Feel free to recommend any books or tips that you've found effective (>inb4 how to win friends) at building social skills
It may sound autismal but I've found practising expressions and body language in front of a mirror to be helpful
>>25265498
Making sure to listen and only contribute relevant things to a conversation; no matter how much you wanted to say something, just don't if the topic has changed.
Conversation isn't about telling the other person how much you know and impressing them, it's about making them feel valued. Prioritize them over you, ask questions about what they're talking about even if you don't give a flying fuck and would rather talk about your interests.
Don't get piss-drunk and don't drink alone when you can avoid it. Learn the inebriation point where you begin to tell people about the Jews, and make sure never to get there around friends.
>>25265498
Just bee urself senpai
>>25265600
A summary of how to win friends, and yet not really influence people at all.
>>25265883
>having friends doesn't help you influence people
It's step 1, NEETlord. Influencing people requires strong social skills, which in turn requires practice, which requires friends.
If someone's your friend you don't need to manipulate them, they already want to help you out.
>>25265498
could you elaborate on that op ( expressions and body language)
I can't get over anxious feelings and the need to censor myself before speaking to avoid offending people and giving off a bad impression. which keeps me stuck in my head and not actually contributing to a conversation. I notice it happening and then feel more anxious.
I'd like to just talk what I'm thinking with out the fear of judgement etc.
Well my plan is to finish school and get rich
Everyone want a rich friend
Basically, you have to
1) learn what the average person enjoys socially,
2) then understand why YOU don't like those things
3) then try to make yourself like those things (through sheer will or mental techniques),
4) and as you begin to enjoy socializing in certain ways, you'll understand normies' POVs better and be able to converse better.
So, first off:
Try to imagine the life of someone who's had a good, well-adjusted home. Not just the highlights of that life, either, but the day-to-day stuff: the conversations, the arguments, the horsing around, etc. Imagine that their parents were actually good forces in their life -- imagine that they taught them to choose good friends, to respect people, to be a good person in general.
Now, what would this person be like now (i.e. around your age)? How would they behave socially? What would they want out of a social engagement?
Regardless of temperament, they'd grow up learning that a good conversation is sharing views and opinions on a roughly equal basis, where no one is dominating the conversation without the implicit "permission" of the others. This is somewhat obvious.
Less obvious are the small things: they grew up with parents who loved them, so they'd learn that it's important to surround yourself with people who you care about and who seem to care about you. People who can make that clear -- who can express their affection for the person in acceptable ways -- will usually rise to the top of their friendlist.
But here's the thing: it's not just about learning to acquiesce to other people's social desires.
YOU have to enjoy those things yourself. You have to revisit your past and change your present so that you can fully appreciate all of these social things. Because otherwise, when the other people try to socialize with you, none of their own techniques will work, and thus you'll be in a weird situation where you're successfully befriending them but they're failing at befriending you.
>>25266031
Literally just practicing expressions and how I conduct myself in response to others in the mirror, I've read some books body language and I saw my previous behaviour was more aggressive so I tried to change it to something more friendly and accepting. I also sometimes get comments on weird expressions (kind of robotic lol) so I've been working on that
Most normal people are just talking to talk and not otherwise thinking too hard about what they're saying.
If you're a quieter person, just nod, say "mm-hm", repeat the last word they said at you in the form of a question, agree with them. They just want to talk and be talked to, the content doesn't matter
>>25265498
>any books or tips
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/11/18/help-for-the-shy-guy-the-complete-guide-to-overcoming-your-shyness/
Read that article, it might help you a lot.
Practice eye contract before trying to practice any conversation skills.
I was terrible at eye contact I literally couldn't look anyone in the eye when speaking to them.
I was in CBT for 6 months and my therapist got really pushy one day because I wouldn't look at her when speaking and she felt like I wasn't listening to her at all.
She made me look at her in the eye and in my chest I just wanted to die from the awkwardness and embarrassment.
But it gets easier, you get used to it and eventually you don't feel awkward about looking at people.
Force yourself to go to social situations.
I try to go to 1 meetup a week (meetup.com) so that eventually after hundreds of trials and error I can become Chad.
it cannot be improved, i'm ugly and therefore they already think negatively of me from the get-go
social anxiety is an irrational fear that, unlike other phobias, cannot be fixed with exposure or practice because every scenario is different
>>25268180
This shit right here. Never use to look people in the eye, but I try to look at everyone I pass by in the eye and my confidence has improved a lot.
I have an entire shitty guide on that
>>25265498
Seconding. Practice in front of a mirror helps A LOT, at least for me. Also, planning/mapping out potential conversations. This works especially well for things like arguments or debate, but it's good for everyday normal conversation as well.
>>25268363
What if I don't like looking at myself in the mirror
>>25268382
Find something that you could conceivably change and attempt to change it.
Research new haircuts?
Comb your hair differently?
Have a shave?
Save up for a new shirt/pants?
You just have to be yourself desu you know
Be yourself, be aware and be confident.
Anything else is chasing shadows.
Maybe not the best place to suggest this to, but I used to go on omegle and just talk to any girl that wouldn't disconnect, regardless of whether I thought she was attractive or not. Many of them that stayed and talked to me weren't good looking, but it didn't matter because I was thinking "I'll never see them again."
I have very low self esteem due to my teeth. Although perfectly shaped,they are very yellow because of years of meds and lack of higyene caused by my depression.
I basically force myself to not smile and barely speak to anyone.
>>25268531
Go and see a dentist, they can bleach your teeth for a fair price.
http://pastebin.com/px1Fapat
lots of flaws, but here it is
the guide on becoming like a normie
>>25268544
>Go and see a dentist, they can bleach your teeth for a fair price.
I'm a poorfag,is there any cheap method to at least make my teeth a bit clearer?
>>25268576
Maybe use bleach instead of mouthwash. Just don't swallow senpai
>>25268531
I have the same problem. My teeth are pretty yellow and a little crooked due to lack of hygiene during my hardcore depression in my teens.
They're not unhealthy. They're not bleeding, cracked decayed or otherwise "bad" but they're just not attractive by societys standards. I still brush them twice a day and floss every so often but what can you do. I can't afford whitening.
If you have anything less than a totally fake bright white porcelain hollywood smile then you're scum.
That's why I mastered the smirk. I pretty much only ever smile with the corner of my mouth.
>>25268576
>I'm a poorfag,is there any cheap method to at least make my teeth a bit clearer?
I won't vow for it, but I've heared that a good scrub with baking soda helps a bit. Avoid those whitening toothpastes they sell everywhere, they don't work for shit.
For me it's easy to talk to people, even complete strangers. My humble advice:
-Definitely eye contact
-Firm handshake, none of that sissy limp fish shit
-Most people like to talk about themselves, so if you're a good listener it's easier for people to feel comfortable around you
-Don't share anything too personal in the beginning
Just a few things
>>25268531
>>25268576
>>25268605
Also there are natural ways to whiten your teeth that won't harm your gums or enamel
>>25268410
it would require facial surgery
>>25268363
>planning out conversations
Doing this in too much detail seems forced when I try it but having a stock response to some normie questions (why don't you have a gf, what did you do last week etc) is always a good idea
>>25268110
This normally goes fine in groups but when it's 1on1 it can get very awkward if the other guy isn't extremely talkative
>>25268517
I always sperg out on omegle unless it's the question section or we have an interest in common
>>25268560
>>25268159
Thanks lads, I'll look at these now
>>25266295
So far I normally manage to make it seem like I'm interested even if I don't give a fuck (which is what happens in most cases), it's normally just expressing agreement and pressing them for more information though
>>25268636
Ah, that sucks. What is it? Chin? Nose?
If you're looking for some good books on it I would recommend 'How to Win Friends & Influence People' by Dale Carnegie. Just about every book he's written is pretty solid.
https://www.google.com/search?num=20&espv=2&q=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAONgFuLUz9U3MMwpMKxSAjNNTdMK87QEHEtLMvKLQvKd8vOz_fNyKgHtthcmKgAAAA&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi5nO_gp_rJAhVEyWMKHa6BBFMQxA0IiQIwJg
>>25268672
wide and upturned nose, like a pig
combine that with several other average features, and blonde hair, and it's a bad time
>>25268646
>So far I normally manage to make it seem like I'm interested even if I don't give a fuck
Does this happen with strangers? Then there's no helping it. It's just a thing that happens.
But do you feel like you're being forced to give a shit even with friends/family? Why not take the initiative and try to find ways to be more invested in what they're saying?
>>25265600
>Conversation isn't about telling the other person how much you know and impressing them, it's about making them feel valued. Prioritize them over you, ask questions about what they're talking about even if you don't give a flying fuck and would rather talk about your interests.
This is true.
Active listening is the basis of charisma. But a lot of people "listen" but they are really just looking at the other person while they wait for their turn to talk and trying to think of something clever to say. The other person can tell that they're not really connecting with you because you're not really paying attention.
Here's a couple of talks about conversation and charisma that I found useful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT306YIh3FI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-a1jXgAsQI
Also learn body language, learn how to read it. The vast majority of communication is non-verbal. You'll become far more socially perceptive.
>Learn the inebriation point where you begin to tell people about the Jews, and make sure never to get there around friends.
>not redpilling your friends about the kikes
JIDF pls go.
