Someone here have suicidal tendencies when he was 6-7 ?
I have.
I was fascinated by what is to come after death. Nobody had an answer for that so I was frustrated. I did not want to wait until I die of old age
But I never found the right path (thanks for that, or maybe not). I considering jump out window but I was not sure if I was high enough and also I hate pain so any violent way was not an option.
Try to drown myself in the pool but instinct is instinct and came for the breathe after some time.
Growing up is an emotional seesaw so after some time I just came on other thoughts.
At the moment I do not have suicidal tendencies. I just remembered it, I thought it was interesting and I wanted to share with anons.
Someone have similar stories from childhood ?
my parents were fighting a lot, my friend moved away, and the only grandparent i ever liked hanging out with and the only one who actually loved me died within 3 months when i was 10
i exploded in size, went from 110 lbs (already huge for a 10 year old) up to 160 in a few months. i just wanted to die. i would put chains around my neck and pull as hard as i could to try and strangle myself. i skipped 80 days of school that year. i remember i didn't want to see the new year so on new years eve i just started running away with nothing and laid down in a ditch to die, but then a cop found me and took me home
my mom took me to the doctor and got me on some antidepressants. idk why i never killed myself, i've been depressed the whole time ever since and i fucking hate my existence. i guess i haven't done it because i know there is nothing after this so i better ride this shitty ride the whole way, kinda like how i sat through all of star wars episode 1 in the theater when i wanted to kill myself as a child
>>26651886
Sorry to hear that anon.
My intentions were purely out of curiosity so of course no comparison.
How are you doing now ?
>>26651940
p bad. i might kill myself saturday. if something happens then i'll wait until my bday. if i'm still a khv by then i'll kill myself. if i'm not a khv but still a virgin, then my 10,000th day i'm killing myself (march 31, 2018). if i've lose my virginity before that, then i'll wait until my mom dies and then i'll kill myself. if i have a wife at that point obviously i won't an hero
so yeah i'm not going to make it
>>26651740
not really tendencies (at least can't remember any real attempts) but thoughts that started before yours
i'm ok at the moment
My dad walked away from my life when I was 4. Didn't think of it much at the time, but this was the start of my mental problems which led to tragedy later on. I remember during a severe panic attack/mental breakdown I began yelling and screaming about how I wanted to die. I don't want to die, but goddamn do I feel like a pathetic sack of shit.
>>26651886
>kinda like how i sat through all of star wars episode 1 in the theater when i wanted to kill myself as a child
my childhood friend died of cancer when we were 7, it made me very curious about death, at night i'd close my eyes and contemplate the ceaseless blackness, I realized that after I died there wouldn't even be a mind to comprehend just blackness, it was so hard for me to wrap my head around it and I figured there was only one way to know for sure
I tried hanging myself gently but I ended up pulling myself back up
I've been thinking about suicide literally every day since around 6-7. Really traumatic fucking childhood. Self-mutilating just for how it felt since before I even knew it could be edgy.
I just remeber one more thing. I have really weird nightmare in day dreaming If I can call it like that.
I had a compelling vision hayrack that falls from the wall of the gym but never hit the ground.
I cant get rid of that vision, even have dreams about it and my brain literally hurt from having that.
>>26651740
Not that young, but I had some fucked up ideas when I was 8-10 yo
>Psychiatrist gave me double the normal dose for adults of an SSRI known to induce suicidal thoughts in kids (so use in kids was not contemplated in theory)
>tfw unknowing ginea pig
>tfw didn't work
>>26651886
hey I had similar experiences
>>26654386
me^
I had a phase during elementary school where I would binge eat until I threw up every night, my parents took me to the hospital and I don't remember much from that time, I was 220lbs by age 12 and ended up regressing to that childhood phase when I became bullimic in my late teens, I lost 80 pounds.
>>26654585
Are you any better now?
>>26654566
for better explanation.
It never hit the ground because it is constantly growing larger dimensions as well as the gym.
and for that I had a headache
>>26654710
That's fucking obnoxious
I had dreams of light switches turning on and off and pencils spinning and I could never get them to stay still, woke up with a fucking headache, yeah
I once told my math teacher in 7th grade ill rather shave my ass and kill myself then go to summer school because I was failing math, that didn't go so well and I had to go to the school therapist for a few years. I actually ended up depressed because everyone thought I was, and they didn't even give me fucking pills
I wanted to die when I was 5 because I felt like there was too much suffering in the world. My dad said suicidal people go to Hell, so I repressed it until high school when I stopped believing in Hell. I then self-medicated with marijuana for 7 years and don't really feel suicidal anymore at the moment, but the feeling comes and goes sometimes.
I remember being 7-9 and thinking about going into politics and eventually becoming president and then kill myself on my first day in office. I've never told anyone about this before.
I actively tried to kill myself between the ages of 7 and 19
no child should experience such a shitty life that they want to kill themselves before they even know what sex is
>>26654863
Fuck school therapists. In 9th grade, the year that still haunts me, I tried going to the school therapists about my problems, but they just said I was being "dramatic and disrespectful" to those around me. A couple weeks later, I have a severe mental breakdown. Fuck Private schools so much.
>>26655064
If you don't mind me asking, what was wrong with your life?
>>26655184
>parents would neglect to pay the bills, would be gone for days on end and leaving me in the house alone with no food, sometimes no electricity or water
>house was top-tier hoarding pigsty, everything rotting and falling apart, fridge would have food that expired before I was born
>often so weak and hungry all i could do was lay on the floor and keep flies away from me
>fucked up situation in an inner-city school where I was the only white kid, used as the white devil scapegoat, administration and staff ignored and even supported bullying and outright criminal assault aimed at me (have been stabbed, abducted, choked, thrown into walls so I'd get knocked out)
>this went on for 10 years before I got expelled because I'm a scary mentally unstable white kid, and another Columbine-like shooting had just happened
>parents didn't care about me, both were alcoholics and had weird obsessions
>dad pretended he was a bushcraft master ready to survive the apocalypse (can't put up a tent in less than 30 minutes without swearing most of the time or bleeding somehow)
>mom just stared at her computer all day, spent all her money on her horse that she saw once a year
>both ignored me completely unless they were being actively violent and negative towards me or were fighting with each other
>mom would burn me or choke me, my dad would sit on me and wouldn't let me breathe or move, then twist/pull my fingers and toes to make me scream, then pulled on my hair or jabbed me telling me to shut the fuck up
>if they ever brought me anywhere, they'd intentionally abandon me
>found out last year my dad raped my mom so she would give birth to me and have to marry him
>developing schizophrenia
>tons of mental trauma and psychological abuse
>just have to be myself and things will magically get better
>>26655676
Jesus Christ.... please tell me you don't see them anymore? How old are you now?
>>26655676
jesus wtf
did you ever want to shoot up a school or something to get it out of your system?
I remember having extreme paranoia, to the point where that Goosebumps show would freak me the fuck out because I didn't know reality from fiction. My brother and sister always bullied me, I had literally no friends, and I remember my mom telling me to shut the fuck up when I tried to talk to her about my feelings because she said I was always complaining. I was also a chublord, which got me bullied a lot in school so my mind was basically shattered. When I became decent looking in high school a girl apparently had a thing for me and I literally could not wrap the thought of anybody liking me around my head so I just avoided her because I didn't know what to do. I've been depressed/suicidal since I was like 10 and it's not leaving any time soon.
