who /tried so hard to not be themselves and now they have no clue who the fuck they are or what they stand for anymore/ here
i can't be the only one
>>26605155
>tried so hard to not be themselves
lol, y u do it?
>>26605155
Finally, another person with the same struggle.
*who tries to be themselves...
You made a typo lol
Um...I guess I know who I am but like I can't be the person I want to be. You know?
Like I want to be a good girl and all but I just can't stop partyiiiiiiin and fuckin lol. But I'll stop soon I promise!!
everyday i put on a new persona in the hopes it will produce good reactions in others and make me feel better about my existence but it never works
now i have no clue who i am, what im doing, i feel so confused by life and everything, its scary
>>26605312
Because if I don't control myself and my natural perception of the world, I'd be a sperglord with zero self-awareness.
>>26605356
let me guess... your Myers-Briggs is ExxP, right?
>>26605362
what is the point of this post?
Listen to some autistic music with me anons
https://soundcloud.com/how2bepic/some-night-zone
>>26605155
I have the opposite thing going. I tried to make friends but even the "nerds" are way too reddit tier. I rather be a friendless robot than someone who thinks doge is still a thing.
I think being yourself is just saying whatever the fuck you feel like saying without giving it any thought.
It's not that "yourself" stands for something. It's just how you'd act if you didn't give a thought to your actions. It's completely random.
>>26605434
Hmm.
I'm down with that, I really am.
Deny the flow of reality presented to you, or at least attempt to, and take a grasp at what little control you do have over your existence.
I get you.
I want to curb stomp my life into the ground though, just because I can, and i'm finished with it.
And nothing short of tazers, straightjacets and a fucking bullet is going to stop me from doing that.
Oh yeah, been doing for a couple of years now. My work involves working with customers. I try new things every now and then, mostly shit I've seen in movies. I have no idea what I am looking at in the mirror anymore.
>>26605479
I wish I could find someone with my level of appreciation for shit. The closest I got was someone operating on like 2 levels of irony.
Where are all the socially detached people who just want to see crazy shit/ potential happen
>>26605523
Life is a paradox for me. On one hand I'm supposed to be this overly enthusiastic and eager manchild with virtually no control of his life, just letting the environment and other people carry him along, but on the other I've become aware of this being the exact reason I'm a social pariah, causing me to strain myself to become that which I am not. So I become jaded and cynical, things I am fundamentally not built to be.
So what do I do? Kill the self that wants to be an annoying fuck, the self that hates himself (and everything for that mater) because of this, or the physical self that contains both of them
>inb4 t. edgy 16 year old man babby
>>26605562
>The closest I got was someone operating on like 2 levels of irony
that reminds me of me pretty well, can you describe this guy more thoroughly?
>>26605562
You think we only built up to a certain degree of appreciation of interests because people like us spent too much time online? I feel I dug myself in a hole, but at the same time I glad to be in the hole seeing all the shallow interests normies have.
>>26605680
Knows their topical non-"advice animals" memes (is only about a few weeks outdated), you know, shit like scuttlebug.
Knows they are shit, makes fun of them but in that sort of controversial tone. Kind of autistic- plays loud as fuck audio shitposts on his computer and plays chicken with the volume slider.
But doesn't quite understand too many layers of irony, such as self-hate, politically incorrect in an almost-believable-way, absurd humour, absurd marvelling
>>26605765
reminds me of the relationship I have with a friend of mine
This is how he'd perceive me to be, but it's no entirely true. Then again, that's part of the irony, isn't it?
>>26605713
I don't know- I always feel like my view of the world is sort of this stepping back and seeing a bigger, bigger, and bigger picture. But looming in the FAR back/ outer realm is memes, chaos, and the void.
I KNOW that it's all pointless, or there is some untangible but very real reality that is melancholy/ fantastic in that "acquired taste" nature. But I haven't bridged the logic of my understanding enough to prove why it's all pointless.
Right now I still have that drive to explore. But I'm never quite satisfied with anyones' "life is meaningless" justifications. Like- who gives a fuck about women, or society. It seems like something so easily solvable.
No, the puzzle to the universe's purpose is something we'll never solve/ crack, but it's fun to tickle ourselves with the fact that we already know the most likely outcome.
my whole life is a knot of meaningless reactions and overreactions
it sucks knowing that I've gotten this far merely walking into others' paths and letting them push me along. No wonder I'm so directionless now that I'm attempting to distance myself from that kind of lifestyle.
Same, I have literally no personality I don't even know how to talk to people or what to talk to them about. I have absolutely no interest besides sports and I'm not good at them
>>26606051
Same, except instead of sports it's vidya
And lately I can't even be bothered playing them
I want to be hypnotized and implanted with false memories. That would solve at least 50% of my fundamental problems, because half the shit that's wrong with me is shit that could have been avoided.
Is that ethically wrong in a world in which happiness is of utmost desire?
>>26606097
>Is that ethically wrong in a world in which happiness is of utmost desire?
Yo, that's fucked up. No one cares about past happiness- what people want is someone with the ability to get out of a rut.
Chances are, the shittier your childhood, the better humour and positivity you have towards THE FUTURE. You might be socially retarded, but as long as you show enough positive attributes to outweigh it and make it "endearing", you're fine.
>>26605155
Jesus you hit that feel right on the head. Now i'm about to go into college and i'm remaking myself but i no longer know if i want to be preppy or grungy. I don't know if i should continue with classical guitar or buy an electric at this point.
I'm really at a cross roads here
>>26606237
Reading comprehension, yo
Memories not of happiness, but which could help induce happiness in the present. If you remember being a socially awkward failure throughout your entire life, then that's all you may be.
>>26606284
That's lame. I had a shit childhood and I'm more excited about fucking shit up and making a dent in the universe more than anything. Objectively understand as much as I can, troll the shit out of society, and always living for new projects/ potential.
Past memories are horseshit. Unless you're some ISTJ or ISFJ fuck who lives in some kind of recollection of their past, it's easy as fuck to just say "old me sucks and should die, new me is a ghost that doesn't remember old me and does whatever the fuck they want with their REAL hands to move and manipulate things with, and REAL legs to move their body"
It hurts.
The worst is when you talk to an old friend or family member and they mention a story of something you did in the past and it feels like they are talking about an entirely different person.
"That was me? I would have really done something like that?"
I've lost myself. I cannot remember who I was back then. We were never afforded the chance to let down our guard and remove the mask so now the mask has fused to us.
Lately it feels like the only thing I do is exist as a side character in my own story. The worst part is after you've been reminded or remember who you are and you try to return to that, every cell of your being screams at you and grinds to a halt to insistently remove anything you've recalled because we subconsciously refuse to return to that point and would rather adhere to "what works" rather than what "I am".
"Who I was" has turned into "Who I am" but I've lost the "Who".
>>26606657
iktfb vr
>>26605155
Just drink some water senpai, you're gonna be fine
>>26605765
Anon, you sound like talking about me. Not only depreciation, but also niihilism and multiple layers of irony covering every possible argumentative positions, making everyone discussing the subject sound stupid or irrational. Absurd humor combined with acid points and oscilation between bullying and worshipping someone, in an irony level so weirdly high that makes everyone wonder if I actually mean anything I say.
Should I seek help?
>>26607575
Evertytime.
>>26605479
This is the exact same feel ive gotten ever since i started college. The rich kids are too rich and edgy for me, the nerds are too reddit, and so on. I pretend im friends with a small group but it takes a lot of effort
>>26606657
>The worst is when you talk to an old friend or family member and they mention a story of something you did in the past and it feels like they are talking about an entirely different person.
>I've lost myself. I cannot remember who I was back then.
Oh fuck man... Yeab
I'm at about three lives I lived/people I've been in the past 7 years or so. Before that and even at the tail end is barely in the realm of consciousness for me. It's very surreal sometimes
I used to be very talkative and happy, but also extremely annoying. Now I'm just boring because I'm always afraid the next thing I say will be something autistic or retarded.
>>26607960
OP here. this is exactly why i stopped talking as well
I don't know that there is a real me anymore. Life has warped and changed me in ways that are hard to describe. I watched as a man who was once naive and handsome turned to a scarred, dead-eyed, drug-addicted psychopath. Where people once smiled at and welcomed me, they now avert their gaze and hide their children. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still the same species as these people.
Wow, that's more than I usually say about myself. Must be the drugs.
>>26605155
Fuck, I feel the same. Like I don't know who I am really. Been using masks for too long, I don't remember the time when I was entirely myself.
>>26606027
dat feel familia:(
>>26608543
At least you felt human at some point in your life.
Some of us never did.
Iktfb. I'm such a completely different person when at work and at college it's almost frightening. At college I'm a betamax faggot autistic but at work I'm quite alpha
I tell so many lies so often I forgot what the truth is and what I have told different people
>>26609404
That's what makes it all the worse though, going through this transformation. I know it's not easy being a misfit, but to have been part of a fairly normal crowd, and then end up living this bizarre and twisted life. Not to bitch, I mean it could be worse and it is for some people I know, but its been pretty jarring.
>>26605155
Holy shit i think this is happening to me right now. I feel changed
>>26605155
read and take from this what you can, just some food for thought
>>26607950
>>26605155
When my depression was just a minor thing, I tried to change who I was, and kept going with it until the depression turned incredibly severe, to the point of near-complete apathy, and when I finally hit remission for the depression, I literally forgot who I really was.
>mfw the remission happened like two weeks ago
>mfw i can feel again but the feels are mainly wondering who the fuck i really am
