My Christmas was shit. I didn't expect it to be good, but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it turned out. I sulked all day, occasionally striking up conversation with my father to try to distract myself. Now I'm drinking, hoping it'll make me feel better. Here's what happened:
I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend on the night of Christmas eve. It was non-sensical dream with a completely fantastical scenario, but there was a part where I dreamed about him: I saw him on a webpage, where there were fairly standard profile pics of him, followed by some more suggestive ones where he was in a gimp suit and describing how great it felt now that he'd found a 'master' to fulfill him sexually.
I woke up feeling incredibly sad and hurt. I masturbated pathetically to the dream-images and the dream-scenario, but almost cried upon climaxing. I don't know if he's actually found someone now, but the thought of him being with another person or even engaging in sexual relations (even in a nonsensical dream) made me feel awful. I wanted (and still do) to be the only one for him, and he for me.
I had thought that - perhaps for Christmas - he'd contact me. But he didn't. It's going to be a year soon, since he ended our relationship. But I feel just as sad and miserable as though it had happened a few days ago. I miss him, and would like nothing more than to be with him again.
I legitimately feel like killing myself for want of his love again. It doesn't get better. Not once has it gotten better. And I know he'll never want to be with me again.
God, it hurts so bad. It's like... well, it feels like a wound in my 'being', somewhere abstract, but it hurts. The wound has never gone away, since the day he left me, but today, after that shitty dream, it flared up again.Please, if you're reading this, Reed, I miss you so fucking much and I still love you more than anything and I can't get over youI am not a female
Jesus. This board is full of homos.
Is anyone straight or did I accidentally click /lgbt/ again?
>>25278204
I'm sorry, Robot.
But I don't like going on /lgbt/. Too many degenerates/normies. Always get told to "just bee urself and find another man xDDDD" or "just get a Grindr lol".
But it's not like that.
> It's going to be a year soon, since he ended our relationship.
STOP
T
O
P
Sorry to bring this up but why did you break up?
hoping that your ex will contact you is like the absolute lowest of self respect that a human can go through. iktf.
>>25278258
Because you're still stuck on the past and need to do something to move on. Many of them are hedonists which is why they tell you grindr but if getting laid will help you move on then do it.
The best wau to heal a broken heart is with another heart.
>>25278386
I don't know. It came out of nowhere. Up until the second I heard him say it on the phone, I thought we were doing perfect.
He said that, for one, a comment I'd made about poor people earlier in the day had insulted him, enough to break up with me. But he also brought up differences in our upbringing as a reason: he said I'd never be able to "truly understand him". Lastly, he said he'd "hold me back" because he suffered mental illness (also, he said it angered him that I always said it was just stress, because I didn't want to actually call him 'mentally ill'), though I don't know what he'd hold me back from: I work such a dead-end low-wage job and have no reason to expect I'll ever be a success in any regard.
I still believe that, had we actually met as we had planned, he'd still be with me.But our plans to meet up were ruined by my parents, and my inability to stand up to themAnd yes, I knew what he looked like - we Skyped, did camera/vid chatting, called each other on phone, etc
I constantly feel guilty.
>>25278051
somewhere, some guy named reed does not give a shit
>>25278582Are you him?
>implying original
Yo, Reed here. I love chicks now. Stay away from me faggot.
>>25278204
4chan is majority gay now as of 2014
>>25278511
Im sorry but the best thing you can do now is move on, and the best way to do it is meeting new people, but being a robot, i know this can be almost impossible.
Ive never been as deeply in love as you sound, but from my experience, something that helped me lots moving on was going from love to hate. I filled myself with pride and deluded myself into thinking he wasnt that important and that i had no feelings till it became real. I convinced myself that he was overreacting about everything and it wasnt my fault so fuck him.
I dont know how the gay dating scene is wherever you are, but seriously, if you can, download grindr or something and just talk to people lots. It sounds so fucking useless when youre in love with someone else but then again it worked for me, i talked to people who werent interested in hooking up and i made a friend a got a boyfriend, so im not that much of a robot now but still
>>25279093
Do you love your current boyfriend as much as you loved that other person before?
And I do hate him: I hate him and love him. I hate him for leaving me without making the reason particularly clear; I hate him for promising me so many things and for making me fall in love with him so much and for mocking me when I tried to talk to him again, but I also love him.
>>25279178
I do love my current boyfriend more than the last one. He is much more entertaining and direct and overall more compatible
Dont let yourself love him. Think of what he did to you, you dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you back and he clearly didnt. I know it sounds like meme tier advice but dont cry for someone who wouldnt do the same dude, he doesnt deserve that
R u Canadian? Tfw I know a gay reed.
>>25279474
You are so infinitely lucky. I really hope you two can make it work. And you talk about how I should hate him, but at the same time, he's been the only person who's ever called me "beautiful" or "lovely" or who ever complemented me or went on and on about how much he loved my company. I remember he'd even get jealous when I went out with family because he wanted me to stay to talk to him. I never had anyone who wanted my company like that. Can you imagine? Someone wanted me. ME. All my life I got ignored at best, or told to fuck off at worst.
>>25279559
No. We both are American, Robot.
>>25279691
How old are you? How did you two meet?
>>25278511
"You'd hold me back"/"you wouldn't understand" are deflections
Either he's acutely class conscious, and therefore very insecure, or he wasn't interested and fumbled around for an escape hatch.
There's some things about the class conscious:
1 would he dress up or down if the situation needed him to?
2 could you get him into a situation "beyond his class"?
3 related topic, did he think (maybe?) Class had to do with sexual orientation?
You might be up against demons you can't beat, m80. Best of luck, but the best advice is still /adv//soc/ tier - try your best, get used to the idea that you gotta move on.
Finally, If you can't figure him out well enough to keep him, why do you think that you deserve him for life?
And if you aren't what you wanted, don't you think that you deserve to hunt for what you want?
is this the guy you never met in real life?
>>25279740
We met here on /r9k/. I was in university.
I made a thread about something that was troubling me at the time - I can't remember about what, exactly. But he posted, and said I could talk to him, since it sounded like I "needed it".
So we started exchanging e-mails. At first, I wasn't particularly fond of him, but after exchanging some more correspondence, we became quite close. We moved on to calling on the telephone - ah-h-h, I used to stay up for hours and hours on school nights talking to him, even skipping classes from lack of sleep -, and eventually we moved to Skype.
I didn't even know he was gay, at first; we didn't even know how the other looked like until a few weeks into knowing each other.God-damnit, I miss talking to him at nights on the phone; I miss his stories, and how he would ask about my day; he'd sometimes tell stories for me, or sing me a song. There were times he'd call me during day - even during classes - to beg me to speak to him because he was having a panic attack or breaking down. I miss being wanted. I also miss being able to cry into the phone and tell him all my problems.
I'm 21.
>>25279819
It is surprising to see you ask these questions. Actually, I can remember some very relevant details:
>1 would he dress up or down if the situation needed him to?
No. He always had a very peculiar style of dress (the color black being a must) that one could not change his mind from wearing. He always insisted he'd never work in a formal setting or even get past an interview because he'd refuse to wear formal clothing.
>2 could you get him into a situation "beyond his class"?
No. He didn't want to go to restaurants, always got uneasy when I said things like "I'll take you to this restaurant when we meet", as he'd answer with "Why can't I just cook for you at home?" or with "Fine, we'll go, but don't be surprised if I have a panic attack..."
>>25279894
okay you need to fill those gaps with other people. no relationships are permanent and they should not be treated as such, this is part of growing up.
>>25279987
So doesn't that seem like the classic gay that doesn't want to be gay or isn't 100% gay?
I don't know how to handle that problem at all... I'd say for your own sanity you should move on. I think you can't (you really can't) convince a man to be comfortable in his own sexuality because he has to come to it on his own... I think the best you can do is:
1. Take care of yourself
2. Give yourself other opportunities
3. Check in on your oneitus from time to time
4. Allow for him to be bi, and allow him to value women over men or "tradition" over "bohemian"
5. Don't be a catty bitch in the mean time
Also, just be aware of his class based insecurities. If he's from a union family, they don't like gays, even if they vote blue. It'll take work to convince him that it's worth it to take the work to convince them that you aren't the enemy.
Finally, I think it's good advice, but take it wirh a grain of salt. I'm just trying to imagine if a twink wanted to woo me.
>>25280487
Why would I check up on him?
Thinking of him is enough to send me into the pits of depression and to drink myself into oblivion; seeing his picture once caused me to have nervous breakdown where I just cried and lay on the floor clutching at a pillow. I don't have contact with him. He made it explicitly clear he didn't want to have anything to do with me in the last piece of correspondence he ever sent me. I sent him an email in the beginning of November, but he ignored/deleted the message.
He wasn't a twink, either. He called me one, but I don't consider myself to be one.
>>25280582
Gotcha. That's rough.
I cut a girl off once that I was orbiting. I realized it wasn't healthy for me. I can't truly understand the other position though - being cut off from orbiting.
I'll tell you this though, I responded to this thread because of the dreams you had. I always dreamt about Brooke for a good long while. I dreamt about her until I eventually realized she was just another person like me that took shits and got her heart broken too and wasn't much special to anyone else - so why was I so special as to make her magical through my love alone? I had to check my ego. My love wasn't magical. She was still human.
Empty platitude I know, but not all love will last.
>>25280826
When I cut off contact with my ex- (there were two separate incidents: the actual break-up, and the cutting-off of contact, which came some time alter), I deleted all the pictures and messages from him. Except, I wasn't able to delete his first e-mails - not that it matters, since I don't look at them, being hidden all the way back in my throw-away email (also, I don't look at them, because God knows I'd cry).
But it's exactly because they're just "another person" that makes it so special, don't you think? That "another person" - with all his troubles and regrets and sorrows and dreams and aspirations - somehow managed to notice you (me) and - for a time -, fall in love. That's what I believe made it so special - it was some other broken person like me that took just a little time off to get to know me, and it turned into what it did.I'm drunk, so forgive me if I'm being incoherent
>>25278051
I heard reed was a fag anyways
>>25278511
>And yes, I knew what he looked like - we Skyped, did camera/vid chatting, called each other on phone, etc
>And yes, I knew what he looked like - we Skyped, did camera/vid chatting, called each other on phone, etc
And yes, I knew what he looked like - we Skyped, did camera/vid chatting, called each other on phone, etc
And yes, I knew what he looked like - we Skyped, did camera/vid chatting, called each other on phone, etc
END THE FUCKING THREAD
END THE FUCKING THREAD
WE'VE ALL BEEN FUCKING LIED TO
FUCK YOU OP YOU FUCKING DECEITFUL RETARD
>>25281057
yeah... let's shut this down
>>25281014
I heard OP was a fag too
>>25281252
Got it.
>original comment
LOL
I was actually saddened by your story until I got to the last part and found out you were a fag.
>>25280487
What the fuck, did you study some useless shit like Marxism at uni or something?
