Is permanent sadness our curse? Do we deserve our fate?
>>25303817
No and no.
Sometimes it feels that way, but there are occasional moments of glimmering hope that lead me to a 'no' answer for your first question.
I've never been happy.
Always waiting for something that never comes; always hoping it will get better.
But it never does. I remember when I was in middle-school, I wanted to go to high school so that the bullying would be over, so I could make new friends. When I was in high school, I wanted to go to university so that I could re-invent myself and so that I wouldn't be the weird loser. When I was in university, I wanted to graduate and find a job so that I wouldn't be so soul-crushingly lonely. Now, I work, and welll... I don't know what comes next.
I could write essays with the things I want. But it doesn't matter what I want, because things never go my way, I've always hated my life, and all those years spent wishing for a certain stage to end so I could move on, hoping it would get better.
I am convinced I will never find happiness or contentment.
