
Time to listen to The Good Times Are Killing Me on repeat and get drunk
>>27176687
>but then it hit me that even if I had all what they had it wouldn't make it any better because it isn't what I really wanted.
Exactly, but it still bothers me. I don't even want anything, but for some weird reason seeing what I could have makes me feel really desperate.
>>27177338
Being afraid of failure is a really bad reason not to try things.
>I think we're close enough to where I could actually tell them how I'm feeling, but I'm too scared of what they'll say.
That's a tough situation. Finally telling someone and them understanding can make a majority of the problems go away. At the same time you can ruin it, if they don't care and you lose your "last" hope.
>>27174759
Drugs are both good and bad
Inb4 obvious statement, you get what I'm saying
