Looking for god-tier retardation stories, I'll do mine first.
>be me
>12 years old, just starting high school
>school does swimming carnival
>despite taking swimming lessons as a kid I swim like a limbless amputee
>happy to just chat to random fuck wits all day
>the school has these four teams who all compete to win
>you get 5 points for winning, 1 for just finishing
>house captain on my back for two fucking hours
>"If you compete just once ill stop asking you"
>decide to just signup for whatever is next
>its backstroke
>fuck I'm shit at backstroke
>FF to the comp
>standing on side of pool hoping to not fuck up
>at least 200 people watching
>jump in, swim with eyes closed cause i'm actually that cancerous at backstroke
>smash head into something
>think I just won
>throw hands up in celebration and open my eyes
>literally not even halfway and everyone else is already finishing
>some random lifeguard appears and starts encouraging me
>"you can do it, just keep going"
>"mate, its not happening"
>get out of pool right there
>everyone's looking at me
>fuck off to cry in the bathrooms cause im that much of a pussy
>mfw everyone brought it up for the next 4 years
>mfw no amount of bleach can help me forget
>mfw i didn't even get the point cause i never finished
Will wire excessively large amounts of money to whoever thinks they can top that.
>>26922178
>Using retardation instead of autistic
Hello, lvl 9000 oldfag.
>primary school swimming carnival
>teachers all pressuring us to swim
>breaststroke next up
>fuck it ill enter
>half way down pool omg whats this
>unstoppable shit coming
>fuck fuck fuck
>maybe if I just let my lower half sink a little, drop a hand and pinch it off it'll be okay
>no one will notice right?
That's how I played with my own shit in front of 2,000 people.
Had to move schools after as was called "shit fingers" by fellow pupils & teachers alike.
>starting high school at 12
u wot m8?
>>26922301
I skipped a year at one point.
Also ausfag
here goes:
>be me at age 10
>every school rejected me because i was an agressive wild retard
>some ghetto school accepts
>im there
>run arround at school while spitting on myself
>"ITS RAINING OOHOHOHOHHOH"
>year 6
>girl I like says if I close my eyes and let her pull my pants down she'll kiss my pee pee
>feels good
>lay there thinking how great it is she's not just giving me a peck and is getting really into it.
>school dog licking my balls
>never felt such arousal together with such shame before, or since.
>>26922178
3 stories in and you lost. Start collecting money, lmao
>>26922384
Story ranking of mild autistic to full retard?
That's nothing
>have a gf several years ago
>madly in love with her
>one week she goes on a camping trip with a bunch of people from her school
>don't think much of it
>she comes back and tells me she almost hooked up with this fat friend of hers
>tries to convince me that we should have an open relationship
>literally just so she can fuck the fattest weirdest most beta fucking nerd friend she has that i have no idea why she's attracted to him
>say no but she keeps asking and trying to persuade me for the rest of the week
>get really mad but too beta to break up with her and as far as i know she is too beta to make a move on him anyway
>don't think much of it and just hope it goes away
>fast forward to a few weeks later, for some reason we go to this other guy's house to "party"
>no party, it's just him and us
>get really nervous and uncomfortable but just go along with it anyway
>before i know it my gf is getting naked in front of both of us
>i'm really fucked up so i get naked too and start dancing around
>this other guy just sitting there looking at us
>eventually i start asking if he wants to fuck my gf
>he doesn't respond
>start telling him he should suck my dick
>i tell him to throw me out if he doesn't like it
>he tries to punch me but he's so weak and pathetic, he can't fucking do shit
>for some reason a switch just flips in my head and i decide to go along with it
>put up no resistance, he pushes me out of the house outside into the cold rain
>naked outside at some random dude's house while he is banging my gf inside
>not sure what to do, just freeze up for like 10 minutes
>eventually start banging on the door
>he comes to open it and doesn't say anything
>walk back in the living room and my gf is lying naked on the floor
>i ask her what happened
>she says "what do you think"
>i kiss her and tell her i love her
>she tells me she loves me too
>sinking dreadful feeling in my stomach like i just made the biggest fucking mistake of my life
cont'd
>>26922474
>she puts her clothes back on and i curl up next to her and she falls asleep
>i can't fucking sleep for shit because i'm so fucking upset but i don't want to leave because i know if i do they're just going to fuck more
>meanwhile this guy is just sitting in a chair staring at us the whole time
>we wake up in the morning and leave and he's still just sitting there staring at us
>afaik he was just sitting there all night
>be really fucking mad at her for the next few weeks because i know she is continuing to hook up with this guy but don't say anything cause too beta
>eventually she starts telling me details about all the shit she has been doing with him
>like telling me really detailed stories about how they fucked
>this makes me mad but still don't say anything
>later that week she invites me to hang out at her place
>i show up and that guy is there
>by the way they are looking at each other i can tell they just hooked up and decided to invite me over after they finished
>fuckthisshit.jpg
>she asks if i wanna drive them to go get food
>rage building internally but say yes anyway
>tell this guy he needs to stay behind
>he does and i drive off with her
>as we drive i just fucking flip out, start screaming, threaten to crash the car
>she starts crying
>we get into a huge argument for like 6 hours
>don't remember much else of what happened that night other than that i was fucking pissed at both of them
>broke up with her a few days later
>still fucked her every now and then for like 6 months after that though
>eventually told her i didn't want to hang out with her anymore cause every time i saw her i would just get the feels and beg her to date me but she would just say no
>still madly in love with her to this day and deeply regret all the stupid mistakes i made
>>26922496
u dun fucked up robro
>>26922521
yes i know, i have been tortured by this every night for the last several years
>>26922496
>22496
>>>26922474
how old were you?You have been mutated for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original./spoiler]
![1388603286220[2].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ER8Sj6a.jpg "1388603286220[2].jpg")
>>26922533
You know what you need to do to fix it.
>>26922543
21
pls robot stop blocking me
>>26922404
Yeah sure
>>26922178
Somewhat retarded, but ain't god-tier
>>26922294
Full retard. I'll cut some points down, cause he didn't shit willingly
>>26922313
Well that's what to expect. Decent story, not much more.
>>26922342
Close second, I'd say.
>>26922533
Look man, I know the feels. But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE THINKING. HOW CAN SHE JUSTIFY ANY PART OF HER SIDE OF THE STORY.
>>26922587
>I'm shit fingers.
Yay, my pain wins fake internet points.
>>26922474
>>26922496
That's fucked up beyond my understanding.
>>26922587
Thank you fellow robot. I really am not so good at making nice greentext stories.
>>26922561
an hero?
>>26922631
no i know, trust me, i have talked to her since then, and not once has she expressed any kind of remorse or regret for anything she did
but the feels man, the feels are strong. i just wish i could be over her
>>26922705
She's a fucking whore is why; you deserve better robot.
>>26922733
the sad part is that was not the first and definitely not the last of the fucked up stuff she did, i knew she was awful the whole time but i put up with it because beta
>>26922733
No he doesn't, if hes that fucking beta to go along with it the entire time
>>26922768
Look, I know when we look at stories in hindight we call the fucker out on being way too beta about it because we can obviously see where it's going. But in the heat of the moment, sometimes it's better to not give up on people. But seriously, yeah, What the fuck.
>>26922178
>12 years old
>high school
The fuck? We start HS at 14 or 15-years-old here.
>>26922872
We only have Primary School and High School in Australia (though I think some Grammar schools have a middle school of sorts)
>Primary School
Kindergarten: Start at age 5
Year 1: 6
Year 2: 7
Year 3: 8
Year 4: 9
Year 5: 10
Year 6: 11
>High School
Year 7: 12
Year 8: 13
Year 9: 14
Year 10: 15
Year 11: 16
Year 12: 17
>>26922496
Fucking die you cuck bitch piece of shit holy fuck you fucking sicken me.. "go with it".. "go with it".. "go with it" Fuck you and your family with you. You really are the most pathetic shit... Jesus fuck. Someone curses at me and I lash out at them, you just act a bitch for all those months letting some guy fuck your girl.. LOL? "What do you think we did?" "Oh well this is what's going to happen now =D" Crime scene, you'll get the name "The Infidelity Whaler" carved on your back in prison. Worth it. Or skip countries. Your life was clearly shit as it was so what were you holding on to. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I HATE YOU KEKS
>Around freshman year
>We were having our field day at the end of the year
>One of the activities was this race where you would put your head on a bat, spin around, get dizzy then run to the end
>I never wore a belt to school because I was too lazy to ever put it on
>As soon as me and this other guy start spinning the whole school starts laughing
>I have no idea why
>But finish the race
>Friend comes up to me and tells me that everyone saw my ass crack
>Wanted to off myself
Every time I think about it, I cringe
>>26923044
i know anon, just try and picture the amount that you hate me right now, i've hated myself about 100x that amount for the last several years
>>26923134
its not that bad.
in primary i showed my dick to a chick and made her grab it.
got me suspended
>>26923134
That's the most casual cringe I've heard. I used to wear dick togs to swimming class (bad enough) but one day I had my sack hanging out the side for fucking ages. Even the teacher was laughing at me.
>>26922178
When I was in 7th grade and had swimming classes, I remember this one guy called Kai popped a boner once and everyone saw the bulge in his swimming trunks and laughed at him.
Now he's a farmer btw.
>>26923134
How fat are you?
Blkx
>be me in kindergarten
>have to go poop
>go into the little private bathroom attached to my classroom
>sit on toilet and do my business
>it's all runny and lots of corn coming out too
>making a big mess of my bum with poo all over it while still on toilet
>see there is no toilet paper left of the roll
>freak out a bit
>proceed to get up and rub my poop covered bum all over the walls of the bathroom in attempt to get it clean.
> stop and realize I have covered the white walls in this bathroom with my poop
> flush toilet
>wash hands
> slowly open the door and peak out to see if the coast is clear
>it's clear
>I sneak back to the floor and start to play with the other kids
>another kid goes to use the bathroom and yells "Teacher! someone pooped on the wall!"
> teacher goes to see and just screams like mad
>the entire class just goes over to see what happened
>I'm just sitting on the floor still by my self starting to cry
>all the kids start blaming the kid who had discovered the mess
>teacher tells other kid to go out to the hallway
>she goes out and starts to yell at him
> Im feeling pretty good at this point and dry my tears so nobody noticed
> other kid gets sent to the office and doesn't come back for the rest of the day.
All through elementary school and into highschool everyone made fun of this kid for shitting himself and making a mess In the kindergarten bathroom.
Man it feels good to tell that story
>>26923722
THAT WAS ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!! YOU RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!
>>26923759
lol chill out Joshua it was funny
>>26922178
> 7th grade
> argue with fat girl
> she drags my school bag through shit for about 2 minutes
> didn't intervene because I was getting a new one anyway
> teacher forced me to clean my bag in front of my and another class
> get remembered 24/7 the next few years
I Once puked into the air and before it came back down I put up my hood and it splashed onto my friends around me.
I took off my raincoat and everything was alright.
>>26922474
>>26922496
jeeeeeeeeeesus fucking christ
now that I have a gf I am so scared of shit like this
but seriously you fucked up so bad
>>26922252
Are you autisticfuck you robot your MOM thinks im original
>>26922496
I cant even read this shit. This triggers my inner kekoldry too much
Fuck you anon you worthless fuck. Step up and kill you ex and every dude she fucked
>>26922178
Wow and I thought turning down sex for study was beta as fuck
>>26922313
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vugqRAX7xQE
>>26922313
Simplest and funniest one so far.
>>26927449
Shit. Wrong pic, nevermid, I laffed.
>>26927449
actually happened.
fortunately no one from that school is in my life now.
>>26922474
>>26922496
Holy fuck please tell me this isn't real why are you such a fucking cuck
God have I missed these threads
