> tfw bipolar.
> tfw manic atm.
> browsing porno and jerking off 20/7.
> spending a fuckton of money.
> sleeping 4 hours every 48 hours.
> don't wanna sleep.
> surviving on pizza and instant coffee mixed with Red Bull.
>>25495650
>bipolar
Could you explain how does that work?
a friend of mine has it and I want to understand it better
>>25495762
Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). When you become depressed, you may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. When your mood shifts in the other direction, you may feel euphoric and full of energy. Mood shifts may occur only a few times a year or as often as several times a week.
Really? No depressed anons?
>>25496402
Nope, shit is going well here.
Cheer up lil man
>>25496538
This place used to be crawling with anons who had a tough times.
>>25496620
self pity is not healthy anon.
>>25496703
I know, believe me. It's the worst feeling, but when one feels totally paralyzed by how one feels, it demands a great deal of mental strength not to feel self pity.
> That comfy Pepe.
>>25496402
I have a bunch of disorders and shitty mental health in general but I don't feel like talking about it. And I generally hate generals. If you at least started with an interesting topic I might have felt like joining.
>tfw bipolar but fairly mild in comparison
>get severe paranoia "attacks" and hallucinations
not even sure what to call myself
>>25496774
Different people, different ways, anon. I know, but I suck at making threads. Stopped making threads a while back and only recently returned.
>>25496810
The hallucinations and paranoia fucking sucks. Been there, done that, anon. I feel your pain.
>paranoid schizophrenic
>today there's no voices
>sometimes go a couple days without noticeable hallucinations
feels okay.
>stopped taking pills
I must be fine!
>nope.
>NOPE
>FUCKING NOPE
>hospitalized
Cycle repeats every six months.
>>25496538
You seriously saved that image 4 times?
>>25496917
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, anon.
What pills do they have you on?
i cant even be sure if i have depression or not.
most of the symptoms match up but i really don't feel any different than how i usually do. is it possible to stop feeling depressed yet still have the disorder?
for the past while i've just been staying in my home (tfw neet) playing vidya and watching anime, i get zero enjoyment from socializing so it's generally been a comfy time for me. when my parents forced me to go hand out job resumes a few months ago i felt so miserable afterwards that i couldn't even enjoy my vidya. then after about 2 weeks of feeling like complete shit i noticed i was randomly feeling normal again.
is that depression? i haven't been profesionally diagnosed or anything so i really have no fucking clue.
>>25496938
No I have a bunch of images with the same filename
so than windows makes it
>filename
>filename (2)
>filename (3)
>filename (4)
>>25497018
That could be a gray zone. It's basically a kinda sorta numb period of time between episodes where one is able to live an ordinary life without the obstacles of an episode.
>>25496810
>>25496848
what kind of hallucinations do you see? do you see shadow people and floating orbs and shit?
>>25497067
Shadow people, hear people knocking without anyone being there, shadows hovering above me, waking up with cold sweats because I felt haunted etc.
>>25497106
Same here, you just described what I experience too
>>25497020
how is that even possible if you're saving them from 4chan
>>25497159
I select them all by dragging then I renamed them and windows does all the work with the (x).
>>25497125
>[Deleted]
o-okay
>>25497158
How do you deal with it, if I may ask?
>>25496998
I'm on risperdone, seroquel, ativan for panic, zoloft for depression, and some other thing for sleep. I'm basically at near physically zombified levels but for the most part I'm pretty cogent. I have good days to where I can think, but I can't remember shit.
I'll tell you the fun part about that particular happening that keeps fucking happening. Sometimes your psychosis turns on you in the weirdest way:
>wake up and have a nice day
>suddenly your brain convinces you you're normal
>all of these pills are for attention and you're actually not sick at all
>literally convince yourself you're not sick and that the psychosis isn't real
(even though that line of thinking is becoming psychotic)
>actively self-sabotage
>begin to assume you're living a normal life when the small hallucinations begin creeping back after about a week off medication
>the paranoia starts up, the same routines you used to do when off pills come back
(And of course, by this point you don't really recognize it, you just accept it because you're utterly fucked up)
>have a full blown psychotic episode
>either end up arrested or in a hospital again after a night out doing fuck knows what or a suicide attempt
>medicated
>everything is fine again
The worst trick your brain can play is to convince you that you're not sick and that you're just faking it. Even with my history of delusional behavior, psychotic thinking, paranoid ramblings and behavior changes, I'll still forget that I'm ill.
>>25496848
it's not that bad I suppose, the hallucinations are fairly benign and the paranoia only sets in at night
Diagnosed with depression and schizoid personality disorder last year.
Are there any borderline anons here? Someone I care about has it and I want to understand it better.
>>25497067
i'm this guy,
>>25497240
majority of what I see are spiders, sometimes I see them coearly only for them to disappear when I focus on them, sometimes it's just black spots, sometimes when i'm outside people chamge appearance or entire landscapes go weird
>>25497233
> After doing God knows what.
> Medicated & Hospitalized.
> Eveything is fine again.
You ever experience remembering you episodes? I do and I almost drown in shame.
>>25497231
I'm not on meds or anything, and so far I haven't got a way to deal with it, it just makes me paranoid and generally scared
>>25497438
Fuck, that's messed up. My mate got put on several types of medication for something similar. One day without medication and the relapse is catastrophic.
>>25497349
I do remember sometimes. Sometimes it's as benign as sitting in one room and slowly starving myself while only making trips out of that room to either toilet or turn a light on and off...
Sometimes it's full pants-on-head psychotic. I once drove my car until I ran out of gas and then went running another ten or so miles through swampland and forest thinking I had to get away from something that was tracking me.
It ranges. There's no end to the fun.
I think the worst is just when it results in a suicide attempt.
>>25497466
It's usually alright, but after a while of no sleep or just a night, it really sets in
>>25496402
Depression and ADHD here. No meds yet.
>>25497481
You described some of my symptoms perfectly right there.
>>25497485
How long? For me it's usually about 32 hours.
>>25497687
Why not, anon?
>>25497841
About 14 hours for me
>>25497900
Damn, that's short.
>>25495650
HAHAHA holy shit sounds like my summer of 2015
$5000 NEETbucks gone with the wind...
>>25497935
Starts off fairly light, just shadows coming from the corner of eyes and such
I miss manic-mode-me
I love the euphoric feelings of invincibility and the whole "anything is possible" mentality
>>25497978
And the downfall?
How do you know if you're mentally ill or just too lazy and incompetent to break your bad habits and improve yourself?
>>25498054
Visit a psych.
>>25497952
I just spend 400 dollars on a pair of headphones out of the fucking blue. Hadn't even considered purchasing headphone before this. I fucking bought them on a monthly pay off as well since they're like, close to 500$ which I don't have. Paying a year (Have to now, since I'm bound) for an impulse, manic purchase.
>>25498038
Downfall = me laying in bed for 20+ hours just staring at the ceiling. I feel paralyzed like I can't move, and the only thing that is going through my mind is the growing amount of tasks and assignments that I am failing to complete. I then avoid an emotional breakdown by going and eating a whole box of cheese-itz and drinking several lts. Of soda
>>25498129
maybe you're just stuck living a shitty life you don't want to be a part of and you're not actually mentally ill
>>25496810
I would file that under psychotic depression...
>>25498129
Me too. I force myself to go to work and barely finish any assignments. I eat a fuckton and I spend most of my time in bed. I do the same when I'm manic,, but at night time during mania, I fucking flip. Porn, omegle jerk offs, jerking off with the windows open, meeting older guys etc. I even browse huge amounts of porn at work. It always ends up with me crying my eyes out - but 2 days later I repeat the same thing. So, basically my life has become; Soulless working, staring at the ceiling at home and either stuffing myself, crying, having panic attacks, bouts of anger, autistic fits or spending a fuckton of money, being a sexual deviant, getting no sleep and hating myself. With both conditions a tendency to hallucinate follows.
>>25498084
I don't really know what I'd say, and I don't know who I'd go to. There's tons of listings of people listing the issues they specialize in, but I don't know who to go to if I'm just not functioning correctly. I also don't trust them. It'd be like going to a mechanic and asking if there's anything wrong with your car. Of course they're going to find all sort of shit they can charge you for, especially when the field is so nebulous in the first place.
borderline personality disorder here. dissociating a lot more than before. Whenever time goes on and I'm feeling a little less depersonalized, something blows up and sends me either back or doing something reckless and stupid. Honestly, though, sometimes I really want the dissociation. At the very least, it blankets my crazy emotions.
Any other bpds here? anyone else stoned right now?
>tfw severe depression
>didn't do shit this week
>lonely
>have a short temper lately
>accidentally lose it at the people i love
>take some sleep medicine and cry myself to sleep
>i just want to die
they said it would get better and it never did robots
>>25498352
Sleep medication usually helps me the first night. When I wake up, I fucking relapse because my system has grown kinda immune to that shit.
>>25498334
Someone I really care about has Borderline Personality Disorder, could you explain what it's like for you?
>>25498312
>gives you common-feels hug
My new years resolution is to stay manic for an entire month or more, and reduce depressive states using any and all kinds of medication
>tfw severe dissociation from trauma
>tfw clinical depression
>tfw panic disorder and general anxiety
>tfw symptoms of psychosis
I'm on zoloft for the depresison, hallucinations+delusions haven't been talked about in therapy that much. Trauma can't be cured via pills so I'm just slowly waiting for it to rot me from the inside.
>>25498182
No trust me, I have a laundry list of mental issues that have made themselves known over the past few years.
>>25498465
Manic for entire month? Why would you do such a thing, anon?
>>25498405
iktf
try to cut yourself off for a bit ( couple weeks maybe? ) then it starts working again
>>25495650
>also have type 1 bipolar disorder
>have been on lithium for nearly two years- nearly two years without a manic episode
>no more impulsive, ridiculous spree shopping
>no more gambling
>no more binge drinking
>no more insane cleaning spells where I bleach and scour my hands and everything else around me
>no more assaulting perfectly helpless strangers or loved ones
>no more destroying my possessions
>still hideously depressed
>all the medication in the world isn't enough to alleviate it
>been in therapy for six years
>trying my hardest to do better
>barely getting by in a retail job, doing nothing in my spare time but binging on movies and anime
I almost miss all the energy I used to have, but I don't fucking dare stop taking my meds...
bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria here
i'm not depressed at all and i am pretty happy with life in general desu
>>25498533
> Still depresse.
> Barely do anything besides binge movies.
I know that fucking feel. I used to live like this for months before having this manic episode that I'm having atm. Even now I have zero energy when I'm between random actions caused by mania. I'm numb.
Guys help. I'm 18 and still in high school. Ever since my birthday on September 11th, I've been having Schizophrenia problems, I'm semi-chad status, decent amount of friends, gf, go to partys. It's getting to the point where I can't even pay attention in class, or even listen to music without hearing my name. The only thing of note is that I have bi-polar depression, and ADD.
>>25498451
I'm still here, stoned at the moment, so it'll take me a little while to write up a response, sit tight anon
>tfw depressed for ~7 years in a row now and will never seek help because hate the idea of psychiatrists or therapists
i won't make it bros
>>25495650
my antidepressants gave me hypomanic symptoms and mood swings so they ended up putting me on a dose so low it basically set me back into my depressed lethargy.
i've just been taking it like once every couple of days because i have shit memory and i don't always want to take it. and now it's giving me nightmares.
>>25498508
Bc I need to get my life together. I need to go from -10 to 9000 or I'll kill myself. I can't stand the ups and downs any more. I'm sick of sitting here marinating in my own self loathing and shit.
>MANIC-ME IS THE BEST ME AND THE ONLY ME I NEED TO BE TO SURVIVE!! REEEEEEEE
>>25498757
Okay thank you. I'm still here.
>>25498451
Well, It affects me in a bunch of different ways. Most noticeable are the extremely quick mood swings I get many times a day. My mood is never stable for very long. I have a super short temper as a result of my constantly changing emotions, as well.
Relationships with people are hard to navigate because I'm so sensitive (a moodswing is easily set off by even small things) and because my opinion of them (they love me/the don't love me) switches back and forth constantly. I never know if someone actually cares about me or not. It's always stuck in this never ending limbo and my reactions to things/mood swings inform/s me.
Also, oftentimes people with bpd have a problem with dissociation, either in the form of depersonalization, which is being disconnected from yourself, or derealization, which is where the world around you seems surreal. I experience both to varying degrees at different times. What mostly causes it to happen is stress. I remember the first time I experienced a really bad form of it was when I chugged caffeine, barely slept and binged on pot for a month. Not sure if this is related or not, but I've hallucinated on pot plenty times.
Whatever I'm feeling, I feel it 100%. All of my emotions are intense. It's either all or nothing. Because of this, they all feel unbearable. When I'm feeling bad, I'm desperate to relieve it. This is what drives me to do reckless, impulsive things.
(Cont.)
Self-diagnosis has to be one of the most poisonous things that psychology has brought about.
I'm not saying that psychological disorders don't exist, I'm not saying that you're not allowed to be depressed, or that some people's brain chemistry is truly haywire...
I'm just saying, there's a whole generation of young people with access to the internet who can learn about a whole host of mood disorders and basically court insanity. They see a list of symptoms and automatically identify with them, which starts the whole cycle.
If you're self-diagnosing, go and get some love and care from somebody. Everybody needs attention, especially at young ages-- our interactions with others play a large part in our identities. If you think that you're seriously mentally ill, go and see a doctor. If you aren't actually mentally ill, and you are in fact driving yourself crazy for no reason, it's likely that one day you'll get over yourself and look back at a year or more of your mind's life spent in vain.
>>25499055
>>25499185
(Cont.)
I always feel empty. On my own, I feel like nothing. I feel like just a shell. Not even of a human being, just a shell. I have no clue who I am or why I'm doing anything. I don't know what's going on or what anything feels like, just that it's everything at once. I do things to fill up my emptiness, but it feels like once I do, it just falls out and I'm empty again.
I cling to people because I feel like love is the only thing that can change me. I don't really know why, but I do. Love is like a commodity. I don't know why I can't stand being alone. I collect friends, but there's never enough. I just desperately need people to love me, but I don't know why. People leaving me is the worst thing I can imagine. It hurts so fucking much. It's like someone tears off a piece of me.
I'm very much a social chameleon since I don't know who I am. I create a different persona for each person I interact with. I only have a vague sense of an identity in comparison to others. Even my name sounds foreign to me. When I'm by myself, life is just like I'm watching a movie or something. I don't know what it is.
Life is just a tangled mess of constants ups and downs. I just need a break, but it keeps going. kicked down and don't know how to stand up. I'm always searching for something to fulfill myself, but I don't know what it is.
That's pretty much it. There's so much other stuff, but they're mostly situational things.
I always just want to kill myself because it feels like I'm
>>25499211
To be honest, I don't really see the problem as long as you get a professional's opinion afterwards.
>>25499235
>>25499185
Thank you so much anon.
Do you have any advice for a somewhat clingy guy pursuing a relationship with another boy who has Borderline Personality Disorder? Sometimes they seem to really like me a lot, and then other times it seems like they want nothing to do with me.
>>25499309
Gimme a second to write a response also hello fellow homo
>>25499257
The problem is that so many attention-seeking teens ruin their entire fucking lives because they heard about a mental illness, convince themselves that they have it, then convince a doctor that they have it so that they get drugs for it, which lead to more drugs, drugs, drugs until they're drained of their humanity along with totally fucked brain chemistry to boot.
All because they were seeking attention, because they need attention to build an identity.
I think that maybe these teens should set their focus to the articles about narcissistic and histrionic personality disorder. Then read some Ancient Greek plays to realize how people are truly driven to insanity, and how it's really not a desirable thing, and definitely should not be a fashionable thing.
Last year, being sad was the cool thing, not even joking. I dunno how much twitter you use but there are legions of kids who wear their depression like an accessory and talk openly about all of the meds they're taking.
Do you maybe see the problem with self-diagnosis now?
>>25499401
Thanks. I actually met them because of r9k I guess you could say.
>>25497978
I can relate to that feeling too fucking well. You don't feel like you unless you're manic and people expect the manic you so when you're depressed and you go to see them it's awkward and painful and agh fuck
>>25497841
Psychologist fucked up part of her report on me, and then forgot to fax it to my doctor.
>>25499309
>>25499401
Yeah, that's something called "splitting." Basically it means shifting back and forth on your opinions on people. You're either one or the other. On one end there's: loving the person, believing they love you, being able to trust them that they won't hurt or betray you, believing they love you too. And on the other end theres: hating them for hurting you, hating them for not loving you, believing they don't love you, general pain towards and from them. The clinical terms you'll hear are idealizing and devaluing. You idealize them in reaction to something that makes you think they love you (and you love them back) and you devalue them in reaction to something they did that hurt you and makes you believe they hate/don't care about you (and thus you hate them back/ devalue them so that you can justify your anger at them).
There isn't really a one easy way to deal with this, but in general, just try to be understanding and calm with him. Be compassionate. Try to understand why he's feeling something as well as what he's feeling. Try and hold yourself back from reacting angrily to him (as much as can be expected, realistically, obviously). Something that's really helped me with my partner was making a rule or at least trying to abide by the rule that if things heat up and you're starting to/about to argue, go take a walk for 30 min until you cool down. Something that people with bpd don't do the best with is object consistency. When someone is out of sight, it feels like they're truly gone.
>>25499405
>>25499472
how'd you meet?
Cont
Don't just walk out on him. Tell him you're not leaving, you're just cooling off (say you're gonna be gone for longer than you actually plan to be, this also helped me often. it's a little manipulative, but I admit sometimes the fact that I come back quicker than I say I will makes my bf feel better and just kiss and make up on the spot. I strongly suggest making an agreement with him to do this kind of thing. Even outside of my relationship with him, it's helped me avoid so much drama in general.
I guess if there's one thing to pinpoint, it's to make sure he knows you still love him even when times are bad and it seems like you don't. It's hard to do so, obviously when you're mad at him, but it greatly helps assuage his raging emotions. You know him better, so it's up to you do decide how best to do this.
Also, another thing I've leaned that helps stop a lot of arguments (especially between my and the mister) is simply to stop engaging. Don't just shut him out, but I've noticed that in myself (and the other people I know with bpd) that I'm just going to keep saying shit as long as the other person keeps talking/shouting/responding angrily. Deescalate the situation before it gets bad. That kinda thing.
I don't want to act like I'm playing the victim card, but this shit is hard to deal with when you have a thousand things coming at you at once and you don't know what to listen to. I'm not sure if this has something to do with dissociation, but whenever someone says something that sets me off, I respond without even thinking. I know it's stupid to respond like that, but I don't even notice that I did it before it's too late.
(lol it might be a good idea not to mention that you've read about how to deal with a borderline online, just have a discussion with what's the best way you can conduct yourself with him and whatever he says is just a bonus)
Any other questions, anon?
>>25499844
Alright, I understand. I'm a very patient and empathetic anon, so I think things can work.
He shuns me though when I try to ask how he's feeling or doing, and I have trouble telling if he does it because he's genuinely angry at me or if he thinks I'm just using him or some other reason.
>>25499876
This will give it away but I assume he's not browsing right now; we met on OKCupid, he mentioned r9k in his profile so I decided to message him because I could relate to a lot of what was written on his profile. It's actually somewhat difficult to get in contact with him because his phone was taken away by his parents. Sometimes I worry that I'll come off as too clingy, or insincere, then other times I worry that I'm not showing how much I care as much as I should be.
Me since around age 24:
depression
>makes every day feel like the stupidest, most pointless chore in the world
anxiety
>crippling fear of most anything
panic attacks
>dizziness and derealization and feeling complete loss of control
alcoholism
>get so fucking sick of the first three that i drown them all out in booze, which works for about 8 hours and then makes them all 100 times worse
>feel unusually optomistic
>feeling good
>want to share with online friends
>they tell me to shut up
>no hint of joking or playfulness in their voices
>just annoyance and disdain
>>25500309
I know that feel anon.
This is not an original post but it's an original feel.
>>25500075
>patient and empathetic anon
good thing, you'll need lots of it. lord knows I put my bf through a lot. I guess the only reason we work out so well is because we're the only ones that could deal with the other, ya know?
>taken away by his parents
you dating an underageb&, anon?
> I worry that I'll come off as too clingy
trust me, he'll probably come off just as clingy haha, don't worry about it. there's probably a point where it might smother him, but that depends on the person. I'm sure that he'll mostly appreciate your clinginess.
>other times I worry that I'm not showing how much I care as much as I should be.
This is something that just takes time to adjust. Eventually, as you come to know him as a person (besides his disorder), you'll know what the right amount is. In general, just try to communicate as much as possible and get him to do the same. That's really all there is to relationships once you boil it down.
>>25500309
I'll be your friend, anon. I won't be mean to you.Unless you like that sometimes. I-I can try for you, senpai.
>>25500409
>because we're the only ones that could deal with the other, ya know?
Heh, that's what I hope. I really don't mind dealing with him, I grew up with an autistic brother who couldn't speak, so I've learned to be patient, but sometimes I worry that he doesn't want to deal with me.
And it said 18 on his profile, you really think someone would just go on the internet and tell lies?
And yeah I suppose that's what's making things so rough at the moment is the inability to communicate.
Thanks for everything anon, you've given me a bit more hope.
>lonely and depressed
>tfw no robot friend to share sad feels n stuff with
>>25500720
Wanna be steam friends?
>Almost anything triggers a bad depression hit
>Really feel like I'm a failure
>Getting really pissed with myself that I cannot do seemingly simple tasks
>Can't even do well at vidya anymore
>Totally hopeless
I just don't know anymore.
>tfw deleted all social media last year (glorious)
>tfw could stand to join a few online communities for support and staying at least a little involved and connected with the world
>tfw won't because paranoia of doxxing and batshit insane keyboard warriors i've pissed off in the past
who /schizotypal/ here?
>>25498352
>>25498405
>Sleep meds
Really good call robots. When I'm at my mental wits end with complete and total sadness and desperation, I just take 100 mg of DPH on an empty stomach and I'm fucking good. Helps coping with the first night so much easier
Btw I'm 125 lbs and on an empty stomach, 100mg is like 200mg. Fucks you up proper.
>>25495762
I make really bad decisions a few times a year when I think that I am invincible. I bought a AKC champion mastiff during my last manic episode. For about a day or two, everything feels right and I can't do anything wrong. I burn bridges with people. Quit jobs. Spend all my money. Start smoking cigarettes again. Shoplift. Do weird shit.
>>25500854
Oh, and the rest of the time I have crippling depression.
>>25500731
i never go on steam anymore : (
just league
>Simultaneously desire and hate human relationships
>Stay in bed or surf the internet when I'm not working
>Buy shit online to make myself feel better, then feel guilty about all the clutter and money I've wasted
>No real sense of self, constantly creating and rejecting idealized persona I want to fulfill
What's wrong with me /r9k/?
>>25500179
Alcohol is soooo bad for my anxiety in the following days/weeks, but it also gets me super fucking high for a few hours.
>>25496774
Iktfb
How do you survive? Wageslaving, NEETbux or parents?
>>25500957
Straight up depression.
How come my reCAPTCHA has a timer on it today? Did I make daddy mad with my cheese pizza?
>>25500999
Not OP, but I'm 28, live at home and don't buy ANYTHING.
And checked.
I am usually at a really low state on most days. But sometimes when I find some sort of happiness I convince myself that I'm not worth it and it must be bullshit, which self sabotages a couple opportunities i had for a loving girlfriend. I'm almost always anxious or on the edge, for no fucking reason. And god forbid I do have a real reason, then I turn into a freak who shakes so hard you'd think he's stroking out.
No matter what I do, I always feel like I'm in a mental fog. And when I'm not, I fantasize about killing myself in different ways. So much so I dream about it now; I pull the trigger about 50% of the time.
Tomorrow I see my doc and I'm going to try and be put on SSRI + Benzos (hopefully). I just want the overthinking and self-loathing to end. I obsess over mistakes I make and feel literal hate for myself.
I dont know... any of you feel similar? I just want to find peace.
>>25501008
Oh. I didn't think that would be it since I can hold down a job and everything. I assumed I had some kind of personality disorder or something.
>>25501095
Depression (and many other illnesses) are ego-dystonic. Depression isn't part of your normal thought processes or personality. More or less, you can look at a particularly bad day or mindset and think "this isn't me, this isn't normal, something is wrong."
Personality disorders are different. It's hard to put in words but a PD is how a person simply "is." Personality disorders can be just as painful as other conditions, don't get me wrong, but PD symptoms are part of a person's normal, day-to-day mentality and are deeply ingrained. As a result, personality disorders are more or less impossible to "cure," and they can only be managed.
>>25501470
I see, thank you.
