This is a Public Service Announcement
If you are reading this, you suffer from Self Defeating Personality Disorder.
Help is available.
>>27091727
What kind of help?
are they going to make me buy dress shirts and ties because that """"""fashion""""" is abysmal and uncomfortable
>>27091818
Welcome to the support group! What kind of things do you do on a daily basis that sabotage your chances of achieving your goal, Anon?
You're right, how about I defeat yo' ass instead motha' fukka.
>>27091727
Can you help me? I know I have a distorted view of reality but I don't know how to go about fixing it
>>27091857
Bring it, beeatch.
>>27091880
This is why personality disorders are so hard to treat. Can you think of the self-destructive behaviours you engage in, and the excuses you make to yourself for doing them?
>Self Defeating Personality Disorder
Made up bullshit.
Did you know if you pee in bottles you have Avoidant Urinary Deposit Disorder?
>>27091908
It sounds serious, you should get that checked.
>>27091727
Are you referring to a self-fufilling prophecy?
If you're going to stand on the shoulders of giants' try to avoid shitting yourself.
>>27091852
I stay comfy in my seat avoiding the eyes of others as they walk by, i stop socializing with people who have a bad image of me and i also push away the people that i find annoying, all of this leads to solitude, which isn't that bad i only wish to have someone to talk to, someone that doesn't know me and wants to be heard
>>27091930
Do you find that you're more effective when doing things for others than when working for your own benefit? Do you suffer from feelings of guilt and shame? Do you feel under pressure to achieve things but feel no satisfaction when you do? Do you procrastinate important tasks in your life? Do you feel time is slipping away?
>>27091975
I'm reading two things there - you're lonely and want to be in social contact with people, but you push people away when that becomes possible. What's wrong with the people you have a chance to meet.
>>27091904
Well, I get drunk and high and then cut myself. Every relationship I could've had, I end up fucking it up. I'm objectively ugly. I mean facially. Even if I worked out or dressed well I would still be ugly
>>27091727
I was already aware of this. You're right.
>do things when I know it's the wrong course of action
>say things I know I shouldn't just to get a reaction
>subconciouslly knew I wasn't going to make it in life so I turned my life into a joke and a spectacle
Oh well
>>27091727
I realized it was self-defeating when I decided the best course of action was suicide, OP.
I'm tired. Tired of the psychological pain.
>>27092027
The fundamental mistake there is believing you can't make it. Maybe you won't, but you could.
>>27092008
Ahh, you have Hedonistic Skin Separation Disorder. Might want to get that checked out!
>>27092074
What causes the pain? There are other ways to get away from it. Hell, even getting addicted to hard drugs is better than dying.
>>27092008
Try to stop cutting yourself; ideally try to stop getting drunk. Use your experience of how not to relationships and do the next one better. Nobody gives a shit whether you're ugly or not, it's a really minor downside; on the plus side, I'm sure you're smarter than most, which you can use to be witty, which is worth diamonds.
>>27092129
I haven't cut myself in a long time. I never did in high school and only started when I had my first major depressive episode. The problem is that I don't know where to go from here. I've got a job and am going to my classes but I can't even imagine a scenario where things get better. I don't even know how to make things better
>>27091841
You wear oversized jeans and graphic tee shirts.
You don't know what comfort is.
Get a tailor.
>>27092213
What specific goals are you working towards, in the short, medium, and long term?
>>27092006
Most people have their own fun things going on, i'm just boring as fuck, hopefully the drama club can help me with that. Looking for things on my own hasn't yielded any results
>>27092315
Rather than looking for activities to boost your social image, what hobbies actually attract you?
>>27092295
I want to do well in my classes and have at least one physically intimate relationship while I'm in college
>>27092387
What are you studying, and how is school going so far (academic and social)?
>>27092079
True. It just takes so much fucking effort on my part to even keep up with the lowest achievers. I've gotten my shit together for periods of time before but then wrecked it. My life is like a kid building a tower out of blocks and knocking it down repeatedly because I get some twisted pleasure oit of it and get to feel like I'm in control
>>27092418
Sounds to me like you're in the wrong field. Do you actually enjoy the field you're in? Does it interest you?
>>27092451
I'm in no field right now. I have no desire to do much anymore. There's not many jobs I'm qualified for. I might get back on track and feel content at somepoint again, but that remains to be seen
>>27092522
OK, so what field attracts you? What sounds fun? Almost anything can be a job.
>>27092356
Sculpting, anything that is more extreme that "combat karate"
>>27092406
I don't really like my major; but, I don't dislike it. My grades are terrible because, like I said before, I have absolutely no hope for the future. As far as social life goes, I went on a date with a girl this semester. The first one in a year. I texted her again but I have really bad social anxiety. She texted me back but I didn't know what to say so I ignored her. She texted me again and I responded but she didn't reply. I don't want to be lonely but I have no way of meeting people and even if I did, I'm twentier pounds heavier than last year. I've lost all confidence and all hope. I know I need to get better but I don't know how
>>27092628
Definitely a market for that. Are you any good?
>>27092671
Congrats, man. You got that girl double texting you after you cut her cold in a pretty brutal way. It was a mistake, but it proves you got it.
And everyone thinks they should be thinner. Everyone. Don't sweat the 20lbs.
>>27091908
>Made up
like every other phrase in every language anywhere
>>27092697
Only good at taking blows and throws
>>27092876
How about becoming a stunt man?
>>27091904
Not him, but I neglect responsibilities and lie to my parents.
I take care of my own belongings, likfe folding my clothes, washing my dishes... but I don't think it's fair that they make me fold their clothes and wash their dishes.
Am I really indebted to them because they decided to give birth to me and house me?
I don't want move out on my own because then I'll have less money to enjoy the small freedoms I currently have. Moving out is essentially signing a contract that says, "you're going to have less chances to do fun things."
I don't see benefits for my own independence.
I probably got Dumbfuck Ass Useless Retard Personality Disorder or summin like that
>>27092246
comfort is robes
too bad sheeple aren't in line with this obvious fact
>>27091852
when i get scared people are going to leave me i get really angry at them and try to push them away
>>27092908
Get out. Enjoy the large freedoms, not the small ones. It's part of growing up. Yes, you might fuck up, but you're lucky enough to be one of the few people on the planet who has a "get out of fuckup free" card - your folks will take you back, and you can try again. Or, you won't need it and you'll soar.
>>27092927
You definitely sound like someone with Self Defeating...
>>27092984
OK; can you see how this is a mistake on your part? What lies behind the anger?
>>27092899
I think i'll try geting in a boxing gym the next semester or year since right now my schedule is fucked
Thanks anon
>>27093139
Stay safe, Anon. Godspeed.
>>27091727
>you suffer from Self Defeating Personality Disorder.
I also suffer from persistent derealization disorder, extreme-bordering on paranoiac social anxiety, visual snow, and bipolar depression.
I also sometimes hear whispers and see things that aren't there.
Is help available?
>>27093306
Help is always available. The hard thing is asking for it.
>>27091980
>No
>Sometimes
>No, but I feel satisfaction at times.
>Yes
>Time IS slipping away, doesn't matter how I feel about it.
>>27093358
>Help is always available. The hard thing is asking for it.
I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and tried almost every SSRI that is FDA approved. Same with antipsychotics. The only things that help are sedatives/benzos (they are also sedatives) but my current psych (medicaid so complete shit. he used to be a SSDI claims decider which meant that for 5 years he denied people money and forced them to be homeless. this probably explains why) doesn't believe half the shit i tell him (the medical records i requested have him saying this) and now he is starting me back on a drug that i took and didn't work.
where is the real help? where is the help that will actually make me okay?
>>27093413
You are the master of everything inside your head. Act it.
>>27093420
Dude, that's fucked up. The system has screwed you with your pants on, and big time. What would be the ideal outcome for you?
>>27093009
i dont know
i just get scared that people are going to leave
and then get angry bc i dont want them toothe most ironic part is that usually they werent going to until i did that
>>27093784
>What would be the ideal outcome for you?
well later this month or in early april i get to hear whether my SSDI claim was denied or accepted so i might have an income.
the ideal outcome is that maybe my rich grandparents will pay out of pocket for me to see a real, private psych that can actually help me, but even that isn't going to make this any easier. at this point waiting for medication to take effect is so agonizing that i have begun planning ways to gas myself. i have been hanging onto reserve money; just enough to buy the equipment i would need to asphyxiate myself with an inert gas like argon or nitrogen.
i don't see a way out of this besides waiting, and the only reason i'm on my own right now is because i'm waiting to get residency status in my university's state so i can go back to school and finish my pre-med. i had a 3.7 before i had to take a break.
there is no hope for me anymore, as much as it hurts to type this.
>>27093837
So when you feel that anger, you know there's nothing to be angry about, right?
>>27093870
i do really. but i cant sotp shiti should probably go to a doctor or something to check for some form of psychosis desu
>>27093866
You are the master of your destiny. YOU. You don't need to die to prove that. How the fuck DARE you say there's no hope for you? 3.7 in one of the toughest courses out there means you have a god-damned GIFT.
I'm sorry to sound rude, it just pisses me off seeing someone of amazing ability, based on a hell of a lot of work by other and you, even considering throwing that away. Fuck damn, Anon, you're on the road to everything you ever dreamed of. And just because that road is rough at times, you want to give it up? Fuck man, hang in there. You're not a moron, so you know that's true.
>>27093898
Yeah, going to a doc is fine if that's what you're feeling, but if you know the anger is your enemy, get angry at IT. Don't act on it. You have a red flag there to know when to address your own feelings.
>>27093973
thats my main problem desu, at the time i think the anger is justified, then as soon as i start to calm down i freak out bc i dont mean any of what i said or did which just makes everything worseit starts a spiral of mood swing bullshit
>>27093995
Fuck man, you have to start a mind game up against one smart player: you. You need to feel the anger, recognise it, and then realise it's not your friend and has to be overruled. Think you can handle that?
>>27093939
>You're not a moron, so you know that's true.
i know that much just from my psychiatrist. he notes that i'm "extremely intelligent" and that he thinks i am trying to manipulate him or outsmart him or something.
>And just because that road is rough at times, you want to give it up? Fuck man, hang in there.
people never really understand me or this when i try to explain it to them. i didn't have a childhood. i've been suffering from one mental illness or another (mainly depression and derealization) since i was 12. no dad in the picture. homeless or living with bad people. abuse. my older sister whom i was close with killed herself a year or two back.
saying "the road is rough at times" isn't correct. the road has always been rough and only gotten rougher. there is no smooth asphalt in the foreseeable future. just deep potholes on a dirt road in the middle of fucking nowhere.
if i wasn't so fearful of what lies beyond death's door i would have killed myself a long time ago.
i'm so miserable but i'm too afraid to die.
>>27094040
no. theres a reason it still happens even though i know its going to happen before and after it happens. i cant stop this shit and when ive tries it makes me feel worseprobably a result of never actually feeling much emotion so when i do its all at once or something
>>27094056
You have to be the smartest moron out there, or the stupidest smart guy. OK, let's take this from the top: what would be an ideal outcome for you?
>>27094091
You know the anger is coming. You know the anger is unfounded. Can you keep a lid on it and act as though that bastard emotion that's dragging you down wasn't there?
>>27091852
I procrastinate and flip flop between getting high enough go along doing my daily tasks without feeling like shit, and getting to high such that I'm tired and sit around procrastinating more.
>>27094122
ive found through multiple experiences that no, i cant.
>>27094104
>what would be an ideal outcome for you?
the ideal is that i go to sleep at some point and wake up with no mental illness. i jump back into work and i bide my time until i can get back into uni and accomplish what i want to accomplish.
the realistic outcome?
i waste 2 months (my psych won't see me for this long) on a medication i've already tried and failed on and continue the cycle of arguing with my psychiatrist and wasting time. oh and in april i become homeless and have to live with my gf until she gets sick of me. then i live in my car. august rolls around and i try to do school again and fail miserably and have to wait even longer until some treatment can be made for what's wrong with me. maybe suicide after this point.
>>27094056
You may have dysthymia. In the past this was called "chronic depression" and "depressive personality." You say the road has always been tough. That's true, if I had your experiences, I would probably have killed myself. But don't think for a second this depression defines who you are as a person. I've struggled with the same thoughts. You believe this depressed outlook is part of who you are. You can't imagine thinking about the world in any other way. Unfortunately, current antidepressants don't treat chronic depression as well as other forms of depression. I'm sorry I can't think of anything to help you other than what other people have said. They always told me "it'll get better." I knew it wouldn't and it didn't. I took a SNRI/tetracyclic medication therapy and it blew the cement out of my brain. For a few months, I realized that the way I was feeling wasn't normal or healthy. Even the things I didn't realize were unhealthy thought processes disappeared. My meds eventually stopped working and now I'm back to square one. This time, I know my thoughts don't accurately portray reality. I've been in the same situation as you, and I'm afraid the only way you can get better will be to find a medication that actually works. It won't be easy. If you take an MAOI, you diet will be severely restricted. If you decide ECT, you may experience some amnesia. If you try transcranial magnetic stimulation, you may have to under go treatment which leaves you which severe headaches every time you undergo a session. All of these things suck but you current situation sucks. You want to die but you feel some apathetic that you can't even bring yourself to suicide. You might believe in all your heart that you can't get better, but you can. It won't be easy but you can find something that works for you.
>>27094273
Try skipping the requirement for not feeling like shit. We all have to put up with that sometimes.
>>27094302
I've found, through many more years of experiences of feeling the same way, that yes you can.
>>27094329
Stop putting the blame on pharmaceuticals. They can help you get better. They can't carry all the load.
>>27094400
>You believe this depressed outlook is part of who you are. You can't imagine thinking about the world in any other way.
this is true. no denying it.
>If you take an MAOI, you diet will be severely restricted.
an MAOI doesn't make sense for me (don't know how much you know about mental illness and such so i'll just leave it at that) and you'd be hard pressed to find a medicaid psychiatrist willing to prescribe these.
>If you decide ECT, you may experience some amnesia
>If you try transcranial magnetic stimulation, you may have to under go treatment which leaves you which severe headaches every time you undergo a session.
i have been begging my psychiatrist for this but he absolutely refuses to budge. he thinks it's stupid and doesn't make sense when we "haven't explored all the options yet"
i tried calling the local clinic that does these things and they just recently (how fucking fortunate i am) stopped taking new patients even though they accept medicaid. i can't get either without a referral from my psych.
>>27094450
i probably will eventually,this has only been happening for maybe 3-4 years and in that time it wouldve occurred probably less than 10 times. but as it stands at the moment im rubbish at controlling it.
So I'm reading through this thread and i find it interesting but i don't understand why anons like >>27094450 care so much. The anons in this thread are broken and i don't think they can be put together. If you believe you are a loser then you are a loser but even if you don't believe that you're a loser you can still be a loser.
>>27094503
I believe that you can stuff it to the man and make progress anyway.
>>27094535
What can you do to improve your skills at controlling it?
>>27094480
>Stop putting the blame on pharmaceuticals. They can help you get better. They can't carry all the load.
certainly you don't think therapy is going to be helpful for me in my current state, do you?
i'm neck deep in quicksand and until the drugs pull me out some of the way there is no way therapy could possibly help me.
i've tried therapy before, too, when things weren't so bad. i feel okay, sometimes better, after the session, but the feelings never stick. the thought processes always fade. i never connect with my therapist on the level i need to in order for any of it to be effective.
maybe it's true: i don't know how to be happy and i'll never learn.
>>27094601
repress shit more and try to be more apathetic?not sure if repress or suppress is the right word desu :|
shit another meme illness that I identify with all the symptoms
>>27094986
>because you have it
>>27095017
I'm probably self-undoing then
>>27092027
>>say things I know I shouldn't just to get a reaction
THIS THIS THIS THIS
I do this everytime
