>/r9k/ confession thread
I will never seed any torrents.
I am not born for this world.
I have a girlfriend, but think I'm in love with one of my best friends. I'd rather stay her friend and not have her than go for her and lose her in my life, so that's why I went for another girl.
I'm not actually a NEET, I just pretend to be one in wagecuck threads
I steal a lot from my friends and family. Everything I can get my hands on. I have very sticky fingers. I'm sure they suspect it was me, but no one's ever said a thing. Sometimes I shoplift too. But I got caught once and I kinda pussied out after that. Found out that stores will fucking call the cops on you and you'll get a huge fine and maybe jail time, even just for a candy bar. Not worth it. I never shoplifted anything of much worth anyways.
I'm voting for Trump, robots.
I tell people I've played through and beaten a lot of classic games I never actually have like Legend of Zelda, Metroid, etc
>>27093717
Back when I was eight and my little brother was six I was jealous of him winning a prize I wanted at chuck e cheese so the next day in class I asked to go to the bathroom and then took his lunchbox out of his cubby and crapped in it. He got blamed for it later and had to go to see a psychiatrist for years afterwards.
im actually a chad with a gf and fwb that has infiltrated this board.
>>27094006
this looks like a bad impersonation of a chad
I went on craigslist and found a guy to tie me up and use a tens unit on my dick and I met him at his house and I got scared 5 minutes in before he even turned it up a lot
>>27094006
>no timestamp
Disregarded
I'm normie, have friends, good academics, and social skills. When I was in middle school I developed paranoid schizophrenia which lead to skipping school talk to a bunch of other mentally ill people on /x/. I wasn't bathed, I was malnourished, and would stay up for weeks. As soon as I got medicated, I came back in 8th grade and people had no idea. That was the year I ascended to normie. Still a virgo though, but by choice. I can't let my secret be known amongst my piers. I'm really emberassed about it.
>>27093717
I ate a whole cheesecake and hid the evidence when others came looking for it
I don't really want to have a girlfriend anymore. It just seems like something I need to put a lot more effort into, and the returns aren't that appealing. I think I really just want to be able to live solitarily and comfortably now.
>>27093717
i'm addicted to marijuana
>surprisingly not an original comment kek
I once watched someone kill them self. It was the most exiting thing I've ever experienced in my life and likely ever will.
>>27094006
ayyyy same here
>>27094249
how? sounds lit
>>27094250
you fit in quite well around here. you're going to grow up to be a fine degenerate
I'm 21 and still live with my parents, I work 2 wagecuck jobs and I'm saving for college, and I had a gf for 5 years until she left me a couple months ago and I think about killing myself every single day.
I have no real friends and I haven't had any since I got with my gf. She was my everything.
I've been on 4chan for about 7 years and /r9k/ since about 4 years ago.
I can't bring myself to empathize with people enough to be their friend because most of the ones I meet aren't as intelligent as me, or so I feel.
I don't browse /r9k/ as heavily as I did a few years ago because its shit.
I've tortured small animals before. I caught a gopher once, cut all of his limbs off and drowned him in gasoline after letting him run around a fishtank for a couple minutes. Cut up some frogs too and let them run around gutted.
I'm tired of working. I need to see a therapist.
>>27093717
im 22 and sleep with a bear
I have a thing for a slutty lying femanon who lives with a retarded tripfag.
I love my internet friends and am happy to have them
every night i use my body pillow and pretend to have sex with it and imagine it is my gf. we even snuggle and i kiss it and pretend to eat it out.
>>27094250
just force yourself to hang out with them on breaks at least
(I was browsing 4chan at 13 too)
>>27094326
C'mon, sleeping with bears isn't that bad, they're big and warm and hairy. Not my thing, but if you're into it. Ya need yer bear daddy.
i clip my toenails straight onto my carpet
>>27094411
it was made custom for me while my mum was carrying me the year before i was born. Thing's been with me literally my whole life. Still a lot of people find it weird.
>>27094288
I've been around 4chan for long enough to have caught some links to people killing themselves live (or trying). In one of those in particular I'm certain the person died.
I attribute my enthusiasm for people offing themselves to my deep hatred of sapient life. The links mostly pop up on/have popped up on /b/ and unless you're on there all the time you won't catch them. Watching people being killed and them killing them self is a completely different feeling. It's unlike anything else for me.
>>27093717
I'm probably not a robot, (not a chad either, more like the lower end of normal), but I come here because threads are slower and discussions are better than on /b/.
>>27094466
c y b o r g
y
b
o
r
g
(original)
>>27094495
Most people here don't accept "cyborg" as a real thing (they consider it/me a failed normalfag) so I'd rather not bother even bringing it up.
>>27094565
that's pretty bullshit, anon, I'm pretty open about it in a lot of threads and most people don't think anything of it.
I am in love with a cartoon character and care more about her happiness than any real person I know. If I ever bothered to get a gf again, she'd need to look and act similarly to this character and I would encourage her to alter her appearance to be more like her. I'd then remark how much she looks like that character and begin playfully referring to her by the character's name.
Then my waifu will be real, and I'll make her smile again.
>>27094251
i look like a tranny version of you
kill me
>>27094644
It's the opposite experience for me, besides, the more "REEE"s I can avoid the better.
>>27094407
thanks anon, il try to i guess
i probably wont though
>>27094690
You're going to get reeeee'd no matter what you do
here's proof
REEEEEEEEE
>>27094672who anon
>>27094442
wait an actual bear or some fetish thing
>>27094714Lapis Lazuli.
>>27094812
A Theodore Roosevelt Bear
>>27094812
What? No I'm saying I still sleep with said teddy bear in my bed since it was my first thing i ever got as a kid that was literally made for me before i was even born and I'm pretty attached to it.
>>27093734
You monster.ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
I am 19 yo
This august I went to Amsterdam and received a bj from a transvestite and a woman that same day.
I went to the docters last week and got my blood tested for Aids and Syphillis, my family doesn't know, no one knows.
The results will come in later this week.
I feel alone
>>27094869
>Hey babe could you try on this makeup? I know it's blue but I really think it's your color
>You know your hair'd really look nice if it was dyed blue. I know you've never dyed your hair, but could you just try it this once and if you like it, maybe we could keep it that way?
>I picked up your contacts from the drug store. Yeah, strangest thing, they only had these blue color contacts. Guess you're gonna have to make due huh?
But seriously, how would you possibly convince your (hypothetical) gf to look anything like Lapis?
>>27094939
The blue skin may be a stretch, but the rest would be easy enough to do. Even if she looked like a human AU version of Lapis, I'd be happy. Just need to find a submissive girl who likes alt fashion and changing her looks for her man's enjoyment.
My requirements would be:
>dark blue eyes
>short, wild hair (can be dyed)
>petite build
>depressed and hopeless
>misanthropic attitude toward everyone but me
>wears skirts and halter tops
>nice feet, likes to go barefoot
>enjoys toilet humor
>higher, nasally voice
>some kind of affinity to water
I'm pretty normal compared to most robots but I constantly have feel like I don't belong herI just want to do the dankest wheelie onto the highway and get ran over by a 18 wheeler
>>27095187
Git, norman.
>>27095283
fuckj you I'll fucking ride my bike inton yourt moms asshoile
I hate this board, we all have this weird circle jerk of who's the biggest autistic NEET loser, yet I can't stop myself from coming back
>>27095147
So you want a tumblr girl?
>>27095147
tumblr camwhore to be specific
>>27094249
was it streamed?
>>27094896
aids doesnt really transfer through oral sex, syphillis is curable, you good.
>>27093717
I'm a girl and I come here trying to be nice to neets because I'm attracted by cute, nervous shut ins but everytime I extend a hand, black knights bite it off and call me a troll.
So now Im just as bitter and hateful as the rest of you.
>>27095471
>>27095488
That's pretty much right. I figure drawing Lapis fanart on tumblr could get me in with some crazy tumblr chicks who think they're Lapis. I just rarely draw and socializing on tumblr is a slog.
If you post from your iPhone you can hide the fact that you're a phone fag by spoiler ing your pic and it just says spoilered image instead of image.jpg
That's my confession
I pissed in my girl's sink while she was outside in the hall
I'm 20, but I have a 15 year old virgin gf that I smoke weed with
>>27095607
It only hides the filename on phones. PC users can still see the phone filename.
>>27094869
Do you have any lapis lazuli crystals? You can go to a metaphysical store or rock and mineral store and buy a piece of lapis lazuli for about $3 if it's small. Or you can buy bracelets of it or larger sculptures of that stone.
You may like the energy of that stone if you like the character based on it.
Even if you think crystal energy is bs, I think it'd be a nice token of love to have since its relatively cheap.
When I stop drinking I get the shakes. I drink because I'm lonely. I'm lonely because socially I can't seem to carry on a conversation with most people.
>>27095147
Those kinds of girls will leave you, just like mine did, anon..
>>27093800
Very similar situation, and I already accepted it. Maybe it wouldn't be that good, if we were together, I'm just idealizing it in my head.
>>27094317
Seriously, if you finally realized that you need a therapist, go see one, anon. What do you have to lose? Sad, but literally nothing.
>>27094896
I hope the best for you. If nothing wrong, it was a good experience.
I don't feel like a robot, cyborg, or normie neither, but have a girlfriend. Sometimes she bends over and I play with her pussy in that pose. The only reason I like that pose is when I lick her, I can smell her asshole and she doesn't suspect anything,
>>27095604
Well, if that's what you're into
>>27095620
She's not your gf, only uses you for the weed
>>27095636
Damn, that's a good idea, and blue's a good color on me. Think I'll at least take a look online tonight. Also a lot of crystals and minerals do have trace energies and radiation, so it's easy to play with the idea of crystal energies.
Thanks, anon.
>>27095664
Luckily I'm chad.
>>27095698
I've been into alt girls since babby.
>>27095727
Glad you like the idea. Good luck finding a nice piece anon.
>>27095727
>liking the worst gem
haha, okay.
>>27093717
i met up with a fembot and felt pressured into sex but never mentioned it to her
>>27095902
Hi Ivan
I've never directly watched and masturbated to actual porn
>>27095579
Dibs
Arigato cement
>Im in love with a girl since 2009
>i dont see her in person since that year
>she has a 1 year old son
Why i cant forget about her?
We kinda talk about our feelings once. She doesnt seem to care that much
What should i do?
i fuck a pillow and it feels great
I've dropped out of community college twice on my moms money because I had zero self discipline.
I'll be homeless soon, robots.
>>27096969
I've a bright orange one for like 15 years now, comfy afnever humped it thoughweirdo.
I want an English cock inside of me
>>27093717
I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with feminism.
>I had a gf for 5 years.
>We had sex a ton
>We broke up a year after high school
>I'm 24 now
>I tell everyone I'm ahandheldless virgin.
>>27094672
Wow you're a total faggot. You realize your cartoon character doesn't and never will exist? Even if you force some poor girl to act like her she still won't truly be real. Give up on this faggotry or kill yourself. Post who your waifu is also and I will rate.
>>27093717
I was almost married a cutie Russian, who was studying for med school. It was to be a green card marriage, and I chickened out. My self esteem is so shitty, I didn't even realize that she actually liked me.
I broke her heart and it haunts me to this day, 4 years later.
>>27097034
Not dropped out, but failing classes. I just need someone to physically beat me and make me do my work.
>>27093717
I can only get an erection from shemales.
>>27095902
I met up with a fembot a dozen times and then she cut contact with me. I was really hurt but I don't think it's my fault because I learned that she had done it to several other robots before and probably after too. Her name wasVicky.
>>27096948
get over it, cuck
>>27096015
Be my gf and let's wait till marriage to get lewd
>>27093717
I secretly masturbate to my Wii girlfriend
>>27097908
Same here kek
>>27095579
I just got one question for you:Do you look like Lapis Lazuli?
I'm a 24 year old permavirgin guy and I have never masturbated once in my life. I have ejaculated through wet dreams and a few times during stressful situations (in college taking an exam). I don't watch porn and when I did it the past, I would get hard and even make precum but just let it go away (just like I do now). I honestly don't even know how to masturabte
>>27095632
Sheeeeeet really? I thought on the computer it says spoilered image as well
>>27093800
This but without the gf and somehow I ended up with neither her as a gf nor as a friend. We lost contact alltogether.
So maybe not that similar after all.
>>27098001
Well it does say "spoilered image", but mouse hovering over it reveals the filename. So basically yeah, PC users can still tell.
I have a gf but she's fat and abusive and awful and I'm cheating on her with a tranny.
I'm gay for Will Arnett.
>>27096948
lift, improve,
grow self esteem
grow self respect
its the only way
>been neet for 3 years
>post on r9k often during this time
>got a job at a bar
>I start tomorrow
>realize today was my last day to be a neet :/
>so long friends this is the end
>>27093717
I can't truly love anyone and it's depressing me. Years of being alone have made me bitter and now that I've manaed to somehow become less of an ugly autist I want everything, everything that was denied to me for a decade, I want to have every single woman I see and then leave them crying and emotionally destroyed.
I regularly paid to see a dominatrix for a while and unironically enjoy findom.
I watch Evangelion in its entirety usually about once a week, but sometimes more (my record is four times in one week).
>>27094672
This might be the absolute saddest shit I have ever heard, not in a pathetic way, just in a cry-sort-of-way.
>>27097870
B-but I'm a guy...
>gf
>We're doing really well
>Love her
>Get REALLY depressed sometimes for no reason
>Wrote my suicide note last weekend, planned to kill myself
>Back to normal suddenly, no idea why
>Anxiety keeps flaring up and then going away
>Paranoia and obsessions keep flaring up and then leaving
>Double major, just got a promotion to editor of my college newspaper
>Have a lot of really great friends
>Think about necking myself hourly for some reason
>Still don't really wanna spend time around my friends and others
What the fuck is going on desu
>>27093734
I don't either. But that's because my connection is limited to 725kbps upload. If I try and upload things it basically brings my entire network to a screaming halt.
>>27099343
It's certainly an interesting feeling. I realize how strange it is, but apparently I have emotional/hormonal brain problems and don't really care. Real people are just kinda shit and cartoon characters are so distilled and pure in their who they are. Good or bad, they're closer to perfect than real women. I guess the closest thing I can get is a mixture of the two.
>>27093896
Same, I used to shoplift liquor from the grocery store all the time. Then I got detained by security and put into a cop car during one of my bigger heists. Not good times senpai. Never really did much after that.
>>27094006
Wtf you look like me, right down to the wavy knuckles and thin fingers.
I even have the same hair and facial hair patters. Are you a cyborg as well? >>27094061 knows what's up.
>>27099489
*patterns.
I'm drunk, alone at the moment. You've had many nights like mine-- I can see the pain in your eyes.
I enjoy /s4s/ autistic shitposting
The other day, I had bottled water. I drank it all, and filled it with 1tsp Milo, Sugar, Processed Sugar, Honey; 1tbsp coffee, deionized water, salt, moisturizer, dermatitus cream, Vegemite, yeast.
I then spat in it, pumped two pumps of liquid soap in, added a piece of apple, a spot of toothpaste TO the apple, a bit more flour, a small amount of bleach, cleaning agent, insecticide and then mixed the solution with methylated spirits.
I shook up the bottle, and then proceeded to piss inside to fill the remaining 7/10ths. I shook that up and briefly released pressure by opening/closing cap.
Left it right outside my room, where bugs, birds and even a possum investigated as it began to 'ferment'. Eventually I saw a colony of ants hoisting what I assume were maggots off the cap.
Two days after, it was gone and there was a small puddle sprayed across the ground. Neighbours audibly argued they could smell a 'gas leak' nearby, I have no idea what happened to it.
I haven't had a friend for 2 years since my childhood friend passed. I feel miserable.
In middle school I jacked off in class a few times. I f I was wearing a hoodie I just slipped it over my shit and jerked slowly. IDK if anyone noticed but probably.
One time a shoved a marker in my ass while doing this. Like a crayola marker. When I pulled it out it was kinda poopy so I cleaned it with my mouth. At the end of class I returned it to the marker bin lol.
>>27100952
good experiment
>>27093717
I always leave the seat down when I Piss and wipe the drops with my sock if there is any.
>>27101307
Holy fuck. Me too.
My confession is that when I was six years old, I was diagnosed with some autism or some shit. I went to a special room where they called every day at 1pm and let me leave when the buses ran. I would piss all over the giant foam blocks covered in plastic that kids would use to build things with. Because it absorbed it, it would stink up hell. They ended up putting them into some storage closet where there weren't any weather strips, so the stench would go into the hallways. I owned those hallways because my piss was basically everywhere.
I'm painfully boring.
I grew up in slavland to travel-happy parents (soviet union JUST collapsed). By the time I was 12 I've been to more places in the world than majority of people see in their lifetime. I never suffered the life of need. Somewhere down the line I went from an outgoing information sponge kid who was completely fine trying to talk to people in England using grade 1 english knowledge to a 24 year old shut in who tries to find excuses to not have to go outside living in NA.
By all means I should have been at LEAST interesting when I grew up. But I ended up being unattractive and completely boring. With the exception of like 2 people, I cannot hold any conversation with anyone ever. My mind is blank 50% of the day. The other 50% is filled with whatever flavour of the month thing I'm into which is usually some videogame or some fantasy that my or may not involve women.
Every day I'm haunted by the fact that I had the background that many here did not and yet I failed to take any advantage in it.
Last few days I've just been going to bed after getting back from work, then waking up at like 3 am, playing a match of CS, and going back to bed.
i pretend i have a college degree. Told my family i have gratuaded. Even have it listed on by CV.
I had sex with my aunt this last Christmas holiday.
>>27100952
I used to do this in restaurants as a kid. Anything kind of sauces left on the table would get thrown into one of the glasses on the table.Sometimes I would mix in pieces of chewed food for texture when no one was looking.
>>27093717
I've lost hope. I resent having feelings. They only bring pain. I know that a day of success and triumph will never come. I only want to make it through the next day with the least pain possible.
I have nothing of note to put here because nothing of note ever happens in my life.
I just realized I have never been in love with a person, only the idea of the person.
I am so quiet because I literally have nothing to say to anyone due to having a continually dwindling social circle, an indifference to pop culture, and very few hobbies. I don't know how to make small talk or carry a conversation that does not have a premeditated topic.
I went to a distant family member's funeral recently. I talked to some relatives who haven't seen me in a number of years and one of the first things most of them said was "Wow, you look so much like your father." My parents are divorced and I haven't spoken to my father in almost 20 years. It just felt weird having people say that I resemble someone whose face I can barely remember.
>try dating a fellow robot and start talking
>both never dated
>we exchange feels
>everything is alright until realize he:
>he types shitty emojis and takes forever to respond
>has extremely high standards for a girlfriend despite being a robot
>fucking ignores me instead of taking me straight on that he's not interested in me
Yeah, fuck you too.
I've considered picking up one of my dogs and throwing it across the room a lot.
my name is moot. im not logged in because i want to stay original.
I've had sex.
I've had a gf
I have a job (nights)
I actually have 2-3 friends I talk to vaguely regularly.
I'm not a robot. I'm just a struggling cyborg who can barely afford to live away from home and does nothing like a neet all day untill going to work at night and making enough to cover rent or eat. Never both.
Sorry R9k.
>>27101893
>shitty emojis
Do you dislike emojis in general, or does he just use shit ones
6_6
>>27093800
good lord. im in a similar situation as well
I lie to my parents about psychological problems I don't actually possess because it's the only reason I know they currently support me.
>>27097034
Done the same shit here. Absolute fuckup. Cost my parents $20k+ easily because of how poor of a human being I am.
I'm waiting for them to realize I'm never going to get better and disavow me as their son.
>>27093717
I think sex is gross and prefer single masturbation
>>27104554
I blame my mom for dropping out, I had no clue what I wanted to do and I'm not great at math. My mom guilt tripped me/ shamed me into going instead of letting me work for a year to decide. I immediately gave into the free parties, great food, and hot girls. Then I dropped out in the 2nd semester with straight Fs.
I say I'm a lesbian but I'm actually probably bi
>>27104935
Post pics or GET THE FUCK OUT.
FUCKING NORMIE GIRL REEEEEEEEEE
I have shit and piss in many strange places
A list of places I have shit:
- Off a diving board into a public swimming pool at night
- Shit into sinks, over walls and on door handles in public toilets
- Shit in a few peoples baths, beds etc at parties
My best was at a festival when I went into a random tent, bent over and sprayed hot liquid shit out my butthole all over their stuff. while i was doing this i was also pissing all over the front entrance of the tent.
I'm still a functioning member of society with a good job and have slept with over 10 women, only 1 person knows my secret (and theyve done it too).
