>Be in my bed after crashing from a LoL binge
>Shitstained undies starting to stink up a storm
>Sweat coagulating in a thick, gel layer on my skin, literal crumbs falling out of my two inch neck beard
>I guess it's time for my monthly shower
>Waddle down to my shower
>3 am, lights all off. Use my 2DS as a flesh light
>Get to shower, clean as a whistle since mummy uses it too
>Shower, cleaning the dingle berries and solidified shit from my asscrack
>Touching my sphincter causes me to shit
>A huge amount of fecal matter comes flying out of my ass, cum from the anal stimulation
>Leave shower immediately, still dripping wet (that way I get EXTRA clean)
>No more poo poo inside of me means it's time for a third dinner
>Take chicken from fridge and bread them
>Put a few shots of fireball in the egg for the breading
>The uncooked tendies are wet and slimy like my turds, get grossed out and puke on the floor
>Heat up oil on the stove in a pot
>Rapidly boiling oil
>Mommy always adds water to the oil to make the tendies more moist
>Add an entire cup of water to the rapidly boiling oil
>Steam and insanely hot oil explode onto my face
>Fall to the ground as the oils heat peels and blisters the skin off my face
>6 AM Comes by, mommy comes downstairs to get ready for work
>Finds me, my shit still in the shower, my vomit on the floor, and my horribly burnt oil on the stove
>Claims it was a miracle the house didn't burn down
>Brings me to hospital
>Tendies for lunch at hospital while my burn wounds are treated
>mfw
I just smoked weed all day
How does it feel being this autistic?
>>26262564
How are you even alive?
I took my old ass dog out for 7 walks today, dropped by the job recruiting center, and make a basic video game with unity. Also I did a Spanish lesson from my "Spanish for dummies" book I got at the library, also read a bit of a collaboration of the world's greatest philosophers.
holy shit kill yourself you worthless mong
>>26262697
>>26262700
>>26263242
>>26263313
>>26263392
Are we not allowed to role play being autistic anymore
>>26262700
>>26263242
>>26263313
>>26263392
>ITT: people who don't get the joke
>>26262564
>>Put a few shots of fireball in the egg for the breading
That sounds disgusting
>>26262700
>>26263242
>>26263392
GET THE FUCK OUT NEW/NORMALFAGS
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>be me
>isotope
>>26263242
>>26262700
>>26263392
Jesus Christ fucking newfags.
>>26264092
Well meme'd, friendPrometo solemnemente defender el bien y luchar contra la injusticia y la maldad
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
>>26262697
relating to this post made me sadder than reading the OP did
>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like day old poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
>wake up at noon
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe it from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through the piss bottles
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>the tendies are done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw
>wake up at 5pm, earlier than usual
>reach for a wee wee jug and start beating it against the floor rhythmically
>"TENDIES TENDIES FOR MY TUMMY, PUT SOME IN THE OVEN MUMMY"
>hear a wail from downstairs
>she always cries since new daddy left
>notice the wee wee jug split and is leaking
>oh well, throw it at the wall for mummy to clean up later
>flip on my surround-sound system bought with a year's worth of GBP
>one and only song on repeat
>"NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY"
>hear an even louder wail from downstairs
>silly normies not appreciating music
>figure my tendies are about due
>grab another jug, pound it on the floor
>"TENDIES TENDIES GOLDEN BROWN, MUMMY COOKS THEM BEST IN TOWN"
>mummy gets very upset
>"I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE ANON, I'M SORRY"
>hear something smash and the door slams
>wait for her to bring me my tendies
>wait half a fucking hour for that lazy bitch
>have to drag MYSELF out of my sports car bed and down the stairs into the kitchen
>no mummy
>broken plate on the floor, tendies still in the oven, nicely done but cold
>ah well, some honey mustard will make things all better
>look in the cupboard
>NO FUCKING HONEY MUSTARD
now I know why she said she couldn't do it any more
>>26264193
>>26264268
>>26264286
>>26264348
Much appreciated, keep em coming
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, Dytravius and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungy for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Ride Along 2 screening
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "..tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicken tenders again."
And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
>Wake up at 6pm after a particularly exhausting Runescape marathon
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY WANT BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up chained to my bed with a plate of tendies on the bedside table
>new daddy is gone
great success
>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>fetch my lil' slugger and corner her
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now
fucking normies
>>26264490
holy shit these are amazing, post more
stop reposting this shit and make your own
>tfw I added tendies and dines to my daily nutrition intake
>>26263719
>>26264025
>>26264123
git baited newbs xD
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra GBP and fall asleep without eating them.
>Here is the tale of a young future NEET.
>All he desired were tendies to eat.
>For lunch, they were serving a fresh, hot batch
>And in this young tard, a plan had hatched.
>You see, lunchtime had already passed,
>For our hero ate first with the special ed class.
>But this good little boy still remained hungies
>So a great tidal wave was unleashed from his undies
>Slippery, quick, and ever so fast,
>He ran with a speed no wrangler could match.
>Filled with disgust, they just let him run
>This was a battle the young tard had won.
>Our hero enters, covered in piss
>The lunchroom where the others ate with bliss
>His tummy rumbled as he sniffed the air
>Yes! There were sweet chicken tendies there!
>Undetected, across the floor he did slide
>Into the freezer where crispy treasures hide
>As he looked about, awe filled his eyes.
>More tendies than a million gbp buys!
>Fat and happy, he began his feast
>But opened the door, and entered a beast!
>The lunch lady howled, filled with rage,
>"STOP, TARD! GO BACK TO YOUR CAGE!"
>Our friend stood and smiled
>For still he smelled vile,
>"I WILL WATCH YOUR ANGER TURN TO FEAR
>FOR POOPY IN YOUR FUTURE IS NEAR"
>He grunted and pushed
>And gave birth to foul mush.
>He grinned and giggled as he produced more and more,
>His victim tried to run but fell on the floor
>It smelled of mustard and hot sriracha
>He grabbed both her wrists and whispered "Ha, gotcha!"
>She screamed and cried, but she had to pay
>For taking this tard's sweet tendies away.
>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 43, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox One
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>be this morning
>120GBP in the bank for being extra good all week
>TonightWeDineOnTendies.webm
>Call mummy into room with my bullhorn (only 200GBP, what a steal!)
>Mummy, I want the tendies
>"Sorry Robot, mummy is having a daddy friend over tonight, we can have tendies tomorrow ok?"
>RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAA
>Mummy slaps me
>I am taken aback
>She will pay dearly for this, but I must strike at the most opportune moment
Later that evening...
>Robot, time for dinner! Come say hi to new daddy!
>Come out of my room in my best diaper
>mummy is shocked to see me
>R-robot, I th-though we talked about this...
>PEE
>Please Robot, not in front of new daddy!
>PEE
>mummy is begging me at this point to not
>POO
>PLEASE ROBOT! 200 GBP TO NOT DO IT!
>POO
>wet and soil myself right in front of new daddy
>mummy is crying
>take off diaper and slam it down in the middle of the carefully prepared spaghetti dinner mummy made, my poo poo flies in all directions
>whisper in mummy's ear as she is not clearly defeated
>'I want my tendies with honey mustard mummy'
Best tendies I had all week, plus new daddy hasnt been seen since :)
>>26262564
kek this is amazing
more please!!!!!
You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.
>mummy says she can't afford to look after me and pay for all my tendies and my WoW subscription
>tells me I should apply for that part time job at Lickin' Chicken to help with the bills
>start hyperventilating, going extremely red like a tomato (YUCK!)
>who does that bitch think she is
>hit her in her stupid old face with my fists and scream at her until she stops talking and leaves
>flash forward several weeks
>mummy hasn't talked about me getting a job since then
>she gets dressed up in fishnet stockings and very red lipstick and goes out all night, every night now, leaving chicken tendies in the microwave that I have to go all the way downstairs to heat up myself
>mfw
>later I find out mummy sent in an application to Lickin' Chicken for me and I got an interview
>I'm sitting in my swimming shorts on my big meowth cushion (MEE-OWTH THAT'S RIGHT!) trying to play WarioWare Touched on my Nintendo when she tells me about it
>MUMMY SHUT UP. SHUT UP MUMMY I'M TRYING TO BEAT ASHLEY
>fucking cunt hole tries to reason with me so I tell her
>WHO'S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR LIVING IN A HAUNTED MANSION YOU BETTER LEARN MY NAME CAUSE I'M ASHLEY
>jump up and down stomping my feet
>at the interview mum tries to stop me playing my DS
>I keep headbutting her until she lets me carry on
>the stupid man interviewing me asks me what I could bring to Lickin' Chicken
>keeping my eyes glued to the screen, I stand up and start a one-man conga around the small office singing I LIKE CHICKEN TENDIES. THE FLAVOUR NEVER ENDIES.
>stupid man asks me and mum to leave
>I didn't get the job, whatever, fucking normies said I would only earn 200 a week, I can make that just by staying in my bed all night and not getting into mummy's bed. Ka-ching!
>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey in case I get hungies
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get extra tendies for dinner that night
>>26262564
I literally posted this fucking story yesterday you little turd. It had like one reply, how the fuck did it get stolen already?
>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I cry out defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college
>>26262564
So I take it the horrific injuries you sustained canceled out any potential GBP loss from the shit and the puke you got everywhere?
>>26264553
The first one I've read in a long time that's actually managed to shock me, well done.
>>26264463
I've seen this one before. It's still good.
>>26262564
do newfags think this is funny?
>>26262564
Kek, way better than those >tfw no gf, rose, fembot and britfeel threads combined
>>26264895
>> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
Keked hard
I still love these, keep them coming anons.
Mind if I post some poo poo pee pees I had saved in the meanwhile?
>8pm
>playing RuneScape online
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "Anon, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, anon, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy really luvs her baby boy
>>26271698
>>26269238
STOP TAKEING OTHER PEOPLES STORIES YOU UNORIGINAL FUCKS!!!!!!
>>26271961
I know I'm in the minority, but it makes me happy when people copy/paste my stories because it means that someone liked it.
Can we get some of these stories but with a sexual ending?
Like mummy hj or cleaning smegma off with her mouth?
>>26271961
I don't care if they are stolen as long as they are funny.
>>26272227
Make your own degeneracy you lazy fuck
I thought NEETs had infinite free time to be all creative and shit
>>26272336
Lol, I'm not a NEET.
Did I toast your roast a tad bit much?
>4 am, right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddi left to buy tendies (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey (i'm mummys big boy, she always says that :))
>i lay in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!
>>26272459
Moar pls
This gets me hard for some reason
Probably the female humiliation
>>26262564
Hi papa franku desu
>>26271961
>write story and post it anonymously
>get upset when no one gives you credit for it
>breading and frying your own tendies
Do people actually do this? Do they taste better than store bought?
>>26272746
It's hard to get the crispy texture right, but it definitely tastes fresher and more homemade, which I think is good.
>3:AM because hard core gamer
>playing tf2
>looking at pony spray when suddenly I get killed by demonigger
>rage and nearly shit myself
>tummy rumbles
>rub my fap lotion on my belly and slide to the kitchen
>look in freezer for hot pockets
>none left
>tip toe to mommys room
>she tried to lock her door but I pick it with my handy screwdriver that I keep in my rolls
>silently open door, get on the floor and do a tactical lizard crawl to her bedside
>m-mummy I shake her
>"yes, sweetie"
>your good boy needs more hot pockies
>"no anon I have-"
>squeezes her boob and punch her in the nose
>she doesn't say anything, she gets up and leaves to Walmart
>go back to computer and fap on e621 to portal hentai
>she comes back leaves the hot pockets on the counter and goes back to bed
>I grab the box
>fucking cheese
>thought I told that bitch pepporoni
>go to her room again
>door locked yet again
>this infuriates me
>with all my force I break open the door
>THE DOOR! THE DOOR! YOU TRIED TO LOCK IT, YOU TRIED TO POISEN ME WITH THE WRONG HOT POCKETS!!!!
>nail her in the eye with frozen hot pocket box
>same routine, made her go nack to Walmart to buy the right hot pockets
>mfw she brought back two boxes
>mfw she even brought back Baja blast from Taco Bell just to be sure I was sated
>tfw I had 20 GBP this morning
>go to mommy to ask her for 2 tendie dinners today
>she tells me she changed tendies to 15 GBP because I've been getting too many tendies
>told mommy that's not the way we said
>mommy thinks she can fuck me over
>I get angry
>really REALLY angry
>my eyes become all blurry I'm so mad
>"r-robot are you ok?" mommy asks
>I slap her
>she looks at me scared
>I slap her again
>she yells at me to stop
>no, mommie needs to learn that she made a bad and not to do it ever EVER again
>I punch her in the face
>she falls down and I kick her in the tummy as hard as I can
>she goes flying across the room
>I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
>TENDIIIIIIIIIIIIES TENDIIIIIIIIIIIES
>she's sobbing, gasping for breath
>she crawls across the floor by the basement door
>I open it and slam mommies head until the warm red slimy comes out
>TENDIES*bang*TENDIES*bang*TENDIES*bang*
>I push mummy down the stairs
>she tries to talk but she can't
>I stand over her and take my big boy diaper off
>"PEE PEE POO POO I FEEL BAD AND NOW SO WILL YOU"
>I squat and blast mommy with my watery poo
>hear her gargling on my nasty
>she throws up on my bumbum
>weewee gets hard
>I have wet stinky peepee fun time with mommy's lady hole as mommy sobs
she gives me tendies for only 5 GBP now, just gotta put mommy in her place :^)
>be me
>just finished mowing the lawn
>mowing the lawn is worth 50GBP, which brings my balance to about 350
>I now have enough to get a ten piece tendie dinner
>run inside
>"Mummy I would like to purchase a tendy dinner with my GBP!"
>"Anon, we're out of chicken tenders, didn't I tell you?"
>I smile
>I walk into my room
>pull out a shit jar that's been under my bed for a year
>remnants of moldy, tendy-shits are pressed against the glass
>"We still have some"
>mother gags and runs to the sink
>she unleashes a torrent of vomit into the garbage disposal.
>"cook them for me mummy, after all, I've been a good boy for you. It's the least you could do."
>"Anon, I can't even look at that thing, let alone cook it!"
>I charge the bitch and slam the jar into her face, knocking her out cold
>swing the jar over my head and onto the counter, bursting it and splattering moldy, chunky shit all over the kitchen
>piss all over mummy
>leave a note that says "You should treat your good boy better and not go back on your word :). Next time I won't be so nice. Love, your best boy"
>go back to playing CS:GO on my PC
>order 2 large pizzas, 2 boxes of chicken tendies with bbq sauce, and fries
>go into mummys room to get money
>wait for pizza tracker
>anticipation rising
>pizza tracker is close, Close! CLOSER!!
>door bell rings
>heart drops
>open door awkwardly
>"Hey, heres you're two pizzas. That will be 40 bucks".
>stare at him blankly
>"...uhhm?"
>hand him 10 dollars by accident, almost trembling
>"uhm sir, you gave me 10 dollars. The bill says 40 dollars"
>i say "y-you to--no wait"
>pull out 5 dollars from pocket and hand it to him
>"sir..."
>say again "w-woops my bad im SORRY!"
>pull out rest of change and give it to him
>"Sir this is 70 dollars, are you sure about this?"
>slam the door against his face, too close that i hear a bone crack noise when i did it.
>hear him in pain, broke his nose
>don't help him, run into room under bed waiting for mummy to come home
>too afraid to go up and bring the pizzas down to eat 'cause the pizza man can see me through the windows
Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints
Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendy treats
In comfy big boy booster seats
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy
Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries
My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies I have yearned
But there are no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!
Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders
>>26262700
>"I'm so gullible I thought this meme was a actual event" the post
>>26262700
>>26263242
Proof that r9k is just another subreddit
>>26273979
>>26265168
These rhymes make me so happy
Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed
Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear
I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beck and call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"
The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke Zero is such a joy
To go with chickie tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, because his is not our friend
>Be in my basement watching Yuru Yuri for the 3rd or 4th time (can't remember)
>Sad because I'm not 2D
>Walk upstairs and tell mommy about how I want to be 2D
>"Mommy already told you what you need to do"
>Bitch has been trying to trick me into killing myself ever since my 27th birthday 5 years ago because I lied and got her sent to jail
>Demand she give me a 2D headset so I can be with my waifu
>"When I told you I'd do whatever it takes for you to find a nice girl to take care of you, that's not what I meant. Plus they're not even out yet"
>I know she's bluffing because my runescape friend razordeath438 has one.
>Lying AND going back on her word? Unacceptable.
>Go to the fridge and take out mommy's special medicine
>"Anon, I need that to sleep"
>Waddle back down to my basement with her medicine
>Drink it all, I was really nasty but maybe the worthless bitch will die without it. Or maybe get really sick. If she can't help me get to my waifu she's dead to me.
>Start to feels dizzy and good, I need to tell mommy I need that medicine too. Maybe she'll let me buy some with GBP.
>Get back upstairs and tell her I drank all her medicine.
>"What the fuck anon! That was an entire fifth of... uhh.... medicine"
>Get the tummy trembles and throw it back up in her bitch face
>HERE'S YOUR MEDICINE MOMMY, YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!
>Start crying, still dizzy from the medicine
>Fall on the floor and grab her leg, can't stop making throw up.
>IF I'M DYING I'M TAKING MOMMY WITH ME
>"Mommy's going to get some more medicine from the store. You can have as much as you need to feel better."
>Wake up the next evening in my bed, tucked in. I feel really sick and icky.
At least mommy left a lot of bottles of medicine for me and a bunch of snacks. She locked the basement but it's okay, it looks like I'm set for the next week.
>>26263688
No you stupid faggot, I'm very glad this meme is dead.
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counterstrike source cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it
>rip it off and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies and Tombstone pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
MOOOAAARR
NOW
>>26262564
>tfw mommy finds the poo-poo chest
I told her not to go in my closet I told her
>be me
>slowly building up gbp to spend on sweet tenders
>mommy says if i get 300 gbp i can get tendies and a new game
>be good all week throw poop and pee jugs away, help mommy clean dishes
>decide i want tendies now and i don't want to wait for mommy to give me the gbp i need
>get two hidden poo jugs i had saved just inscase mommy is being a bitch
>go to kitchen with poop jugs and demand mommy make tendies and buy me simpsons hit and run for ps2
> mommy says i can't because i don't have enough gbp so i grab the poop jugs and ask her if she is sure about that
>she seeds poop jugs and knows that I'm not playing so she quickly makes me my tendies
>finish eating my lovely tendies and tell mommy its time to go get the game from the game store
>grab my nicest fedora and cape since i might see a m'lady
>get to game story and see 7/10 qt 3.14
>tip fedora to girl
>ask girl if she wants to come play simpsons with me and eat tendies
>she does mommy gives me 20 gbp for talking to a girl
>go home play simpsons and eat more tendies with qt 3.14
>girl sees hidden poop jugs while were playing game and she screams "anon why do you have a milk jug full of shit"
>tell her "where am i supposed to go poo poo if i don't have shit jug?"
>girl leaves and mommy won't buy me more tendies
what do?
>be me
>27
>live at home with mom
>she has a party and invites our friends and families
>big pot luck but all I want is chicken tendies
>go to freezer pull out tendies
>throw some in the microwave
>come out of the kitchen with my chicken tendies and ketchup
>everyone looks at me as I go back to my fap fortress
>mom comes in and tells me, "Anon, will you please be social for our family and friends? Please do it for me!"
>Go back to the living room
>so anon I hear you like those chinese cartoons like the dragon balls and naroootoe
>starting to get pissed
>giggle and just say yeah
>then some faggot pulls out a Macbook to show off his faggot families vacation
>rage ensues
>run to my room screaming "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab piss bottle
>throw it at macfag
>hits him everyone goes silent
>Then I scream "Filthy fucking casual!"
>Apple is for fags
>mom grabs me
>Back hand her
>faggot white knight steps in and tells me to calm down
>start to scream and helicopter
>shit my self in the process
>everyone pulls out their iPhones to take a video
>more rage
>run back into room and grab my katana
>here them talking and asking what they should do
>run out and chop at the macbook
>the guy tries to tackle me but my ninjitsu skills are second to none
>he trips and bust his head open on the coffee table
>everyone runs out
>someone calls the cops
>go hid in my room
>clutch my Rei body-pillow and pray to my framed picture of Gaben above my bed
>set up trap using my jizz bottles
>cops knock on door and tell me to open up
>They bust in
>first cop gets a bucket of jizz I proped over my door
>second one trips over a dragon dildo
>cops throw me to the ground and hand cuff me
>mom's crying
>go to jail
>missing warm tendies and comfy animes
>>26264193
>>26264268
>>26264286
>>26264348
fucking golden. truly work of art.
thanks for good laugh
>Mommy, Mommy, Tendies for me!
>Didn't you know that it's my disease?
>It's not autism Mommy, it's something bigger.
>Get to the oven or the REEEEE's you will trigger.
>Don't make me come down there.
>You know what will happen.
>Someone will get hurt.
>You will drink my pee pee's and eat poo poo for dessert
>I counted and counted
>Good Boy Points, I have plenty.
>Go get me the Tendies I want.
>I'm gonna need about twenty.
>Don't try to change my nappy.
>You won't like the surprise.
>My butthole is filled
>with maggots and flies.
>I lick Ranch dressing from my fingers
>as I make my plan.
>Don't make your Good Boy leave you Mommy
>I'll go hang myself
>and wake up in Anime-land.
>Where the Tendies are free
>and never far from my hands.
>We can go to the BK.
>2AM, you must drive.
>I will certainly need a crown
>or I will leave nobody alive.
>Now take me home.
>I need to eat Tendies in peace.
>Tomorrow we start again.
>Just listen for my REEEEEEEEEEEEE's
>Mommy is crying.
>She must be so happy.
>I get more Good Boy points,
>in the drive-through I took off my nappy
>Mommy was puking, she must be so sick.
>It felt really good when I showed the BK man my dick.
>Mommy and Step-daddy are yelling and screaming.
>If this doesn't stop soon my room I will be leaving.
>They know what will happen.
>I've done it before.
>I throw all my piss-jugs all over the floor.
>Sometimes I lose GBP
>and sometimes I gain.
>Sweet, sweet Tendies
>I will taste you again.
>>26264193
>>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>And some men too
kek'd at that
>>26264490
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>Wake up today
>Absolutely beautiful morning, perfect to redeem my Good Boy Points (GBP) for a Tendie dindin with Honey Mustard dipping sauce!
>Nearly trip over myself as I rush downstairs to inform Mummy that I want my tendies now
>When I get to the kitchen, I check my GBP chart. I have enough GBP for a few extra tendies!
>Except....
>Now there's a section for someone else to get GBP....
>Written there is the name Tyler, my severely autistic brother.
>"Mummy, why is Tyler's name on the GBP chart?"
>"GBP's are only for Mummy's Best Boy."
>"Anon, Tyler needs attention too."
>"Do you hate me, Mummy?"
>"i-i could never hate mummy's little angel..."
>She offers me 50 GBP if I can look past this
>I accept and sit down at the dinner table
>Notice Tyler is hitting himself in the head repeatedly
>He's been doing this for an hour while letting out donkey sounds
>"Tyler, please stop hitting yourself, I'll give you 150 GBP if you eat your Tendies peacefully"
>Tyler farts and begins to dip his tendies in fucking ketchup
>He doesn't like the taste and throws it into the kitchen sink
>Wasting TENDIES
>OVER THE LINE
>Realize Tyler would be ahead of me if he gets 150 GBP,.
>This little shit never does ANYTHING, why should he be ahead of MUMMY'S BEST BOY!?
>I snap
>Begin stomping my heelys on the ground, demanding Tyler lose Good-Boy points for sperging out and wasting tendies
>"Anon, you're a big boy now. Big boys need to be mature..."
>"HOW'S THIS FOR MATURE?"
>Grab the mustard from the fridge and spray it all over Tyler's tendies
>he hates it when brown and yellow foods mix
>starts screaming and punching his head
>Mummy tries to stop him
>"Please Tyler, it's okay... You can still eat it. It's fine if brown and yellow foods mix.."
>"Yeah Tyler it looks just like POO POO PEE PEE on your plate you faggot"
>Smash his face into the plate and make for my room
>Decide to give myself 30 GBP for my trouble.
>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel trashbin like a drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Sock her in the face for good measure, giving her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
>later takes me out for more tendies
>mfw
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy!
>>26264193
>fill my diaper and start shaking
Lost
>Be last monday
>just waking up
>have a fuck ton of notifications
>Oh shit
>Local chad from my school wants to fight cause i called him out on bullshit on an alpha streak
>Go to class that day
>Sporting my fedora so the sun doesn't blind me
>Mom didn't wash trenchcoat so it was still at home
>See chad
>He walks over to me
>calls me a faggot and everyone laughs
>I remove my Katana from my bag
>chad laughs along with the crowd
>in one swift motion i chop chad in half and split the crowd
>Sudden geyser spout of blood shoots out of everyone i chopped
>as each person fell to the ground i got 1000 GBP
>tendies for years man
>all the grills begin to mire me
>turn them away and go home on my scooter
>everyone is applauding me
>mayor promises me a holiday in which we all feast on tendies
>get home sit down on computer and put the drive soundtrack on
>tfw real human bean
>...
>wake up two days later in the hospital
>What acctually happened was chad kicked my ass while i was pretending to pull out a katana and broken my arm and 3 ribs and i had a minor concussion
>now whenever anyone sees me they point and laugh at me
I can never win i'm destined to stay here forever
>be me, 37 years old
>one night sitting in a bubblebath as my mommy has a new daddy over
>the sudden need for tendies comes into focus
>as mommy is walking past, get her attention and ask
>"not right now sweetie, you can have some after your bath"
>try to protest but she walks away in a dismissive fashion
>the audacity of this whore, thinking that i've any shame after all these years
>tactically slide out of the tub like a walrus, covered in suds of soap
>stand up and shit a messy shit in my hand, this will do nicely
>go out into the hallway, find them in the dining room eating dindin
>mommy has her back to me, daddy looking down at his food
>"The time has come, and so have I!"
>lunge into the room with the force of a tank, jumping onto the wooden table and sliding with my shit hand outstretched
>mommy skillfully dodges my first assault, but her first mistake was thinking she was my target
>skid past her and slam shit hand into daddys mouth and face as he looks up and sputters out 'what the fuck'
(continued)
>>26276687
>as daddy flies backwards in his chair and slams into the floor i skillfully twirl around on my belly and lock eyes with mommy
>i mouth silently to her 'tendies'
>daddy stands up with his eyes closed, trying to wipe my poo from his eyes and throwing up on the floor
>arch my legs and kick off from him towards mommy like a graceful swimmer, jetting to her with the residual shit on my hand
>daddy loses his balance and falls face first into his pile of vomit, making him vomit even more
>collide with her and slam into the floor, smearing shit on her face with one hand and reeeing into her ear, leaving bloody piss on her
>stand up, looking down at her and calmly say 'lie in your grave, you've surely dug it, for denying me my chicken nugget'
>she looks up to me with pleading eyes as i silently mouth the word 'no' as i turn around with my ass perched over her
>continue on with my dialogue as i squeeze out a football sized turd, ignoring her pleads to stop
>'i shall not stand for all your lies, never deny me my chicken tender thighs' as the steaming turd flops down
>she raises her hands to try and stop it, breaking it into chunks as it crumbles between her fingers onto her face and chest
>a chunk lands into her mouth as she begins to gag and nearly vomit as i step over her and hobble over to the freezer
>can't find sauce in the fridge, after all these years i make due with my poopy hand, gotta recycle
>devour the entire box of frozen tendies as i howl to the heavens
>daddy manages to get up and tries to scramble for the door
>slips on his own vomit and smacks his head into the dining table corner
>ouchie juice starts leaking from his head and forming a puddle on the floor
>tfw it nearly costed all my gbp
>mfw it was completely worth it
This following completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make ca-ca
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Ca-ca is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this. I say
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and gorillas
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion, she chose this life.
Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime
Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss
Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies
I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"
"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter
I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey
I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweet
>Be 30 years old
>Watching Backyardigans
>Start jumping up and down, and dancing to the intro cause I'm really excited, man
>Tummy go gurgly
>Run into living room
>"MOMMY GO TO BOOGER KING ME WANT CHICKEN FRIES!"
>"Anon, you're 30 years old stop acting and talking like a child! Talk like an adult and stop saying Booger King, besides we have food here"
>This bitch did not just try to throw that at me.
>"EW NO ME HATE BWOCCOWI, BWOCCOWI IS ICKY! ME WANT CHICKEN FRIES!"
>Start throwing Mommie's framed photos on the ground
>"Okay! Jesus get your shoes on"
>"Yay! You're the best Mommy this special little cowboy could ever ask for!
>Run to the car making gun shot noises
>Get to BK
>Tell her I want the Buffalo Chicken fries
>They're all out
>"Anon we can just use hot sauce!"
>"It's not the same!!"
>Start violently kicking her seat
>Ask for an ICEE
>As we're driving home I pour the ICEE on the floorboard to teach the bitch a leason
>"Ooopsie daisy."
>wake up in my crib
>stretch out, my legs can barely fit between the bars
>as I move, I feel my poopoo sloshing around my diapers
>hmm, mommy seems to have forgotten to change me today
>my tummy rumbles
>look at clock besides GBP chart, 4:54 PM, almost time for my brekky
>I stand up in the crib and yell "RUMBLY-RUMBLY IN MY TUMMY, GIMME CHICKIE TENDIES MUMMY"
>no response
>mommy doesn't even care that her precious boy is hungies
>contemplate breaking my crib again, but I'm in a good mood since she since she gave me extra chickies yesterday at no GBP cost
>yell again, still no response
>keep yelling for about an hour until my throat starts to hurt
>struggle to move my portly frame out of the crib
>waddle downstairs, chanting "CRISPY OUTSIDE, SOFT INSIDE, MOMMY MOMMY WHERE'D YOU HIDE" with each step
>I can see mommy's shadow, she's in front of the telly sleeping
>sit on her lap, my poo poo leaks on her under my weight
>STILL no response
>this has gone too far
>start shaking her
>"TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, CHICKIE-CHICKIE TEEEN-DIIIEEEES"
>amazing, she still hasn't woken up, the absolute NERVE of her
>notice she's holding a yellow tube, grab it
>it has small pieces of candy in it, but it's half empty
>selfish cunt doesn't even care that I'm a growing boy and need my sugar
>"be forewarned, mummy... this may suffice for now, but I expect tendies for din-din"
>list tube and swallow all the remaining candy
>fall fast asleeps just like mummy
>not using the bitch summoning stick
casuals, all of you.
>>26277983
>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some new daddy who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder new daddy left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tells me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I lock her in the cupboard until she learns her lesson.
Fucking normies, they never learn.
>>26272746
>>26272787
I still want to know what the point of adding fireball whiskey to the batter is.
>>26278718
That I have no idea. Maybe some sort of beer batter effect? Try it and report back.
>>26262564
>>Heat up oil on the stove in a pot
>>Rapidly boiling oil
>>Mommy always adds water to the oil to make the tendies more moist
>>Add an entire cup of water to the rapidly boiling oil
>>Steam and insanely hot oil explode onto my face
>>Fall to the ground as the oils heat peels and blisters the skin off my face
http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/water-and-oil/
You're lucky to still be alive, m8. Hope the burns aren't that severe.
