>in 8th grade
>teacher gets super sick
>we obviously get a sub
>sub is a younger girl, kinda cute but eh
>doing a history report with the school laptops
>sub passes around USB drive to save our projects on
>calls them "flash sticks"
>seriously sounds like she's saying "flash dicks"
>hatch a plan, stay after school one day to "work on my project"
>sat there goofing around on the laptop until the other two kids staying late left
>walk up to the teachers desk, sub is at a computer with her back to me
>tap her on the shoulder
>she turns around
>I smirk
>"how do you like THIS flash dick?"
>whip out my cock and start spinning it around only about 2ft away from her face
>she starts screaming and shit
>get expelled from the school and have to go to therapy for a few months
>word travels fast (somehow?) and people all around town start calling me Flash Gordon
>no one ever noticed my "flash stick" pun
Being hyper intelligent and saying somthing autistic like, 420 AYY LMAO.
>no one ever noticed my "flash stick" pun
Damn shame, that.
>>27164820
OP here, I actually am autistic
ha ha ha
>>27164758
PS I was spinning it counter-clockwise I believe
So whenever you recall that, do you have the urge to just:
>FLASH!
>AHHHHAHHH
I know I would. Also, 'tis a shame that pun didn't get noticed.
>Be me
>Be in college
>Been constipated for a few days now
>Suddenly get the urge to go really bad
>I NEVER poop in public restrooms, but fuck it I didn't think I could hold it
>Go to the library and find one of those single person restrooms where you can lock the door
>Go inside
>Pull down pants and sit
>God damn it still can't poop
>Fuck it I'm staying here until I can finally poop, tired of this
>10 mins later somebody knocks
>I don't answer because it's fucking awkward saying "Yo hold up I'm pooping"
>I think he will go away
>Keeps knocking every 2 minutes
>What the fuck I can't poop in this environment
>By now it's been about 20 mins and I can't leave now without looking like a fucking weirdo
>Stay in there being completely quiet
>Keeps fucking knocking
>10 mins later there's a handful of people waiting to use the bathroom
>Here them talking and saying what the fuck is this person doing in there?
>10 mins later here somebody saying they are going to front desk to ask for the door unlocked
>They think the bathroom is empty and it's just accidentally locked
>Go into full panic mode
>Pull up pants and lay on the floor making pretend to be passed out because no fucking way can I just walk out now
>Janitor eventually arrives, opens door
>30 mins of constipated fart stench hits the small crowd outside
>He laughing and gagging
>Janitor comes up to me and starts shaking me
>"I think he's passed out, call an ambulence!:
>Still making pretend to be passed out
>Ambulance arrive, EMTS come down
>>27164758
https://youtu.be/nwrzYrpCHz0
Did it go something like this
>>27164758
>people all around town start calling me Flash Gordon
holy shit
i doubt this happened but the story was worth it just for this
>>27164978
laughing my fucking ass off, family
>>27164978
This greentext is the perfect mix of realistic and entertaining. Props robot, reminds me of the good ol' days of r9k greentext stories.
OP here. Our original teacher did eventually return, but ended up dying two years later in a car crash.
Bit of a bummer.
OP, counter-clockwise from whose point of view? Yours or the teachers? I have to know
>>27164758
>invited to party in highschool
>first and last
>have crush on girl there
>everyone gets drunk
>follow her around most of the night
>she's stumbling around and falling over... onto other guys
>I keep picking her up
>I even ripped my jeans at one point when I squatted down to pick her up
>go to pick her up one time and she turns and says completely soberly
>"just leave me alone"
>realise at this point she's not actually drunk, she drank half a bear and is just fucking around
>apparently her and this other guy were dating and there's something between them
>I'm fucking autistic and can't understand
>everyone goes to sleep
>she goes into a bedroom to sleep in bed with that guy
>I sleep outside, shaking all night from the cold because I gave my jacket to another girl who left
>next morning
>everyone is sitting on the couch watching TV
>I walk in and sit between her and that guy completely oblivious and naive
>my crush makes mention about how a celebrity in the show is so attractive
>I nudge her and say she looks like her even though she didn't
>awkward. fucking. silence.
>eventually everyone leaves
I have a bunch of memories that make me cringe.
>first day of 10th grade
>last period
>pretty uneventful day
>teacher is having us perform some dumb activity
>kid next to me complains he needs a pair of scissors
>being the smartass I am I draw a crude piece of scissors on a piece of looseleaf and hand it to him
>class laughs, kid gives me dirty look
I don't know why, but doing that makes me cringe, looking back on it.
>>27165353
from my pov
>>27164978
>I think he's passed out, call an ambulence!:
Fuuuck.
Did you do an elvis or did you take the hit and lie on the floor?
Just say occupied. Or knock on the wall, shit, it isn't hard.
>>27164978
God damn, we need the second part to this story. This thread must not die until we witness the incredible aftermath of this tale.
