Anyone else getting panic attacks when thinking about the future? I'm just completely directionless.
Uni is starting again tomorrow and I feel sick just thinking about it. I'm 22 and I'm not even sure if I like my subject. I don't have passion for anything and I'm very insecure about my intelligence.
Just thinking about real life and its responsibilities makes me want to puke.
I wish I coulddisappear, but dying is such a hazzle
I feel the same. Atleast you have uni you fucking normie
>>25469026
I was a NEET before all this. I'm always sitting alone in the back and never talk to anyone. Didn't even attend all those "get to know" events
I do because I have a mental illness and every time my symptoms break through I'm afraid I'm going to get worse and worse until I end up as some useless bumblefuck waiting to die in a mental hospital.
I feel like a 12 year old. How the fuck do you do stuff
If you're parents pay for you college fuck off
What the fuck were my parents thinking? They do know that the cute wittle baby my mom wanted would grow up into just another useless organic sex-obsessed thing, and have to pay bills and feed itself, right?
>>25468991
Yes. All I can feel is despair, so I try not to think about it.
>28
>worthless BA from crappy state school
>majored in political science
>only positive is that I did graduate with honors
>Obviously no career
>currently stuck in a near min part time job I don't really care for even though it is easy
>no friends
>haven't heard anything from the one or two friends I met in college
>havent heard anything from one or two friends I had in high school
>never had a gf
>khhv
>live at home
>parents hate me
>going back to community college now, but no idea how to turn things around. I dont want to be an accountant or go into trades.
>>25469260
This. How could you want kids on purpose? Just be a cat lady or something if you want a pet/project. Fucking normalfags.
>>25468991
>but dying is such a hazzle
no more so than life.
One is remarkably easier than the other.
Your answer speaks volumes.
>>25468991
>I'm 22 and I'm not even sure if I like my subject.
Think about it. Seriously.
One of my biggest mistakes was studying something I didn't care about. So many fucking years wasted.
22 is still early, but it's gonna get worse each year if you're not going to do something about it. So if you don't like it, change it.
>>25468991
I feel you anon, fear is just paralyzing nowadays. I always break in. When I study, write applications, excercise, go out, anything. It is a constant storm of ifs and whens. The worst thing is that all of this seems to be caused by the corrupting effect of comfort. I feel it in my gut constantly that when I would not have internet, no comfy warm room and no food in the fridge, I would be able to tear trees out of the ground.
I have some weird defect that only makes me motivated when life is beating me up like a bitch, otherwise I will just continue to chill and watch everything fall apart, because I frankly do not give a shit and the small comforts of life more than suffice to make me content to some degree.
Still, this kind of life inherently feels wrong to me, maybe I should just fuck my shit up intentionally so I can get some colour to my existence.
>>25468991
no because im fully aware that no matter what happens i can always just kill myself
life becomes great once you adopt this mentality
>>25469671
I'll think about it.
But first I need to figure out what I want to do
yeah, all the time. I'm 23 but I'm still at home playing games like I was 10 years ago/.
>>25469112
>le i was a neet after graduating hs for 3 months meme
>>25470407
More like 4 years
>>25470423
Ok fair enough ^^
>>25469112
Nigger, are you me?
I fucked up high school badly, and spent the next 3 years a NEET, going through shitty hospitality jobs which I didn't keep.
Now I'm at uni and it's garbage. It's like I've returned to high school.
I should be able to get a 2.2, but
>2.2
And
>Shit networking
This is the worst decision I have ever made. I'd MUCH rather be a wagecuck living a simple life.
>>25468991
same here to some extent anon. finishing my bachelor in a few months and then starting my master in September. I'm a 20 yr old undisciplined little shit who's managed to get through the past years minimum effort but now I feel like I'm lacking in everything. plus I don't know what I want to do with my life outside of uni, now and after.
>>25470567
What are you studying? I honestly can't imagine what I will doing in 10 years and I hate to think about it. Uni really is highschool 2.0
How do people pick a subject or carrier choice like it's an ice cream flavor?
>>25468991
I'm exactly like you, but I'm 23 and thinking about dropping out.
>>25470669
Any idea what to do after dropping out?
>>25470772
Try to get a job, which is almost impossible in my country, my family will get very upset if I dropout, and might force me to enter again.
>>25470663
I'm studying hospitality management because it's a big job market and I have 'some' experience in the industry.
The thing is, hospitality is a shit industry, even worse than retail. Lower-end management earn far less than the national average and work 70+ hour weeks mostly.
Everyone in my class is affluent and networks through their family ties. Meanwhile my parents are traditional working class, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mostly get drunk in my room, play Bloodborne and wank to hentai.
Hell, I feel worse than my NEET days. My dole officer was kind to me.
>>25470886
I know that feel. My parents would be mad too.
>>25470927
I hate the networking shit. It's a death sentence for a robot
>play Bloodborne
My nigger.
I feel like escapism is the only thing holding me together. I love reading a book/playing vidya and just forgetting my shit life until I have classes again
>>25471169
>I feel like escapism is the only thing holding me together. I love reading a book/playing vidya and just forgetting my shit life until I have classes again
Do you also struggle to balance your escapism with real life?
Every year I tried to give up my escapist hobbies and focus on improving myself, but this year I haven't bothered. It might as well be 2015 at this point.
If I gave up manga (all I read is Berserk which might as well be dead) and vidya I'd have nothing to fill the void.
''Going out'' is shit and not fulfilling in the slightest. Getting wankered on jack and cokes does the exact same thing.
>>25471342
>Do you also struggle to balance your escapism with real life?
Yep, I haven't done shit for uni during the break. Opened my bag for the first time in two weeks today.
>Every year I tried to give up my escapist hobbies and focus on improving myself, but this year I haven't bothered. It might as well be 2015 at this point.
Never really tried giving them up, but yeah improving myself never worked. I might be getting better for a month but than comes the depression and hits you like a truck.
>''Going out'' is shit and not fulfilling in the slightest. Getting wankered on jack and cokes does the exact same thing.
Yep fuck that. At best I get drunk on my own and preferably in my own room
>>25471489
I take it you're /uk/, lad? Whereabouts?
I fell for the meme that uni is a utopia of open-mindedness and maturity. Maybe in Oxbridge, but otherwise top kek.
>>25471701
Sorry, I'm from Germany.
The ride never ends, I also thought things would be different after school.
>>25471779
At least you're a Eurobro.
I've realised that the only options are to remain an outcast enjoying hobbies such as reading and vidya, or try to brainwash yourself into being 100% satisfied by mundane shit like clubbing and whatever seasonal Netflix show normies go mad for.
Achieving the ideal balance is almost impossible, especially in a toxic environment like uni.
>Uni is starting again tomorrow and I feel sick just thinking about it. I'm 22 and I'm not even sure if I like my subject. I don't have passion for anything
And that is why I'm still a neet.
>>25471904
Already tried to force myself into the normie lifestyle but I failed. I'm too autistic to fake it until I make it.
I'd be fine living a loner life but getting a job or degree to support my hedonistic lifestyle is the problem. Maybe I'll call a shrink I dont know.
I'm heading to bed now, best of luck to you anon. Hopefully we'll make it somehow.
>>25469671
Not him but for me it's less about not liking it but more about not having any motivation whatsoever to do shit on my own. And that is not good if you are doing CS. Doing projects for class is fine but anything beyond that just drains me of any motivation and passion after a few hours.
>>25472153
what about an apprenticeship. 27 year old here and i'm considering dropping out of my nearly finished bacherlors to pursue one. If writing papers and presentations was not impossible for me i'd stand a chance but not like this.
>Don't worry, you're still young and have time to figure out what you want to do!
>You still don't have a career in mind?
>Wow, you really need to get your act together.
Another reason I'm so disassociated and barely feeling human. How the fuck do people do it? Where did it all go wrong for me? Why am I an abnormality?
The idea of choosing a college degree that leads me to a 40 year career is fucking repugnant. How do people willingly do this?
>"I'm going to be an engineer bro!"
>"I'm going to be a doctor!"
How do they find the will to work hard for this shit. Do they actually want to help people? Are they actually conscious and aware, truly wanting to pursue the path or is it just a quest for great money, everyone wanting to live the superificial chad dream?
Yep. I just failed out of community college even though I had a transfer plan to uni to get a bachelors. I shouldn't have aimed so fucking high. Now I can never go back to college because my GPA is fucked beyond all belief. I am going to see if I can get a civil service job, at least it has benefits. I doubt they're going to take me when I haven't worked a day in my life, just volunteered but that's it. Kill me.
>>25472378
if i could be a doctor or engineer without actually going through college i'd do it. that's the only part that's keeping me away from that. laziness and lack of motivatiob. working 8-4 isnt that bad.
>>25472153
Best of luck to you too, anon. It's been good.
"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." - Lao Tzu
>>25472378
Yep, i always found it weird how people could decide what they want to do for the next 40 years like it's picking an icecream flavor.
Or maybe I'm just a faggot who has major problems when it comes to deciding something
>7th semester pretty muich only thesis left
>drop out
i just cant. how do people write that shit?
>>25472447
What if my present is fucking shit, huh you slint eyed fuck
>>25468991
feel you.
25 myself, havent really managed to get a hold on my life. Every passing day is a fucking horror thinking of the fact that I will soon be alone to take care for myself, yet I dont even understand the world and society we live in.
The only reason I survived that long is the fact that I can return to my own room in my moms house everyday, like I did for my whole life.
This gives me some feeling of security, and its the last straw I have left.
Praying to be killed everyday, so I can spare my family the shame of me doing it myself.
Things wont get better.
>>25469671
God you hit me hard man.
>Worked a 9-5 and hated it, left back for education
>Pumped myself up, motivated by the hatred of wage slavery I'll work hard for good grades again this time!
>Already fell back into old habits. Teacher is too relaxed and i've just fell on my laurels, have done absolutely nothing over Christmas and havent done any study outside of class since November.
>Applied for different shitty meme courses, none of which really interest me come to think of it.
>Know if I ever return to 9-5 I will slump back into depression
>Education and college feels more like I'm just delaying the inevitable storm of depression that is a career.
>Try not to think of the future at all, just delude myself and sink into escapism.
>Realities of life hitting hard, really beginning to realise the passage of time and the fact I've been alive for over 2 decades.
We are the aliens. The fucks who don't have these feels don't know how easy they have it.
>>25472497
Are you being tortured? going through a severely painful disease?
>>25468991
Are you adifferent version of me?
>Exams in less than 6 weeks haven't studied or done anything at all
>Not sure if I like accounting
>not sure if I have the marks, willpower or preqs to switch to something else
Is it salvagable
>>25472582
>exams in not even 4 weeks
ill do what I always do. cram for a few weeks and hope for the best. if i'm lucky i might even get a Bas if
Im 22 and recently left uni. Depression and social anxiety really got me.. I kept telling myself it would get better.. I will probably just hero out of this shithole
>The subject you like is basically worthless
I just want to study biology but everyone shits on it. Feels bad.
>>25472645
Look into bioinformatics, only good field in bio unless you want to go into some kind of doctoring.
>>25468991
I feel you anon. I'm younger so a lot of people tell me it doesn't matter if I don't know what I wanna do, but wasting over 10k a year sure seems like a problem to me. I have no idea what I want to do. The thought of working full time gives me panic attacks too. Being an adult sounds like it really sucks. I have some online friends I met up with. I want to live so I can talk to them and play vidya with them and stuff, but it's hard to do that working 40 hours a week and then having to commute and do chores on top of that and whatnot.
>>25470567
>spent the next 3 years a NEET, going through shitty hospitality jobs which I didn't keep.
NEET hey
>>25472614
I'll study if you do too anon
>>25472886
i have to study. i actually have a reason to get this fucking degree now but i still dont like it one bit.im just so tired of school and sudying.
>>25469671
I'm in a similar situation, but it's not so much that I don't like my subject, just that I am not particularly passionate about it. I think it's interesting and all, but given the choice I would still much rather stay home and watch anime or play vidya all day. I don't hate it and I don't think that there is a subject that I would love that much more so I might as well continue.
No idea where I am heading though. I study EE, but my grades are mediocre, my "networking" skills suck and I don't have anything big going for me I think. It's doubtful I can find a decent engineering job, so I will probably end up with some soulless office job. No idea what comes after that. Just wait until death I guess?
>>25473003
you are me. spot on description. ivwish i could be some nerd that lives for STEM but i cant.
why are you fuckers complaining
im 24, dropped out last year....but i live in a 3rd world shithole with high taxes of unemployment, low wages and the only way to get into a decent uni again is doing the tests against 45 other people for 1 place
hopefully I'll kill myself soon
I'm currently a wage slave but I live in the hope that one day I'll be able to make a living drawing porn, or at the very least make a enough to only require a part time job. I work on my art every day and even miss social events to practice, having this dream to strive towards keeps me going.
>>go to apply for a job I would actually like and am qualified for
>>get to the end of the application
>>have to put in a work reference
>>left with no notice from my last job, was a shitty minimum wage job, arsehole staff, stuck up manager.
>>left because of chronic illness/mental breakdown
>>realize I'm unemployable despite being qualified because I didn't call in work that one time.
gonna have to work for free for awhile now probably, please kill me.
I'll start at a new uni soon and a new subject, and the only thing I'm dreading is the social part. I wish it was possible to just have lectures+exams, but there's going to be so much group work and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. Fuck everything.
>>25468991
evrey fucking time maye
>>25472517
>Praying to be killed everyday, so I can spare my family the shame of me doing it myself.
>>25472517
>Praying to be killed everyday, so I can spare my family the shame of me doing it myself.
Have you taken measures to achieve this?
This is a serious robot thread. I like this thread.
I fucked up and I'm going back to school tomorrow and I seriously fucked up and I'm scared of going back to class and seeing people I fucked with also I feel like I'm stupid as well, probably from depression + my reading /r9k/ for hours daily
>>25476715
not him but i got a bike. too bad im an aspie ang cant get myself to do anything too stupid
>>25477527
I meant along the lines of being murdered. Find a person you trust to murder you.
>27
>working a physically demanding job for 3 years
>knees are giving out
>my knees are in terrible pain every day now
>too scared to get a different job, I can't think of anything to do that doesn't involve talking to customers more than I already have to
>Can't operate a cash register. I would sperg out for sure.
>Need to go back to school and get a career, but I still need to work while I do that
>Got a loan to pay off too so I can't quit
This is causing so much anxiety. Why can't I just be healthy and not have to deal with this shit?
>>25477557
>risking getting your friend caught
>having friends
>having anyone you trust other than family
cant put that responsibility on someone tho
>>25477728
I never said they had to be a friend.
>>25468991
a whole wasted generation
there are so many of you
what the fuck happened
>>25477795
>having anyone you trust other than family
i dont talk to anyone else mane
>>25477814
>what the fuck happened
Information age burned us out man. Nothing to strive for, and if there were it was quickly sucked dry of any real passion.
>I wish I coulddisappear, but dying is such a hazzle
never the answer, find something you are passionate about.
/r9k/ is tumblr now. This post confirms it. What a wasted generation.
>>25477857
You're talking to me you bastard.
If you stopped reading Heideggar you'd fucking be dead already and finally free.
You're making mental blocks and you've got no one to blame but you.
How the fuck do you be an adult? I have no clue how to pay taxes, get insurance, buy a car, or anything else that apparently everyone else knows how to do. I'm so lost. I have no direction in life. I feel like I'm going to work shit minimum wage jobs and come home to this empty apartment for the rest of my life. I feel like this would be so much more bearable if I had someone that loved me and would tell me that it will all be alright. Or at the very least some friends. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know much longer I can take this.
>>25477919
>If you stopped reading Heideggar you'd fucking be dead already and finally free.
i dont follow
>>25478084
So lead.
>>25477670
>Can't operate a cash register. I would sperg out for sure.
I thought this too, but it's a lot easier than you think. Unlike in real social situations, when you are operating a register 90% of what you say will just be from a set of stock phrases (ie "Do you have an [insert store] card?") so it's actually pretty easy, even for a sperg.
The real hard part is interacting with other employees. They always want to talk you about retarded bullshit like their kids or sports or something. Though at every job I've ever had once they figured out I'm a sperg they just stopped trying, so you may have the same good luck.
>>25478115
goddamit you tricky inspirational bastard
>>25478267
But no really there are plenty of ways to plan your homicide here. It's obviously not what you want if you are unwilling to put in the effort for a death you're comfortable with. if an-hero isn't an option.
>>25478379well.... are you offering senpai
>>25478533
You're likely no where within my influence.
Besides there's a third option.
Leave the country, then die.
That's my plan.
Sure they're a little dumbfounded about where you went, but it's a hell of a lot more positive for the optimistic ones in your family. Your disappearance could be a mysterious beginning to a self-searching journey to them
When in reality you flew to holland to ditch your ID and an hero.
>>25478647
>having money
im just going to go the old fashioned belt route
>>25478799
>having money
Yeah, same snag i'm in as well. I've chalked the whole thing up to about $650 dollars or so. international tickets go for like $700 on kayak where I plan to go.
>>25478915
i mean its certainly possible to get fares to a shithole but i already live in one. good luck on your plans m8you are one of the only good names/trips on this board
>tfw graduated college in May
>no networking or internship
>3.0 GPA, probably can't get into grad school
>directionless, working dead end job
>need to move out but saving up is hard when you aren't making shit
>this is going to be my life for the next 40 years
I want off this fucking ride.
>tfw not even in UK uni yet, next year
>failed year of 6th form and had to stay behind another year
>my few friends all left last year and look to be enjoying themselves
Reading these posts where everyone hates uni frightens me, I have no work experience either. Just cuck my shit up pham
