Depression
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
How are you guys holding up? I'm starting to get depression and suicidal again after it went away for a year. I think ending my life will be the end to my misery, death is inevitable so why not speed up the process since once we die we cease to exist? I should probably see a doctor but I feel like my problems are so small and nobody will take me seriously
>>27149596
Same here
>depression
>it goes away after a few months
>comes back out of nowhere 1 year later
Its been like that for 10 years, it all started when l was 12.
You shouldn't kill yourself though, it gets better.
>>27149596
I think I don't have depression, but i wish you good luck anon.
I am thinking of going to a doctor because it has gotten a bit worse recently and I'm not enjoying anything at all as well as suicidal.
Hate to break it to you but when we die wedon'tcease to exist.
>>27149596
If I ever see a cop, I'll pretend like my phone is a gun. Death by police is the only 100% guaranteed suicide method.
>>27149748
You can set it up so you can do multiple methods to be on the safe side.
Doctors are useless (at-least in the UK)
You will get recommended websites that have bullet points saying 'take walks during the day, be yourself' for the first couple of times then given some low dose anti-depressant. What happens then is a game of the dose getting higher as anti-depressents are toxic to the mind and don't help then lower as it's dangerous to go cold turkey. After taking 2 or 3 different types at alarming doses you might be finally getting therapy (a young 20s counsellor who's speciality is dealing with people not being able to cope with a break-up) instead. Or not. Maybe 5 more months, long waiting list. But hey while you're waiting why don't you try anti-depressent X next? First we have to slowly take you off Y though, will only take a couple or so weeks.
>>27149818
Like do it on a bridge? Lel
>>27149640
>le it gets better meme
Biggest normie lie there is
>>27149640
It doesnt sound like it gets better, probably going to become a Neet if I cant get my shit together and overcome my social anxiety and zero self esteem
>>27149664
Thanks
>>27149730
I find it peaceful thinking we cease to exist when we die, everything we ever felt, everything we ever were or weren't just is nothing.
>>27149822
Might have to try the pills, have experience?
>>27149822
mental health care is largely a meme because research is manipulated by Big Pharma to sell their placebo drugs.
>>27149901
>Might have to try the pills, have experience?
Be a moron if you wish. All you're getting is apathy, a larger appetite and moments of severe suicidal thoughts. Then when you try to stop you get to enjoy brain zaps and memory issues.
>>27149901
I've been suicidal for a long time (since I was 13, 26 now) so I know what you mean. I too wanted everything to just end, like, if I had a button that could destroy all creation forever, I would have pushed it.
However, and this may come as bad news, it's not this way. I'm sure of it now but I'm not gonna try to convert you. Just wanted to let you know that death is not the end, it just allows you (after a certain process) to be reborn and forget.
>>27149833
Or overdose and hanging, could even throw in some blood loss if you felt the need.
Just seeing normies having fun with life makes me feel mad and depressed at the same time. What is that something they have but I don't? Why can't I get it no matter how many times I try? Why are social interactions so natural for them? How can someone be himself and still remain popular? When I'm being myself, people avoid me. They must think I'm ugly. That's why they don't want to be friends with me. It's probably the face since I do work out. Maybe I could try plastic surgery? I mean, it's better than doing nothing, right?
Reminder that if you:
-are a fatty
-regularly consume energy drinks
-aren't religious
-consume extreme pornography
-drink to access, or drink more than twice a week
-smoke weed
Then you have no right to complain about being depressed. Maybe cut that shit out and if you are still feeling sad, you have real depression.
>>27149822
>>27149926
I thought this was just a /r9k/ meme but the first time I went to a therapist they recommended drugs to be. It's starting to feel like that's all they could've done is send me to someone that would give me anti depressants. Other than that it's just the basic "How are you/I'm sorry you feel like this"
>>27150028
>-aren't religious
Posting Christ-chan and roleplaying as a crusader on 4chan doesn't make you religious anon.
>>27149730
So, a fate even worse than death, huh?
>>27149596
>suffer from general anxiety and depression
>mother is a psychiatrist
Oh the irony
>>27149730
I hope not
I hope I get reborn a chad normie
>>27150090
if you wanna look at things in aspookyway, sure
>>27150104
lawl, whatever makes you happy, sonny.
>>27150065
You only have to believe in a higher power.
I don't mind atheists, but the complaining gets to me.
You abandoned God, and now you feel worthless and that life has no meaning?
Come on. Use your enlightened brain to put 2 and 2 together
Posted this in a thread last night.
Had horrible depression for years, ended up getting a terminal illness.
Guess what sparks the will for life?
Shit sucks yo.
You will never see a reality more beautiful and vast in all its simplicity and wonder than one you aren't allowed to live in anymore.
Even just to sit outside and listen to the breeze.
You can't appreciate what is here because nothing is trying to tear it away from you.
>>27150140
Yes yes anon, a Deus Vault to you too!
>>27149938
I know that feel all too well, in a perfect world it would be legal to be humanely killed if you so wished. I hope you're right about things getting better and I've read about a guy who was about to jump off a bridge or did jump off when he realised that all of his problems were solvable and immediately regretted it, thanks anon.
>>27149935
I gotta take the red pill on pills evidently, do doctors make you take the pills if you want to continue treatment or would they be optional? Therapy sounds horrible, talking with some stranger about your problems which you're already really insecure about
>>27150097
Damn anon that must be hard
>>27150176
As long as you are of legal age Dr. can't make you do shiiiiit. At least in Michigan here. Had a scrip for severe depression and about halfway through he wanted me to report back and see how it was doing.
>Hey, its not working, I'm going with somebody else because you didn't seem to take my suggestion that a controlled release tablet isn't going to have enough of an effect.
>"But switching mid way through a course could be dangerous! You should finish it out!"
>No, thanks though, bye. *click*
End of story.
>>27149596
I have depression, tried to kill myself and failed, was still young so my mother took me to psychiatrist my dad just beat the shit out of me because he though I was faking it. Right now I'm really depressed
"It gets better" is kind of a lie, I believe really is that there are things worth living, even in the moments of extreme sadness I just think about those things, even as mundane as the taste of food, and it gets me through.
>>27150015
Op here im 19 and I never fit in either
>happy and blue pilled in primary and middle school
>bullied by people I thought were my friends in first year highschool
>dropped out later that year and did homeschooling for a few years
>went back for grade 11 and 12
>never fit in despite making some friends who soon left me without saying a word
>spend next 2 years depressed and alone while watching the people around me have relationships and talk about sex
I now have a bad habit of distancing myself from people and cant get close to anyone, I need to go to college if I want to do something with my life but im so fucking pathetic it would be like highschool all over again but longer. At least we have this board
>>27149596
I went to the doctor after the responsibility of putting on pants left me so crushed I wanted to lie on the floor until help found me.
>>27150303
Sorry but I laffed.
Hope you're doing better tho.
>>27150153
What terminal illness? How did you get it?
>>27150153
Im sorry I hope you're alright
>>27149640
>it gets better
How
>>27150454
I have stage 4 colon cancer.
I got it I guess any way you get most cancers, being an unlucky fuck and not getting pains and cramps checked out for two years because you are stubborn and a shut in.
>been depressed and suicidal for 2 years now
>had 3 months of heavy drinking
>alcohol poisoning on 9/11
>Went down harder than the twin towers
>didn't give me the outlook on life I was seeking
>just made me feel worse
>spiral out of control
>stop eating
>stop going to class
>stop doing homework
>failing
>woke up one day
>not any happier, just dead inside
>now I just go through my day on defined tracks like a robot
>take the same paths every day
>grades get better
>still don't feel any better
>still want to kill myself
>>27150581
Sorry to hear that bro. Hope you'll heal.
I've had a bloated abdomen and pain on my right side for about 2 years now. I'm too scared to check it out. I also have like a permanent hemoroid since my teens (it never hurt)
>>27150581
Holy shit dude i hope you dont dieunless you want togood luck!
>>27150703
are you high?
on medications?you don't make sense.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but everytime I get back an exam grade I usually did sucky at it. Then I start questioning why am I in college, why am I majoring in chemistry instead of history, is there a way out, do I have future?
I usually feel better later, but every single time on command I fall into a pit of despair. Sometimes I'm driven to make myself feel better by binging on junk food. Its not depression though since its not constant. But so far in my 2 years of college never before in my life have I contemplated suicide so frequently.
Sometimes I get really angry and get vengeful, angry at society. Angry at women. Angry at the world. Angry at my parents and angry at myself. Angry at the rain, cold weather and my wet socks and how clumsy I am.
>>27150699
You are describing the steps before the news dropped for me. Go sooner rather than later anon, they say even a couple months earlier would've been something better.
Go get told you are nearing the brink of death and I PROMISE you, that your depression will wilt.
I drink...a lot.
Last Thursday I drank like 15 beers.
>>27150746
but I'm not depressed, I wanna live.
I'm just scared of the doctor telling me they gotta butcher me up to save my life :(
>>27150730
About 11% pull through rate, but dammit we are trying. :P Zofran helps with the chemo nausea.
Thank you :)
>>27150769
You can always be told "There is no sense in butchering you because you are too far gone"
Really anon, I'm on the other side of the fence here practically begging you to go in, you don't want this shit.
>>27150773
Fuck man all my minuscule problems making me want to an hero is nothing to what you have, im sorry but its great you're on chemo instead of doing alternative medicine like some blue pilled people do
>>27150792
Fuck man...
I'm scared as fuck I hate doctors and surgery and shit. All the surgery I had as a kid fucking traumatized me.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Anyways, I'll take your advice, I'll go.
Thanksfuck
>>27150808
Don't sell yourself short either. Others problems being larger than your own don't make yours any less real too you.
Damn right we are going chemo, I said I wanted to try and make it not go out some filthy pseudo hippy holistic shit! :)
I'm just holding up. That's it. I'm not moving forward in any way.
Question is:
By normies' views are there objective reasons to be depressed/suicidal and possible commit suicide?
For example what if I can prove that I have objective reasons which make me inferior and depressive and why ANY life has no real value?
What if I can prove that there is no free will and some people can genuinely fail in life no matter what happens?
Are normies deny that knowledge or just don't believe in that?
>>27149596
Doctors will take you seriously
At least in my country they do
>depressions and social anxiety
>25mg promethazine, 30mg Mirtazapine, 75mg Sertraline, 0.025mg L-Thyroxine
>was in therapy but my therapist gave up on me
My doctors all want to send me to a mental hospital but so far I persuaded them from doing that
>>27150987
>By normies' views are there objective reasons to be depressed/suicidal and possible commit suicide?
Yeah if their wife and children die or something else they can relate to.
>>27151084
True. You just have to tell them you've been thinking about suicide constantly and describe in detail which methods you've been considering. Also tell them you have serious anxiety.
But they will always start you off with weaker meds so you need to go back several times to tell them they aren't working.
>>27149596
feeling like shit,at this point i don't even care about anything,i just fucking hope some faggot blows all these normies up.But anyway at then end nothing matter
>>27151117
and don't forget to tell them how sad your life is. Like being a KV who never gets sex is so unbelievable to normies that they'll instantly think you're insane.
>>27151117
>You just have to tell them you've been thinking about suicide constantly and describe in detail which methods you've been considering
That's a really great way to end up in a mental hospital
>start off with weaker meds
Didn't happen to me
>>27151137
what's a KV?please don't mute me I just wanna know what's a KV.
>>27151178
kissless virgin
Lurk moar
>>27151178
>know
Kissless virgin, HKV is handholdless Kissless virgin etc
>>27151176
>That's a really great way to end up in a mental hospital
Nope. The only way for that to happen is if they force you. Just don't tell them you have any feelings of anger, aggression, hatred etc. They can't do shit.
>>27151125
Best of luck anon I hope you improve
>>27151117
Are you serious about explaining the suicide method part? Like the other anon said I think they would up you medication but maybe make you go to a mental hospital since you would be openly talking about ways you could end your life
>>27151203
If they think that you will hurt/kill yourself they can and will send you to a hospital
Especially when you have already everything planned out
>>27149640
the normalfaggotry level of this post is unbearable. you clearly don't have idea what depression is. kill yourself
>>27151231
>>27151233
So tell them you've been having thoughts about it, but no detailed plans. You need to make it seem like better meds is the only thing that can prevent those thoughts.
>>27151203
>>27151233
I told my mum I wanted to kill myself a couple of years ago. She took me to a mental institution without telling me/asking me, we just got in the car, I thought we were going shopping or whatever. They kept me there for over a month because apparently "I seemed like I didn't feel safe". No shit I felt like I wasn't safe. I was locked up with a bunch of loonies, constantyl doing the craziest shit like banging their heads on the walls and shit and randomly entering my room in the middle of the night.
I eventually got so depressed that I would just sleep all day everyday, I thought I was gonna stay there all my life. Only then, they thought I was "normal" again.
I've been even more suicidal and depressed ever since I came out, only now, I would never tell anyone about it irl and, if I ever go through with it, I'm not gonna tell anyone and carefully plan everything so that I'm 100% sure to go and don't end up locked up again.
Be careful what you say and who you say it to, it just takes one family member to get you locked up.also, I'm never gonna forgive my mum and she is dead to me now
>>27151233
I've told my psychiatrist that I'd been thinking of ways to kms - wasn't sent to mental institution.
If they get the impression you will try to kys within now and soon however, they will send you to a hospital (I do believe that a second opinion of someone whom you've never spoken to before is required before that decision is made).
>>27151409
>my mom is dead to me because she cares about me
>>27151409
Were you over 18 when that happened? I'm pretty sure they aren't allowed to send you (an adult) against your will unless you're in danger of harming yourself or others in the near future.
>depressed since I was 11
>self harming since 13, not for attention
>been on mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants
>have NLD, ADHD, and OCD as well
>gender dysphoria makes me miserable, binder makes my chest hurt all the time
i don't even know why im still alive?? i have no future, can't be successful at a job, and need help from my family to take care of myself and do tasks that other people do automatically
>>27151457
I was 24. They thought I was gonna hurt myself because I told my mum that I thought about killing myself.
>been depressed since 12, varying from low grade depression to severe throughout the years
>too ashamed to tell family but they probably know anyway but say nothing
>chat with some people online, looking for support
>some normie says, "why don't you just do what you like, anon?"
>try to force myself to be happy and try to set goals as the normies say
>was really into drawing and art so decide to do it again
>no longer feel creativity or passion, just feel extremely tired and heavy
>realize depression made me a unmotivated, tired shell of a person
>do nothing
>become even more depressed from the whole experience because even by chance I do get better, the motivation and creativity is gone so there's no point
Also not even escapism shit like anime helps anymore.
>>27151469
Then you could've just told them you weren't planning on doing it. Oh well
>>27151448
>caring about someone
>getting them locked up against their will
pick one and only one.
All I wanted was to talk with her and for her to tell me that things were gonna be fine, cuddle me and so on.
Also, I hardly know my mother, my parents divorced when I was a baby and I was in vacation with her at the moment. I wanted a mum to take care of me, I got a stranger who freaked out and passed on the problem to 'the right authority.
>>27151510
I never told anyone I was planning anything, I just told my mum I was thinking about it.
The thing is, your family members can get you locked up. They just have to sign some paper and a doctor has to agree.
It happens to a lot of people. Old people, mostly. Let's say you're old and slightly alcooholic, your family doesn't want to take care of you anymore, they take you to the doctor, say you're deranged or something, the doctor signs a paper and voila, you're locked up.
They don't give the slightest shit what you want, what are your rights etc. The moment one of your family member and a doctor sign a paper, your rights are history.
>>27151529
Sometimes you need to do things against people's will because that's the best thing to do.
What people want is not always what's best for them.
You learn this as a child, how come you don't understand this?
Also
>I hardly know my mother
>I wanted a mum to take care of me
That was stupid on your part.
If you and your mom hardly know each other, of course she's going to freak out when you tell her you want to kill yourself.
If someone hardly knows anything about depression/suicidal thoughts you can't expect them to understand the situation you're in.
You shouldn't resent someone for doing what they thought was best for you.
>>27150540
You stop expecting it to be less bad and just accept that this is as good as it gets. It is the gap between hopes and reality that makes things seem bad, when that gap closes it fells less bad, hence better.
>>27151623
>You shouldn't resent someone for doing what they thought was best for you.
I don't resent her for that, I resent her for sucking at being a mum (actually, totally failing at it) and ending up hurting me and traumatizing me when I screamed for help.
who else is
>Doesn't remember childhood
>>27151692
I only have one memory of my chidhood:
I was playing under the big tree in our lot in front of my house, and found a razor blade in the grass. I knew what it was but had never seen one/touched one. I picked it up and pressed the blade against my thumb. It cut through the skin so easily (no blood, just the dead outer skin). I found it fascinating, that something could be so sharp.
It's the only thing that I can remmember but I remmember it like it was yesterday.
>>27149596
>How are you guys holding up?
Very poorly.
>tfw turn 25 soon with nothing good about my life
>tfw functional life is almost over and never enjoyed it
>tfw will never get to reroll a new character and live out the "good" younger years
bumpthis is not a repost
>>27149748
Worst advice ever.
I was watching a doc the other day, i think it was louis theroux, and some guy tried that shit and the cop just kept shooting him in the legs. He lived and they threw him into the nuthouse.
bumpstill not a repost
>>27151496
Are you me desu desu?
>>27149901
>I find it peaceful thinking we cease to exist when we die, everything we ever felt, everything we ever were or weren't just is nothing.
my nigga
>>27150097
As a fellow anon with a psychiatrist for a mother, she can give me good advice and recommend medications for me to take. But your mother is likely not mine.
>>27151623
Involuntary commitment should only be reserved for psychosis. You shouldn't be locked up for expressing suicidal thoughts.
>depressed for as long as I can remember
>always unhappy
>bullied all throughout school, ate lunch in the bathroom
>neet of five years
>on zoloft for depression, and five others for anxiety, psychosis, and general issues
>never had a real friend (not online)
>can't even maintain online friendships for longer than a few days
>parents starting to hate me for being a neet
>family visits are marred with silent hostility
>books, vidya, and anime are starting to lose their appeal
>literally just pacing back and forth in my room day in and day out
>been meaning to learn guitar, but don't have the courage to pick it up again
>sleeping in later and later and staying up later and later every day
>not even petting my dog anymore
>researching suicide methods in my free time
I want to die.
>>27155641
They will lock you up if they think you pose an immediate risk to yourself. I think if you're just expressing some suicidal thoughts, you're okay.
don't quote me on that though.
My experience with meds makes me feel like not even the craziest of people should take them.
Even if they make you feel better for a little bit, they'll cause noticeable brain damage in no time at all, essentially setting you back to square 1.
>>27155641
Involuntary commitment is an example of how far the American mental healthcare system is from being decent.
When someone expresses suicidal thoughts, they need counseling and maybe medication as well. Locking them up in an institution with people experiencing severe episodes, often screaming and needing to be restrained, is a good way to contribute to the problem.
My stay in the psych ward was nothing short of horrible. They threatened to keep me there longer when I refused medication on the first day, and again on the second day when I was scared to come out of my room because I heard screaming from another patient. The answer to everything is a longer stay. You earn what basically amounts to "good boy points" when you attend groups, swallow your pills, and don't reveal your psychotic episodes to the staff. Its fucking stupid.
At least the food was decent.
My internet gf broke up with me. I'm spiraling down how meaningless our relationship was.
>>27150581
Are you the guy who made at thread the other day? Why did you delete it? Or did the mods delete it? Is it my fault for asking too many questions please forgive me if that's the case.
>>27155953
>internet gf
it was probably a guy pretending to be a girl anyway.
>>27156037
no she gave me nudes and we vid chatted
>>27149596
Had major substance abuse issues from ages 14 and up. Borderline personality disorder. Crippling depression. Found a girl now who makes me feel unlike anybody else. One month together now. Didn't push me to quit drugs, I just suddenly could. Alcohol abuse is better, although still craving it from time to time now. Will probably get blind drunk tonight. Quit daily weed because it left me apathetic. Quit cutting and burning 5 months ago. Started craving it again recently because I wonder how it felt. Probably won't. Replaced addictions with occasional amphetamine usage because it reminds me of the good parts of substance abuse. Probably clinically addicted to amphetamines now, but it's better than the ammounts and shit I used to be on. Alternating between fear of going bad again and pure bliss because I'm better than I have been for years. Doing okay, I guess?
>Have tried 15 different prescribed medications
>Still don't know what's actually wrong with me, different docs have diagnosed me with OCD, GAD, Bipolar 2, Depression
>Life is pretty much ruined already, but not even any sign of mental health improving
>Would like to die, but not suicidal enough to kill myself right now
>>27156120
Hey I used to be a sort of addict. Kinda miss it as it made life really simple. Did you ever try opium/poppy tea?
>>27156200
You should honestly sue all those drug companies and your doctors.
It's not right that you took so many meds.
It's possible they made you worse too.
>>27156261
Opium, yes. Gives you quite a punch. One of those things I didn't do too much, like psilocybin, because it's a pretty unique experience.
That's exactly what I miss about it. You're just thinking and thinking and thinking and being annoyed at humanity and your life and where it's going and then you're on something it's just so easy. The thoughts shift or stop and you kind of feel like you lose half your smarts, but it's okay because they're mostly in the way of happiness. It's just a fact for me that the most intense feelings of happiness I've ever felt were when I was on something. And you kind of miss that. Chemical happiness.
