I need to hear from someone who is as fucked up/more fucked up than me. I feel like I'm the lowest of the low out of everybody I know.
>HS drop out
>expelled from 3 different HS for not showing up enough
>addicted to cigarettes
>can't sleep without weed (currently 6 am and on day 2 of being weedless)
>anxious mess, can't talk to people
>virgin
>20 y/o living with mom in small 2 bedroom apartment
>no plans for future
>no dreams
>no job
>depressed
>one friend who hangs out with me out of pity once in a while because he knows he's all I've got
>don't care about girls
Been like this for the most part of the past decade. I see a few drs for my deppression/anxiety and I'm on zoloft. I've been trying heroin recently as a means to test if it would be a viable an-hero option. (so far, yes) My life for the past few years has been nothing but waiting. For what - I don't know. But I feel lost now. I cant participate in the game of life. It doesn't interest me, jobs, money, women, why stress over all that when I can kill myself and not have to ever worry about another god damn thing? Seriously, the thought of my not having to wake up to the same anxieties and bad dreams. The thought of just fading into nothingness, brings me peace of mind. All this hate, anger and stupidity on this planet is too much for me. Call me weak, I don't give a fuck. I feel both indifferent yet more enlightened to the harsh realities of life. I've lived with an alcoholic, I've had to deal with family having alzheimer's, dementia, diabetes, cancer. Life is nothing but suffering for most beings. I want out but I'm scared there's no way out and I'll just be repeating this same life for eternity
posting with a trip so I can reply
world's just not meant for us
grab a gun, it won't fire itself
>>25483915
Where did it all start? HS? Why did you stop going? or did something happen before then
>>25483989
were here to watch not die friend
I'm worse then you op. I'm 23 and a neet and I have no friends at all. I've never had a job. I also smoke even though aging is my biggest fear.
Hope you feel better op ..
>>25484007
I knew the importance of school and a good education. But after a while I just became to deppressed and anxious to go. I had no friends at school. I'd be alone all day every day. It degraded my self esteem. It was like torture. From 8am to 3pm I knew I was going to be stuck between these 4 concerte walls with a bunch of kids hell bent on getting laid/partying in a school that teaches you that the universe is 6000 years old and that science is to be taken with a grain of salt. I wanted to scream bloody murder when the preist said that and everyone was nodding and agreeing I honestly learned more on my own with my laptop and curiosity than I did in the 3 years of being in the highschool system. Fuck that place. It did more harm than good and my parents who where dumb-as-fuck-normies couldn't tell their son was suffering with MDD until I got escorted to the hospital by cops after going to a doctor about wanting to kill myself.
It never really 'started' at one point or another. Gradually over the years I slowly became less and less like the energetic/athletic younger me and became more quiet, soft spoken, shy, and socially awkward because I couldn't make friends.
>>25484136
Might be silly of me to say, but I still think you should do something with your life.
Maybe join the army? Kill some terrorists.
>>25483915
I am financially about as screwed, but not as dead on the inside. We will be the first to be sold for our organs, I guess.
>tfw don't know how to function at all in the outside world, mummy does the house chores I don't know how to (laundry, cooking)
>I'm 34
>>25484157
Thought about that. But the universe has enough suffering as it is. Between mass slaughter of animals for food/rss and the trillions of other creatures that suffer daily as just another part of life I don't want more suffering I want peace. I don't wish to kill anyone. I don't even kill bugs when they're in my house. I live by a sort of saying that goes "if there is a god it's up to us to be his moral superior"
>>25484167
That made me feel a bit better desu. I do the house chores for my mom and she actually pays me to do it. (because she would pay a cleaning lady otherwise)
how I earn neetbux
>>25484216
If it is true morality to let everybody/everything live, then how can you abide people killing others for sport/entertainment/in the name of a god
>>25484167
Wtf have you been doing for the last 16 years?
>>25484167
Not to sound rude, but how do you intend on surviving after your mother passes away?
>>25484242
I don't. When did I say that?
If by not wanting to blow someones fucking skull in I'm a bad person then add that to the list of things people hate me for I guess
>>25484279
im going to join my mummy. I love her very very very much.
>>25484249
It's called being a neet you fucking retard
>20
nowhere faggot
tired of these kids that think their life failed
try being 30 with no qualifications
>>25483915
32. Kissless and friendless virgin. Never worked. Never done anything an "adult" would do. My mom still gives me pocket money each week. My life: sleep, sit on the computer, get fatter each year. I used to play games but lost interest so I just browse the net.
My mom encourages me to go out and meet girls. She has mommy goggles so she doesn't realize no woman would be interested in this fatass. Every now and again she offers to pay for a prostitute but I decline.
My mom is the only person I am OK with seeing me. When family comes around I don't leave my room. My mom makes excuses and lies for me. Mom makes up stories about my life the most recent one was telling her friend how I was going out for new years with all my friends, even though I have none.
You are still young. I wish I was your age again. I'd like to think I'd do things differently. I feel I missed out on a lot of experiences that can never be experienced due to me being an old fart now but maybe it will inspire you or someone else.
OP, there are definitely some robots on here that can relate, I'm fairly certain there are some that are 30 years old and older in your same position. Personally, I'm an aushwitz-mode paranoid-schizoid NEET who failed out of university and military, I basically wasted every single year from 18 to 25. I don't recommend becoming addicted to heroin because it's a horrifically bad withdrawal. I'm addicted to this relatively unknown herb called kratom (works on the opiod receptors) and the withdrawal is a complete nightmare. Anyway, thanks for posting this thread OP, a lot of what you wrote resonated with me.
>>25484452
the main factor holding you back is psychological imprisonment. if you want to change yourself then it's a matter of creating and implementing a plan. start by getting your body into shape- seek extreme nutritional advice. spend your time exercising, even if it's just fucking press ups and sit ups in your room. consider going to the gym if you feel confident enough because swimming is fantastic. weight loss can produce the most dramatic turn around in your self-esteem, it's all a matter of desire. you're clearly an intelligent person anon, so i don't want to patronise you. but if you want to change the path your life's on, the only impedement is internal.
What the fuck. You're 20 years old... Go join the army or enroll in community college when u still young. Don't let your mom down. It'll only get harder when u get older
>>25484719
>just beee urself xD
No
I failed out of school and have tons of debt. I likely will never be able to pay it back.
It hurts that I'll never be able to achieve my dreams.
>>25484287
OP to make you feel better, I graduated high school and I'm almost as fucked as you are:
>KHV
>got permantly disqualified from military due to medical condition(two weeks before Christmas), even passed the ASVAB but waiver got denied
>Can't afford college or trade school, even if I could, I don't have ambition or know what I wanted to learn
>trying to apply for wagecuck jobs with no references
>tfw 18
>tfw kissless handholdless virgin
>tfw parents want me to get married by the time i'm finished with college
>>25485708
I'm guessing you're a femanon, are you qt?
I'm basically the same except with no friends at all and no money to get addicted to anything but cheap coffee
>>25485716
No, I'm a guy. I don't know why the fuck they want me to get married so fast. They're always hinting at me having kids soon, too. I just start college this fall, fuck.
>>25485708
You're fine. If your biggest issue is that you don't have a girlfriend, this thread isn't for you.
>>25485799
You must be an indian or asian or something. White parents don't care about their sons getting married.
>>25485814
I'm Polish
