>sleeps with a wooden wedge jammed under my bedroom door to hinder intruders
>>26537194
I sleep with a knife. Not a small one a big ass one that will fuck people up
>leaps to bed to avoid monsters underneath
>sticks tape over the camera on my phone so noone can take photos of me through it
>Caulk or screen all entrances to my house shut so wasps can't nest in the grooves
>Wipe all my cedar garden walls down with mint oil to discourage wasps from approaching them to gather wood for nesting
>Mix Geranium with my flowering fruits so the scent/silhouette/color discourages wasps from foraging in them
>Mist some of my plants with Chrysanthemum because it's toxic to wasps
>With wasp spray in hand, check the eaves of my house for the roots of nests on a nightly basis
>Set up wasp traps made from 2-liter bottles and rotten meat 20 feet from my porch
>Place berry bushes to attract carnivorous birds to potential wasp nesting sites
>Pour boiling water into known Yellow Jacket burrows
There aren't words for how I feel about wasps. It drives me up a fucking wall to hear from tree-hugging cunts that they are beneficial. No, they don't pollinate worth a shit. No, they don't control pest populations better than chemicals. They feed on other pollinators just as readily; Even European honeybees. They sting babies, they sting mothers, they sting dogs, they sting the elderly... People say not to fight them but we all have known wasps who landed on us while we were mowing or lounging on our days off. They're not pollinating. They're not control pest populations. They're trying to force you to make the first move.
Well, I am making the first move. I'm exterminating every motherfucking one of these that sets its unholy carapace on my property. Yellow jackets, hornets, paper wasps, ichneumonidae, velvet "ants," mud daubers... All of them are going out with some gurgling and a whimper. Bees can stay but they're going to be walking on eggshells. I am NOT putting up with this shit for another Spring.
>Neighbors talk in the hallway
>Press pause on TV and listen to see if they're talking shit about me
>They're not
>>26537194
>>sleeps with a wooden wedge jammed under my bedroom door to hinder intruders
Wouldn't it also hinder your escape if intruders found another way into your room or hid in there while you were out, waiting for your return?
>>26538818
There's only one door down to the basement and definitely not any windows, any way they would enter would be through the pipes?
I lock my front door at night.
That's about it. Guess I'm not paranoid (don't live in a ghetto either).
>>26538484
fuck mosquitoes too.
>always put water on toothbrush, have been since I was a kid and if I don't have water I don't brush
>always crush my cereals no matter the size, if they are to big they might cut inside my mouth
>always try to remember the amount of steps in a staircase so I can take every other step for the next time I take the stairs
I thought these things were normal? Turned out when I mentioned to normies, it wasn't normal.
>>26537194
>my fellow paranoid nigga
I sleep with a box shoved against my bedroom door so that I can know if someone entered while I was asleep.
>>26538789
that's because they know you are listening and are using hand signals to talk shit about you while using a normal conversation as cover.
>>26539324
>always put water on toothbrush, have been since I was a kid and if I don't have water I don't brush
Did you think people just walk around with their mouths full of toothpaste all day?
>>26537194
>can't sleep unless closets are closed
>pull my heavy blanket up near my eyes at an angle that makes it hard to see anything but the ceiling and upper side walls, even in the summer
>>26539418
No but like it has to be specifically first toothpaste then water then brush it. Then you obviously clear your mouth.
I just have to make the toothpaste wet before brushing my teeth
>>26539494
Dude relax ghosts aren't real
>>26538484
you don't look half bad, anon
>>26539362
I do this with color dices set in an specific combination
>>26539264
>Got home
>Took a shower for half an hour
>Played Layers of Fear for 2 hours
>Masturbated to slime monsters for half an hour
>Went to the kitchen
>The front door is wide open
Haven't used a public toilet in about 5 years. When at home I always have the bathroom window closed and the lights out (at night) when I go for a piss or a shit.
I keep hearing this hum whenever I lay down, and only when I lay down. After doing so it wont stop until day break. I remember I told my older brother because he was in the house during the night and he said he couldn't hear anything but it sounded as real as anything to me.
>>26537550
Why do you even use a bed frame? It serves no purpose.
>sitting in class
>take note of where everyone is and where they move to
>constantly watch for an attack if the move somewhere near me and think of ways to defend myself
I do this everywhere else too. With everyone.
>>26538484
>Tfw you will never feel as strongly about anything compared to how strongly this anon feels about wasps.
>>26537194
The picture, the girl looks like a glowing penis shape
>>26539494
>28
>Still use a night light
I think people get over sleeping in the dark when they have someone to do it with.
>>26540341
You're right to feel that way
>>26540206
i would assume so that it's easier for old people to get in and out of bed and also to make space for monsters to live
>>26537194
>Smell every surface I'm about to sit on in case it smells like shit
>Stick around for a second and eavesdrop every time people think I just left
>Whisper when in public
>Never enter my phone/city on Facebook
>>26540676
so you sniff chairs?
>>26540698
Only my own, in my own house. I have a fear that my anus is leaking because it used to when I had vitamin deficiencies.
>>26540375
>me sleeping next to my Asian wife
She's told me that she watches me sleep enough times that I don't give a fuck anymore.
>>26540738
That's still kinda strange but not as bad. I thought you meant like you would go to class and sniff your chair, or get on a bus and do it.
>Have random pain or weird sensation in my chest, back or head
> Constantly under the impression that I'm about to have an aneurysm, heart attack or aortic dissection
>Been to the ER numerous times and told it's just anxiety each time
When will my torment end?
>>26537194
Nice try NSALAN CCTV system running off a raspberry pi. If enough visual disturbance is picked up, my phone goes of.
Multiple Condition 3 firearms within arms reach of my bed.
Growing up around niggers did a number on me.
>>26537459
I have a small one on my dresser and a large one on the windowsill next to me.
>>26540846
I know the feeling. It's rough to hear it really is all inside your head when you can't breathe or you're having hear problems.
>>26537194
You're gonna regret that one day when you have to get out and those extra couple seconds cost you.
>>26540206
I store shoes and boxes under the bed.
>>26537459
I sleep with my edc knife in either my pants pocket or my jacket pocket, depending on whether I'm sleeping with a jacket, and a kukri knife at the foot of my bed.
>when i'm home alone in my bedroom i'll randomly jump up and sprint around the house to make sure nobody's secretly spying on me
>when i'm at my computer desk i routinely jerk my body around to make sure nobody's watching, even though i'm in the room alone
>>26537194
>Robots
>Paranoid
It's only paranoid if it's not real. Robots have every reason to be cautious and skeptical because they're treated like shit
>>26540164
There's a chance that you have Tinnitus
>machete in closet in case shit goes down while answering the door
High lumen flashlight next to bed to blind niggas
>>26537459
>I sleep with a knife.
Boot knife under my pillow.
And a hunting knife on a shelf right next to the bed.
>>26538484
if zombies ever become a real thing im going to this guys house he knows how to keep shit secure .
>>26539513
>I just have to make the toothpaste wet before brushing my teeth
So you put the toothpaste in the toothbrush and then wet the whole thing?
If yes, I do the same. Brushing doesn't feel smooth otherwise.
>>26540245
i do the same
>sit with corner or wall in my back
>walk past someone look down so i can see their shadow
>wear a pocket knife
and i do other shit also
>tfw been having recurring nightmares of people trying to break into my house at night and me forgetting to lock the doors
just imagine you're in your bed at night and all of a sudden you hear the door open, when you live alone. this shit is fucking terrifying
I always carry a big knife on my belt unless I'm going somewhere wepons aren't allowed then I just put it in my front right pocket. going to replace it with a gun once I have the money
>Pest control guy came over to spray earlier in the kitchen
>Dropped a cheeto a few minute ago, picked it up, and ate it
>Throat burns a little
>Immediately realized it fell where he sprayed
I'm gonna be okay, right?
>tfw the thing wearing mommy's skin is standing in your bedroom again
help me
I have an ex girl who sleeps in her bathtub because she is afraid of stray bullets hitting her through the walls or windows.
I feel bad for her.
>Turn off taps every night before bed.
>Constantly checks in fear of leaving them on by accident.
>constantly turning the taps on and off to reassure myself that they're off.
>This happens every night.
If we're talking about paranoia in this thread I must say that I'm like the king of paranoia.
>have five locks on both my front door and back door
>place a beer bottle on the door handle so that I know when it moves
>have a lock on my fridge so no one can poison me
>sleep in the living room
>own more than one firearm
>constantly look out the peephole on my front door
>carry a knife with me at all times
I also browse /x/ and /k/ regularly
>>26538789
I feel you
>sit outside door to roommates bedroom to listen and see if they are complaining about me
>press ear to glass in the closet that shares a wall with the room where they hang out to see if they are talking shit
>they never are
>>26543963
I also do this a lot.
> Also check plugs and switches are out and off in fear of miraculous electrical surge burning house down in my sleep.
Doesnt help that a socket is right by my fucking bed
>>26543977
Gotta keep watch for them skinwalkers
>>26537459
Tfw AK 47 leaning on the wall by my bed.
>>26543755
Yeah, probably. It's meant to kill pests, a human would probably have to ingest more to die. Assuming you're not already feeling sick enough to go to hospital, you're fine.
>>26544071
skinwalkers are actually pretty easy to avoid, you just don't go outside and always stay alone.
>>26544134
I was semi-vomiting orange stuff and there was a little blood in my mucous but I feel fine now.
>>26537646
Tell me this isn't a thing, please
>>26541098
And monsters
>>26544164
Looks like robits are safe then
>>26544164
>>26544071
Spoonfeed me, what's a skinwalker?
wait why would you stay alone?
>>26541379
Who the fuck sleeps in pants and a jacket?
Do you wear shoes in bed too?
>>26544208
ask >>>/x/ and beware of innawoods
>>26544210
son of a bitch
>>26544164
original
>>26537194
Like I would post my behaviors even my records dont have the tip of the iceberg in them, careful senpai I smell a fucking TRAP
>>26544205
of course, I wouldn't be here otherwise
>>26544208
Shapeshifting creatures that live innawoods and attempt to infiltrate groups of people
>>26544190
Have you ever seen the warning signs on pesticides? Jesus fucking christ I can't believe I have to tell an actual adult to seek medical attention after ingesting literal poison, but here we go: go to the fucking hospital. Chances are you're already too late in and will suffer organ failure but at least you might live.
>>26543977
what traumatic experience did you have?
>>26544267
It was only a cheesy wank pham
>>26544307
Chad called me a loser a few times
>>26544267
No, don't do that. Someone stupid enough to eat food from the floor where someone was just spraying pesticides deserves not to be in the gene pool
>>26544326
Shit anon. Im sorry
>>26544367
>>26544267
It's been a couple hours since it happened. The cheeto couldn't have absorbed THAT much, could it?
>>26538789
One time I did this and I could hear them whisper "Aww shit Anon's listening to us"
>>26544631
Depends what pesticide they were using
>>26544631
>cheeto only absorbed pesticides for an hour
>it couldn't be that much could it
Holy shit I hope it kills you
>>26545226
No I mean it was on the ground for five seconds.
Is this what they mean by dangerously cheesy?
>>26540846
I get these exact sensations and fears as well but didn't understand them
nice to know I'm not the only one
>>26543977
Do you believe in any particular creatures or are you just clinically insane?
WORLD WAR 3 ENROUTE shit post while you can senpai read the news eat those last tendies
Who else unadds everyone because you've convinced yourself they actually don't like you
Who else assumes that any friends are actually just pretending to pull a Carrie tier prank on you?
>>26545653
It's a little rude to assume that I'm clinically insane, but anyway I believe in skinwalkers because I've been enlightened to their prescence on more than one occasion.
>>26545776
Come on anon
I wouldn't worry about it
>>26544071Nah it's cool, you don't have to worry about them.
>>26545889
On the contrary my dear sweet anon
It is vital to my own survival that I worry about it.
Were all fucked I took my benzos its going to be a long night
>>26537194
>It's midnight.
>You're alone in your room.
>Lights all off.
>Bored out of your mind so you said fuck it and turned the TV on to the local news.
>This comes on.
What do, robots?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw_HKzo9Ync
>>26546030
NO
I DON'T WATCH ANONS
IT WILL FUCK YOU IF YOU HAVE CONSTANT PARANOIA
>>26546048
What's it about in a nutshell?
>>26546030
that is just unnerving.
>>26546059
Creepy emergency broadcast warning not to look at moon but then it says to look and you hear screams.
I'm a nervous wreck now though.
>>26546030
I wish it had stopped at 1:45, after that it just became corny.
>>26546059
Stay away from windows
Don't look up
Avoid mirrors
>>26545903
Yeah, were not that bad
>>26546137
Yeah, it should've ended at like 1:39
After that it took all the spook out
>>26545702
Wtf is going on with this WW3 shit link? I dont want to have to go /pol/ this thread has already made me check my cameras and windows and doors like 3 fucking times in about 20 minutes
>>26537194
>lock doors even when I'm home
>don't even live in a bad neighborhood or anything
>don't even believe anyone would ever come in, seriously I'm several hundred feet up a 45-degree hill and the house is invisible from the road due to trees
>I'm just borderline OCD/paranoid
When I lived in Dallas/Houston it was pretty justified, though. One common tactic for thieves was for them to hide out right next to your garage door, wait for you to drive in and creep inside before you closed the door, then kill you and take your stuff.
>>26546030
Fuggg senpai why did you taint this already fucked thread, I just left that one
>>26546210
Top it off x military fag here with severe PTSD, fuck Im going to have to read the news now
>>26546030
What is this some zombie shit? I know thats its like impossible to happen but I still get nightmares and Im 25
>>26546224
May I recommned this prayer for your concealment:
>O Eldest Mother, winged beauty, Blackest Nyx,
>Who sets the stage for my happy craft.
>O Eldest Father, darkest darkness, Erebos,
>Who shrouds me within the cloak of his skin.
>I beseech you both, please, hide me deeper
>Sweet sister, Apate, the crafty one...
>Lady of Wily Mind & Wily Snares,
>Lend me also that girdle of many colours,
>Which Rhea once bound about her flanks to deceive her husband.
>O Hermes, unforeseen, uncaught, the luck-bringing son of Jove,
>Help me to elude the doorkeepers with your robber's foot.
>To rejoice in thine...Fraudulence Divine.
Sincerely, a bored /x/phile
>>26537646
I do this on my notebook webcam kek
>>26546030
Why would you do this I have work in the morning
>>26546280
This is not spam
The video mightor might notbe semi-related to this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/2u5mr1/am_i_the_only_one_that_sees_that_the_moon_is_on/
It was a decent story, maybe not a masterpiece, but not a stupid waste of time either.
Highly recommend playing this song on repeat while you read the story, if you choose to do so:
http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=Yj6HiyyAMz4#Rainbow_-_Man_on_the_Silver_Mountain_(HQ)
>>26538484
You are the Adolf Hitler of wasps and I want to be your Mussolini
>>26546474
You know what you must do, my brother.
Send them back to hell.
>>26540375
Kill yourself fucking faggot.
>>26546651
What are you even mad about? It's just a picture of a lake. Nothing to get worked up about.
>>26540206
what do you mean it serves no purpose? it provides air flow so your mattress doesn't get moldy, and it keeps you warmer because there is less heat leaking out into the floor
There was a story about a man who was driving through the mountains. He saw what appeared to be a crash with car in the middle of the road. As he slowly drove by two people were lying next to the car but he didnt stop driving. When he looked back the two people had stood up and 10 or more people had appeared with them, staring into the rearview mirror
>>26543977
what about the windows
>>26544029
It's shit like what you do that makes me want to make sure there's a partition in my house. That's my biggest fear is people eavesdropping on my shit. It's why I whisper in public.
>>26546797
of course they are locked and reinforced, I only have a few so it's not a huge deal but it is certainly a confounding factor.
>be muttering to myself
>notice I'm talking to myself
>talk louder and with more enunciation
>start making the words sound more like a normal person talking to themselves, like reminding themselves about groceries or something. just in case people are listening and have been the entire time
because if I just stopped talking to my self they would know that I knew they were listening, and only stopped because I was self conscious about it.
>>26546873
Are you sure you got them all?
Even that one you forgot last time?
>sleep with loaded gun in nightstand
>bedroom door has four locks on it, no windows in my room
>paid 4k for a remote sprinkler system to be installed that I could activate from my room
>home security system,constantly on
> every door in my condo stays locked unless I'm in there. Bars on all the windows
> no raping me,jamal
>>26547090
>>26546873
Seeing you guys freak about security makes me happy that every entrance to my apartment faces a busy, well-lit street.
>>26547155
Sometimes it doest make a difference. The first break in I had was in a dorm.
>walk into common area,turn on light
>dude just standing there,dumb struck
>grab lamp and attack him
>cops never found him
Ever since then,I don't play games
They're already watching you, Anon.
http://fightgangstalking.com/what-is-gang-stalking/
And if you had any doubts before about how psychopathic normie society is, this documentary should clear them right up:
https://vimeo.com/17008998
an original commentary
>>26547090
Jesus, what city and country do you live in?
>>26547253
fucking image compression
I distinctly remember that picture file being high res.
Was it actually? But only in an alternate past timeline? Fuck dude, I was not ready for this.
http://www.vice.com/read/the-berensteain-bears-conspiracy-theory-that-has-convinced-the-internet-there-are-parallel-universes
an original commento
>>26543977
>>sleep in the living room
im surprised you can fall asleep in such an open area at night if you're this paranoid anon
>>26547263
Obviously America.
>>26545702
At least provide a source. If it's the same old regional conflict news then fuck off. Third impact is more like it.
I wanna post about all the dumb/weird shit I do but I am afraid that someone is watching this thread.
>not even kidding
>>26542882
Yes exactly my mom thought I was a freak and figured it would be a good thing to not give me water for it when we were out camping so I kinda autism sperged and slapped her
>>26548423
We are all watching this thread dummy
>>26548534
I am not talking about regular anons.
I am talking about like... whoever started giving me gay men focused ads on many sites I frequent after I looked at some rainbow undertale underwear.
Someone is WATCHING us.
>>26548863
i know anon
im always watching you
