Hello,
I know you guys aren't my diary, or a self-help group. But I just need to write this down and know somebody read it. I know most of you here are normies nowadays..
It's almost 6AM. I'm slipping into my old delusional habits. I swear, they're fucking watching me again. Somebody, somewhere. I don't even know who. I'm a NEET on disability pension in my country. I know the government is watching to see if I'm really ill. All they do is try drag me into work time and time again. A session here, a session there; evaluation here, evaluation there. It's like they enjoy taunting me. Like they want to drag me in for show and inspect every inch of me. And then they sound fed-up with me, like I should be better now I'm swallowing these pills they throw at me. Life's blurry, anons. And this place is one of my few escapes, whether it becomes normie ridden or not. How do I convince myself they're not keeping me under surveillance? Or if they are, how do I catch them? I've inspected entirety of my room, curtains are closed.. This is all too stressful. I just want to grow my vegetables again and pretend to be a functional human being.
You live a fucked up life man, I feel sorry for you.
>>25517891
Thank you for at least reading, anon. I feel like I'm constantly on the fence between sanity and insanity and this middle-ground is death. Still unsure how to catch them watching me or how to convince myself they aren't at all.
Find some cloth with which you can cover your body and pretend that make you invisible,can that work?
Im sorry for your situation and i dont think they watching you i hope you get better
>>25518302
I can't turn invisible. I'm considering setting up a tent inside my room and mostly living inside that.
>>25518393
I did this once and its nice and comfy and private
>>25518393
Maybe repaint your walls, it'll give you piece of mind covering whatever may be watching you? Set up cameras too, spy on them spying on you yknow?
>>25517629
Embrace your differences and find the strengths in your individuality
It must suck,im paranoid but not even close to rhat degree,i dont like to leave food or water with my co-workers because i dear that they mag spit in it,did you try with medication
You need to find the wiretap they put in your computer and get rid of it. That's how they find everything out. Not only does it record your every keystroke, but it has a delta-wave "microphone" on it that records your thoughts.
>>25517629
I read your thing senpai.
You're just paranoid. You need to remember that whatever you do, people usually don't care about you and your life. They see plenty of other people each day, there's no reason for them to spend any effort on watching you exclusively.
I dunno if that makes you feel better.
>>25518463
Good to have the feedback. My reasoning is, if I feel like they've bugged the tent, I can always buy a new one.. but I can't buy a new room. And if I'm inside a tent it doesn't matter if they're watching my room, because they won't know what I'm doing.. At least until I figure myself out some more.
>>25518469
I'm not allowed to repaint my walls. It's a government subsidized house. Also disability won't give me enough disposable income to set up cameras.
>>25518499
My differences prevent me from integrating into regular society. Which I am quite saddened by, as I'd enjoy doing something with my time. I tried volunteer work for a few months, but it didn't work well.
>>25518515
It's terrible. They're either watching me, or not watching me, or doing both at the same time. And when they do both at the same time it gets to be even more, because I don't know how they do it. I apologise for your paranoia though, I know it isn't a great thing and handicaps many.
>>25518527
Should I get rid of my computer? It's the only thing besides my kindle paperwhite which offers me a distraction. I already cover the camera with some tape. And I threw out my mobile phone before I finished high school. I did a few computer courses when I was younger, do you think I could remove the wiretap manually and do you have any idea where they may have concealed it?
>>25518536
They do care though. It's why they bring me into the sterile little meeting every so often and ask me how I am. Because they want me to go back to work. And they just keep getting more and more disappointed. And I swear they're laughing at me as soon as I turn my back too. Like they'd just want to point and laugh at this abomination who looks so normal but apparently can't work. Like, maybe they think I'm a leach. Maybe I am a leach. I feel bad for using the tax money of hard workers. If I were born any earlier I'd have probably starved and been homeless.
>>25517629
it shouldn't take you more then a day to fully search every square inch of your place
it will suck but at least you'll know for sure bud
id still do the tent though after for fun
>>25518829
Thank you for your input, anon. I will search every square inch after my nap later. Tent does sound fun, even /comfy/. But I'll see later today whether I utilize it for comfort physically or mentally.
>>25518712
Well if they really were watching you, they wouldn't really have a reason to ask you personally in addition.
If they're keeping you it's because they hope you can return to work, not to taunt you. You don't pay someone just to mock them, it's a waste of money. If you're valuable enough for them to be patient, that's a good thing.
For the laughing, if you're not just imagining things, there's plenty of different explanations. Your meetings must be awkwards for both you and them, so they might need to loosen up by telling some friend a couple of jokes when it's over. It's not necessarily aimed at you.
