Robots, what's keeping you from killing yourself? I'm trying to figure it out myself.
>>25562764
Three things:
I'm crazy terrified of drowning. I used to fantasize about jumping off the Washington Avenue Bridge like John Berryman but when I actually went to go try I couldn't do it because I didn't want to drown.
I get bad vertigo. It played into the bridge jump a bit but a few months later I planned to jump off a building. I was sitting on the window ledge and got crazy dizzy, it gave me just enough time to change my mind.
I like to see shit. Since then I've gotten on some better drugs and had some counseling and started to remember how much wonder and beauty I used to find in the little things. The little ridges on fly legs and the way that walking on frozen snow in a meadow at night feels like being on the moon and the hollow spot in my floor that makes a satisfying percussive sound whenever I step on it and even just feeling of waking up in the morning, rolling over, and falling asleep again. I'm depressed and I'm bored and I often drink too much but there is so much to see and I want to be around to look at it.
>>25562764
maybe I am going the be dead, from my motorcycle. so I don't need to kill myself.
next week I get it.
also the hope it's get better, and sometimes it is so not yet.
Physics when you boil it down. A system wants to retain the state it is in. For you to kill yourself (the system) would mean changing the state of the sytem to a nullified position. Not only does that require a lot of energy but it is also hard-wired into living sytems not to self-terminate. So a better question is to ask, why should you self-terminate? What advantage does it bring to you considering the effort invovled?
>>25562764
i wanna hear the next grimes album
You are OP
You are the one light in my life that keeps me alive
I have too many people who depend on me. I'd love nothing more than to get off this ride but I just can't do it. I can't destroy their entire world and stain their blissful lives with my cowardice.
If I kill myself, something amazing will probably happen soon afterwards, and I'll fucking miss it.
I taught myself to be positive in the face of adversity, plus I got hobbies I sincerely enjoy and plenty of friends whose company I love. :3
I've given up in the sense that I know everything i'll ever do never really means anything.
So, if ever I find myself in a tight spot, I know I can always GTFO of that predicament because I will never take myself or life seriously anymore and will always move to where life is easier. That way, I can even laugh at the absurdity of my condition and just continue living, always looking for an easier way out in the realm of the living.
>>25562764
I like myself way too much.
also I still live in illusion that one day I will have qt gf and everything will be as it should be.
but if I was sure that this will never happen I would just go on on rampage. like if I was terminally ill or something I would just go out and stab one faggot that have beaten my friend few years ago. I am from small city not hard to stalk him out. not a single fuck that it would be under surveillance camera or in front of other people. I would just stab him, cut his head off and throw it into trash can.
>>25562764
because there is nothing after.
Live as long as you can and kill everyone else.
