>I've convinced all of my friends and family through social media and elaborate lies that: I'm some kind of natural computer wiz who is super laid back and spends all his time smoking weed and working with computers
>they all think I just truly don't give a fuck about what people think of me and they see me as a super cool guy
>in reality, the complete opposite is true
>I spend all of my time coming up with super detailed bullshit to make myself look cool
>I'm not smart at all, failing most of my classes
>not cool or laid back at all, have extreme anxiety and I worry about what every single person on Earth thinks of me
>I've become so good at lying that I convinced even myself of some things that aren't true
>can't even tell if anything I do is genuine anymore or if it's all for my self image
>girls like me because I pretend to not care about girls, but in reality I jerk off 5 times a day and I'm obsessed with girls
>if anyone finds out that my life is an enormous lie I'll probably have to kill myself
Many, many seemingly confident people are still terrified on the inside. "Fake it until you make it".
As for the rest of it: you need to figure out why you're lying in the first place. People calling you out is secondary to not doing it in the first place.
>When my grandfather passed away he left me shit loads of money that I told no one, not even family, about.
>Family/friends think I worked hard and managed to pull off a few awesome investments.
>Friends joke that I'm an international man of leisure. Really I just spend lots of time in asia because my money goes so much further there.
>>25254855
ur /livingthedream/ friend
>>25255005
thanks anon, the first year or so was hard to get used to, was abusing booze heavily and just doing nothing all day.
Eh sorta.
At uni:
>lots of friends
>flirty
>all A's
>Good looking
But the second i get back to my apartment
>Fap 4-7 times a day
>play vidya for 12 hours
>Room is disgusting
>Wont shower for days if im not going anywhere
>Charge everything to my moms card
Im Umaru-ing it up
>>25254495
ahahahahahahahah
you are me.
It's fucking exhausting and I don't even know myself what's real and what's not anymore. Whenever I think about doing anything, the bulk of my planning and analysis goes to figuring out how to hide it from everybody.
There's a very small set of "acceptable" things I can do. Anything outside of that I need to keep hidden. And I need to hide feelings too, all the feelings. When I'm doing badly, when I'm not managing to hang on, my first priority is to keep up appearances. This is a curse that's going to haunt me forever. My life is just nothing but frantic fear.
I lost my job all covered in blood saying I was fine and everything was good.
Even when they can tell you have to keep it going, you never ever admit it. Never. Deny, deny, deny.
>>25255865
Oh, and, OP, you should watch The Prestige. A really great movie about a rivalry between two magicians. It doesn't seem like it would apply, but the story is all about living your act every day of your life and I'm sure you'd appreciate it.
I pretend that I'm completely comfortable being alone and am emotionally stable. I seriously need to learn to talk to people about it or else one day I'm just going to kill myself
>>25254495
>has friends and family he tries to impress on social media
Reeeeeeeeee normies get out
>>25254495
this is just called anxiety.
everyone thinks im chill as fuck because i have to pokerface the anxiety
