Who here /genuinelythinkingaboutkillingthemselves?
Me, I'm so lazy that I think killing myself is too much work.
the line between ironically thinking about killing myself and seriously considering it has pretty much blurred for me
bump
If I had a gun or something, I'd just do it, honestly.
Fuck, I'm so depressed that it is really hard to enjoy anything. I constantly think about suicide, but I think there is like 1% chance of me actually doing it, because I really don't want to hurt those who are close to me, especially my mother, who would lose her mind and it will effectively kill her too.
But yeah, life is not easy when you have severe social anxiety and are hypersensitive, that even a small things ruins your day. Sometime my mind is just so fucked up, I always dwell in the past, thinking about things that I did wrong, when normies wouldn't even think twice about it.
Well I am here if you want to talk!
>>25362279
Do you believe that you won't be able to change famm?
>>25362332
I don't know sometime it's really hard for me. I made a lot of progress during the years, I was a lot worse and way more helpless than I am now. But still it seems like I could never be truly happy for a longer period of time, just because my brains won't let me.
>>25362279
>>25362425
I understamd your pain man. But im going in reverse. The only reason I don't end it is because of what it would do it my parents
>>25360606
My friends joke about suicide so much they'd probably still make fun of me once I was dead.
>>25362425
Well then you know that improvement is possible and you know what it takes. You seem like a decent human bean anon- goodluck.
>>25362551
Thanks for understanding, it is better to know that you aren't the only one who has to go through this shit, this is probably the reason why we are on this board.
Yeah, I couldn't hurt my family either with killing myself. I really don't want to be that egoistic prick who ruined their life.
Anyway hang in there bro and who knows maybe 2016 will be better for us! Good luck!
>>25362619
Cheers man. It means a lot!
>>25360606
Sometimes anon, we all do. Maybe in a few days you'll be the one replying to another anons thread about this.
I've never met you or know you, and if we did ever meet we'd probably both just sperg out and go our separate ways, but knowing you had an hero'd would affect me more than aunts/uncles dying honestly.
Suicide is an almost constant thought for me. The only thing preventing me from following through is the fear of actually doing it, which makes me feel like shit even more.
Tempted. I can't make it in this dog-eat-dog world. I'm just a shut-in, disillusioned man-child with severe mental health issues. Great grades in education but now, I don't even know. I thought I'd be more than this.
>>25362888
I think that is just some sort of defense mechanism, because deep down you don't want to kill yourself.
>>25362956
Literally every single instinct in your body is telling you to stay alive. It takes courage to commit suicide.
I used to think about it for about 10 years now. At this point I think it's inevitable.
I just can't imagine myself going for another year. I will be 25 in June and I think if I had any chance at becoming a normal human being, making some friends, finding a girlfriend, it would have happened.
I strongly considered it 5 years ago, but I thought maybe it would get better in university, so I didn't.
But now, I am actually worse off. My social anxiety is worse, my social skills are way worse, I lost the couple of acquaintances that I had at school and could manage to find anyone at university, even the people who I had to do homework assignments with won't nothing to do with me outside of work. I was to afraid to apply to any student jobs, like tutoring, because I didn't learn anything in classes so I would have been terrible at it. Now, I see people who started studying with me working actual jobs at university, being full payed employees.
It just going to get worse, so I think this year I might actually do it.
I don't want to hurt my parents and especially my little brother but I just don't see any hope, desu senpai.
>>25362956
If I look dep down, I probably don't want to kill myself, however I feel so tired and just want to rest now. I feel like I'm done with life and yeah I actually feel comfort in the thought of killing myself. How the fuck did I get to the stage where thinking about my death is a defence mechanism and the idea of death is comforting?
>>25362057
Honestly, that's what I thought before I got one. Now I still can't. But maybe you're not a pussy like me. Good luck to you.
>>25362279
if its gotten to the point where its that bad id recommend trying every option available
> tell your family
> talk to your friends(?)
> counselling, therapy, psychiatrist
> talk to doctor about medication
> journalling your feels when they get bad
> meditation/exercise/sleep/diet memes
i've done a bunch of these and they can help a lot, especially over the course of a year or two when you seriously get to "know" your problems, your triggers (yeah i said it), what you still enjoy (walks? food?), what simple things can give you a small feeling of accomplishment (tidying? cooking a good meal?)
before you take actual meds i recommend trying out st.johns wort, or 5htp.. and a few other OTC natural drugs for these kind of things which you can google. some of them are effective for some people, can vouch myself.
im guessing you've tried most of this already but its true that you can only get better at it, especially stuff like catching triggers and cbt
>>25363356
It's probably a flight or fight scenario. You are tired of this shitty life and you want to get out of here, out of this.
>>25360606
Often enough. It is my earthly responsibilities that keep me here. I wish I had more reasons.
>thinking
kek, I already know I'm going to off myself
it's a matter of when and how right now
I'm trying to improve my life right now, and even if I do, I still plan to kill myself when I hit middle age
what will most likely happen is I will fail dramatically and literally die trying
>>25363475
>fight or flight
That's not what that means
>>25362279
Take it from me, someone who actually attempted and failed.
If you actually decide to do it, make sure you don't fail. It's way harder than it looks. I know you already think it's harder than it looks, but it's actually that squared.
If you fail, your life is gonna be shit. I mean worse than it actually is now. Everyone probably treats you like a sperg, but they're gonna treat you like a fucking psycho after they know you've attempted and failed. Everyone you know will consider you to be a psycho. Family is gonna shame you into hell and back, and then back to hell. No one is gonna even think about the pain you're feeling, only shit like
>"Omg anon, how dare you, did you even think how it makes ME feel?"
Because everyone thinks the world revolves around them. Even family
If you do it, don't fail. Learn from my mistakes.
>>25363356
when you haven't felt genuine hope, joy or self esteem in so long you really do forget what its like, and feel that you'll never have it again. then the prospect of death is rational.
you gotta keep trying things until something works for you, when you feel a bit of hope it puts the fuel in your engines again
>>25363449
Thank you for suggestions, I definitely won't give up that easy and will try every advice there is out there!
Not right now but once Uni ends and I literally don't have anything to occupy myself I think I might.
But till then, no point dwelling on it.
>>25363606
How did you do it? I'm thinking of jumping off the 7th/8th floor.
>>25363606
I'm sorry to hear that anon. That must be really tough when your family is giving you shit instead of helping you and trying to understand you, making your life harder.
But I am glad you are still here and are sharing your story with others.
>>25363606
Nigga disown that shitty family if you're financially able to. Don't let them treat you like a psycho and let them know what they're doing is fucking terrible.
I definitely would if I was in the same situation.
Every single day.
But I'm a pussy and I'm scared that I'll fuck it up and survive as a paraplegic or with severe brain damage and won't be able to try again.
So I'm just sitting around hoping I have a random aneurysm or die in my sleep.
>>25363754
Cut my veins in a quiet, uninhabited place. Did about 40 shallow cuts, and when I realized its not working, 3 deep ones, where I placed the knife in the open would and sliced, repeat x10. Somehow they closed themselves. I was found passed out from blood loss 6 hours later and taken with an ambulance.
Protip would be to go higher, if you can. I guy I know jumped from 7th and survived, and is now in a wheelchair.
>>25360606
I wish I felt like killing myself. The emptiness feels worse. I miss when I had enough feeling inside of me to feel like killing myself was something I cared about. I miss being able to feel and care about anything at all. I'm just a fucking prison cell now. The idea of blowing my brains out is just as boring as everything else. I'm already dead.
>>25363925
Hmm, seems like the best I can do is shoving a knife in my throat as I'm jumping. Shame I can't get guns here.
I used to, but suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem, anon.
>>25363625
Thanks man, that makes a lot of sense.
No sarcasm, I mean it.
Every day, I planned to kill myself when house sitting for my neighbor who owns a gun but I couldn't find the key to unlock the trigger guard
Im tired of life guys. I hope everyday that a car or something else will kill me. Im thinking about hanging myself soon, before the summer
>>25364478
I wish i could get a gun to end my life painlessly, but being in the UK its hard to come by
>>25360606
too lazy to improve
its a simple solution
I think about it every day, listing through all me options to improve my life but none of them work. Suicide seems like a rational decision given my circumstances and the only thing other than that is to go inna woods but I know I wouldn't make it out there. I'm just waiting to get a gun at this point, and if I don't I might """""accidentally""""" jump into the grand canyon. I don't mind dying at all, the pain before it I do mind.
Every day. I don't think I will do it but it's there. Things aren't even going that bad nowadays but I don't find joy in fucking anything. I feel tired all day every day and I don't find anything fun.
I'm pretty sure the second things go to shit I'll be killing myself.
