are there any other junkie robots? a year+ sober from heroin and im starting to spiral downwards again with morphine and xanax this time. i'm starting to lie to everyone again about my use and i fully expect to be homeless again if i keep it up within the year. how do i bring myself to want better for myself, nothing feels as good as the way opiates make me feel.not even my gf
>>26781253
Honestly, nothing feels as good as being on opiates. You just have to recognize that and deal with life sober. Try putting a gun in your mouth, saying its either suicide or sobriety, and see if you pull the trigger. You won't. So, you'll just have to deal.
Where do I buy H? I need it.
I'm two years clean. I was a dope head for about 4 years before I quit.
at this point I don't even remember how opiates feel, all I remember is I loved it so much I ruined my 4 years of my life.
>>26781353
depends where you live i guess. more 'urban' parts of the city you live in where you can clearly see junkies loitering do the trick usually. i've heard of people scoring by sitting outside the methodone clinic and asking the right person. if you live in bumfuck nowhere just get it off the darknet. happy nods bud
>>26781253
>says he's a robot
>has a gf
>>26781253
There are multiple things you can do. Going to a rehab, going to NA/AA meetings, getting a sponsor, and starting therapy are all steps to stay sober. Be physically active, read books, be social around sober people.
It helps to set short/long term goals to focus on. If you have trauma/PTSD, mental disorders, anxiety and/or are depressed, start seeking a therapist who knows their shit and start tackling the underlying roots of your problem.I have 14 months sober, live in a halfway house, and work at a treatment facility for addiction.
I kicked pills (Norco, dilaudid, 10mg oxys, adderall) by tapering down.
You can too
>>26781486
rehab was my ticket out of being homeless and being able to move back in with m parents, so i've done that. NA/AA were shitshows, i went to several different meetings and it all seemed so sad and cultish, not that being a dopehead is happy. my psychiatrist dropped me when she found out i was relapsing so i started seeing a new one as of last wednesday, seems pretty okay. i think the goals thing is something I need to visit, maybe i'll start attending something like DBT, i don't think im cut out for 12 step oriented things.
Yes, total mess here.
Alcohol, adderall, coke, crack, benzos, heroin, phenibut, mdma, kratom, modafinil, meth, weed, fentynl, ghb.
This board isn't sfw right?
>>26781945
I'm 26 and it started when i was 19. Drugs listed are only ones I abused and consider addicting.
Heroin swept me away. I might take ayahausca and see if that helps me deal with personal problems and get past this, or I might just give in and watch myself die.
At least you all can afford drugs. Literally the only thing I want from life is to escape it through drugs until my death, and that is beyond my reach. Fuck.
>>26781464
not all bots are shitty with girls you know
>>26782098
That's literally a defining factor. It always has been.
>>26782017
I did it. You need to plan out a life more rewarding than heroin, with pro support(not na), good friends gf, ,ayahausca, exercise and nutrition.
>>26782164
Basically I'm trying to find out if someone is willing to let me back into her life. If she does, I think I might be able to make it. If not, I think I'm just going to go further down.
>>26781842
The reason 12 steps are pushed so much is because of its success. If done correctly with a sponsor that knows what they are doing, it will break things down in a way you can see what the issue really is. Often it is critical for addicts to find a higher power, those who don't struggle and usually relapse.
Another reason 12 steps are important is the sober community. Meetings are a good place to make friends with sober people who have been through similar things in their lives. A normie will often say "having a bad day? here ill buy you a shot".
To stay sober, most people need to change almost everything about themselves. This includes location, morals, friends, and even contact with family. Moving back in with Mom and Dad too soon after treatment almost always leads to relapse. It's sad, but a majority of addicts need to lose everything before staying clean.
Im not trying to shill for 12 step programs, but I've seem hundreds of people fail and only a small percentage stay sober. The ones who stayed clean went to meetings, got a sponsor, found a higher power, moved into a sober house, and changed their focus on being a better human bean.
>>26782079
I know what you're talking about. I mean I do drugs, but I'm always running out and caught up in sobriety. Been waiting for dope for like a week. First guy tried to rip me off.
>>26782213
I'm trying to get back with an ex too. You must be aware of how stupid our hopes are. We've got oneitis and will throw our lives away for a female.
>>26782343
Honestly a significant part of me wants her to say I've got no chance so I can just completely destroy myself
im 2 years clean from the H and other drug.... 12 steps meetings are working for me... not trying to shill but its not as bad as some of these fucks make it seem.
>>26782427
they aren't. at first i hated the aa/na thing because of the obsession with higher power. in the end i now know that it wont work for me because of that, but it works for a lot of people. if aa/na is all you have around you, try it, you can ignore the higher power part.
>>26782527
If you have been using heroin frequently enough to physically get sick from withdrawals, chances are the only thing that is going to save you is a higher power. A psychological change is critical to staying sober and the most effective way is finding "god". It humbles you, keeps you accountable, good morals and sets you up with a positive outlook on life.
I promise you almost everyone who tries to think their way through addiction or relies on will power inevitably fails.
>>26782213
op here, i thought getting a really good gf would be the binds to keep me sober. i've been together with her for almost as long as i've been sober and i really love her and she's the best i've had/probably will ever have, but i don't think she could ever be enough to keep me sober. i feel horrible having to lie to her about my use though.
the gf fixing things is such a myth.
>>26782427
>>26782527
>>26782261
i'm not trying to deny that it does work, i know that it does. but the way it replaces people social lives and the overall set up of the program really irks me. i think i've hit rock bottom before, did a stint in jail, was homeless, lost all of my good friends (not junkie friends), 0 contact with family etc. I kind of had a mental breakdown over christmas and i still dont know why, but that's when all the relapse started happening.
>>26782527
>he doesn't just curl up in a ball when the anxiety from not getting high gets too intense
>>26782672
op again, i also believe in god already, so it's not even the higher power that irks me
i used to be addicted to poppy tea (and it's just as bad as kicking pharmaceuticals, you can get strong batches, even more so because it has different opiates mixed together).
atm i haven't taken any for around 5 months or more. but now i'm an alcoholic, drink 2L of beer a day most the days (6 pack of 500ml cans).
i think being an alcoholic is better than opiate addict. i don't wake up in morning feeling like shit. i don't feel too strung out. only thing is alcohol is more expensive compared to opiates I was buying. but atleast it's kind of easier to quit. i can't drive either, though you shouldn't drive on opiates, it's harder to get caught (and most of the time if I drove on opiates it was only on light buzz).
after quitting opiates you realise how bad they affect you. quitting sucks but it just takes willpower and enduring that 2-4 weeks of hellish pain.
hardly anyone uses opiates in my country (australia) except codiene, or if they do then they're an older addict. everyones addicted to meth though... so it's hard to even find a opiate dealer, or any opiates at all besides someone who got some oxycodone 5mg from an injury. maybe if i was living in america around heroin and easy to get oxycodone/oxymorphone it might be harder to quit... but then alcohols cheap as hell over there as well
>>26782704
Yeah, I don't know if I can fix myself for her. I just want to try this one last time. I probably can't. I told her that, I just asked her if there was any chance she might let me back into her life if I did.
I'm probably still going to kill myself. To be clear, this isn't even a real life girlfriend, it's an online relationship. I'm a friendless NEET college dropout. She's the only person who tolerates me at the moment, and I've more or less already driven her away. I just want to get high so fucking bad.
>>26782812
>living in Australia
>not homebaking
Shiggy diggy. It's the Aussie cunt way.
>>26782672
no that shits stupid
it IS willpower that you need. you need to realise how bad opiates are affecting you and then have some willpower to remain sober.
you need to look and see that if you keep taking heroin, you'll probably end up like most and either OD or be too fucked by the time you're 40 that you won't live long (eg. getting hepatitis, damage from poly drug use, not having any money/probably being homeless).
changing enviroment, not hanging around other junkies/users is also really important. delete all people you have contact with that sell/use opiaets, most will come ask you after you say you quit because they know you'll be more keen on getting some and will pay for it because you probably don't have anyone to buy from. they'll use you for more drugs...
unless it's important freinds, then just say you're trying to quit and say don't ask about anything to do with opiates or don't use any around you.
and only using heroin till physical withdrawals isn't too bad of a habit. that will only take 2 months or less of every day use. 2 years or so of everyday use is when it's a habit and will be hell to quit
most people will end up switching opiate habit for something else though.. which is where the hardest part in being 'clean' is. but even alcohol is better than opiates, but longterm not so much.
clean living houses etc. are full of users and will be the same as hanging around people who are using. they'll bring in people who do use, and some will relapse. so it's better to just mvoe away from the city you're living at. that will make it way harder to even find any opiates, and means people you knew who used won't be able to contact/be around you and get you back into using
>>26782704
Life is going to be filled with having breakdowns. Its going to happen because life can be shit. When you are in state of vulnerability, you need to be able to communicate with someone to talk you out of doing something stupid like a relapse.
Hitting rock bottom doesn't necessarily mean being homeless, losing friend or all you money. It can also be a mental rock bottom where you feel ultimately defeated. After you moved back in with your parents, it sounds like things went right back to where it was before you went to treatment and no girlfriend or parents can stop an addict from their old ways once the cravings come back. If the addict has no defense against using again (i.e. sponsor, sober support, therapist) they are doomed to fail again. Some will even overdose and die.
You should find a new rehab, live in a sober house for a while, try the steps again, and get your life together. Otherwise you will just repeat the same shit over and over until you end up in the hospital, prison or six feet under the ground.
>>26782851
details
iiiiiiiiiiiiii9u8y76
>>26782851
don't know anyone that sells morphine. when i was really bad in withdrawals once i thought about hanging around old folks home etc. places and asking them lol. went through it all in my head and practiced it and all
i could try make morphine myself but since i don't use anymore then i haven't bothered. and would still would need to find some AA for the homebake plus maybe some other things
>>26782935
it's just getting morphine, adding acetic anehydride and i think some baking soda and putting it an oven with some foil
not hard to do but people have it down pat and can do way better than average person
>>26782973
>>26782935
also this is stronger than heroin in america. because some heroin is made same way (well it is the way to convert morphine to heroin, so all heroin is made that way with using morphine tablets, but some is done crudely over there and just use the opium or crude morphine extracted).
>>26782973
Just to add onto this, acetic anhydride is kind of hard to get, but you can find chemistry kits online meant for making aspirin, and those will have some of it.
>>26783006
The main reason dope is weaker in America is that it's been cut all the way from Afghanistan/Colombia/Myanmar/Mexico
>>26782914
>it IS willpower that you need. you need to realise how bad opiates are affecting you and then have some willpower to remain sober.
Common sense does not apply to addicts. Drugs distort our reality and ability to make the right choices. Will power can work in the short term, but all it takes is one bad day to fuck up your sobriety.
>changing enviroment, not hanging around other junkies/users...... don't ask about anything to do with opiates or don't use any around you.
Yes, that is partially true, changing your environment is important, but you also need to change whats inside your head. You can't run away from all of your problem. Also, in early recovery you should cut off contact with anyone you have used with. Thinking about memories with some people can trigger you to want drugs.
>and only using heroin till physical withdrawals isn't too bad of a habit. that will only take 2 months or less of every day use. 2 years or so of everyday use is when it's a habit and will be hell to quit
No, that's wrong. As soon as your brain gets that overload of dopamine, you're prone to addiction. Without getting help, most people will only get worse.
> but even alcohol is better than opiates,
You are fucking retarded. Alcohol triggers the same dopamine receptors as opiates. Drinking can make you crave heroin. Plus, no one can die from opiate withdrawal, but you can die from alcohol withdrawal.
> clean living houses etc. are full of users and will be the same as hanging around people who are using. they'll bring in people ....... and means people you knew who used won't be able to contact/be around you and get you back into using
There are junkies in every city on the planet, you can't run away and hide from addiction. I've been in a sober house for over a year and I haven't relapsed once. You know how? 12 steps, meetings, therapy, and a positive outlook. I've known people who have died doing some of the advice you are giving OP, so shut the fuck up.
>>26783041
It depends where you get your heroin. The skag you get in the west or south all come from Mexican cartels and is shit. It is stepped on and the quality has no consistency. In the northeast, however, they fixed this problem by cutting the dope with fentanyl. That makes the potency insanely high and is the reason there is such a bad epidemic breaking out there.
>>26783177
Not him but
>I got clean this way so this must be the only way to get clean with nary a doubt.
Maybe open your mind to the concept that though you have extensive experience with addiction you don't know shit about what people "need" to get sober.
>>26783272
The reason I mentioned so many places is that I have a decent grasp on where dope comes from in various places. And it's not like all the dope in the northeast has fent in it. I live here and do H, and it's not a constant.
>>26783177
>but all it takes is one bad day to fuck up your sobriety.
that's what willpower is you doofus
>No, that's wrong. As soon as your brain gets that overload of dopamine, you're prone to addiction.
i'm saying you don't need a higher power like you said to save you from addiction. you need willpower. and 2 months addiction is hardly going to need as much as 2 years of everyday use will to quit.
>plus, no one can die from opiate withdrawal, but you can die from alcohol withdrawal.
i've been through both. i'd rather be addicted to alcohol then opiates. and i wasn't even shooting up. hardly anyone dies from alcohol overdose either, but go look at the amount of people that die from opiate overdose?
both aren't good, especially as an opiate addict. but it would be better to quit opiates with alcohol then to continue using opiates/heroin and shooting up and complications that come from that. even methadone/suboxone is worse then alcohol from what i've heard from others. it's just as hard to quit as heroin. it's only good for people who've been using for years that have low chance of quitting and are better off just using sub/methadone everyday instead since they won't be associating with heroin users and stuff that comes with buying heroin everyday.
>There are junkies in every city on the planet, you can't run away and hide from addiction.
yes but if you move away you're cutting contact with users you knew as well as dealers you knew. it's hard to find a decent dealer when moving away. it works for a lot of people.
most of these 'rehab' centres are just there to prey on addicts and make money. i'm not saying religion is bad, but some of them create cultist thinking and turn the addicts into nutcases
>>26783289
I base my posts off of my personal experience as an addict, the experiences other people have told me, and the knowledge gained from working in the field. It's true not everyone is the same, but I've seen what keeps addicts sober and what kills them. Sure, maybe anon is that one in a million that can get clean his own way. That's great for him. The sad things is most addicts will never stay sober and only a small percentage can do it. I'm simply stating the methods that have worked for that small percentage.
I have thought about trying heroin before. Ive a fair amount of drugs but relatively infrequently . How risky would it be for me to try it?
>>26783407
I think you're severely overestimating the effectiveness of 12 step programs. They're much less effective than maintenance therapies, both with opioids and alcohol.
>>26783468
If you're not the right kind of person, you'll probably be fine. But if you are the right kind of person, you're never going to look back, and it will take you over.
>>26782098
Uh being shitty with girls is what makes you a robot, if not that then what?
>>26783499
Right kind of person? What do you mean?
>>26783513
Crippling depressiom and being NEET?
>>26783380
1. Most addicts need "god" to stay sober. Will power is only as strong as the junkie. Most will succumb to the call of intoxication.
2. Addiction is formed the moment the brain chemistry is changed. True it may not be as severe, but that 2 months will turn to 2 years if not treated.
3. You're missing my point. You can't just choose the lesser of two evils when it comes to addiction. You need to treat it like a disease and a mental disorder. Any mind altering substance can lead someone in recovery into a downward spiral.
4. Moving way isn't solving the problem though. It's hoping that you never come in contact with drugs ever again. Chances are you will be tempted again.
True there are shady rehabs, but there are also ones that saves and rebuilds lives.
>>26783541
In my experience, opiates/opioids take hold in a certain kind of person. Isolated people who are never happy, and just want relief. Basically the more you need that sense of peacefulness and happiness, the more control the dope is going to have over you. That's why some normies who are all into MUH PSYCHEDELICS BRO or 420 BLAZE IT ERRYDAY can try it once and walk away, because it doesn't flip that switch for them. But for some people it's like turning turning on something you've never felt before, complete and utter happiness. And if you're like that, you're never going to want to give it up.
>>26783468
>>26783499
robots are probably 'that kind of person' by nature.
>>26783651
That's honestly my point. In my opinion, opioid addicts are the purest form of robot out there. The act itself is surrendering and accepting that we enjoy our lives so little that we're willing to throw them away for the chance to be happy.
>>26783480
In my opinion, they are both crucial to sobriety. You need therapy to deal with underlying issues and you need 12 steps to gain spirituality and to have that sober network.
I'm currently living in South Florida, which has some of the highest amount of addiction centers/halfway houses/rehabs in the country. It is a hot spot for recovery and relapse. Like I've said, I'm just going off of what I've seen because for the past year, this subject has been my life.
I just get irked when people start giving advice that has killed some of my friends.
>>26783693
At least Synanon isn't a thing anymore
>>26783709
Sadly, there is a lot of negative shit in the recovery business. We have had halfway houses allow clients to piss dirty so their insurance will pay for PHP levels of care. In some cases, house manager would give kids money to go relapse to get that pee. Some places were straight up trap houses and scams.
Finally, though, the FEDs have been cracking down and shutting down these "flop houses" and arresting the owners.
I feel like I'm on the downward spiral to becoming an addict. I liked Heroin and opiates but I could take or leave them until I started shooting
I still space out my using so I don't become physically addicted but I can't stop thinking about heroin and I live for the moment when I can shoot up and feel the warm rush
there have been times where I've shot up with syringes and needles I fished out of my sharps bin and opened sachets of citric that have been lying about on the floor for two weeks rather than put off using to go to the needle exchange(I have a suppressed immune system and the fact that I am risking septicemia and dirty hits by using such dirty works is extremely retarded)
All junkies are failed normalfags, not robots.
I'd tell you to kill yourselves, but you'll be dead soon enough, and I'd rather you wastes of skin suffer a bit more.
I used to be a junkie but then I realized that it was harming my brain so I stopped abusing
>>26782731
>>26782851
>>26782949
>>26782973
First thing I thought of was "homebake". Acetic anhydride is the most watched substance on the planet. If you can do codeine acid-base extraction and then melt it with pyridine HCl in a closed test tube (supposed to be under nitrogen, but whatever) then you got something to work with.
Bear in mind that you'll need some equipment and solvents if you want to isolate compounds for each step. Otherwise it'll swiftly become a mess.
>>26783177
>Alcohol triggers the same dopamine receptors as opiates
>CNS depressants
>opiates
>all trigger the same dopamine receptors
>>26785604
the codeine to morphine requires a hard to find chemical (atleast what i've read)
acetic anhydride is easy to get because a lot of chemistry students get access to it from first years when they make aspirin, and it's used in a lot of other synthesis stuff.
most opiate users can find a source as well... it's not hard to find compared to other chemicals. just have to know someone
>>26785641
yeah...as a substance, Alcohol acts on your GABA A/B(not sure which) receptors, like benzodiazepines do.
heroin attaches to our endorphin receptor sites buddies and causes the brain to be flooded with them.
both are full agonists that attach and release, causing the good feeling. For the most part, those who enjoy opiates, do not enjoy alcohol. There are exceptions, though. It's same with those who enjoy alcohol, they won't enjoy opiates.
>dopamine
the similarity between alcohol and opiates is the act of addiction itself. It's the rewiring of the dopamine release, or the reward center.
once the reward center is triggered, dopamine floods the system making you feel good as a person. In normal people, this release happens when they do something nice. They achieve something or help someone out or do something their family needs etc..
the problem for addicts and what turns you into an addict is that eventually, the only thing that will trigger and set off reward center dopamine is getting high. As you keep doing opiates or alcohol, your reward system changes to only be triggered by the act of using your DOC. This works the same way in an alcoholic, opiate addict or a food addict.
that's why you see these people losing their houses, kids and money. The act of using becomes their safe haven. The only thing that makes their brain go, "I'm a person, I feel safe right now, this is what I need."
they might pretend to care about their kids or bills, but those things will only be around as long as they can afford the addiction and them. eventually the addiction wins out. though, there are people that will see what they're doing to themselves and their kids and will therefore stop, some won't.
>>26785729
I'm not OP but a fellow junky.
You don't see many people synthesizing Opiates for a reason. It might not be that hard but it calls for equipment and substances that a Heroin addict doesn't give a shit about when it's time to cop again because you're about to hit withdrawals.
If I was some rich kid with an infinite supply of Opiates and money, sure, I'd synthesize some.
>>26783177
Stop talking about receptors and dopamine. You have very little understanding of it.
I'm replying to you because I saw others calling BS on that particular part of your post.
I didn't the rest of your blob of text, but I'll assume it's just as retarded as your alcohol/heroin addiction prognosis.
>>26785729
Depends on your sources then. If morphine and acetic anhydride are easy and safe to get, then go for it. Yields aren't great with morphine to heroin though. Yields from codeine to morphine are bleak. However, pyridine isn't going to arouse any suspicion, and if you end up with a tonne of codeine in your hands and you don't know what to do with it...
>>26781253
I do weed and shrooms, feels pretty good man, though im scared that ill trip to hard one day and do something that will get me kicked out of my condo.
>>26785981
i would rather grown poppies in my back yard and make opium/heroin.
still, after all these years of opiate abuse, i have not tried opium.
my first favorite was oxy, then it was heroin.
my ultimate opiate is high quality poppy pod or seed juice. don't call it tea because there's no brewing involved unless you like destroying your opiates with heat.
poppy pod/seed juice is the most euphoric opiate high i've ever experienced. it's like being wrapped up by multiple warm blankets. while oxy or h is like being wrapped with one warm blanket.
once upon a time i got poppy seeds specifically grown for GlaxoSmithKline. these were the only seeds in my life that i could have ODed on if I did my friday night 4lb dose instead of before work 1lb dose.
even that 1lb dose had me fucked up and throwing up.
>>26786105
You are not alone there, my friend. But I would suggest making some morphine instead to settling for seeds.
When it comes to Morphine, these days is made from poppy straw, the dried out seed capsules. It is very easy to extract morphine from these. With some simple glassware, good solvents and careful procedure you can get very pure morphine.
>>26786275
poppy seeds/pods is pure natural morphine and then some.
the actual straw is weak/has little opiates in it and is probably rarely used. in fact, i've never seen or read about it being used. only seeds and pods have value.
seeds have natural morphine and codeine on them due to being grown inside the poppy pod. which has the same exact stuff in it but more potent most of the time. it's also easier to work with pods if you want to make opium or heroin. though, i've made opium from seeds. not worth it.
seeds are good for a wash to extract morphine/codeine. outer latex layer of poppy seed has naturally occurring morphine, codeine and 25 other opiate alkaloids. pods do too.
all you need to extract morphine/codeine from seeds is a 2L coke bottle, a funnel, water(or juice of your preference) and maybe some citric acid if you want to be anal about it. though in all my years of getting high off seeds/pods, citric acid maybe gives you a 2-3% difference. not worth it, really.
your body metabolizes morphine/codeine/alkaloids from poppy seeds very differently than a morphine or codeine pill by itself. a poppy seed high lasts 12+ hours for a person with light tolerance and they will still feel it the next day when they wake up. poppy seed/pod half life is somewhere in 30-50 hour range. more if you do it constantly.
morphine in itself, by pill, is very short lasting and most people will prefer hydrocodone over it because morphine is tough to metabolize and it gets ruined by your liver very quickly even if your body is good at metabolizing it.
a junky will always main line morphine and will never take it orally because he knows oral morphine is crap. codeine..well, codeine is just weak. some people also have enzyme CYP2D6 mutations which makes codeine even more weaker to them. though, the actual substance codeine is active in itself. whereas, for decades it was thought that codeine only becomes active once it's metabolized by CYP2D6 into morphine. this is untrue.
