I need help, /r9k/, even if it's just having someone listen. Pic related, how I feel right now. I'll type it up in my next post since it's gonna be a wall of text.
>>25390901
Okay
>have very abusive parents
>robbed me of my childhood
>groomed me to be a violent and unempathetic edgelord
>bipolar disorder manifests itself when I'm 15, it goes untreated and the psychosis gets worse and worse
>get into a lot of violent, horrible shit, but stay out of trouble
>blame them for everything
>after years and years of trying to work my way back to some semblance of normalcy, getting myself properly medicated, starting a life of my own away from their influence, I still harbor so much fucking resentment and hatred
>never grew out of the edginess, still desperately feel the need to hurt other people and be a huge fucking asshole
>every little thing I do I'm so fucking conflicted I can barely stand it
>want more than anything to kill my parents and be free from their influence, but I know that it won't solve all my problems and likely will make things worse
>don't know what to do with myself, my entire life seems misguided and wasted, no matter what good I've done I feel like I can't atone for my past actions and I need to do more but I can't
Please, tell me someone knows any of these feels or has some advice on how to manage it. I'm losing my mind all over again and I don't know what I want anymore.
>>25390933
Play vidya
fap to boipucci
seek a therapist
Nice le greentext faggot, kill yourself.
>>25390988
Thanks familia but that's not enough. I even have a therapist and he's not cutting it. Hell, the last time I saw him he had me describe how I assaulted people in as much detail as possible- that shit just made me want to do it more, not less.
desperate bump
this probably won't be original
>>25390933
There was a man who was raped by his father at a very young age, emotionally and physically.
He carried in his belly the hot coals you describe. Every time he opened his mouth, the flames were fanned.
One day he started every morning to kiss his hearth, and the ground around his house.
He planted kisses on his doorstep, and on the ground of his house every day. And people looked.
People looked. But his inner life had changed.
>>25391945
I'm not entirely sure I follow. Are you saying I should be grateful for what I have and keep my mouth shut, and the turmoil that I'm experiencing will abate?
