>tfw you will never be doug heffernan
>you will never be a hen pecked moron forced to let an old jew live in your house while he screams and throws tantrums like a baby when he doesn't get his way
MY EYES ARE GETTING WEARY
MY MASK IS GETTING TIGHT
IM SITTING HERE A CAPTIVE
ON THE CIA PLANE TONIGHT
I DON'T CARE CAUSE ALL I WANNA DO
IS CRASH THIS PLANE AND DRIVE RIGHT HOME FOR YOU
CAUSE BANEBY ALL MY LIFE I WILL BE A BIG GUY FOR YOU
How the fuck did someone already use this? I fucking wrote it awhile back.
>>25714181
That was beautiful.
>>25714162
>tfw you will never secretly care about that jew and sometimes find his antics to be endearing and funny
To be fair though, doug can be a bit of a beta I agree, but he has his moments.
>ywn watch the game in your garage while the wife is out having banter with the lads
>ywn have a token black guy as your best friend and get into all kinds of shit on a weekly basis
>ywn get to bone your hot Cleopatra-eyed wife after a long hard day of delivering packages
>by long hard day, having a laugh with your friends then while getting to also meet zany and weird package recipients
>>25714110
that sounds fucking awful
>wife was a bitch
>not even hot enough to be a trophy bitch
>treated Doug like a child
>had a wagecuck job that sucked
>back problems
>the old jew in the basement would probably not be as funny irl
>Hey there Dougie, long day at work? Turns out Carrie won't be home for quite some time.
>Looks like you could use some relaxation....why don't you lay back, Dougie, and I'll loosen those trousers of yours for you....
>Ohohoho....what's this? Did Little Dougie decide he needed some time out of his house? Well, what kind of father-in-law would I be if I didn't help the man of the house relieve some tension now and then?
>*pops out dentures*
>They used to call me "Gummy McGummerson" back in the 60's because of how good I was with my mouth
>*sucking noises*
>back in my day, Dougie-boy, we didn't call it that. We had more respect for the act and the orifice.
>we didn't call it a "boypussy", we called it a "manhole" and we didn't call it "smashing a BP" we called it "Sewering Hard"
>Speaking of....Dougie Boy.....
>To say it like those young internet fellas....
>"Would you care to fuck up my lad-pudding?"
>This fucking thread
Am glad the robot came back.
>ooh....Dougie-boy....ooooooohhhhh....
>no man has reached so deep into me before....
>you're ravishing my sweet-and-sour mancave like no one ELSE
>Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK ME DOUGIE BOY
>MY ASSPUSSY BELONGS TO YOU MAKE ME THE QUEEN OF YOUR BED
>MAKE ME THE QUEEN
>OOOHHH DOUGGGIEEEE PUT THE LIPSTICK ON ME AND KISS ME WHILE YOU RAPE MY SLIPPERY SLOSH-BUCKET
>CRUSTYYYYYYYYYYYYIOOOOOSSSSSS
>I want you to destroy my fucking mancave boypussy tonight, Dougie
>Carrie will be away doing pilates, so i want you to fuck me so hard I scream and fill the entire house with my yodeling
>I want you to wreck my hombrehole like we're two lads in a foxhole trying to keep warm
>I want you to blow your load into me, Dougie, and make me keep it in me for days
christ this thread hahahaha
>>25714110
I remember him being disgustingly fat. Now he seems normal. What happened?
>select the images with steak
>My ass is getting queery
>My boypussy is always tight
>Sitting here and laughing
>on dem cheap ass whippits tonight
>but I don't care cause all i wanna do
>is crush this rock and slam it all up into you
>cause baby all my life I will be POZzing for you
>Doug, it has suddenly come to my realization that you, in fact, do not possess the virile, HIV positive load that I require to become a true manslut
>when I asked you to wreck my asspussy and turn me into your manslut, you did well; I've never had such a hard time sitting or such a painful time defecating
>a few times, I bled so hard from my anus after you tore my boypussy up so very well
>but Dougie my boy, I must get the POZ load. Your friend-Deacon, he's black, yes?
>Does he perhaps have HIV, or full-blown AIDS? Because I need it, Dougie. I want to get the bug from someone I know, but Dougie, if you could let Deacon smash your own BP, and then load me with it...You'd make me the happiest father-in-law in the world
