Should I kill myself?
I have been severely and clinically depressed for years. Antidepressants don't do anything. The only thing that makes me happy is getting high, but to get high I need to work to afford drugs and it's not worth it.
I love a girl I will never even talk to. I am miserable at all times. I have a loaded shotgun in my room.
Is there any reason not to kill myself? Therapy does not help either.
where did you get the shotgun?
how old are you?
why won't you talk to her?
No learn to be smug.
>watch the world burn. feelsgoodman
>>25476225
I am 20. It was a gift from my father. I can never talk to her because she lives in a different country, does not know I exist, and no doubt would want nothing to do with me. I won't kill myself over not having her though. It's more about how miserable and pointless I am.
its not worth it man, living the robot life has shown me things getting high is alright but its not something that you should just do to be happy you're probably a great person and one day you'll definitely find someone who loves you back. Be optimistic and let the days sail while you making something of yourself good luck
>>25476240
I can't be smug, I hate my own guts. I have good creative ideas but I can never bring any of them to life because of lack of resources. I am worthless. I have literally no redeeming value besides that.
>>25476259
how do you know she exists if she doesn't know about you? how are you in love with someone who you haven't spoken to?
Do it you pussy, go see what's on the other side
>muh anxiety
>muh depression
>muh sob story
>>25476305
YouTube videos. I know it's more about me seeing her as ideal, and that I shouldn't actually love her but I have an obsessive personality disorder.
>>25476282
I appreciate it, but I am not a great person. Even if I were, I am miserable.
>>25476194
find a new bitch or do some illegal drugs
>>25476314
The only thing that's stopped me from doing it yet is that it's possible I will go to hell, even though I'm not religious it scares me.
>>25476333
Okay, you showed me.
>>25476345
well you shouldn't be man, what's your daily life like? Do you have any close friends that you speak with a lot?
>>25476359
I can't find a new bitch because I am obsessive. I can't afford illegal drugs and have no connections/know no dealers. I could use the internet but that's still spendy.
>muh obsessive personality disorder
>muh histrionics
>>25476194
>Should I kill myself?
Sure, why not? You've gotta go sometime. What difference does it make.
>>25476405
>Muh stupidity
>>25476194
>>25476259
>>25476298
same shit here almost word for word but 10+ years older, though i gave up on my girl problems long ago.
therapy never fucking helped me either and i don't mean just one shrink for a few months, i was in it for years trying different methods and meds. nothing can fix born to fail i guess.
>>25476282
what this anon said. robot life isn't bad if you can accept the pain of knowing you'll be permavirgin and die never knowing the warmth of a girl's body or her intangible affections. if you're okay with that, and can get some kind of welfare income or job that doesn't make you suicidal, at least you'll never have to worry about homelessness.
>>25476388
I do nothing but sit in my room. I am in university and do fine. School has always come easily to me, I am pretty intelligent but it doesn't mean anything really.
Best case scenario I graduate, get a job programming at a video game studio and find a gf. Problem is I am a mental retard who is so insecure I am not sure I could even date a girl who has had past sexual partners. I also have a lot of bad experiences with women and am unable to trust them.
>muh suicide threats
>muh need for attention
>>25476405
You showed me again, good job.
>>25476423
True
>>25476452
I don't care that much about women. It's just that I am absolutely miserable at all times. Nothing brings me joy except drugs, but I don't want to just live as a junkie and produce nothing of value in my life.
>muh teenage angst
>>25476493
Why don't you do something badass like fight a tiger or something
>>25476362
There is no heaven and there is no hell. Dying is like going unconscious, but it lasts forever. Life has no purpose.
>>25476493
you sound sad opie do you want a friend? :3
>>25476479
Okay
>>25476507
Okay
>>25476513
I have no motivation to do anything really. If I had more motivation I would make my dreams come true. I would move to that girl's country, try to meet her somehow that's not creepy, woo her, be with her, then work in some sort of creative profession like writing.
Unfortunately I have no self confidence. I know realistically I could never do any of these things.
>>25476519
I feel the same way, but the "what ifs" get to me.
>Is there any reason not to kill myself?
m8 you will die anyway, just do whatever you like to do and try to enjoy it, there are no consequences in life the end result is the same no matter what you do, go fuck some bitches and travel to some nice places
>>25476559
I have only one friend. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even likes me. He lives several states away. I am unable to hold a conversation or be emotionally open.
You obviously missed the other post a few days ago where a guy commented about how one of his buddies tried and completely botched offing himself with a shotgun. His last moments were filled with intense agony and regret that I can't even fucking imagine.
All you have to do is lift breh
>>25476596
Nigga how about you cry about it. See if that helps.
>>25476593
I don't really enjoy anything, unless I am blitzed out of my mind on drugs and don't know who I am.
>>25476613
I would not mess it up. I would take all of my antidepressants with some booze first, then shoot my brainstem. If I attempt it, I will not fail.
>>25476632
I have no motivation and lifting will not fix my problems.
>>25476640
I can't cry, no matter how hard I try and I can't make myself cry.
>>25476613
>His last moments were filled with intense agony and regret that I can't even fucking imagine.
I'm pretty sure most people experience intense agony near the end of their lives (which is one of the reasons why reproduction should be illegal). At least if you commit suicide, you have a good chance of avoiding this.
>>25476683
Where do you live? I still want to be friends if you post contact
>>25476194
Look at it this way: if you want to kill yourself you have nothing to lose, so you might as well just move to another city and become a criminal and do a bunch of drugs. It's pretty easy to do petty theft and shit for drug money and you can sustain the lifestyle until you finally decide the drugs are no longer worth it and then just kill yourself then.
>>25476724
He wants that boipucci op.
>>25476724
I live in North Dakota. Not sure I can post contact info. I will just be a burden and make myself cringe with my poor attempts at communication.
Is muh little man having a tough time at uni? Poor guy.
>>25476731
I dont want to steal things are hurt anyone else, I think that is wrong.
>>25476759
University is easy. I just don't see the point of going on.
>>25476789
Nigga you live in fuckin North Dakota. I'd be depressed too. Try moving.
>>25476830
I like it here. Living in a big city would suck and he more expensive. Too many people.
>>25476575
>I have not motivation to do anything
>I am very intelligent and do well at university
Wat
Life sucks for the broken cogs
>>25476894
It's not difficult for me really. Not trying to brag. My father would kick me out if I didn't do well.
>>25476259
>does not know I exist
Emma Watson? Give it up, son.
>>25476259
Who's the YouTube girl, or at least give a hint
>>25476259
>It was a gift from my father.
Don't kill yourself with a shotgun your dad gave you. He is already gonna feel terrible, but that is just cruel.
>>25476875
Nigga you talkin about killing yourself. You dont like it that much
>>25476922
Who are you kidding? Im 100% sure you are not going to kill yourself. Grow up OP.
>>25476930
No not her.
>>25476956
I would rather not because I hate her fan base. You can probably guess.
>>25476970
I know. I just don't know what else to do.
>>25477000
Better than other places.
>>25477029
Okay
>>25476194
I've wanted to die for years anon and I still do but there's one thing that stops me.
After this SINGLE chance you have experiencing human conciseness you will snuff from existance, forget any of this Hell bullshit. In fact Hell would be a godsend compared to what is actually true on death. An entire eternity of time will pass by on the instant of your death as you will no longer perceive time anymore. You will become nothing, any evidence of your existence will be removed from the planet after enough time has passed.
Imagine never being born, that is what will happen, it is inconceivable to imagine because of your instinct but delve deeper into it. You will realise that if you never lived, you would never have even experienced a single good moment you have ever experienced in your life. Think about when you go to sleep, if you think about it you can never pinpoint the exact moment you fall asleep because your brain reawakes you. In death you will feel this moment, you will feel your consciousnesses blacking out fading away into nothingness. You just have to trust me that that is far worse than almost anything that humans can possibly feel. Apart from constant torture perhaps. Make the most of the on average 27,375 days you have. Every single second, day and week which goes by you will NEVER get back, trust me you want as much time as you can get. I don;t know about you but on my deathbed at 80 I'm going to be the most afraid person who ever lived.
>>25477029
Yup this adolescent anon clearly wants attention.
>>25477141
Boo hoo hoo...life is sooo hard and unfair. Poooooor meeeee. Wahh.
>>25477141
I'm more afraid of an eternity of consciousness than of nothing. I felt no terror or misery before I was born, and I won't feel any after I am dead. I am leaning towards not killing myself because my father has raised me on his lonesome and I can't do that to him. I have had the loaded shotgun in my hands five times already. I just don't know what to do.
>>25477194
>goes to r9k the shittiest board on 4chan to mock other people
Gee I wish I could be more like you!
>>25477198
Sooooo dramatic. We're on the edges of our seats Anon.
>>25477239
I didn't say that this would be an entertaining thread. I think you may be mentally handicapped. I apologize for your disability.
>>25477198
are you gonna leave a suicide note for your family?
>>25477141
I've done large amounts of dissociatives and thought about this many times. The void is comforting don't be afraid of the inevidable
>>25476194
>tfw when you are masters level counselor
>Have to work in community mental health / non-profit to take care of student loan debt
>Young robots come through my office every week talking about depression / suicide
>Entire session I want to say the therapeutic equivalent of iktf bro
>Can't
Goddamnit.
>>25477259
If I were to do it, I would leave a note for each of the important people in my life, get in the car and drive out to a predetermined location where I would only be found by someone sent intentionally to find me.
>>25477141
Is this how a stupid person deludes themselves into fear? Don't you have something better to be afraid of? Non-existence isn't bad at all, it's nothing. You can't even care that you don't exist, who is it bad for exactly? The idea only makes some living people suffer because they can't really understand it.
So angsty. Teenage feels.
>>25477315
You showed me, good job friend.
>>25477198
Whatever anyone thinks about you upon death is irrelevant, you won't be around to face any of the consequences of your actions so instead of using your dad as an excuse for not doing it there must be something else in your life which is stopping you.
Like I said you just have to trust me on living a pretty shit life is still much better than not existing at all. When you are dead nothing what ever mattered or ever will happen matters, no terror, misery, joy, boredom anything. That last song,video,voice,face,name ,pain you saw or heard or felt you will never be able to eperience again for an eternity, imagine never ever being able to look outside the window and watch the sun rise, or ever hearing the voice of someone you know or the pain of being let down by someone. All these things make up you and I guess it's up to you if you want to end all that. I'm not going to give you the it all gets better bullshit but think more carefully on what you are giving up for what exactly? Nothing.
>>25476194
>I love a girl I will never even talk to.
It's hard to feel any sympathy when you are in love with a YouTube girl you have never even met, and are planning to kill yourself over her. It's a very pathetic reason to off yourself. You may as well be in love with a girl character from an anime series.
What antidepressants have you tried? And what recreational drugs do you like?
OP, you should start wearing all black and get an asymmetric haircut.
>>25477352
The only hope I have is the far fetched scenario I stated here >>25476575
Honestly that and my dad keep me alive. But that scenario won't come true.
I believe that a "neutral" state of nothigness is superior to a 75 year period of pain.
Maybe I'm just naive.
>>25477407
In this case you should kill yourself. Sorry anon, you just don't want to be happy.
>>25477365
It's not over her. It's just one thing that causes me constant pain, among others. I hate the idea of putting pussy on a pedestal but I can't stop doing it.
Zoloft, celexa, lexapro, a few others I can't recall.
I have smoked weed and drank, but I prefer psychedelics/dissociatives like DXM, acid, mushrooms.
>>25477399
Sounds queer.
>>25477365
Its fucking hilarious desu. Some hick kid pretending he is going to kill himself over a girl he's never met, and other retard anons chiming in to wax philosophic over the nature of consciousness.
Just topkek.
>>25477407
You have unrealistic expectations and that is making you unhappy. You will continue to be unhappy until you realize this and change it.
>>25477407
what obsessive mental disorder do you have?
>>25477308
I'd say that it effects the more intelligent people more than the stupid, at least I care to actually think about the reason instead of "lel it's not existing so it can't be bad XD"
Of course I can care that I won't exist, I hate the circumstances I am in but how can anyone say that that would be happy giving up free thought for an eternity.
"Don't you have something better to be afraid of"
How about almost every single common human fear has something to do with their life being ended as a result of that fear, stop being so shallow and look deeper into the picture. Fear does not have to ruin someone's life, it can guide them on a path of what really is best for themselves. Would you rather be ignorant, angry or fearful because that's what most people are to be honest.
>>25477448
I do want to be happy. I don't know how.
>>25477462
I'm sure he is suffering from several fake diseases.
>>25477458
Not over her, like I said. More about my severe clinical depression and anhedonia.
>>25477461
I suppose so. Not sure how to let go. Therapy does not help.
>>25477462
OCD, but it manifests more as obsessive than compulsive. I obsess over things being just right. If things arent exactly right, it bothers me more than it should, even if things are out of my control.
It's hard to describe unless you've truly felt it.
>>25477453
>I prefer psychedelics/dissociatives like DXM, acid, mushrooms
Next time you try those, do some nitrous when you start to peak, its pretty great.
>>25477469
Stop obsessing over girls who don't love you. It's creepy and only going to make you miserable. It will make them uncomfortable too. Just stop. Get a hobby. Work a job. Do something with yourself other than obsessing over a girl.
>>25477467
m8 you are beyond retarded.
>>25477518
Oh CLINICAL depression. I thought it was something made up.
Kek
>>25477519
Sounds good to me, I'll have to try it.
>>25477549
Easier said than done. I know it's pathetic and creepy and I hate myself for it. I just cannot let things go.
>>25477518
would you like to be my friend? i'm 19/PA/ocd andi'm a girl btw
>>25477563
Because I'm not an edgy fedora tip lord that makes me retarded k den. I guess to please you fags I gotta go "le death is glorious, dun matter becuz u wont even feel it XDD"
>>25477572
And OCD.
The poor guy.
I hope he makes it.
What do you think causes people to have suicidal thoughts and not homicidal? When I get sad or angry I usually fantasize about homicide, whereas most fantasize about suicide.
>>25477600
you want him to become obsessed over you and torture him?
you heartless bitch
>>25477518
>Therapy does not help
how many therapists have you seen? Are you being honest about your YouTube gal obsession with them?
Its possible your therapist is just not right for you. In order for them to understand, it helps if they have some innate understanding of the problems you are going through. You might try looking for some different therapists to see if you can find someone you can connect with. I know that's a chore, but I think someone needs to help you understand that your fantasy is completely unobtainable for you and for 99.999% of males on Earth, and teach you how to let go.
>>25476194
If you have to ask then no you shouldn't.
>>25477606
Kek.
They should try chemo.
>>25477572
You showed me, good job.
>>25477600
Not sure. I would just be a burden, and I cringe whenever I try to talk to people. I cannot really open up emotionally, and I am very insecure. You probably would not enjoy talking to me, and I would be terrified of talking to you.
rosebud detected
>>25476194
Yeah, I'll miss you anon. Please don't kill yourself. I've lost too many friends to suicide and I don't want to lose you.
>>25477606
OCD doesn't make you obsessed over women, it makes you turn off the lights 100 times before leaving the house. This guy is an entitled asshole pretending something is out of his control when it's not.
>>25477604
You're the edgiest person in the whole thread with your view on one of the most natural processes.
>>25477636
terrified of talking to me? why? can you do skype calls?
>>25477611
When I was on celexa my depression became intense anger. I didn't want to kill people but I wanted to destroy everything I saw.
>>25477615
Only two, still go to one now. I only told the first about the stupid obsession, but they don't say much. I don't think anyone really understands or gets it, besides waifufags on here, and even they don't know how to let go.
>>25477621
I suppose you're right.
OP how did you come across the youtube girl? Have you ever talked to her?
>>25477653
OCD is not a real disease.
And yes, OP is obviously a teenage edgelord in need of attention.
>>25477671
>preventing suicide
>other anons egging him on with bait "le fake story XD" posts
You are calling suicide a "natural process" and you have the nerve to call me edgy...
Even if the story is fake I don't care, I'm not doing this for moral man points it's because no one deserves to be left alone no matter what. Normies just let people like us rot and then wonder why we kill ourselves or self isolate until mental illness manifests violently.
>>25476259
>, does not know I exist,
katya? we are in the same boat anon
>>25477637
Unfortunately yeah.
>>25477646
You don't know me and wouldn't truly care.
>>25477653
I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Obsessive-compulsive can be more obsessive than compulsive. If it satisfies you to know, I count "one two three" every time I walk, turn on/off lights, count it as I type, and do other mundane activities.
>>25477686
Not really. I have severe social anxiety. I just know you would be constantly judging me, knowing I am not a real man. I would be very embarrassed knowing you have read this thread and know about my issues.
instead of killing yourself why don't you try manipulating all these disgusting roaches and achieving your goals that way?
>>25477769
I'm talking about your view on death. You're spreading some of the dumbest ideas I've heard all year.
>>25477719
4chan. Never talked to her, no, and there is no way for me to.
>>25477750
Okay.
>>25477778
No, but I understand your pain. Sorry anon.
Lol, he's in love with a tranny.
>>25477783
Kek.
Because no amount of manipulation can truly make a girl love you.
OP I think you should kill yourself and here's why: it never gets better. What ever is going on in your mind right now is how it's always been for you. It's how it will always be for you. You have created these thoughts and obsessions. You will form new obsessions. You created all of this in your head. End it in your head.
>>25477781
Have you checked out tumblr?
>>25477600
>Im a girl pay attention to meeee
FUCK YOU BITCH.WOMEN ARE WORTHLESS AND ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE REEEEEE
>>25477781
but i have issues too anon. what do you mean you're not a real man? i just want a qt robot bf to hold at night. have you ever had a skype call?
>>25477791
Sure sure keep saying I'm "dumb,edgy,retarded" yet don't bother to even explain why or anything. It's like I'm talking to a child.
>>25477906
>what do you mean you're not a real man?
Does this really require further explanation?
It's the only thing OP has said in the whole thread where I'd be willing to take him at his word.
>>25477933
I noticed the rest seemed like he was lying too. So weird how people just come here for attention and validation when this is the least validating place on the internet.
>>25477518
>anhedonia.
Bwhahahaha
Some therapist is really taking you for a ride.
They're going to name the boat they buy the SS Anon.
>>25477851
True, I have always had these awful obsessions and they never work out.
>>25477861
I'm straight.
>>25477906
I have but not with a girl, just an old friend. I'm not a real man for several reasons. One being obvious- I'm posting about this publicly on an anonymous mongolian dream catcher internet forum instead of doing something with myself.
Also disorder might make it impossible for me to get romantically involved with you.
>>25477969
Oh he has tons of
>muh mental conditions
too. He's seems to really be about that huckster life.
>>25477969
I haven't lied.
>>25477973
I feel no pleasure from anything. I don't even have an orgasm when I ejaculate anymore.
>>25477991
>disorder
Nigga your disorders have disorders.
You are so full of shit.
>>25478022
>I feel no pleasure from anything. I don't even have an orgasm when I ejaculate anymore.
Wow,you are really the specialist of snowflakes aren't you?
>>25478035
It's OCD and depression. Is that so hard to believe? Why would I come to the internet and lie about it?
>>25478081
They're behavior patterns not diseases. There is nothing wrong with you.
>>25478055
Okay, you showed me.
>>25476194
do it man, you got a shotty.
OP, if you live in the UK could you come down here and take me with you? tfw too much of a coward to do it myself and also no gun
>>25478081
>Is that so hard to believe?
Yes, nigga. It's impossible to believe that you don't have orgasms when you ejaculate. I'm not buying it, and you shouldn't be selling it. What is apparent is that you're an adolescent who thinks you're smarter and more experienced than you are.
And frankly, you let therapists take advantage of you.
Grow up.
>>25477991
i just wanna be your friend anon. don't you want a friend? post contact please
>>25478111
You're one of a kind anon. You know a special kind of suffering. Poor baby.
>>25476519
>this atheistfag actually believes this
fedoratip.jpg
>>25478098
Okay
>>25478117
I live in the US, sorry.
>>25478153
It's a common symptom of anhedonia, which is itself a symptom of depression. My therapist doesn't know about most of these issues. It was a psychiatrist who diagnosed me we with these issues a couple years ago.
I never said I am smarter or better than anyone. You are the one claiming yourself to be more knowledgeable than several trained professionals.
I was never able to justify killing myself. You're going to die anyway, why now? Getting high doesn't make you happy either, it just makes it harder to focus on being sad for a while. You get the same effect from masturbating or playing video games. And I'm sick of hearing
>love
when describing your attraction to a woman. If being good looking is all you need to love someone, then you need to raise your standards.
>>25478154
I don't know. Women have always hurt me. I don't really know how friendships work even, and it would stress me out. I'm sorry.
>>25478174
Okay
>>25476194
>get high
>lol anti depressants don't work
Hmm wonder why
I'm in the same boat op
Don't do it anon, fellow robots care about you. Find something you're passionate about, it makes it worth getting a job related to that and your life worth living
>>25478238
how do women hurt you? tell me about your past experiences?
>>25478210
>It was a psychiatrist who diagnosed me we with these issues a couple years ago.
lol. hope you daddy keeps sending them checks. you mark.
>>25476194
Once you turn 15, it'll pass.
>you fucking edgelord
Since I am not going to kill myself for the time being, at least not tonight, I will leave this thread be. Thanks to everyone that gave advice and support, sorry to those who wish to remain in touch by I'm just to autistic to do so.
Have a good night everyone. Thanks again.
>>25476194
You wont do it. Pussy.
The hardcore "robot" population sure like to circle jerk with their 'problems' and made up condishuns
Misery loves company I guess.
>>25477029
>Who are you kidding? Im 100% sure you are not going to kill yourself. Grow up OP.
Told you so.
>>25476194
1.Take arround 10-15 benzodiazepines pills
2.Go and drink like motherfucker
(It will be wild ride probably the last one)
3.If you survive means someone cared enough to take you to the hospital, plus you wont end in a sanatorium, try to be friends with that person.
>>25477791
>implying you know what death really is.
Gooday mate. good day.
>>25478397
That's if he doesnt get massive brain damage.
OP just leave this site and never come back, what happens next is what happens.
>>25478341
Misery likes to understood and acknowledged instead of ignored, diminished, and dismissed.
>>25479575
m8 are you sarcastically being a hypocrite here or are you just this retarded
Easier said then done, but if you don't like your life or yourself, change it. Pack a bag, get on a bus, meet some new people, dye your hair blue... Kill the part of yourself you hate and leave it behind, bury it, write it all down and burn it.
The fact you have hate or sadness is passion, you are still alive deep down. It won't happen in a moment but it feels really good to wave goodbye to the hell in your mind.
>>25477778
>one off of getting quints
this post is now 50% more depressing
yOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER op, IT WILL HAPPEN NATURALLY.
>>25479642
>Implying vegetative state is any worse fate than death
>>25477490
obligatory
>le mental diseases are made up meme
