would /r9k/ like to read a diary I've started keeping? I have BPD and panic disorder, so please bear with me. I keep it in a word document. I'm only asking if you all would be interested in reading because I'm honestly not sure if its wirthy of a cringe thread or if I need more help with my BPD than what I am receiving from keeping this diary. I don't feel like this diary has helped me make much progress though it's an amazing tool for distracting myself whenever I feel numb or paranoid. I'm also kind of self-conscious about my writing and I think it might be too esoteric and flowery.
Post it, I would like to read it.
>>27047175
Share it if you want to, I wouldn't mind reading it.
>>27047262
>>27047221
I'll post it in a few minutes.
>>27047221
>>27047262
"I feel listless and frail. Unlike how I feel during panic attacks, however, this sensation is somewhat comforting. I have never expressed comfort in an almost painful, distracted consumation of my thoughts. Subsequently, I find this to be one of the more interesting 'invalid' emotions I've experienced. Delving into the causes of this feeling I can tell you that I am, ultimately, apathetic towards my own situation. Revelations of my seemingly bleak future, my life as a tarnished paper upon which nothing can be written, have left me distraught and helpless. And it's in this desultory state that I can recall times when I wasn't a herald of my gradual fade into unimportance. In consequence, I now tend to look back at myself as living under naive and misguided thoughts. In the now shattered images I had of my former selves (which I never could align like any normal person can) I can see, repulsively, the long and deep thorns and tendrils of my aberrant nature piercing my skin and leaving me this aberrant. I have, as a result, established a nee identity. I'm no longer a person in the fullest sense, as any 24 year old could be. I'm a novice with no drive to succeed anymore. I must relearn the ropes of personhood until this identity becomes muddy and sharp and neurotic like all the others, and needs to be purged."
Thats just one entry. What do I do? I feel like an edgelord faggot because of my writing style.
bumping my own thread for constructive criticism of my shitty diary
>>27047788
>I wasn't a herald of my gradual fade into unimportance
Woah.
>>27047943
Is it edgy? I really didnt want to post anything here because I was afraid my writing was too flowery,
>>27047788
Kind of wordy but its fine.
>>27047175
Would totally read that
Post another, expressing yourself is a good way of coping with BPD
>>27048225
Okay. Hang on.
This was a continuation of the first entry from later in the day.
"Surprisingly, the source of the solace I've found in my fleeting identity lies obfuscated behind, yet within, my younger years of incessant disappointment and neglected emotional expression. I have subsequently analyzed my memories of those years and their constituents to an alarming degree of descriptive power. Here, in these unsought corrupting protrusions into my skin, I can detect a dejected portion of younger self. Perhaps lacking a purpose, without anything to perpetuate them, these lost children of my subconscious have exalted relief in knowing that their chance to contribute to the formation of my identity was not missed only to be missed forever. Yet, their newly-formed hearts now beat with a conviction to ascribe themselves to me. These bold and untested solutions to my reoccuring mental quandries, with the ferocity and drive of an inexperienced warrior, once more have the potential to enact change in an iteration of myself. Their existence, unlike my own, has a definite and eventual purpose. They will serve their purposes for a man without a purpose."
>>27047788
It's a pass so far, as long as you don't empower up actions that are fallacies, your writing style is objective and very comprehensible, I won't judge it, just reaffirm that readability is a long lost commodity.
>>27048714
Well pass as in I can understand it, I want to have sway on that at least.
>>27047175
would read/10
>>27047175
>BPD
LMFAO ARE YOU SERIOUS OP? BPD IS LITERALLY NOTHING BESIDES DON'T BE A CUNT TO PEOPLE
PLEASE OFF YOURSELF
>>27048509
you're trying too hard to sound flowery and profound
keep writing here tho. its not bad. it just needs work
i think you need to read more. thats the problem that most young aspiring writers have
>>27048714
Okay, thanks for the advice. I usually start writing these whenever I'm really angry or depressed or, in this case, numb. Conclusions I describe in the writing can be and usually are fallacious when I don't reread what I've written after the emotions have passed. And more often than not, I won't reread what I've written. I write to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper to sift through them and make some sense of what I'm experiencing. However, i will begin rereading what I write to (hopefully) improve my writing style.
>>27048779
be nice to OP
why come to r9k if you dont believe in mental illness? r9k is literally proof of mental illness.
>>27048785
I expected a criticism like this. I don't want to sound offended or upset, because I'm not, but thank you. What I used to do was write down whatever I was thinking and those documents turned out really fucking weird. They were incomprehensible. I've moved to trying to string together thoughts I have before I put them on my screen, so I WONT sound psychotic if someone finds my flashdrive. Sorry if I came off as attempting to sound profound, sadly my writing is flowery and pompous out of bad habit. I want to learn to write better so I may communicate what I experience more easily with the people around me. I have trouble articulating a lot of what I do as a result of my disorder, whether that be during paranoid episodes when I can't think clearly or even in fits of anger, to my friends and family. I want them to be able to understand what my thought-processes were. I'll definitely start to read more.
>>27048943
sorry if i came across as harsh
it is good writing. even though i had some issues with the style, i still read both entries. its not like i got bored or gave up. literally getting people to read is the hardest part, and youve managed that. you just need to tweak your style a bit
>>27048943
Flowery-ness is the main reason I hesitated to post these entries, actually. I'd need to revise a lot of these entries before I put them on here, lest I want to make a screenshot for a future cringe thread.
>>27049045
I didn't think what you said was harsh. Thanks though.
Kind of spooked out right now anon, I also have extremely bad BPD (thanks mom) and I've been keeping these borderline insane diaries for years now. Most of the entries aren't remotely close to coherent though.
Starting to wonder if I have a spirit double out there
>>27049168
I used to keep really entries that were just uncomprensible and virtually psychotic. that was before I used writing as a method to calm myself, though. Whenever I go to write something down I try to articulate what I am thinking slightly after I want to write it just so everything would sound semi-sane.
>>27047788
who talks like that? its try hard and you're obviously crafting it as you go to present yourself as something you're not. it has no honesty, and thus no value as a diary which is supposed to be just introspective thoughts for your own sake. you shouldn't need "constructive criticism", nor should you be posting it online. lets face it, this is just for you to circlejerk over how "deep" you are but instead you just come off as a try hard faggot
tldr: trying too hard, see me after class
>>27049311
See >>27048943
I want to improve how I write. That's why I've posted these entries here.
>>27047788
>>27048509
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9OhYroLN0
So emu
