My mom died May 4 of this year. This is my first Christmas without her.
I still can't fucking believe it. Seriously. A part of me itches to pick up the phone and wish her a good day even now.
She had cancer. Starting in her esophagus and then ending up pretty much everywhere.
She went through so much chemo that she physically couldn't take any more. Her final few months were marked by what's been described to me as "unimaginable suffering", and she was so hopped up on meds that the last I spoke to her she could barely mutter that she loved me.
It hurt me so much when she died. One time I even got drunk and was talking about offing myself so my roommates called the RA who called the police who carted me off to the loony bin for a few days, charging my broke uninsured ass nearly $1500 in the process.
I can't even think about her. If I think about her it causes me a sadness unlike anything I've ever had to deal with before, often leaving me in a crippling depression.
Just typing this post has me crying like a little fucking pussy.
It's been like 8 months. When the fuck does it stop hurting? If Time is supposed to heal all wounds then why does it fucking hurt MORE than it did the day she died?
Idk why I typed this guys and gals. Just venting I guess. If you lost a parent or someone close to you, you can vent here too or we can talk about it I guess
>>25237551
>General Dead Parents Thread
>people who are this emotionally dependent on their families
>It's been like 8 months. When the fuck does it stop hurting
I hate to be the edge but people like you are insufferable pussies.
>>25237602
>clearly I've never had a parent die
When it happens, you'll see how hard it is Anon
>>25237551
It will get easier but if you were close to her you will never forget her or stop missing her. You will just not get upset as often as you do now. You will think about her next Christmas but it won't be as upsetting.
>>25237670
This it gets easier
Sometimes i sit around on days like holidays and say to myself "I wonder what mom would be doing right now" but I just sigh and move on
I mean we're all gonna die someday, might as well accept it and move on
>>25237638
I would be over it in a month you pussy. Learn how to take control of your own life instead of relying on mommy.
Soon it'll be the 8th aniversary of my dad dying, 19 days from now. It was hard christmas that year, I couldn't stop thinking about how he killed himself, I even prayed for him just to have some peace wherever he was resting back when I still believed in god. The only thing I remember from that year was sobbing on my bed, trying to stifle it so my brother couldnt hear on the bottom bunk, trying to be strong so my mom wouldnt worry. I felt empty for the longest time after he passed, like a piece of my heart was gone. I was even suicidal for a while, though managed to hide it well enough.
Anyway, slowly over the years the distance grew between me and my memories of my dad, and I can barely remember his face, and completely forgot his voice. But that distance allowed me to seperate myself from the pain of losing him. The tendrils that connect you to those that have passed slowly fray with time and one by one they snap and slowly they float away, till all you can remember are the small little moments you shared with them when you were both happy, and the nostalgia for that never leaves, but at least its not its not seeing them suffering, and watching while you can do nothing to save them, wether it be depression or cancer.
That's how I moved through it. It will always be sad, it will always wrench your heart, but it gets easier. Not better, just easier.
>take money from suicidal people
>send them back out on the street after charging them thousands of dollars
kek
>>25237584
Oh my fucking kek
>>25237739
Stop being edgy and show some respect
Where were you raised, a barn?
You have to get over it. Everything has a beginning and an ending. All that matters is you had a good life with her and just cherish those memories with her.
You just need to resolve some issues so you can be relived from the weight on your shoulders. You should also think about your relationships with other people as well so you won't regret anything once they pass away.
>>25237739
Come the fuck on. What do you have to prove on a burmese speed eating contest forum, eh? I know this is where you'll bait people into angrily responding but these are peoples dead parents here.
i fucking hate thinking about what its going to be like when my parents are gone. i will be devastated. i'm so sorry for your loss, op. i love you.
>>25238122
I'm just saying if you can't get back on your feet and live your life after a few weeks you are fucking pathetic. When my family's time comes I will walk forward into the night stongly and swiftly.
>>25237551
>tfw chemo has a high chance to being literally useless and causes more damage than it helps
>>25238264
Well then good for you, but damn have some respect
Think of it like a driving test, some people won't get it on their first try but you don't run around calling them pathetic
>>25238216
I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but if you can't push forward after a few weeks and move on with your life its really pathetic. I would mourn and move quickly and tirelessly forward as a stalwart.
>>25238279
>some people won't get it on their first try
Yes those people are fucking pathetic and have no business driving if they fail even the simplest test.
>>25238279
If you don't pass your first driving test you are pathetic.
>ITT Fucking pussies can't even handle one single death
>>25238290
Thank you, fucking retards in here think they deserve pity for not handling things as well as normal people. You have to be literally retarded to fail a driving test.
>mom's 60
>been smoking cigarettes since she was a teenager
>has had a few minor heart surgeries
>still smokes around half a pack a day
I know the cancer is coming soon and I try not to think about it too much
>>25238290
>>25238300
By God, what kind of parents raised you?
You're not supposed to criticize people for what they can't accomplish
If OP can't move on, then he can't move one, you're not supposed to chastise him for it
I'm sure there are things you two can't accomplish or didn't accomplish quickly, How would you have felt if someone was calling you pathetic because of it?
>>25238314
Do something about it. Its your fault if you could have stopped her and she dies from such a simple vice. There is some measure you could take to stop it and you are too pussy.
>>25238320
>not supposed to chastise him for it
Yes I am since it's a personal failing of his and it deserves to be chastised.
>How would you have felt
I would feel I rightfully deserve it and make efforts to correct my aberrant behavior like a normal person.
>>25238320
>I'm sure there are things you two can't accomplish or didn't accomplish quickly, How would you have felt if someone was calling you pathetic because of it
They would have been right and I would have worked harder at the next thing I attempted instead of being a bitch. I was raised by successful people that didn't treat me like a special snowflake when I fucked up, I was taught to win.
>>25238335
Literally the only person that isn't a special snowflake failure in this thread
>>25238324
What the-?
Have you ever dealt with someone addicted to cigarettes before? You can't just "stop them" it's all on them, they can only help themselves, and 99% of the time won't take help from others, son or not
>>25238335
>>25238349
My word, when did /r9k/ get so cruel?
This thread sure is edgy, huh?
>>25238365
Life's not nice. Harden the fuck up and deal with it pussy.
>>25238373
Mm, a few men trying to have feels and a bunch of edgy cunts ruining the moment by calling them special snowflakes and pussies
>>25238290
>>25238309
>fail 1st time for blowing through a red light
>learn from mistake and pass 2nd time just fine
>>25238365
Every time she has a pack smash it and throw it away. She'll be pissed but its for her own good. She'll stop throwing her money away eventually. If she doesn't burn her with one any time you see her light up. She'll get the message real quick, and it will be for the greater good. I would take any measure to prevent my mother's death, its time he manned up.
>>25238392
>wants a hugbox
>on 4chan
Have you forgotten where you are?
>>25238402
When I was like 6 I ripped up a pack of her smokes and dumped them in the toilet. She smacked the shit out of me
>>25238394
>blowing through a red light
>death on the road waiting to happen
>not a fuckup
Okay you convinced me. How blind or retarded do you have to be to drive right through a red light?
>>25238406
Showing sympathy or empathy wouldn't kill anyone at least, even on 4chan. Yes life is hard, and it won't exactly get better, but sometimes people just need to vent or mourn a bit y'know?
>>25238418
Dunno but it's never happened again and that was 8 years ago
>>25238402
I used to do that with my grandmother, she'd only get mad and buy a new pack
I'm telling you, when people have an addiction, they have an addiction and nothing's gonna separate them from it
>>25238406
Last time I checked /r9k/ was actually sympathetic and not just a bunch of edgy teens
I can't contribute anything or make it any better OP but I wish I could and I wanted to at least post that.
I'm sorry man. Just ignore the trolls.
>>25238413
Now you're bigger. Smack the shit out of her if she gets mad. Eventually she will thank you for the years you add to her life
>>25237739
It's not over in a month unless you are some kind of an emotionally damaged person, hell it doesn't stop even after 15 years
>>25238440
She won't buy a new pack if you do it every single time with no chance for her to smoke. Ideally you would need to live with them for like a month so they could never escape you.
>>25237551
OP, sorry for your loss, it doesn't get much better but as time passes you learn to live with it
Big shit dude. Your mom is like one of the few women in the world you can't fuck, why do you care about her. She should be at the end of the list of women you need.
>>25238551
>get a load of this guy, cam
>>25237551
Sorry for your loss op, keep fighting through it. One day hopefully you'll be able to look at all the good times you had together and think of those fondly instead of them hurting you.
I can't even imagine how much pain I'm going to be in when my mother or father die. That's going to fucking hurt.
Daily reminder not to have children, so you don't create another purposeless, suffering, conscious being
>>25237551
This is probably the worst place to post to feel better dude, but at least I can honestly say I feel for you man and wish you the best.
My 2c is that you'll never really stop missing someone you loved that has passed away but over time you will gradually become stronger and get used to it. Just make sure you have made your peace and have no regrets.
>>25237551
Sorry for your pain OP, feel better bro
>>25238279
Stop taking his bait m8
>>25238360
Nah just some random edge fag loser on r9k, they are very common sadly.
>>25237551
Fuck cancer. My mom died of lung cancer in October 2013, didn't even smoke. I feel you bro.
The worst thing is that I forced myself to forget everything just to suffer less, I have very few memories of her.
I suffered like you did for the first year, had a failed suicide attempt, and I'm taking depression meds now. It is hard in the beginning, but you will soon start to accept it. Put a picture of her on your desktop and remember that she wouldn't want you to suffer. You should do your best in life, for her.
If you have a Telegram account you can talk to me whenever you want, bro. @ksiazeprzemcio
I used to read these feels threads back on /b/ and there was the animal crossing mom gif that gave me major feels. I dont think i can even live if my parents are gone, im already so depressed
>>25237602
You're an asshole.
My dad died when I was four. I still think about him sometimes. Times were good when he was around but I got to watch him go through his 2nd or 3rd divorce with my mom. It's hard to remember times when he was around and not seeing him in the morgue and that purple covering they pull back for you to see the corpse. Like I said I was four when he died but it was a few days before my birthday and his ex wife handled the funeral arrangements and decided it would be on my fifth birthday. I remember dressing myself and my mother inspecting it and telling me it wasn't appropriate for a funeral. I remember the ceremony because my little mind didn't know what cremation was and my mother burst into tears trying to explain it to me when I asked how they fit him in such a small box. Mom felt pretty bad about it went all out took me to some fucking clown shack or something afterward, I don't remember that part much just photos of me with some clown but I recognize what day it was from the outfit I was in.
>>25237739
My dad was a hero to me, a role model I looked up to. I'd be waiting to see him when I was little.
You think you're hard because you'd get over it?
You sound like a pussy compared to my old man, he started out with nothing and became a migrant farm hand. I'd practically pay to see you do a day in the fields with your soft little hands wrapped around something other than a keyboard in your climate controlled housing. After that he became a soldier, he was a veteran of foreign wars and was stationed across seas. Then he came back and was basically a chad. I find it extremely depressing that someone like that is gone from this world I'd much rather have a conversation with him than you. What the fuck do you know? What have you done?
>>25237551
Call me an edgelord idc
I can't wait for my parents to die
Fuck those horrible people
I don't know what love or family even means, and I never will
So, sorry, I don't understand this love you have for your mom
