>tfw someone compliments you but you're so deep in your hole of depression and self-loathing that it just makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable.
>lol im so quirky and depressed :(((
>i;m not like the other girls who are happy
>im very depressed and saaad and so akward rofl X3
>>26614504
so how do you make a guy like that feel something pleasant?
>>26614504
>tfw someone compliments you but you think they are laughing at you because this is how they did it in high school
>>26614529
cool
>>26614531
that's just the fucking thing. it's terrifying to think that I'll literally never feel happy because anything that should make me happy now just makes me uncomfortable as I wait for the next thing that'll make me unhappy.
>>26614504
I don't know this feel
robot9008
>>26614531
i wish i knew
i don't really trust anyone nor do i have anyone i feel close to.
i guess to feel something pleasant it'd have to be a genuine truthful compliment from someone that i love and trust that makes me feel like i'm worthwhile. like a real deep down "you are good and your existence is meaningful and here's why" kind of compliment. the kind that can't be faked.
but i don't have anyone like that and i don't think i'll ever be able to meet someone like that with my current sad attitude.
>>26614558
but why? why does happiness make you cringe? imagine yourself happy right now and what does it look like? Paint me a picture.
>>26614504
>>26614542
I know this feel too well.
>>26614531
You can't, really.
>>26614630
I can't.
I genuinely can't picture my own happiness. I can picture what I think happiness looks like based on what happy people have, but none of it invokes any particularly strong feelings of happiness in me.
>>26614609
you're an atheist aren't you, one of those realist types?
>>26614654
i guess
i was raised catholic but i never really bought into it. i wish i could but it just never clicked for me or felt real. i guess i'm more agnostic than anything, hopeful that if there is a god he's kind to me.
>>26614647
>>26614634
There has to be something, are you maybe some sort of superhero? do you have talents, powers? Maybe you get a second chance at life.
Write me a fictional tale.
>>26614504
>tfw someone legitimately compliments you and you blush, giggle, smile, and stammer
>tfw it's not cute if you're a dude
>>26614694
How come you aren't searching for truth? Maybe a personal truth that you've come to realize and you can compare that to personal truth to scientific facts.
But maybe you don't care about to discover your spiritual side. You are happy to leave things as they are..
I don't think I've ever received a legitimate compliment from another person.
I've gotten all the fake ones, sure.
>>26614706
I guess in my fantasies I'm kind of like a superhero who spends most of his time saving people and soaking up the whole superhero lifestyle. That's probably one of the things I think about most when daydreaming.
That and, I suppose, the recurring scene of a woman just accepting me for who I am, looking me deep in the eyes and telling me why she loves me. It always ends with me trying to push her away but then breaking down and crying while she holds me.
Which kind of just intensifies my self-loathing.
>>26614756
i think i'm too jaded and sour to be spiritual
it has nothing to do with logic or science, just the fact that i'm such a cynical awful fuck
>>26614609
This is exactly how I feel man. I just can't trust anyone no matter how much I want to, and I think this is a big part of the reason I have a lot of trouble forming lasting friendships. And complements just make me feel so fucking weird, it's to the point where if someone compliments me I have to compliment them back just to get my thoughts off of what they said.
>>26614706
I mean, I can definitely picture my happiness. I haven't completely lost hope yet. I just know it's a long way away from where I am now.
>>26614756
Like the other guy, I'm an agnostic that was raised Catholic but I really don't believe in any type of "spirituality." I don't care for science much though, especially the modern scientific idea that empiricism is the only way to truth. I read some philosophy now and again and want to delve more heavily into some ideas but I just can't pick up the motivation.
>>26614774
Why don't you invest yourself into something that helps people then? A nurse, doctor, teacher, or anything where gratitude and thanks are reward enough.
Sorry maybe you already have a job that you love.
>>26614806
>>26614890
That sounds like an exhausting way to live. Being cynical having no belief in a world like this? You must be very brave, or foolish?
I couldn't do it.
>>26615027
I don't live this way intentionally
>>26614504
only "compliment" i got was that i have long eyelashes and even then i got all sweaty and nervous
>>26615027
>That sounds like an exhausting way to live.
Honestly I am pretty tired almost all the time. I was tired earlier in the afternoon so I took a nap and then I woke up four or five hours later still tired.
>You must be very brave, or foolish?
I don't think it's really either of those. It's just life. I've tried living a few different ways but I always get back to this.
Who else assumes any compliment us sarcastic
Who else assumes everyone actually hates them
Who else assumes people just pretend to like them as a joke
Who else dropped several friendships because of these paranoid delusions
>going outside
>talking to people
heh
don't know how I would handle compliments, I'm constantly swinging between self hate and arrogance
>ate oats for breakfast
>had half a bag of frozen peas
>had some coke
>mfw stomach has not stopped feeling bubbly
oh god I have farted so many times today
>>26615151
I'm >>26614890, btw.
>Who else assumes any compliment us sarcastic
I don't think it's necessarily sarcasm, but I don't think it's genuine a lot of the time.
>Who else assumes everyone actually hates them
If I don't have a reason to believe otherwise then yeah this is the default.
>Who else assumes people just pretend to like them as a joke
Not as a joke but out of pity.
>Who else dropped several friendships because of these paranoid delusions
Yep. This is one of the things that really bothers me at night.
>>26615246
It really sucks, anon
Even if they show all evidence to the contrary I cannot not think that they hate me
>>26615271
Well, I don't know who's really worse off here. You, probably having at least a few people who appreciate you and not being able to realize/accept it and distancing yourself because of it, or me, knowing I have people that love me and always have had people that have loved me but never feeling good enough for them and distancing myself because of it.
>>26615358
It doesn't matter who has it worse, depression isnt a competition
I'm sorry if I made it seem like I was trying to compete with you or something
i'm ready to give up
this isn't a way to live
things will never change unless i change and i don't feel capable of changing
>>26615403
Oh, I wasn't interpreting it that way. I was sort of being rhetorical and I would agree with your first point that it really doesn't matter who has it worse because at the end of the day we both feel like shitty excuses for people. I do try to avoid the using the word depression to describe myself though, mainly because I haven't been diagnosed and because these days it seems like everyone's "depressed."
>>26614774
Holy fuck, are you me???
>>26615151
me. to be honest, i dont even think i had ANY friendships from the getgo. just people who would talk to me for some dumb fucking reason.
I hope you guys aren't waiting for someone to save you...You're the only ones who can.
>>26615547
>You're the only ones who can.
i'm fucked
>>26615547
You know, I still do fantasize about being saved. Actually, I fantasize about a sort of mutual saving. It can either be romantic with a girl or platonic with a guy, but the core of it is that we somehow both realize how fucked up we are and manage to love each other anyway. We can just trust each other and let go of pretense and masks. And then I think about the fact that I literally had that with two separate girls in my life and it was awful. I couldn't care about them the way they cared about me, and nothing they did helped hoe I felt inside. So at this point, as much as I love engaging the fantasy, I really don't want someone to save me, just someone to put up with me from a healthy distance while I try to save myself.
Ever get a reassuring word or a pat on the back and wonder if they are razzing you? Just being patronizing. I'm not used to compliments so I tend to assume this, but usually they're just trying to be friendly with me for some unfathomable reason.
>>26616411
Most of the time. It's a pretty fucked up way of thinking but I can't shake it.
