>wake up
>immediately turn on your computer after getting out of bed
>your first thought, instinct even: is to turn on the virtual box of shitposting and porn
>immediately upon rising from an unconscious state you turn the computer on to fap and shitpost
>it is conditioned to your habits as a living breathing human being upon waking into a new day surrounded by a infinite world of tragedy, beauty and everything in-between and you press that power button to beat your dick to pixels resembling human females and make meta green text posts projecting your own thoughts and experience onto the members of an anonymous anime imageboard
>simultaneously consumed by apathy and nihilistic thoughts yet there is still apart of you that wishes it could want to make a change to your ability to complete tasks and escape your degenerate cycle
>realize its already 3am
>you go back to bed hoping you will change things tomorrow or something will come along that will although you've given up hope by this point
>wake up
>>26608859
This is me.
I'm going fucking insane.
I like how you write, you have a great vocabulary, do you do it professionally?
>>26608902
Thanks man, I've written a few personal short stories back in the day but never professionally, I'd like to write a book in the coming future though, but hell if my habits don't change any time soon there won't be a single paragraph written.
What changes do you expect if you don't attempt to do it yourself, dear anon? Do your spirit urges for the chaos to lead you on an endless journey of joy and other fullfilling emotions? Why don't you take a stand?
>>26608859
>something will come along that will although you've given up hope by this point
I am hoping for a brain aneurysm or that the next drink will kill my liver.
>>26609059
I really have tried, I don't want to spew excuses but It seems that my plethora of mental illnesses are preventing such change.
>>26608859
>wake up
>THis bed is so comfy and warm
>Mmmmmm I'm going to stretch my arms and legs
>The world is peaceful and quiet
>Wait..
>Remember I'm Me
>Instantly sad again
>>26609139
I feel sorry for you, anon. I hope you will be able to break free of it some day. I trust your capacity, and I believe you are better. Possibly the best. Be humblr, be firm, and go thru.
ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACESi should have seen that mute coming
>>26609220
Hey thanks, I appreciate the belief anon. I welcome your trust into my soul. Maybe I should sell my computer or some shit. But then again, I'd just go to a library or find another source of internet to waste my life on.
>go to sleep feeling depressed and sad, per usual
>thinking about my life, all my regrets, how I want to change so badly
>drift off into slumber land
>have some nice dreams involving close friends and adventures
>wake up
>lay there thinking about said dreams
>realize who I am
>realize nothing has changed in over 5 years
>still the same NEET
>haven't progressed into any other hobbies or interests that I have but am too lazy to actually start working on
>turn on computer
>get a drink
>waste several hours just browsing the internet, reading manga and playing vidya
>go back to bed, once again, feeling like shit
>day in, day out
>this has been my life for over 5 years
>I still remember constantly telling myself I wanted to stop this 5 years ago
>still haven't
>once again, wallow in self pity
>think how I'll be stuck like this forever
I don't know anymore, I just don't know. I want to die, but at the same time, I don't. I don't know why I'm so scared to change, hell, I don't know why I can't seem to wake up from this everlasting nightmare.
