Reminder that you LITERALLY cannot call yourself a robot if you have never had hemorrhoids at least twice.
ive had spots of blood on the tissue but never that much, jesus
>>26789956
Where can I buy this hemorroid thingies?
>>26789956
>having your hemorrhoids go away so that you can get them again
>not having them permanently for the rest of your life
pls go normie
I get anal fissures a lot but my poops are not even big and I eat a shit ton of salad.
>>26789971
i've taken shits that have looked like a fucking crime scene
Is bleeding good for the hemorrhoid? My guess is that it reduces the pressure in the blood vessel.
>>26790002
>take nice, hard, satisfying poop
>double layer wet wipe
>shove middle finger length of wet wipe up my ass
>strain it out with the force of 1000 suns
>feels so good, like the feeling of a nice double shit
>feels so satisfying
>do this 3-5 times until it's just clear mucous
>do this for months
>ass starts hurting
>blood everywhere
i cant stop :(
>>26789956
YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PILONIDAL CYST
It's always slightly alarming to see blood on your TP after you wipe
One time it bled so much it turned the water a nice shade of red
>>26790061
wtf are you saying bruh
Squat shits, my friends.
Squat shits...
>>26789956
Have had them a few times. They always go away, or at least stop bleeding once I go back to eating healthy food every day.
>>26790138
>one time
literally every time i shit, i bleed
>>26789956
After increasing my intake of sardines my hemorrhoids have become less inflamed.
Maybe it's the omega-3's?
>>26790028
yeah you should see a dr./physician about that because this isn't a bragging competition
have hemorrhoids? use medicated hemorrhoid wipes genius
>>26790332
Not him but those creams and pads don't work for me. They still take about a week to go away and hurt just as much.
>>26790093
i have a cyst between my nuts and my asshole. does that count?
>>26790162
This.
Squatting solves everything.
Pretty sure I had hemorrhoids once, they healed up like a month later or something.
>>26789956
iv taken so many painful shits, shit blood so many times.. prob cause my diet was garbage. rare now, tho i got 2 bumps on my asshole which stop it lookin pretty.. hope bitch dont mind if she rims/pegs me
Does this count? Happened a couple days ago.
is hemorrhoids the same as an anal fissure?
iv had small cuts on my asshole probably from sharp shits or something, they've healed but left a scar/small bump on my asshole..
anyone confirm?
>>26790949
No, hemorrhoids are veins.
Story time
>4 years ago
>taking a shit
>literally shit bricks
>the toilet bowl looks like it's full of disemboweled organs
>cant see the bricks because of too much blood
>wondering why im not bleeding to death
>time to use the bidet
>fucking there's no water
>the maid turned it off
>motherfucker.mpeg
>i screamed for the maid to turn on the water
>literally 2 hours of me screaming and crying
>still no water
>i see a small shower towel
>use it to wipe tomato soup off my ass
>it fucking hurts oh god
>done wiping
>the towel looks like mashed tomato
>finished up then go to turn on the water valve
>maid is no where to be found
>return to bathroom to take shower
I still haven't forgiven that bitch maid. I hope she's dead.
>tfw got my second roid for the first time this week
I'm officially a robot
No hemroids, but I did shit myself today, which is a new low.
I have a stage two hemorrhoid as we speak.
Normies will never know the pain of driknking laxative everyday and wiping with wet wipes.I actually like the wet wipes. They leave you nice and clean. Whenever I think how I used to wipe with TP only.. How barbaric that was.
>>26789956
>all alone
>lets out a fart
>pants feel wet
>sharted out clear mucous that's tinted brown
I know there aren't any doctors but what the fuck was that
It's like my anus sneezed
>>26791389
Why? Shit happens. I've shit myself a couple of times. One time through no fault of my own. Ate some shitty food and gave me stomach trouble the whole day. Shit my pants walking home from school.
Another time I though I was gonna fart but some wet shit came out. That's happened to me 2 or 3 times.
>tfw when your hemorrhoids are gone for months
damn, life is grand
>>26792645
yee, same boat
i've been trying to stretch my asshole to the shit can go easier. also trying to simulate the poo-in-loo's squatting technique
so far seems to be working
>inb4 moar fiber
>>26792577
That's anal mucus that lubricates your boypu$$ so that poo comes out and dicks come in easier
>>26790332
>>26790493
Hemorrhoidal creams and pads aren't supposed to -fix- them. You can't fix a hemorrhoid. You can only ride it out, or if it gets real bad, get it cut/burned out with surgery.
The cremes and pads really only help clean the area, relieve a little pain and inflammation, and ease the passage of shit.
That being said, if you have a ton of blood, or clots, it probably just means the hemorrhoid burst. It'll hurt bad for like a day, and you'll bleed for a week. Like "You'd better wear sturdy jeans, because you will see brown dried blood stains on them when you take them off that evening" bleeding.
But it's survivable. And once it's burst, and all that clotted shit is passed, the worst pain is over. You're just healing after that. Wipe often with those medicated wipes, to keep the wounded area clean, apply cremes for extra protection.
I've had mild hemorrhoids like once a year or something. I've had a hemorrhoid burst twice. Worst pain in my life, until I'd just wake up and shit out massive clots of blood. Then, I bled like a fucking WOMAN out my ass, until it healed.
It's not that unusual, really. But nerds get it more, because we sit down so much.
