i hate my only friends

>>26800785
Why anon?
Originality required.

>>26800768
idk dude i'll never get women

i just want to get off my chest that no1 really knows me and it sucks but i think its just a trait of my personality that i'll never open up to people rly and i don't even know what "opening up" means

my best friend killed himself a month ago and I was away when it happened and missed the funeral. Now my parents and other friend keep telling me to visit his family who I haven't seen in 2 years. I really don't know how to face them without being autistic and the more I put it off, the worse it'll be

I went to a perspective grad student weekend today and yesterday. I feel like I embarrassed myself with my social deficiency.

>>26800860
I don't think they're expecting anything big for you, but to just be there.
Don't over think it, there isn't really anything you can tell to ease the pain, but just be there.

>>26800926
but they've received such a huge outpouring from the community and I didn't show up till like 2 weeks later. I feel like they dont really care if I show up or not anyways. I know I'm being really selfish but I'm worried about making things worse somehow through my social retardation

I got problems with abandonment.

I don't have any close friends, because anyone I've managed to rope into having any kind of relationship with me ends up being smothered and runs away. I know I do it but I can't help myself. I'm so scared that I'll be abandoned that I cling to them for dear life, and when they do leave it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I know I do it and I can't stop myself, no matter what I do. It always goes the same way and I hate myself for being this way. I would just kill myself but the pain my parents would feel makes me feel too guilty about doing it. There was a time I almost went through with it, but that was a long time ago. Since I have no real connections with anyone, my life just seems like a pointless march onward. I feel like I'm not going anywhere, and that there's only one possible ending to my story.

When I did have friends, I always felt like an outsider among them. I feel like an outsider among anyone I talk to. I don't understand why people like and do the things they like and do. I can't connect with anyone beyond being drunk off my ass, and even then I always end up blowing it after I cross the line between bubbly buzzed and depressed drunk.

Everyday I wake up hoping that I will have something to look forward to. That maybe I'll meet someone who finds my faults endearing and will love me. Or someone that can fix me. I often wonder how long it takes for people to realize how broken I am as a human. It must not take long. The one thing I had hoped to accomplish in life, I realized I could never do. I wanted to help people like me. But how could I help them when I myself am broken beyond repair?

Thanks for reading my barely comprehensible and incoherent blogpost.

File: arucardu.png (35 KB, 128x128) Image search: [Google]

35 KB, 128x128

I never really feel quite right
I don't know why, all I know is somethings wrong.

My family is basically worthless.

Either they're all the way off the crazy train with no breaks, or they're beyond arrogant with their lives. One of them very nearly killed a man, while the one I'm living with is a pretentious fuckwad who for some reason picked me from the crazy lineage. Keep in mind, I come from a lineage of schizo-polar-pressed people, and they're all sorts of messy. That being said, I still question why he of all people picked me as a roomy. Because you see, I was looking for a place after I came back home, but then he said he wants me to be his roomy. I decided "Fine" but only because my options were so thin.

He bickers constantly about how my family sucks and one of them should've EASILY gotten a job in this competitive world (That was my sister). Not to mention how fucking successful he is and how hard of a life he's worked up to this point (Even though he's a mere phone operator at AT&T). Literally for most of the time, he just bickers and puts down everything, including myself. I'm only guessing it was because his wife died 5 years ago, from a 43 year marriage. I try so hard to sympathize and fuck off, but he keeps pushing more and more. I'm trying to save up money to get an apartment, some utilities, and furniture as I speak.

The minute I accomplish my goal is the minute I'll never have to speak to him again. I really hope this goal is accomplished soon.

I just want some people to call a family without them sucking so horrendously as humans, or at least people I feel at home with. Just something so I don't have to constantly be reminded that life sucks.

I accidentally made fun of some arm amputee kid at my work in summer camp last year. I thought he had his arm tucked in his shirt.

File: enough.jpg (15 KB, 316x202) Image search: [Google]

15 KB, 316x202

>have multiple hospital appointments every 6 months for full body MRI scans to check if I've got a tumour growing inside from a shitty genetic condition lovingly passed down through the family

>>26802166
That sounds like hell robot, i wish you the best.
Nice dubs!

>acquire a serious felony record at 14
>24 now and about 5 months away from finally having it sealed
>no job experience
>no friends
>close family are all poor and collect ssi
>most distant family have their own businesses and are very successful
>they all know about my record since my grandmother can't keep her mouth closed about it
>they refuse to hire/help me because I'm a "criminal"
>live in a shitty area for learning trades
>closest trade school is about 80 miles away
>town is pretty shitty so most job openings are for fast food, unless you know people
>come summer I won't have a place to live

Sometimes I wish I had the balls to kill myself.

I miss her fuckin' bad man, and I can never speak to her again because she's married.

Also, I've started drinking again.

>woke up to a dead thread that was not archived in desuarchives
>been waiting a week for 2nd archives 4ch.be to be up
>find out today that 4ch.be shutdown and a dump is posted
I hope the thread is in there

>>26801114
Thanks for sharing

>>26800768

I fucking hate being black I wish I was a white guy then I wouldn't have to try twice as hard for everything. I'm not even attracted to black girls and the only thing I share in common with the black community is a appreciation for rap. I've been depressed ever since my mum moved us to that white town so I could go to a better school because I realized my whole race is a joke at that point.

>>26800768
I dated a girl and I hated myself so she broke up with me. I didn't like her save for the liking you have for a very close friend, but I dont even talk to her anymore. 3 months and i should be done but all i do is think about her. my emotions are all out of whack and i constantly feel mentally ill

I'm fucking bored and need to get some social hobbies. Also I want to order some modafinil on the internet but I'm kind of scurred the gubmint gonna get me even though everyone says they get their shit no problem.

>>26802726
Yo, then, be awesome make a better reputation for black people. Thomas Sowell, Larry Elder, plenty of motherfuckers are based. Just need to be more of them.

>>26802782
They might know you ordered it but I doubt they'd do anything. Arrests and prosecution costs way too much, thankfully.

>>26802811

>How to be tokenized: the post
>Wow you speak so well
>Computer Science? Thats surprising!
>You're not really black anon
>You sure you're black?

>>26800768
I've meet someone absolutely perfect for me and he agrees, but he's scared ofmoving too fast and of his feelings and I just want to smack him and tell him to stop being such a bitch and to fucking enjoy it.

>>26800768
>after that we decide to meet with other friends

Then it wasn't really a date - it was the both of your pre-drinking.

You cucked yourself.

>>26800768
>started a new job I'm under-qualified for and don't know what the fuck I'm doing
>trying to move into my own apartment but keep getting my move in date pushed back
>no friends
>my family is moving to another country

Also I'm 23 and I just feel so damn tired all the time.

Attention whores are bad and all, but I can tolerate them. Like they aren't ideal people to be around, but I don't mind them so much. Sluts are a totally different thing. People that hand out indecent pictures of themselves for affection and attention disgust me. Like at that point there's no standards, they'll do anything whatsoever. It's a different thing from an attention whore just trying to get in the spotlight for their 15 minutes of fame.

Now take this slut habit, and slap it onto a person who claims to feel something for you. They make these claims, yet when they have an actual issue instead of sharing it with you, they would sooner trust someone who supposedly hits them. As soon as you decide not to give them attention, they replace you with someone superior who will give them that attention. So any involvement in their life was disregarded and forgotten as soon as they could find a replacement. People will cast you as the villain in this scenario, and give them the victim role.

No, I do not believe in love outside of family bonds, and even then I largely believe it is obligation. I do not entertain the thought of being with anyone. Why bother when there would always be a superior option somewhere for them? Rat races just aren't fun

>>26802726
hey bro its me ur bihhestfam LOOOOOdasfagvbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh jdetttttt

>>26800768
I think this is more suited for an "Unpopular Opinions" thread but I may as well

I would wager that at least a third of "gay" or "bi" people are straight people who are looking for attention and are using these labels to cover up their lack of personality or accomplishments. They are boring straight people that have nothing else to their name.

Of course you can't point this out to most people because their immediate response would be "Why would they lie? Gay people have been persecuted for centuries! Nobody would want to share in that if they didn't have to!"

At that point you're fucked because if you point out that those people can get a lot of attention by claiming they're gay, you just get called a bigot, because nobody would ever do something self-destructive or otherwise not in their self-interest for attention, right?

I don't think anyone on this board has trouble understanding self-destructiveness.

>>26803013
excuses

Booker T. Washington Vs. W.E.B. Dubois

fuck off

Thinking of her makes me want to hurt myself.
When I think about the future I either don't see myself in it or I see myself alone and still depressed. What's the point?

>>26800768
>had a really nice time yesterday anon, we should repeat it sometime"
she only said this cos she got mad you didn't text her to suck up more after you all got home, and she's like, "hmmh, does anon still care about me? he hasn't texted me! he used to be my bitch. Lets see if he's still my bitch by saying this bitchy thing: blahblah"
and then you say
"yes precious please lets hang out again"
and she smiles to herself and says
"gotcha, bitch"

I haven't kissed a girl in nearly 4 years

I don't understand anyone and never have. Every social success I've had was out of sheer dumb luck. People might as well be aliens to me for all I understand of how they work and what they think. Despite this, I want a girlfriend more than anything else.

>>26803497
i think everyone here can relate to that

File: 1456351491825.jpg (1007 KB, 1484x2158) Image search: [Google]

1007 KB, 1484x2158

I feel alone sometimes I just want to scream, but I can't because my neighbors would think I was being murdered or something.
Also I'm an alcoholic and feel completely trapped in the cycle, but don't want to stop drinking because it's the only thing that makes me feel remotely good.

I'm never going to be more than a pathetic loser. Some losers can at least be charming and funny. I can't even do that. I'm like an abyss that warmth and cheer fall into and die. Every potential friend and family member is another person to disappoint. Another someone who will see right through me and realize I'm nothing.