Everyday now I'm just consumed by self hating thoughts. I've never thought highly of myself, ever, nothing close. I've always known I'd never get a gf or anything like that. The past few weeks have just been getting worse.
Now I just can't take it all of a sudden. I've spent the past couple of days sleepwalking through school, being in the bathroom, sitting in the tub (clothed), staring at myself in the mirror. Ive been just shit posting and playing through all the FFs as I sit here.
All these thoughts running through my head. I've always known that I'm inadequate in every major category, that my happiest possibility is an empty relationship with a bitter woman who has settled for me. I've never just felt it this intensely before, I feel really cold and have goosebumps all over.
I think its settled for me that I'm 18 years old. I'm heading off to uni next year and I'll fail because I can't sleepwalk through it and get good grades like highschool. It will finally hit me how alone I'm destined to be, how much I'm going to fail
>>25502234
It'll probably pass, and you'll be left numb but marginally functional. You'll probably pass in and out of states like this.
That's the thing about rock bottom, there's no way you can feel worse so gradually your brain gets used to feeling that terrible and then you just get numb.
Try not to think about the future too hard.
It only gets worse. Trust me
>>25502533
I've always looked forward to being numb to everything, sitting in a apartment alone shitposting day in and day out, without a care in the world.
Now I feel the need for a hug, a warmth a human being can give me. These blankets aren't helping
>>25502234
The first thing you need to do is get the FUCK out of r9k. You're young, naive, impressionable, and damaged. The last thing you need is this ugly echo chamber of misery, hate, and cowardice. The "regulars" here spend their time trying to make everyone else as lonely and miserable as they are.
What you are experiencing is garden-variety adolescent angst. It passes. It may be slightly increased because of incipient depression. That's okay. Depression passes too.
The important thing is to get the fuck away from here and stop immersing yourself in this toxic miasma of failure.
>>25502708
>It passes
The only reason you think it "passes" it because the only people around are those who survived
The rest killed themselves.
>>25502739
Yes, well, if you want to make it permanent, wallowing in r9k with the self-loathing scum of the earth is a good way to do it. Turn off your fucking computer and leave this place. That's how you survive this.
>>25502625
It will pass. You won't be happy but you'll go back to numb. Just wait it out.
>>25502879
I don't know if I can go back to numb. Again I feel the need for something meaningful at least one more time.
I remember sleepovers I'd have before I really hit puberty and I still had friends. These fun and happy memories you'll have forever of when things were better. I'm only 18 I should have more I need to make more. I can't just go back to shitposting and playing vidya all day. I need a friend I need a girlfriend I need something. I've never even had a crush or oneitis. I can't get any of it though, it's why I'm here to begin with, and it's killing me
>>25502234
nigger u better stfu. u get a chance at college. most don't. get good grades, get a comfy job. live a nice middle class life.
>>25502967
>I remember
try not to do that.
Me. I used to be able to just sleep and shrug a day off like "whatever another day I survived I guess" but now I can't sleep and have been crying a lot and it's been bothering me because I hate crying and don't want my mom to hear/see. Please don't call me a fag
>>25503069
>please don't call me a fag
What would be the point? I'm the same as you
>>25502708
We both know its already to late for him the leave. He is one of us now. We all float down here
>>25503069
>He doesn't just walk outside at 2 AM in order to cry
I'm better at being depressed than you
>>25502625
It's great. :)
I was fortunate to land on a job that pays well and allows me to be alone.
Just a few moments ago I was actually thinking about how I really don't deserve this (simple) luxury that I have.
