I need some advice, /r9k/.
>have sister that's much older than me
>when I was younger, she had an illegitimate son
>she separated from the kid's father and lost custody
>shortly after, she passed away
>the kid must be around 10 by now and, as far as I know, still lives in a sorta ghetto town
I think about him from time to time. I'm barely an adult, but I've been an uncle for years. It's a strange feeling. Money was always tight with my family, but I can't help but think he still would've been better off if he grew up with us instead of his father's family. I've never met them, but from what I've heard, they don't seem to be very kind.
We never talk about the kid. Even when my sister was still alive, it was the source of shame no one wanted to mention unless they had to. I still remember his name, but I haven't heard someone say it for almost a decade.
I think sometimes that when he's older I'll reach out to him to see how he's doing. His mother died when he was only a baby. I wonder if he even knows her name or what she looks like. I wonder what they've told him about her, if anything. We might have ended up in completely different worlds, but he's still family. Is this a stupid idea, robots? What would I even say to him? Would he even want to speak to me? Would he resent me? Will he even turn out to be a decent person? I just don't know.
Or, I could just ignore him. Go on pretending he doesn't exist. Forget about him because I don't have to see him. By the time I would be doing this, he'd already be an adult, so it's not like I'm trying to save him or anything, I just think it would be nice to reach out. What is there to lose?
Thoughts?
>>25409136
I think reaching out once you're a bit older is a good idea. If he doesn't want anything to do with you though, don't push things. Who knows what he thinks of your family, so it'd be understandable if he was a bit bitter. That being said, you might also have a really positive impact on his life, which is why contacting him is worth the risk.
>>25409189
What exactly would I even say to him? How would I initiate it?
How exactly would it even benefit him?
I know this isn't nogf, but please, guys. I don't have anyone else to talk about this to.
>>25409136
If you know the father, get a hold of him and ask him about the kids life. Explain what you're thinking, how you've been an uncle for so long, and haven't felt like you're fulfilling your obligations. Im sure that if he's a good enough guy to care for an illegitimate son that he'll see where you're coming from. Don't wait too long though, the kid may become so disconnected from your side of the family that he just moves on and never looks back. It's now or never man.
>>25409327
>if he's a good enough guy
He's not, though
>care for an illegitimate son
It was mostly his sister that vied for the kid's custody. He mostly went along with it out of spite against my sister and father.
I'd wait until the kid's older because then I could go to him directly instead of through his father/aunt. They'd never let it happen.
>>25409199
Well whatever contact method you use I'd keep it kind of formal and not seeming like you're trying to be his new best friend or anything. Just fully explain the situation and that if he'd like to stay in contact he's more than welcome to, but if he doesn't then that's alright as well. Leave it up to him to decide if it would benefit him or not.
>>25409382
At least reach out, people can surprise you. If it works out, then that's great. If it doesn't then you can stick to your original plan and contact the kid when he's older.
>>25409489
But what do I say, though?
>>25409585
Just explain your thoughts, but leave out the part where you think he's a shitty person. Just give him a heart to heart
>>25409612
I should've clarified, I'm not going to contact his father. I meant what I would say to the kid when he's older.
