>year is 1k96
>not crusading against the saracens
>wonders why he can't get a qt virgin maiden
crusader feels threads lads, no peasantry or jewry allowed
>trying to lead men on crusade
>desperate and call for help from allies
>fucking venetians start fucking with constantinople when we're trying to win back jerusalem
seriously, who invited these guys? fucking asshole chads don't even care about our holy land, baka
>>26325907
Haha so you go murder catholics in another country just to keep on crusading ? You guys are disgusting.
(inb4 "I don't get it")
fucking retards git gud
>Implying a Crusade isn't already taking place in Europe as we speak.
It was the Muslims who provoked the first Crusade, and it is the Muslims who are Provoking again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-Yszp3SmxE
>murder both of my older brothers
>dad finally kicks the bucket
>inherit kingdom
>feelsgoodman.parchment
>read bible again
>apparently murder is wrong
think i'm fucked lads, though i heard god will absolve my sins if i fight against the muslims, think i should give crusading a go?
don't worry we got the right man for the job
>>26325932
Not Catholics, Orthodox heretics you fucking retard.
>mfw not even recognising his Holiness as leader of the Christianity
>wanting to sell wares to travellers
>they disagree with my prices and won't stop haggling
>eventually accept their price
>they sleep at our camp
>come morning they left with my wife and good hrose
>>26326073
>be jew
>scientifically proven to cause bad weather
>scam and con people
>surprised they're upset
to be honest you're lucky the king hasn't expelled you all from the realm
>>26325907
Some of you guys are alright
Don't go to Constantinople on 23 June 1203
Happening thread will be posted tomorrow morning
>>26326185
>tfw when you sack Constantinople
>>26326185
FUCKING VENETIANS
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>TFW not sacking Constantinople
>>26326329
>attacking byzantium when there are plenty of good moors still alive to kill
not sure if heretic or possessed by the devil
>be me
>peasent with 9/10 filthy fucking qt gf
>see a royal knight pass me by
>he stops
>im awwing in his glory
>he fucking punches me as hard as he can
>lay in the ground sobbing
>i look up to see him defiling my beloved
>"oh chadeth! Oh chadeth long-dick III!"
>i sit and watch... Horrified
>other knights arrive for a mid evil gang bang
>they all take turns
>they all finish inside her
>i bury my head in the dirt. Wish i could just die
> chadeth pulls my head up out of the dirt by my hair
>see my lover slain by the alpha knight of the pack
>beheaded
>i ask "why... How can you do this.."
>chadeth then says "its a normal thing."
>it is then i named them the only thing i could... Normies.
>and to this day i still spread word across the land
>a war against the alpha males
>the beta uprising has begun
>>26326678
dude.... that was fucking hot
>>26325859
Fuck pagans, fuck saracens, fuck heretics, fuck schismatics, dues vult till I die!
>born too late to fight the vkings
>born too soon to pacify the new world
>born just in time to liberate the holy land
>Arisen upon the cock's crowing
>Mine mother faileth to deliver mine poultry morsels
>"Mother!!!!", cry I, as I relieve mineself into an earthen vessel
>"I have here thine nosh", as she layeth it upon the desk
>I cast the full vessel upon her and demand she resolve the resulting squalor
>She sigheth a defeated groan as she realizeth mine demand
>I peruse mine parchment of ornate foolery and rare toads
>I pleasure mineself to the sight of drawn maidens and spill mine seed onto the ground
>"Mother!!!!"
>>26327189
>spillling your seeds upon the ground
>not having read genesis 38:9
>incurring gods wrath
how you gonna buy tendies when he takes away all your good christian points?
>>26325859
>no peasantry or jewry allowed
>implying there were no peasants involved in the crusades
Fucking normie knight fuck off
>>26325907
The Fourth Crusade was called to take Egypt actually, not Jerusalem
>>26327361
>not going for side objectives for high score
get good m8
>>26327394
>implying you can hold Jerusalem without Egypt
Take their powerbase first lad
Muzzies can't do anything without the nile
>>26327432
>implying the seljuks didn't invade anatolia
>implying the seljuks held egypt
>implying you're not a heretic
>>26327482
Nigger the Slejuk empire didn't exist by the time of the fourth Crusade. The big empire in the region was Saladin's and his powerbase was Egypt
>>26327511
you're saying you'd rather fight over a shitty river instead of the BIRTHPLACE OF JESUS CHRIST?
>being this much of a heathen
>>26327601
I'm saying I'd rather wipe out their powerbase and consolidate our power in the region so the Saracen threat is wiped out and Christendom has a firm grip over the holy land after marching on Jerusalem from Egypt
>>26325932
>byzantines
>Catholic
>>26327629
>Guys why don't we teleport our armies into Egypt!
>>26327728
Strait between Sicily and Alexandria when?
>>26327728
>Boats didn't exist in 1204
You don't know why they sacked Constantinople do you?
>>26327775
>being this Jewish
Naval travel wasn't exactly safe or cheap and most crusaders were peasants and sons down on the inheritance list
>>26327811
Because Byzantium was being ruled by Jewish lizard people?
>>26326023
Just rewrite the bible, shithead. You can make your own "King Anon" version.
>>26327905
Close. The greeks were Jews that couldn't be arsed to pay their debnts even back then.
The pope had Venice build a huge fleet to take the crusaders to Egypt, but less people than expected showed up so they couldn't pay Venice. Enrico Dandolo (Doge of Venice) got the crusaders to help him retake some venetian colonies as payment and eventually someone with a claim on the Byzanitine throne said he'd pay the crusaders debnts all off if they pressed his claim. They did and the Byzantines immediately had a coup and refused to pay their debnts to the crusaders. Subsequently the Crusaders who were upset about this as well as still harboring resentment for the massacre of the Latins (Byzantines kill tens of thousands of western Catholics in Constantinople) they sacked the city. One could call this a cautionary tale, but the Greeks still haven't learned it seems
That's a nice True Cross you have there, kuffar.
It'd be a shame of something happened to it.
>>26327312
>implying that thine peoples of the earth follow the lord's to the fullest
>implying the lord's word is not contradictory amongst itself
>>26327965
>>26328061
FUCKING HERETICS
GET OFF MY CRUSADE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>26328120
Colossians 3:8, heretic!
>>26326023
Just say both of your brothers were homosexual anon. Problem solved!
>Leviticus 20:13
>"they shall be put to death"
>>26328239
You can't lie to God
>>26328326
but they were, anon! If they ever looked at a man with any feeling other than hate or contempt theiyre gay!
A norman friend of mine has invited me to his feast, should I go? Or will an anglo-saxon like me just look a fool among norman knights?
my norman friend has invited me to a feast, will an anglo-saxon like me look the fool among a rabble of norman knights?
>>26328472
Normans are basically Frenchies, but even smellier. I'd do yourself a favour and decline his invitation.
Who /cuckold/ here?
>tfw bringing in the exotic african bull to satisfy milady in our private quarters.
>>26325859
The crusades made literally no difference against Muslim domination of the Middle East, or their expansion into Europe. Constantinople still fell. Crusaders probably killed more brown Christians than actual mudslimes
The only reason Europe didn't fall entirely to Islam is because the Mongol Empire swept through Persia and wrecked the mudslimes from the East.
>>26328854
You'll cowards don't even roll caliphs up in carpets.
