>feeling normal
>decide to lay down and go to sleep
>start thinking about the point of life
>struggling to find a reason not to kill myself
>only my parents remain the reason I'm not dead yet
>try listening to music, end up listening to depressing music and wanting to kill myself even more
>wake up and blogpost on /r9k/
how are you anons doing
>>27125037
I'm tired. Of everything. Did you come to a conclusion in your thinking about the point of life?
>>27125109
Yeah me too anon
I concluded that there's nothing
im only here because of the expectations of other people anyway
>>27125037
Similar boat anon
Everything I've ever wanted in life has been just barely out of reach for me
And once you're in your 20s, you stop growing, so I'm not going to get any closer
I don't want to hurt my mom like that, but I hope that she'll be okay
>>27125120
I agree, no real reason. Nothing has meaning and nothing has value, at least not inherently.
What do you do for fun op?
>>27125153
Maybe it's a test of strength; whether someone can find value within nothing.
I don't really do anything for fun except listen to music. Sometimes I play video games or work on random nerd related things but it more just feels like someway to pass the time than actual enjoyment. What about you anon
Watching japanese concerts with a friend, doing pretty okay
>animeposting
Fuck off.
I get very happy and depressed at the same time when watching a clear sky full of stars. Especially during winters when the sky is pitch black and the stars look very bright.
The only things that have value in life are those that you assign value to. Try reading some Sartre
>>27125185
Pretty much the same stuff, except I also pass time watching Japanese cartoons to pass time.
I would like to find meaning in the nothingness, but I really don't like to delude myself, with God, hedonism, Buddhism, anything really. It seems that, too be happy, you just have to fantasize the world to be something it isn't and force yourself to accept that fantasy as reality.
Too bad that every bit of my being convulses in pain if I try to change reality that way.
>>27125205
>animeposting on a Timbuktuan shelf builders forum
>listen to happy music
does it for me
>>27125261
I used to do that too, but I've started to get really tired of moe
I feel the same way about that. I don't try to act redpilled or smug about anybody, and I respect and almost envy religion. At the same time it just seems like some sort of massive stretch in order to give life a solid purpose, goal to work towards, reward for completing that goal or punishment for failing.
I used to try to imagine purpose or fight off the thoughts like this but it felt like running up a hill that was slowly getting steeper to the point of being impossible to scale. Now it's just kind of depressing sitting at the bottom.
What exactly do you mean by the last part?
>>27125037
Hey, maybe this is something to cheer you up OP:
http://www.thestar.com/life/2016/03/12/dating-diaries-amanda-and-peter.html
>TLDR:
Divorced roastie goes for her date with chad. Feels hopeful, gets told he won't meet her on her terms and that she has to go to meet him on the other side of the city. Take a long train to get there, then tells her to wait for him while he does shopping. Shows up late and replies absent mindedly. Doesn't give a fuck about her divorce or feelings. Always acts confident and tells her her opinions are wrong. Doesn't care.
Leaves feeling "We ended the date abruptly. He was far more concerned with getting on with his day than with learning anything about me and my world. My head was spinning. I left and texted my friend that it was the worst date I had ever been on. I had never felt so demeaned on a date before, or since."
Gives it a 1/10
Most times I carry on because I'd hate to hurt my parents, especially my mum (divorced and shit). The main thing that keeps me alive is knowing that if I've got nothing else to live for, there's nothing stopping me. It's bullshit, I know, but it helps.
>>27125324
I don't really know, it's just... It's like my whole being resists and revolts when I try to imagine a purpose, or delude myself in any way.
But yeah, I envy religious people too, and let them be, except when they do stupid shit in the name of whatever God they chose. I'm really annoyed by that kind of people.
On a completely different topic, do you work a job Op? Some people tell me they find meaning with their work somehow.
>>27125384
I smiled, thanks anon
>>27125397
Mhm, same divorced parents thing here. I'd agree with the last part but living takes effort, effort that is difficult to justify to me.
I'm very tired right now but I have to go to eat out with my parents. I hope I don't see anyone that recognises me there.
>>27125409
Sounds like you're well set in your ways. It'd be nice if some greater creature, divine or not, ascended from some place of existence to tell everyone the full truth of the universe.
I'm neet, HS dropout and trying to get a little less stupid before I go back to life. Work sounds relaxing as long as the job isn't absolutely horrid, having a schedule to follow, a set time to get up and go to sleep for a reason.
>>27125439
Where are you eating?
If I was offered one day spent walking alongside a cute girl and talking to her about her life and mine and our thoughts etc but I had to kill myself at the end of that day I would take up the offer.
>>27125421
Glad it did anon.
I don't usually come on here actually, I just thought it'd do good. As someone who perhaps half normie or so, I just gotta urge you three big things:
>Exercise.
Studies prove its one of the very best anti-depressants. It costs nothing, it'll make you feel good, it'll make you look better.
>Regular and good sleep
Good sleep routine and consistent sleep also counter acts depression
Don't let normies take your life away. If you die, they win. The world is inherited by robots. By the people who transcend mediocrity by going their own way.
Good luck man.
>>27125523
I honestly don't come here often either, it's calming to find anons that share similar apathy or depression towards life
thanks for the advice and kind words friend, I may do these things one day (tm soon)
>>27125037
Point of life is to multiply by division, for reasons unknown.
You are many made whole.
You've been carried here, to this point in time, by those who have come and gone.
Your existence is thanks to many. More than you can ever count in your short lifetime.
You are but a stepping stone in this chain of genetic sequences.
The end game is to become something much more as a colony of minds in this petri dish we call Earth. To advance, in time, to become God's rival.
For reasons unknown, until you make a reason for your existence.
>>27125037
It's time like that where you crack open the black nail polish and wrist cutters man
>>27125421
Yeah, it takes effort but it's just got to the stage where I live out of spite, just to punch life in the dick.
>>27125667
I'm sure that everyone is impressed by you posting on /r9k/ all day.
>>27125686
lol
>you have been muted for 2 seconds
Gud.
Just capitalize on the suffering of others and revel in the good things in life.
That is what I do.
>I agree, no real reason. Nothing has meaning and nothing has value, at least not inherently.
>I would like to find meaning in the nothingness, but I really don't like to delude myself, with God, hedonism, Buddhism, anything really
You're close to something rather profound. Consider this: if nothing has any inherent meaning, what about the feeling of meaninglessness itself? What about the feeling of an entity that experiences that meaninglessness? What about the feeling of experience?
I was in your place a few years back, and the only thing that helped with the suicidal urges was doing a shitload of Vipassana meditation. Objectifying and observing the very same feelings and emotions that afflict you can really take a lot of their bite away and help you reexamine your relationship to them. After a while of doing this, the very same machinations of mind that previously made you miserable will be the keys to the shackles you've put on yourself. The end result is subtle, but makes a world of difference when it comes dealing with negative emotions, suicidal idealization, etc.
That might be some cryptic sounding shit, but if any of ya'll want some advice on getting started, let me know. You don't need to believe in anything or accept anything in order to practice Vipassana. All it takes is time and a willingness to confront reality, as it is, head on.
>>27125037
Pretty much me recently. I have to find something to focus on, or I end up wanting to kill myself. I can go from "everything's fine" to "I want to kill myself" in a couple of hours. When I start thinking I come to conclusion that everything is a delusion and I'm trapped within the way I see things.
>going to sleep during daylight
>wake up wanting to kill yourself
Working as intended. Don't fap during the day unless you gonna force yourself to stay up until night time.
