So story short /r9k/, my bf is an alcoholic, he goes through a whole six-pack of beers in a night on a regular basis and its really damaging to his health but he won't listen to me.
He's a construction worker and he claims that he needs the alcohol to manage the stresses of work, meanwhile i'm an accountant so i always get this judgmental look when i try to tell him that others have a difficult life and can manage it without drowning their sorrows in toxic alcohol.
I really just don't understand why he does this, like he is currently sleeping off a hangover right now, cans of wasted beer littering his room. His drinking didn't bother me when he first moved in with me and i didn't notice it much but it seems like he doesn't even want to go out after I started working this new job, he just sits around drinking and funposting on 4chan.
How can i bring these issues up to him without seeming a bitch? Like obviously i still love him and want to help...
>>26673680
Don't be such a cunt and drive your bf into drinking
>>26673680
Only a six pack a night? Sounds like you have a girlfriend.
bullshit. no serious alcoholic drinks fucking beer to run to the toilet every half hour.
you are male just made this story up to make women look like they go for assholes and losers.
>>26673722
Exactly, it's just depressing. Six beers, that's what he's decided he can afford, not the cherry on his sundae.
You could try giving him pain killers instead of booze. Or heroin maybe meth. Idk. Or you could leave this board
>>26673680
You're posting on the wrong board if you're looking for actual advice, you go to /adv/.
He needs to admit it himself.
You can't make him face it if he doesn't want to.
Try a couple more times and make sure he knows you want to help him, not judge.
If this doesn't work give him an ultimatum.
Alcoholism does not end well, sorry.
>>26673680
>he goes through a whole six-pack of beers in a night
Start worrying when he starts going through an entire two-four a night, six beers is really nothing.
A six pack a night? kek
Let him drink.
Thats it, im done with /r9k/
As an alcoholic myself, here's my input
1) It can get much worse than just a 6 pack a night, you shouldn't berate him as much as you are right now
2) It easily can get worse, and you should brace yourself for it. Anything from a life tragedy to a day off from work could turn a 6 pack a day habit into a 750ml bottle of vodka a day habit. Not guaranteed, but wouldn't be the first time it happened
3) Nobody, not you or his mom or his gay side lover or jesus christ on the cross can make him want to stop. This may hurt to hear but this is just the nature of addiction, I'm sure he still loves you
4) If he is still in control of himself ie: not hurting you or other loved ones, not drinking & driving, not letting his work performance suffer, then it is not really a big problem. Yes, he is technically hurting himself, but everyone in the world does whether it be with tobacco, food, porn, or harder drugs. The liver is also surprisingly resilient and heals itself quite quickly in times of abstinence
At the end of the day, you need to accept that this probably won't change and decide if its a dealbreaker to you or not. If his behavior isn't actually destructive and its still a dealbreaker to you, I think thats your ego and sense of superiority talking & you should get over yourself
>drinking problem
>beer
lmao
>>26673680
Dump him. Even if you get him to listen, he'll resent you and relapse.
>>26673900
Thanks for the actual advice, i'll think it over, maybe i'm just overreacting, it seems like a lot to me but he isn't hurting anyone else yet you are right.
I'll tell you why he's drinking himself to death hunny. I'm currently sitting here myself, getting high and piss drunk allright, on a monday afternoon. He's doing what he's doing, because he hates his job. He sees no future ahead of him and basically sees himself repeating the same mundane shit for the next 30-40 years ahead of him, unless he magically creates something lifechanging for himself. It's pretty obvious that he would need some alternative to create the lack of happiness for himself. When nothing else can truly satisfy someone any more, even the most harmfull of things will seem allright, as long as it gives him some form of happiness. I mean, we all long for happiness, and having to put it on a backpack for the rest of your life and JUST deal with it is to much to ask. Your BF needs some form of escape from life, because he knows that suicide is not an option. You see, it's not necessarily that you are part of his reasons for his distaste for life, but there obviously is something he's not satisfied about, and if you where one of them, he would not be with you right now, I'll tell you that. My honest opinion is, that you try to subtly make him feel better about himself. Don't comfront him about this shit and make him feel even worse for doing what he's doing. Just do your 100% to make him feel better all around and jsut maybe he'll regain his confidence and do something with his life.
>>26674030
Or maybe he has a family history of drinking. Or maybe he just likes to unwind after a hard day of physical labor, something 90% of this board has never experienced
>>26674007
why don't you drink with him?
>tfw no gf to drink with while watching dumb shit on the internet/ playing vidya
if you truly can't handle it then you need to dump him now and get it over with. an ultimatum is ONLY going to make him resent you because right now he doesn't see what he's doing as bad. in fact as you stated he says he does it because he has no other way to treat the pain. so if you force him to stop he's not only going to resent you for telling him what to do, but also resent you for taking away what he is currently using as medication for depression.
all i can say is, if you try to talk to him about it you HAVE to come from a place of wanting to help and not coming across as disapproving or judgmental. for instance you could start by suggesting that if he is suffering so much he drives himself to drink, you'll look into therapy options with him for depression so he can get some help in another way. or you could say you are simply worried about his physical health and just ask him calmly if he thinks what he's doing is healthy in the long run. maybe suggest one night you two go jogging instead to relieve some stress, etc.
you mention that you compared him to other people who can manage their pan without alcohol. to me that would be really hurtful and saying that i don't "stack up" to everyone else. that is exactly the type of approach you shouldn't take.
of course he could just be a stubborn arse who will never change. if that's the case you just have to decide if it's a dealbreaker, and if it is, leave, and don't offer any sort of ultimatum about getting back together either. he'll have to change when he's ready.
>>26674030
this
new studies have shown that the "try addictive drugs, get addicted because drugs" models are actually not valid. in fact new studies prove that the vast majority of people with substance abuse problems do it to fill a void.
the stereotype of some junkie who just wants to feel positive waves or whatever is bullshit. people do this because they are screaming inside and the only other option seems to be suicide.
>>26673680
Fuck off cunt, die slut.
>>26674122
What people like you don't understand is that coming from "a place of wanting to help" IS an ultimatum in itself. It makes him feel like HE'S the weirdo, HE'S the sick one, when in reality every single human has an addiction of some kind. Functional alcoholics are even socially acceptable for fuck sake, and as long as they keep the drinking to their own homes after work hours they don't even stink up every fucking place they go like cigarette smokers do.
You make a 6 pack a day sound like being a homeless beggar who spends every dollar on bottom shelf vodka
>>26673680
>ask him to share a beer with you from the six-pack
>he only has to drink five instead of six, thus decreasing his alcohol intake
it's fucking simple math and you're claiming you're an accountant jesus fucking christ
>>26674007
Not him, but it's something to be aware of that it can get worse. And like he said, you can't fix him if he doesn't want to stop.
>>26674030
Drinking pretty much comes with the territory of construction, and it's actually a pretty decent job if you're with the right crew-lunch hour is drinking with bros. While I totally buy into the life is hard and then you die ennui as a possibility, that doesn't mean it applies to him.
>>26673680
Kind of in the same boat OP. Im a raging boozer and my girls a tinier boozer. Its hard to get out once your in
>>26674212
Is that the same reason why you spend all day shitposting on 4chan and playing videogames in between jack off sessions to fetish hentai?
Cause I'm pretty sure you have no idea what you're talking about
>>26673680
>>>/adv/
>>>/adv/
>>>/adv/
This isn't the fucking board for you normie, stop bringing all your problems and questions to /r9k/
>>26674226
depends on how functional though, which OP really didn't elaborate on. if you are sleeping in every morning hungover then i imagine no that's not really that healthy for you.
also by OP's post the boyfriend said that he drank because he can't deal with stress, so i think it's not too far of a stretch to say that he would consider himself depressed or sick in that regard. i'm not saying approach it in a "honey we need to get you some help" way but just a compassionate one instead of WHY YOU ALWAYS UP LATE DRINKIN YOU SCOUNDREL or whatever.
>>26673680
Fuck off whore, die whore, sage.
>>26674289
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park
didn't realize it was that old of a study though, so i guess it's not really new science. tl;dr rats that had healthy social interactions rejected morphine and rats who sat in a box all day long alone (i.e. robots) fell into addiction almost every time.
and fuck you too.
>>26674289
If you laugh at anything on the computer, you really aren't depressed. Depressed people are incapable of feeling joy at basic things that used to make them happy.
>>26674463
It sounds more like you are neglecting yourself from laughing, if you are able to recognize what used to be funny to you.
>six pack
>getting drunk
Pick one.
>>26673680
>6 pack
>a lot
Your boyfriend is fine. My father used to drink 2 liters of vodka every day
