>entry level job such as janitor
>requirements: must have flown to the moon and have 30 years experience managing a successful hedge fund
who /defeated/ here
lie on your resume.
fucking lie.
they don't check.
It's so easy.
just lie.
The worst thing that can happen is they fire you and you'r eback to where you were when you didn't have the requirements anyway.
jesus christ op.
Lie.
requirements are an autism filter for people like you who don't know how to lie.
lie.
just lie.
Oh, I cant wait until automation becomes a thing with big business, they could save a lot of money with robots working 24/7, paid pennies in electricity and servicing, and able to do most jobs. Unlike the industrial revolution where people thought job lost was eminent, the robotic revolution can genuinely replace a lot of humans. That is still a while from now, right now it is outsourcing.
>>26656737
This..mfw my best reference is a friend of mine w/ a british accent that shit slays.
>>26656677
Never understood that really. Its not doing anything useful. You wont get better candidates.
I was denied working in library as a guy who just helps students to find stuff (its all they do all day) and doing some useless easy papers once in a while just because I dont have 5 years of experience in it. I dont even know what you need 5 years of experience in, you are just searching database and filling in papers. The people who are there working dont even know english (eastern europe here), cant type with 10 fingers on keyboard which I can and dont even know what physiology means. I was actually shocked to find this out when I was asking for database entry.
>>26656677
I get the meme, but if you just want to be a janitor, try getting a job with the city or state. City janitors here make $40k starting which is a comfy middle class pay around here. State janitors make about $25k starting (livable, even can afford a decent car, maybe buy a 2br house or condo).. Big difference desu.
Somewhat competitive, but aim at absolute bottom- tier government jobs and it's easier to work your way up. Even minimum wage TSA workers get priority for shit like Programmer for the Army (assuming they have a degree in CS).
If you want a white collar job, it's always easiest to start with an internship, even if you just graduated. Lower standards for interns and if you prove yourself, they'll usually take you on. Less than 1/4 of new entry level hires in my department are fresh out of college with no internships.. And the ones that are have a Master's degree. It's BS, admittedly.
I'm trying to pull myself out of the NEET life, and its not going well at all.
All of my online applications are being met with zero response. None. Zilch. Nada. Not even an email in response. And positions that should be entry level want experience.
And I'm not going to volunteer anywhere. I'm not the kind of cuck that would work for free.
I'll work in the back of a store, in a warehouse, driving a truck, I don't care. As long as it doesn't require facetime with customers I'm fine with it. Nightshift security sounds comfy, but even that is loaded up with qualifications.
I might as well just build an exit bag and check out of life before shit gets really bad for me.
borhorkhorkmcborkbork
>>26656856
Yes, surely big businesses will pass on the savings to their customers.
>>26656737
They seriously don't check your resume? If not, and it's true, then I'll finally go ahead and get my job at a grocery store.
(Guy's gotta make a 'living' somehow.)
>>26657861
i agreeblox0r
>>26656737
how would i go about doing that?
like, fake numbers?
i had to intern to get my foot in the door for my area. also just pretend like you started every job earlier and have been doing it for a long time.
If you have 0 experience you are shit out of luck in finding any job. Any retard who worked as a truckers asswipe for a day will look better than you on paper.
Either volunteer or get good at lying/winging it.
>>26656677
being a janitor at a school or shopping mall or something sounds like a dream job
>not having to deal with customers like the 30-something year old single mom with problem glasses who always asks to talk to the manager
>no lunch or dinner service rush
>not having to work with 16 year old stoners and Staceys
>not having a manager and sub-manager and franchise owner and regional inspector all breathing down your neck and all telling you to do one thing 4 different ways
>just dirty and clean
too bad that the "janitors" around here must also be fully-licensed plumbers and electricians and architectural engineers.
Honestly just srcubbing toilets and mopping the floor sounds like a dream job, as far as wagecuck jobs go.
>>26658376
>>26658280
whatever they want just say you've done. Bonus points for having references who can be in on the lie.
>2 years retail experience preferred
I work in my parents store.
>leadership/management
I was the leader of gold team in the search for a missing person.
If they do check, they just won't hire you. Lying on your resume is not illegal so long as you're not applying to be in the CIA or work for the government or something.
The less bureaucracy the better.
You need experience to get experience. So lie. It's not hard to do 95% of jobs, they're just not interested in holding your hand through it.
I worked at a job where we used forklifts everyday. I was never officially trained or licensed to operate forklifts, but it's easy as fuck to figure out. So what do I say now?
Yes I have fork lift certification.
>>26658594
what if i do become a manger of a store and they find out that i never done anything and is a turbo neet?
is there any way they can take legal action against me for this?
>>26656677
Every time one of these threads pops up, I post the same advice, and every time I am completely ignored. Well, once more into the breach.
The days are long over when you can rely on the shitbag capitalist bosses to make your living. If you expect to survive, you're going to have to learn to hustle. Hustling is how you make money when you're on the street; you're always looking for an angle, a way to turn a quick profit. You won't make a big pile, but if you're creative, energetic, and not overly burdened by scruples, you can keep yourself in lettuce.
I've done all kinds of things over the last 30 years. I bought wholesale janitorial chemicals and sold them out of a backpack to small businesses. I saw a whole bin full of leather belts for 50 cents, so I scooped them all and sold them $5 apiece door to door with an itinerant's license. I visited an import/export cash-and-carry and bought a whole crate full of pens with fruit-scented ink for 25 cents a pack and sold them for $1 a pack to single mothers in the projects as affordable treats for their kids. And when there was nothing else going, I got a squeegee and a bucket and started washing windows and polishing chrome for small businesses.
Every time I suggest this here, either I'm completely ignored or some /pol/tard moron tells me "that's how niggers live" and blows me off.
protip:
always LIE
>>26658703
They might fire you but it's not illegal.
This is what the background check and interview process is for. If they fucked it up that's their problem.
The only thing I would suggest avoiding is lying about education you have. Like if you didn't go to college at all, don't say you did.
Outside of that, if it's not something that would come up in a background check they have no way to prove you're lying.
Don't say you worked at X store for 3 years because they can just call X store. But volunteer work, family/friends work, things you did in school, stupid made up stories that demonstrate your abilities, padding your GPA.
Absolute worst case scenario you pay a fine. Nobody gets thrown into federal pound me in the ass prison for lying on a resume unless they're using that information to defraud investors or gain access to secret information.
>>26656677
>> astronaut posting open
>> must have 30 years experience as Janitor
>> 5 year mission on mars
>> call 555-suck-mah-balls ask for dave
>>26656677
>tfw no friends to put as reference on resume
>>26659000
>I know that feel
Guess I better buy 3 phones and use a voice changer or some shit
>>26656677
Yeah totally, I could get an internship with Goldman Sachs and had to settle for a 3bn aum mutual fund
>>26659014
that's what I'm doing right now. Put stickers on them just in case.
>>26658839
Your posts always get ignored because you are trying to sell resourcefulness, hustle and entrepreneurial skills to adolescent manchildren who cannot get it together to apply for and acquire an entry level job.
For a salesman, you have no sense whatsoever of your audience
>>26658839
>pens with fruit-scented ink
>affordable treats
you sold project children ink?
Kek I work for a pe firm and have recruiters calling me with offers every week. 200k+ for senior associate/associate vp positions
>>26658839
You probably live in a city, where this kind of thing is easy.
The transportation costs and time to schlepp all this shit around is too much for this to work outside of a city.
>>26658839
Yeah I had a friend like you way back in the day. He was like Eddy from ed edd n eddy. Always had some business plan or scam going on. One summer we went around asking for donations so we could join "scouts," we weren't in scouts.
I've never been able to hustle. It's just not in me. You gotta be outgoing and able to pressure people and talk, this is like the opposite of everything r9k is IDK what the fuck you're doing here.
>>26659215
>has over 500,000 dollars
>still comes on r9k
wow dude life handed you success on a silver platter and you still didn't do fuck with it.
At least I have an excuse for fucking up. What's yours?
>>26658839
how do you convince your landlord to let you stay in a apartment with no official steady income?
>>26659215
Now tell us how you did it, family
>>26659323
I just lied and said I would be working once I moved in (from out of town) and would be getting a loan.
As long as I'm not late on the rent they don't give a fuck. I don't have a job, I never had plans to get one. I'm living off netbux while in school.
>>26659102
Buy something cheap and sell it to someone else for more money. That's not complicated. And it has the benefit that you can do it at your own pace, on your own schedule, and without any experience or investment. And I should note that it's all tax-free money.
>>26659120
Sure. I realized that single moms don't have a lot of money and they're always looking to give their kids something cool and fun. These pens smelled awesome. I had never seen such a thing before and I knew that meant they probably hadn't either. The novelty factor alone made them exciting for kids, and I made sure I went on welfare day so they'd have a few extra bucks in their pockets. The kids got a treat, the mothers felt good about giving their kids a gift, and I made some money. Everyone wins.
>>26659248
Maybe that used to be true, but with the Internet there are whole new vistas open. I know a girl who makes money selling roleplaying polyhedron dice on eBay. Not everyone has a gaming store in their town. She buys them in bulk and sells them online. Get five or six sidelines like that and suddenly you've got a living. One trip a week to mail shit and you're golden.
>>26659257
I live with depression and social anxiety, just like you, and I spill my spaghetti all the time too. The difference is that I've learned not to care. When I spill my spaghetti, I laugh and push on. People think I'm weird, but when you can laugh about it with people, it's a good weird.
And I'd like to add that I'm not cheating anyone. I cut myself a slice of pie as middleman by creating markets for myself -- markets which are too small for big businesses to bother with.
apply to the TSA. Got a job there 3 years ago and now I make 40k with benefits. Also get to pick your days off and if you want morning, regular, or night shift
>>26658839
this would require social skills and charisma that most of us robots do not possess, get the fuck off of my board you retarded fucking normie.
>>26659462
do you get to touch people in intimate places? and look at their gross misshapen bodies through the lewdy sanner?
>>26659323
Not every landlord cares about credit rating and source of income, especially if you come with first and last in cash and are flexible about receipts. I don't get to stay in expensive, modern apartments, but I can't afford it anyway. I usually end up finding a place through word of mouth or Craigslist, since no corporate landlord would touch me with a ten foot pole.
>>26659478
the scanner isn't an xray and pat downs suck but I get to throw away normies shampoo
Become a caregiver you cuck
> job interview less than week after turning in application
> Can fog a mirror?
>yes?
> welcome aboard!
I've played my Wii U all day while my client sleeps all day, except to wake for meals or meds. I can take him out where ever I want for whatever reason. I'm "working" right now
>>26660006
Good job if you land a client able to wipe own ass. Otherwise not so good.
>>26659287
Oh i am happily engaged, have a good circle of friends and am well adjusted. But I have the sadistic pleasure to look down upon those less fortunate than me(think patrick bateman), so I found this place
>>26659363
Being smart, going to a top 20 university, studying computer science and econ. Don't focus just on studying, go out and build relationships and get internships, i had 3 buyside shops bidding for me post graduation and my starting salary was 80k with a 10k sign-on bonus (this was in 2009, before startup salaries rose so much)
